Monday, December 14, 2009
I am feeling rotten—I have a sore throat, a runny nose, and a nasty cough, and I can’t seem to stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. And of course I have to grade a stack of papers and two stacks of final exams. That is my announcement for today.
Oh, no, wait. I also managed to squeak by two considerably more accomplished and distinguished scholars to win the presidential election of the Modern Language Association. I become second veep in 2010, first veep in 2011, and president in 2012, just as the world ends.
Analysts are attributing my historic, Jesse Venturian victory to my promise, made late in the campaign, to “hunt down cultural studies programs and kill them.”
I now have to assemble a team of advisers with close ties to former Treasury secretary Robert Rubin. Are there any left?
Many thanks to everyone who voted for me! It’s
a little thoroughly hard to believe. But perhaps that makes sense in light of my campaign slogan, “change you can’t quite believe in.”