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Weekend in review

So you’re probably thinking that the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now party will hail President Bush’s masterful campaign to convince certain rogue nations that they must acquire nuclear weapons in order to repel invasions: scuttle an international framework for containment, then talk like a tough hombre, then do nothing, then dispatch the Katrina Crisis Management Team for emergency photo ops.  Well, the WAAGNFN is not placated by these half-measures.  While we applaud Bush supporters who mocked John Kerry for arguing that nuclear proliferation, rather than IslamahomoMexifascist terror, was the most serious problem facing the world, we are not an incrementalist party.  We care little for these “tests.” We therefore denounce the We Will Settle for a Series of Small Nuclear Fireballs Here and There party for their enthusiasm over North Korea’s nuclear test, and we await the final, clarifying conflagration.

In the meantime, here are some sneak previews of David Brooks’s New York Times Budweiser Select columns for the remainder of October:

● Liberals feign outrage over Mark Foley’s courtship of underage Congressional pages, but millions of them laughed uproariously when Captain Oveur in Airplane!, played by Peter Graves, asked little Joey if he liked to watch movies about gladiators!

● Liberals feign outrage over the GOP leadership’s coverup of Foley’s behavior, but dozens of them went to see Bob Guccione’s movie Caligula twenty-seven years ago, and you didn’t hear them squawking about corruption then!

● Liberals feign outrage at conservative critics who blame the pages themselves for the Foley scandal, and yet every year, thousands of them teach Plato’s Symposium!

● Liberals feign outrage at the Wall Street Journal for blaming the Foley scandal on the powerful gay cabal that has intimidated the GOP into cowed silence on the subject of pedophilia or homosexuality well what’s the difference anyway, but they never said a word when George Eliot published The Mill on the Floss!

● Liberals feign outrage grapple stark combustion, but when Bill Clinton leased the Teapot Dome naval oil reserves to Susan McDougall, they trestled festivities on every watercress fibula!

Stay tuned to this blog for updates!

Posted by on 10/09 at 08:10 AM
  1. Jeff Gannon.

    Where is Ernst Roehm when you need him?

    Posted by Bob in Pacifica  on  10/09  at  09:48 AM
  2. I am pretty sure that the Fiery Furnaces have already set that final point to music.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:08 AM
  3. But I though Plato’s love for little boys was, well, Platonic.  Next you’re going to tell me that Plato’s Retreat was not the philosophical boot camp that John Bolton told me it was.

    Posted by corndog  on  10/09  at  10:18 AM
  4. But I though Plato’s love for little boys was, well, Platonic.

    In that he kept them chained up in caves, yes.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/09  at  10:39 AM
  5. philosophical boot camp

    How well I remember those days!

    Wet behind the ears recruit: “Sir, permission to perform the transcendental reduction, sir!”

    Grizzled old DI: “What’d you say boy? You’re not in undergrad any more, sonny boy, where you can do your fancy-dan phenomenology! We’ve never heard of Husserl here at Camp Logic! Now drop and give me 20 modus ponens!”

    Posted by John Protevi  on  10/09  at  11:05 AM
  6. Liberals feign outrage grapple stark combustion, but when Bill Clinton leased the Teapot Dome naval oil reserves to Susan McDougall, they trestled festivities on every watercress fibula!

    I usually don’t care for Brooks and his broad, the-grass-is-always-greener-in-the-suburbs, selectively chosen generalizations. But I’ll admit he’s got a point here.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  11:19 AM
  7. . . . they trestled festivities on every watercress fibula!

    Please, sir. Language!

    Posted by David J Swift  on  10/09  at  11:26 AM
  8. But I though Plato’s love for little boys was, well, Platonic.

    In that he kept them chained up in caves, yes.

    It rubs the olive oil on its skin
    Or else it gets the hose again.

    Posted by corndog  on  10/09  at  11:31 AM
  9. I usually don’t care for Brooks and his broad, the-grass-is-always- greener-in-the-suburbs, selectively chosen generalizations. But I’ll admit he’s got a point here.

    Who can deny it?  That’s why Brooks is called “the liberals’ favorite conservative,” and “the thinking man’s conservative,” and “the conservatives with whom liberals like to have dinner” and “the conservative with the sesquipedalian horn section orotundic ninety-eights.”

