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Friday, March 10, 2006

Abject but fun Friday

An old friend writes (he really does—this isn’t one of those rhetorical “contrivances” you so often find on “blogs”) to console me about my imminent 0-for-6 Koufax shutout.  First, he notes that “Koufax shutout” is not such a bad thing, since Koufax himself pitched forty of them, eleven in 1963 alone.  Second, he suggests that this blog needs a new name, something snappy that can plausibly compete with blockbusters like “Hullabaloo” and “Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness.” He even proposes that I save “Michael Bérubé Online” for my more serious posts about culture, politics, literary theory, and disability, and move the silly stuff to a Distinctly Silly Blog where it can be all silly all the time.  “But people have come to expect a tonally incoherent mix of stuff from Michael Bérubé Online,” I whinged.  Well, that may be, he said, “Michael Bérubé Online” isn’t much of a brand to begin with, and it’s recognizable only to regular blog readers.  “But I’m one of only six or seven Michael Bérubés online,” I replied, only to be met with the email equivalent of a raised eyebrow.

I don’t know what to think about this.  On the one hand, it would be great to have a cool new blog called Colonel of Truth, second in command only to the General himself.  On the other hand, which happens to be holding Occam’s Razor, it could simply be the case that this blog gets three times the traffic it did last year but one-third as many Koufax votes because it is exactly one-ninth as good as it was last year.  Or it could have nothing to do with me; it could be that liberal blogs have just gotten that much better in the past twelve months.  I don’t know.  I’m open to suggestions.

Anyway, Koufax voting closes this Sunday night at one minute to midnight, Eastern time.  There are two categories for which I humbly (nay, abjectly) solicit your vote, just to eke into the finals—this one and that one (in which you can find my friend’s totally impartial and fair and balanced vote, just so you know this is a real person we’re talking about).  If you do vote for me, thanks.  If you don’t, perhaps you could suggest a cool name change for this blog or something.

OK, now it’s time for an Arbitrary but Fun game: Duets That Do Not Suck! 

As you know, the duet is one of the most degraded of popular music genres, usually yielding atrocities like Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle’s “On My Own,” Stevie Nicks and Kenny Loggins’ “Whenever I Call You Friend,” or Elton John and Kiki Dee’s “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart,” which some scientists consider to be very close to the theoretical Absolute Zero on the universal scale of human listenability.  In 1997, however, a British team of researchers claimed that the legendary Lita Ford / Ozzy Osbourne duet, “Close My Eyes Forever,” is actually on the zero, and represents the ground state of “lowest possible energy” for all forms of music.  They postulate that the song can actually produce solid helium when played at 90 dB or above, but so far, no one has wanted to try to confirm this.

Anyway, it occurred to me the other day that the Steve Earle/ Lucinda Williams duet on “You’re Still Standin’ There” (from Earle’s 1996 I Feel Alright) does not suck at all, but, rather, seriously kicks it.  Similarly, though less rockingly, Freedy Johnston’s duet with Syd Straw on “Down in Love” (from Johnston’s 1992 Can You Fly) is quite gorgeous.  Further suggestions are more than welcome, and extra special happy furry bonus points will be awarded to anyone who suggests that this blog could improve its chances in next year’s Koufaxes by singing duets with Lucinda Williams or Syd Straw.

Posted by Michael on 03/10 at 08:02 AM
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