Monday, August 09, 2004
Affleck: dump and change. Neely: your line up.
Another four-goal game last night, kicked off by what has been my signal contribution to my Summer League team, the goal that gives us a two-goal lead (on a 2-on-1, with a perfect pass from my center, Pennsylvania State Trooper and serious hockey guy Craig Polen). For those of you keeping track at home, that’s 16 goals and 9 assists in seven games (I missed the first three while I was on vacation). The championship game is Thursday night, and we’re expecting to play in it, being 9-1 and all.
This is not a trivial or merely personal matter. With each four-goal game I become that much more qualified to serve as an informal advisor to the Kerry campaign on matters related to hockey, like health care, taxation, NATO, education, disability law, Iraq, and keeping guys out of the crease. And passing along a suggestion recently sent my way by fine writer and occasional Altercationist Charles Pierce, I think the Kerry campaign should tap former Boston Bruin great and Kerry buddy Cam Neely as the campaign’s official enforcer. Click the link and check out those career stats-- more career goals than assists, a man after my own heart, and some serious penalty minutes, befitting a talented player who wasn’t above the task of defending himself.
Now the question is: how to get Ben Affleck off the tour bus. Seriously, Kerry’s most likely got the Gigli/Daredevil/Chasing Amy vote sewn up already, and that terrible “laff” line in the stump speech (about how Kerry’s got something in common with Affleck because Ben was one of People magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People and Kerry reads People, ha ha ha), far from being ingratiating and casually self-deprecating, is actually so annoying that it leads 30 percent of swing voters to consider voting for the guy who says things like “tribal sovereignty means that your sovereign entity is sovereignly sovereign in a sovereign kind of way.” Trust me-- I’ve done independent research on this. Affleck is a drag on the ticket. With Neely you take Ohio.
Sit Affleck. Play Neely. It’s the right thing to do.
UPDATE: Jim Rassmann steps up in defense of his teammate-- and Eric Alterman rightly benches McCain for the rest of the game. (Registration required for the Rassmann op-ed. And whaddya know, it ran in The Wall Street Journal. How about that.)