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  11:47 AM
  10. I think I speak for everyone applauding Chairman Michael for taking an uncompromising stand against the lesser-nihilists of the “We Will Settle for a Series of Small Nuclear Fireballs Here and There party”. Let them conflagrate themselves in lesser fireballs! Our goal remains unchanged!

    Also, David Brooks will make the point that liberal and leftwing questioning of wars is hypocritical in light of widespread support for the WAAGNFN by those very same liberals and leftists. Typically, Brooks will miss the point - we question those conventional wars that do not bring us closer to the GNF.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  11:55 AM
  11. That’s why Brooks is called “the liberals’ favorite conservative”

    Indeed.  Without his lessons*, I might never have become a self-loathing liberal!  Thanks, DB!

    *That while Republicans might have mishandled Iraq, and the economy, and Katrina, and national security, the fact of the matter is they are the only ones with stars upon thars, and thus the only serious party out there; a pity, that.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  12:05 PM
  12. Watercress tibia. Typical of liberal bloggers like you to distort the truth.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  12:23 PM
  13. Not only do the Liberals teach the Symposium, thousands of them went to see the Symposium-inspired Hedwig and the Angry Inch--both in move theaters and live on stage. And you know what liking musical theater means.

    Posted by George  on  10/09  at  12:54 PM
  14. Chairman Michael, speaking as a former Party member, I humbly suggest that you take the new nihilism of the WAAGNFN Party beyond mere party politics and the maneuverings of the political.  Yes, I’m talking about becoming the L. Ron Hubbard of the blogging set.  For the sake of the Giant Nuclear Fireball, the WAAGNFN Party must become a cult.  I expect a classic jeremiad on why America must return to its GNF ideals and lead the world by fulfilling its destiny as a radioactive slag heap on what used to be a hill, not to mention campaign slogans and mantras forthwith.  You know:  “It Will Always-Already Have Been The-Morning-After in America”; “No Nuclear Fireball Left Behind.” Forget David Brooks’ Bobo-koans and become the Dear Leader of a large nuclear theocracy.  Especially now that the Stewart-Colbert in ‘08 Party has imploded.

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  10/09  at  01:02 PM
  15. And you know what liking musical theater means. Bad taste? A common liberal affliction, as liberals reject the tasteful, as decided upon by the arbiters of good taste, for purely political reasons. After all, they think that all art is political. Even the ultimate work performance art, the GNF.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  01:12 PM
  16. the fact of the matter is they are the only ones with stars upon thars

    One day, ‘mongst the crooks
    In the Valley of Hack,
    Came a left-slouching Brooks
    And a Right-Going Flack

    And it happened that both of them woke up one day
    And the Brooks wrote some some text
    That read just like purée.

    “Look here, now!” the Right-Going Flack said, “I say!
    You are free to slouch left, but don’t get in our way!
    For us Right-Going Flaxen can always hold forth
    that the Times should replace you with Oliver North!”

    “Who’s in whose way?” snapped the Left-Slouching Brooks.
    “When’s the last time I even panned Hannity’s books?
    I’m not in your way! I’d be happy to move
    And to build leftist strawmen that I can disprove.”

    Then the Right-Going Flack puffed his chest up with pride.
    “You’re a traitor,” he said, “for not taking my side.
    And we’ll show you how a true patriot obeys
    If we have to detain you for fifty-nine days!”

    “And I’ll prove to YOU,” smiled the Left-Slouching Brooks,
    “That I’ll bite on any conservative hooks
    Whether baited or bare!  For the folks to my left
    and the anger and fervor make me feel bereft
    of all passion! All verve! And their writing is clear!
    Is it my fault that I was born with a tin ear?
    I’ll compromise gladly!  I can and I will
    By comparison, I’ll make the whole world sound shrill!”

    Well…
    Of course the world wasn’t that shrill. The world snoozed
    after reading the Left-Slouching Brooks’ tepid views
    And the front pages quote all the Right-Going Flacks
    When they list all the nations we need to attack.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/09  at  01:12 PM
  17. but they never said a word when George Eliot published The Mill on the Floss!

