Friday, July 29, 2005
Blog carves up tree
Thanks to my loyal readers (and my loyal opposition!), I have come to realize that my plan to become the Democratic Vice-Presidential nominee in 2020 will be utterly derailed if I allow myself to appear as a total wuss. And so I have taken matters into my own hands. This morning, before driving Jamie to day camp—indeed, before breakfast—I rummaged around in the garage, found a nice sharp kaiser blade (some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade), and took apart that fallen limb, limb by limb. You can’t see the full extent of my handiwork here; that would require an aerial photo, because the yard is now half-full of tree limbs, and it’s a big yard. But I lopped off eight major subsidiary branches (by “major” I mean “greater than four inches in diameter,” for you accuracy hounds), dragged them to one end of the yard, and then sawed twice through the main branch where it was seven-eight inches in diameter, leaving a stem or a root or whatever you call it, ten inches thick and about nine feet long.
I would just like to see Jonah Goldberg or David Brooks try this shit.
Thank you to everyone who helped out with hilarious comments, handy tips, and scorching ridicule on Wednesday. I am now ready to accept your nomination.
I’ll be back with a breaking news story later on—I hear that Christian groups are planning to try to block John Roberts’ nomination to the Supreme Court—but in the meantime, here’s a fun short poem from Cornelius Eady’s first book, Kartunes:
I will stop dreaming now
now that I’ve finally made it.
outside I can hear the wind
rustling through the leaves of trees.
I own those trees.