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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Centaurs Against Bush

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Firenze the Centaur today denounced President Bush’s State of the Union Address, calling it a “blueprint for discrimination” and an “insult to all Centaur-Americans.”

According to a half-human spokeshorse, Firenze was referring to the passage in Tuesday’s State of the Union address in which Bush called for “legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids, and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos.”

“Centaurs are majestic, even sacred creatures,” said Firenze, “and we are not to be trifled with.  Furthermore, none understand the portents of things to come so well as we, and we know that your ‘2006’ is going to be a most interesting year for this ‘President.’ These are not threats, but prophecy.  And if you want to see what happens to humans who go around calling us ‘hybrids,’ just look at what we did to that hateful Dolores Umbridge.”

Firenze’s remarks were endorsed by the Union of Concerned Merpeople, who pointed out that mermaids have long held a distinguished place in the imaginations of sailors and young boys.  “If there are ‘egregious abuses’ to be discussed,” said one merman, who spoke on condition of anonymity, “let’s talk about your swarthy sailors in bandanas and horizontally-striped shirts kidnapping our wives, mothers, and daughters.  As Nicholas Kristof of your New York Times has repeatedly pointed out, it is a scandal that your women’s groups have been silent about this outrage.”

The Chimera Anti-Defamation League could not be reached for comment, not least because no one knows for sure how to pronounce “chimera.”

Posted by Michael on 02/01 at 09:28 PM
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