    Actually, as an admirer of Harriet Martineau, at the time I was rather upset, suspecting that future shallow-minded poseurs (Yes, I’m looking at you, Lytton) would seize upon it as yet more evidence of what a grinding Puritanical patriarchial despair bassoon the Victorian era was.  Never mind that the popularity of Ms. Evans as an author was not seriously dampened by the revelation of her identity and personal life; never mind that by the eighteen seventies she was considered acceptable enough to be received by royals; and never mind the overwrought contrived pessimistic denouement of The Mill on the Floss; the Victorians of Britain were humourless hypocritical wife-whippers who couldn’t stand the sight of furniture legs.  And I’m Benjamin Disraeli!  So there, Mr. Brooks!

    Wait, what were we talking about again?

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  01:13 PM
  18. Perhaps by responding to What’s New/American/Liberal about the New American Liberalism? with eight WAAGNFN theses (blame OG for the proliferation of captchas)....

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  10/09  at  01:14 PM
  19. The GNF must clense us of leaders, not erect them!

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  10/09  at  01:55 PM
  20. Liberals feign outrage at Foley’s attempt to deflect responsibilty by claiming that he was abused as a child, but Oprah and Whoopi both had roles in the movie adaptation of The Color Purple.

    Yes, I’m talking about becoming the L. Ron Hubbard of the blogging set.

    Yes - wise counsel - We’ll convert Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis (they’ve already shown the proclivity in Thelma and Louise) and have them star as Mei Ling and Chanterelle in a lavish production of WLAtLA.
    (And now the true meaning of the last panel is revealed in all of its true glory - which Chris cleverly glossed and concealed as “Spring Break”.)

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:04 PM
  21. Brooks is so right—I am such a hypocrite! I feigned outrage over Mark Foley ("D"-FL) and his “naughty” IMs, yet I recall feeling slightly aroused when Jessica Rabbit’s subliminal naughty bits flashed on the screen! Did I IMMEDIATELY contact Jack Valenti at the MPAA? Hell no! I kept rewinding the tape and playing it over and over until I was in a wanton frenzy. Arggggh!! Cleanse me of my decadence and hypocrisy!

    Gee golly, how do I live with my vile liberal self?

    Posted by mat  on  10/09  at  02:22 PM
  22. Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    For those who may have forgotten. Chanterelle and Mei Ling either:
    1) Salute the imminent arrival of the GNF or
    2) Ride on oblivious to same

    (and note that my link in the post above goes to the whole 4 mb PDF - should have warned folks.)

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:40 PM
  23. (and note that my link in the post above goes to the whole 4 mb PDF - should have warned folks.)

    For those of us who briefly toyed with joining We Are All Four-megabyte PDF Downloads Over Dialup Now, this was an action for which you are to to be commended.  Heck, the experience is barely nihilist at all.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:44 PM
  24. Just out of curiosity what do YOU propose that we do with Kim Jong-(mentally)Il?

    Posted by Kirby Olson  on  10/09  at  02:52 PM
  25. I hear that Bush has moved on from reading L’Etranger and is now working diligently on writing something called Key to all Mythologies so he can take his place among the Philosopher-Kings of our age.  No word as to whether David Brooks (no relation to Dorothea that I know of) is doing the editing.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:02 PM
  26. Just out of curiosity what do YOU propose that we do with Kim Jong-(mentally)Il

    Convert him to Lutheranism.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:04 PM
  27. I think I speak for everyone applauding Chairman Michael for taking an uncompromising stand against the lesser-nihilists of the “We Will Settle for a Series of Small Nuclear Fireballs Here and There party”.

    Bravo!  As a Party Purist (and yes, that makes me as dangerous as I sound!), I say to those who advocate single-nation GNF destruction, “What part of ‘giant nuclear fireball that consumes all life on earth’ don’t you understand?  And to those who would delay the glorious arrive of the GNF I say, “What part of the ‘now’ in We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now” don’t you understand?

    All this “cult” talk is utter nonsense.  The “cult” label will completely destroy all the credibility we will have built up from Chris Clarke’s show trial*

    Chris Clarke - thanks for reminding us how nifty you are with the rhyming verse. We should start exploiting that more in order to attract the Youth vote!

    *A few tickets are still available - (date and venue to be announced). Anyone who feeds the troll pays triple.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  10/09  at  03:05 PM
  28. Just out of curiosity what do YOU propose that we do with Kim Jong-(mentally)Il?

    Convert him to Lutheranism.

    Once again with extra emphasis, JP, this is not an incrementalist party.  Our policy toward Kim Jong-Il is that we invade his country, kill him, and then convert him to Lutheranism.

