Friday, August 07, 2009
ABF Friday: If only we could get rid of X edition!
Woo hoo! For years I’ve believed that I have no hope of winning universal assent to anything I say. But finally, species-wide concord! Everyone in the world agrees that the zither soundtrack to The Third Man is an abomination in the sight of Moloch. Now, at last, we’re getting somewhere. If only we can build on this foundation a plausible doctrine of “humanitarian intervention,” all will be well with the world.
Likewise, it appears that everyone in the English and Elvish-speaking worlds agrees that the epilogue to the Harry Potter series is the worst thing ever written, so awful that even B. Hussein al-Obama has declared it ineligible for trade-in under the socialist “cash for clunkers” literary program. (Lance Mannion joins the universal concord here, and has a bunch of perceptive and intriguing things to say about the HP6 movie as well.)
So, because it’s Friday and because some Fridays are Arbitrary (don’t ask why some Fridays are and some Fridays aren’t), here’s today’s Fun Game. We have all agreed to strike the zither music from The Third Man and the epilogue from Harry Potter and the Couples Who Found Their Life Partners During Adolescence. We have the technology to do this, too, what with the amazing Epilogue-B-Gon® and the space-age Dezitherer®. What else should we do while we’re at it? What cultural artifact is nearly ruined for you by just one thing whose removal would enhance your enjoyment of it immensely? Bull Durham without Kevin Costner? Salon without Camille Paglia? Remain in Light without “The Overload”? Get out your blue pencils and your white-out and your antipagliafiers, people, and let’s have some fun—with a purpose!
And this time the Fun Game can last all week. Yes, I have decided to take the advice offered to me by commenter “John Smith” in this recent thread:
You’re a cheap race hustler. Why don’t you step down from your academic position and insist that you be replaced by a non-white female? Of course, you won’t do that; your largess should never cost you a thing. Just keep going on vacation and posting pictures to your cutesy little blog. Asshole!
Thanks, Mr. Smith (if that is your real name)! I hadn’t planned on taking another vacation and posting pictures to my cutesy little blog, but now that I think of it, it sounds like a fine idea. I’ll be taking a week-long “now it’s time to paint the tiny little patches under the roof that no one will ever see except maybe if he or she takes a look at them” vacation! I might even post pictures to my cutesy little blog! Sayonara, folks! See you all right after the Mad Men premiere!