    Chairman Michael, speaking as a former Party member, I humbly suggest that you take the new nihilism of the WAAGNFN Party beyond mere party politics and the maneuverings of the political.  Yes, I’m talking about becoming the L. Ron Hubbard of the blogging set.  For the sake of the Giant Nuclear Fireball, the WAAGNFN Party must become a cult.

    Oh, my stars, I thought you’d never ask!  Well, since it is the will of a person The People, I will humbly submit.  But which kind of cult would you all like to be?  Should I write a series of science-fiction/fantasy books?  Should I become reclusive and mysterious?  Should I begin stockpiling weapons?  Should I prepare you all for the arrival of the Designers?  I ask only one thing—no Kool-Aid®.  Nothing that interferes with our sensory apprehension of the GNF.  Also, we don’t want people to say that we have “drunk the Kool-Aid®” if in fact we have.

    I know that as a proper cult leader, I should simply tell you all what kind of cult we are, but I can’t help it—I still have these liberal-proceduralist impulses, and I think we should deliberate democratically about what kind of mindless authoritarian grouplet we want to be.  And then we can be the Giant Nuclear Fireball we wish to see in the world.

    And mds, I’m glad to see that someone’s picked up on the whole Mill on the Floss-hypocrisy thing.  A lot of people pretend not to understand that one.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  03:23 PM
  29. Joey, have you ever been detained as an alien unlawful enemy combatant?

    Posted by J—  on  10/09  at  03:39 PM
  30. Should I write a series of science-fiction/fantasy books?  Should I become reclusive and mysterious?  Should I begin stockpiling weapons?  Should I prepare you all for the arrival of the Designers?

    Of course you should.

    I think we should deliberate democratically about what kind of mindless authoritarian grouplet we want to be.

    No, no, no, that’s no way to run a cult. You start asking for opinions from cult members and chaos will ensue. We can’t think for ourselves! We need a strong, albeit reclusive and mysterious, authority figure to tell us what to do and how to think. That’s the very foundation of a cult.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:43 PM
  31. Jesus’ General has the best answer to #24’s question:  attack Iran.  I’ve requested that the General himself consider leading the glorious WAAGNFN Crusade, due to his pointing a way toward solving both the Giant and Now problems (viz., how to) that has been plaguing the Party’s theoreticians for days.  We need his post-contemporary nihilistic stylings now, more than ever.  Or rather, you need them.  Over at the We All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Splinter Cult (that’s WAGNFNSC, not to be confused with BOC), we’ve used the latest Baum-Dick-Baudrillard-Cowboy Bebop-Bebop Cola production process to perfect our Dear Leader Berube simulacrum. It’s a Wonderful GNF!

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  10/09  at  03:45 PM
  32. Well, the sorry tale of the WAAGNFN will be told in the upcoming verse novel “From New Nihilism to Neostalinist Cultism in a Week - in rhymes” by Chris Clark, written during his show trial. I declare my intention to split off the hardline faction WAAGNFN(NN), which will defend D. Brooks to the hilt (as the enemy of my enemy is my friend, as you all know). “We are all the liberal’s favorite conservative now” T-shirts are already in preparation.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:52 PM
  33. Thanks, Oaktown Girl, though in retrospect I’m kinda regretting not going with the one about the blue burka with nobody inside.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/09  at  03:53 PM
  34. "Should I write a series of science-fiction/fantasy books?”

    Only if the 23rd in the series is Metafiction of Mordegon, which exactly reproduces the text of Don Quixote.  (Credit to “undyingking” in comments here, but read forward from here if you think it may actually be funny.)

    The cult can split over whether the Mordegon Burns In A Giant Nuclear Fireball Too series should be carefully preserved for future examination by aliens, or burned with the rest.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:59 PM
  35. But which kind of cult would you all like to be?

    Well, you’ve already nailed the “Cult With a Giant Floating Head” motif which has a proven track record with J. R. “Bob” Dobbs of the Church of the SubGenius as well as the lesser known (but perhaps more relevant) Cult of JIM (Jocular Iconolatric Media.) Though to do the big head thing right, you need to modify your blog commenting software to not collapse whitespace, which complicates the inclusion of clever ASCII graphics of the image in our taglines.

    Should I write a series of science-fiction/fantasy books?

    I don’t know - did you stand up at an MLA convention and say “Critiquing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own cult that gulls folowers into believing they will all be killed in a GNF.”?

    And perhaps the Sarandon/Davis movie treatment of WLAtLA proposed in #20 should be called Battlefield University.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:53 PM
  36. There are others out there, trying to usurp the party leadership from the very far out, or further in, non lo so depending upon how one views the realms of the pharmed out left, by generating tales of false hopes for cosmic firebally events sooner than our leader says it will be so. They get so carried* away.
    from the realms of those that take this stuff way too seriously:

    A cosmic trigger event is occurring on the 17th of October 2006.
    This is the beginning, one of many trigger events to come between now and 2013.
    An ultraviolet (UV) pulse beam radiating from higher dimensions in universe-2 will cross paths with the Earth on this day.
    Earth will remain approximately within this UV beam for 17 hours of your time.
    This beam resonates with the heart chakra, it is radiant flourescent in nature, blue/magenta in colour.
    Although it resonates in this frequency band, it is above the colour frequency spectrum of your universe-1 which you,
    Earth articulate in.
    However due to the nature of your soul and soul groups operating from Universe-2 frequency bands it will have an effect.
    The effect is every thought and emotion will be amplified intensely one million-fold.
    Yes, we will repeat, all will be amplified one million times and more.
    Every thought, every emotion, every intent, every will, no matter if it is good, bad, ill, positive, negative, will be
    amplified one million times in strength.
    > What does this mean ?
    Since all matter manifest is due to your thoughts, i.e. what you focus on, this beam will accelerate these thoughts and
    solidify them at an accelerated rate making them manifest a million times faster than they normally would.
    For those that do not comprehend:  your thoughts, what you focus on, create your reality.
    This UV beam thus can be a dangerous tool.
    For if you are focused on thoughts which are negative to your liking they will manifest into your reality almost instantly.
    Then again this UV beam can be a gift if you choose it to be.
    Mission-1017 requires approximately one million people to focus on positive, benign,
    good willed thoughts for themselves and the Earth and Humanity on this day.
    Your thoughts can be of any nature of your choosing, but remember, whatever you focus on
    will be made manifest in a relatively faster than anticipated time frame.
    To some the occurrences may almost be bordering on the miracle.
    All we ask is positive thoughts of love, prosperity, healing, wealth, kindness, gratitude be focused on.
    This UV beam comes into full affect for 17 hrs on the 17th of October 2006.
    No matter what time zone you are in the hours are approximately 10:17 UTC
    on the 17th of October to 1:17 UTC on the 18th October.
    The peak time will be 17:10 UTC (5:10 pm) on the 17th October.
    You do not need to be in a meditative state through out this time, though would be beneficial.
    The main key time no matter what time zone you are in will be the peak time of 17:10 UTC (5:10 pm).
    Perhaps at this time if you can find a peaceful spot or location to focus.
    The optimum is out in the vicinity of grounded nature, likened to that of a large tree or next to the ocean waves.
    Focus on whatever it is you desire.
    What is required for the benefit of all Earth and Humanity is positive thoughts of loving nature.
    We call this UV beam trigger event, “818” gateway.

    * captcha

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  05:35 PM
  37. Following up on the Suessfest motif, I was going to write something about Too Many Daves:

    “Did you know that Mrs McCave
    had 23 sons, and she named them all Dave?
    Well, she did, and it wasn’t a smart thing to do.”

    I had problems getting to 23, though.  After Brooks and Horowitz I kind of gave up. 

    captcha “other” as in “I need 21 other Daves to make this lame idea work.”

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  05:48 PM
  38. I ask only one thing—no Kool-Aid®.  Nothing that interferes with our sensory apprehension of the GNF.  Also, we don’t want people to say that we have “drunk the Kool-Aid®” if in fact we have.

    WTF???!!!!  What kind of cosmic archangel party host doesn’t serve Kool-Aid with the GNF???? And the gawd-damn captcha word is “military.” This thread is rapidly melting before my eyes.  Does the WAAGNFN have a military arm?? Can it secure and control its members with the proper degree of coercion and threat?? Will the bootcamp provide raw meat for the festivities???

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  05:48 PM
  39. Considering the matter purely from the standpoint of propaganda, Michael, I think we need to move beyond the negative symbolism of the GNF (which manages only to evoke our sympathies), and instead seek a positive symbol (which draws on the deepest wellsprings of our nation’s ideals).  I propose the symbol of “blowing things up in general” (BTUIG).

    The acceptance of “BTUIG” as the basic symbol also has the great virtue that it makes for less likelihood of schematization on the part of our writers. So far at least, the post-apocalyptic novel has been oversimplified. The symbol of “BTUIG” should make for greater breadth in a writer’s allegiance. By informing his work mainly from the standpoint of his positive symbol, he would come to see, I believe, that a poet does not sufficiently glorify his political cause by pictures of mere annihilation. Rather, a poet makes his soundest contribution in this wise: He shows himself alive to all the aspects of blowing things up.

    But perhaps I’m just being petty bourgeois…

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  06:24 PM
  40. If possible, I would like the mindless cult we form to incorporate some sexual deviancy. If not young boys, then could we at least find some nubile undergrads to IM with inappropriate messages? 

    I like the idea of Koolaid, but don’t you think that’s a little watered down (get it)? smile

    Maybe we could just drink Jack Daniels neaT?

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  06:40 PM
  41. David Brooks is currently in residence at dear old Duke University (as am I, but does the liberal media tell you that?). He’s teaching a course in the Public Policy department (inhabited by the most dreadful little sots this poor world has ever produced) entitled “Liberals and Conservatives,” in which the future young leaders of America learn that “white people be driving like this . . . and that’s why Hillary can’t win!”

    My point, at long last, is this: I see Mr. Brooks (who is distincly pear-er-shaped than one might glean from his appearances on the teevee) at least twice a week, walking down the Plaza at Duke. He drinks a large coffee and frequently looks annoyed at the kidz with their skateboards and their Foucault.

    Should I make him aware of our concerns? Should I pass along some satire? Ask him what HE would do about Kim Jong (so-damn) Il? Kiss him on the forehead?

    Instruct, cult leader.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  07:18 PM
  42. What GNF needs is a film depicting the genius of our vision. Something original like:

    # BATTLEFIELD EARTH #

    [The scene opens along the front grounds of an average American high school. A young page leans against a tree, indifferent to the inevitable victory of gravity over posture. We can hear the sound of teen-agers frolicking in the distance, the chirp of birds, and the occasional passing car. Foley approaches, somewhat bewildered by his encroaching insufferablility.]

    Foley: Hey.
    Page: Hey.
    Foley: Whatcha do’in?
    Page: Noth’in. Just fuck’in around.
    Foley: Yep. Yep. Yep. It sure is a hot one today, isn’t it?
    Page: Yeah.
    Foley: You could… always take your shirt off.
    [Swoosh. Followed by 89 minutes of white screen and a low grade hum]

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  10/09  at  08:21 PM
  43. That’s why Brooks is called “the liberals’ favorite conservative,” and “the thinking man’s conservative,” and “the conservatives with whom liberals like to have dinner”

    Nah, I’m going with Kristol.  He’s even eviller, but you’d have a good time.  He’d keep you on your toes.

    Chris Clark, what about “it’s a dog party!  Big dogs, little dogs, black dogs, white dogs, all going to a dog party!” My kids are now 11 and 13, so I don’t have it memorized anymore, but it goes something like that.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  08:50 PM
  44. David Brooks is currently in residence at dear old Duke University. . . .  Should I make him aware of our concerns? Should I pass along some satire? Ask him what HE would do about Kim Jong (so-damn) Il? Kiss him on the forehead?

    Instruct, cult leader.

    mathpants, hear me now!  I am your leader, and I instruct you to address Bobo in the approved Althusserian fashion ("hey you!” or “hey Bobo!"), and then, once you have his attention, sneeze loudly and in such a way as to utter the words “coochie snorcher.”

    what about “it’s a dog party!  Big dogs, little dogs, black dogs, white dogs, all going to a dog party!”

    And don’t forget the party hat, Emma Anne!  The book’s denouement turns on the acceptance of the final party hat.  (My kids are 15 and 20, but one does not neglect the classics.) Our party cannot move beyond the negative symbolism of the GNF, and embrace the revolutionary potential of BTUIG, unless we have really really ornate party hats.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  10:03 PM
  45. Well, regarding the PRK nuclear test - it seems it might have fizzled. The scientists responsible must be expelled from the WAAGNFN for insufficient adherence to the critical mass line.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:08 PM
  46. Okay, two things.

    First, you must, of course, realize that WAAGNFN is to politics what Infernokrusher is to art. These are two sides of the same coin . . . a nookular exploding coin.

    Second—ahem --

    How do you solve a problem like Kim Jong-Il?
    Catch a mushroom cloud and pin it down?
    How do you find a word that means Kim Jong-il?
    A megalomaniac, a sociopath, a clown?

    ----- that’s all I got. But I propose, seriously, in dealing with him, that we send someone six years back in time to ensure that Colin Powell gets to continue the sensible course of the Clinton administration.

    THEN we blow stuff up.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:40 PM
  47. <blockquote>And don’t forget the party hat, Emma Anne!  The book’s denouement turns on the acceptance of the final party hat.</blockquote >

    265648529_2ed6afc49a_o.jpg

    Go Dog, Go!

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/09  at  10:42 PM
  48. "Phaedrus” is the pederast dialogue. The Symposium is just sorta gay.

    Posted by John Emerson  on  10/09  at  10:54 PM
  49. Yes, John, but liberals don’t teach the Phaedrus, thanks to Derrida.  With the Symposium, they’re all, like, “go Alcibiades go,” but still they say nothing about those nasty aggressive pages egging on poor Foley.

    And Chris?  Uh, I love you like a brother or something, man, but, um, that’s really scary.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  11:21 PM
  50. Before we die, let’s dig that high, that frees us from our binds…
    That blows all cool, that ego drool, and burns us from our minds…
    That last big flash, mankind’s last gasp, the trip we can’t take twice…
    But before I did let me make that trip, before the nothing comes…
    The last big flash, to light my sky…and zap! the world is done…
    --from “The Big Flash” by Norman Spinrad

    Posted by James  on  10/09  at  11:26 PM
  51. but, um, that’s really scary.

    At the risk of sounding ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by feelings of love for jerky treats.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/10  at  12:18 AM
  52. Should I write a series of science-fiction/fantasy books?  Should I become reclusive and mysterious?  Should I begin stockpiling weapons?  Should I prepare you all for the arrival of the Designers?

    Should I wear my trousers rolled?  Dare I eat a peach?

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  12:36 AM
  53. Dear Leader, might I be so bold as to suggest that we toast the GNF with white wine spritzers in lieu of Kool-Aid?

    captcha: force, as in “You can’t force me to wear a party hat, but I’ll bring the plastic cups.”

    Posted by Orange  on  10/10  at  01:01 AM
  54. 89 minutes of white screen and a low grade hum

    I think you’re on to something, CCP. But I think your script moves too quickly into the pornographic payoff. We should build tension, arouse expectations. I propose we keep your idyllic page scene, throw in clips of Drudge slinging mud (beasts, etc.), video footage of debates about adding creationism to science cirricula, John McCain describing his compromise with the White House on torture, fifteen seconds of audio from the book-on-tape version of The Ambassadors, and then, you know, 87 minutes of white screen and a low grade hum.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  02:10 AM
  55. Done. We’ll break up the dialog with these finely crafted cutaways. I think I can handle delaying white-out for 3 minutes. Quick pointer: I find picturing Cheney performing naked with La La La Human Steps really helps me delay white-out. No music though. I resent feeling like I’m pandering to myself.

    Now, we just need a barn to clean up, and we got ourselves a show.

    captcha: makes ... it all seem worthwhile,
    well it’s you girl and you should know it,
    with each smile and every little movement,
    The… blah blah blah blah blah,
    blah BLAH blah blah blah,
    blah blah bla-whatever,
    blah BLAH BLAH blah blah,
    you’re gunna make it after ahhhhhhhhhhhh-ll.

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  10/10  at  02:48 AM
  56. Baseball sub-thread -

    Just picked this up off the Sadly, No! “Yankees Lose!” thread and just have to share it. (Don’t ask me why, I just have to, that’s all).

    Dude’s name is Kid Brooklyn.

    I wanna get this guy for the Chris Clarke show trial jury pool.

    WARNING: video contains “Adult Language”

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  10/10  at  05:05 AM
  57. Foley was raped by a Democrat.

    Between thirteen and fifteen he was molested by a “clergyman,” the newspapers have reported.

    Foley’s an Irish name, and clergyman is the new PC form of non-denominational profiling.  So it means he was raped (statutorially) by a Catholic.  Probably a Jesuit (since they were numerically superior when he was a lad in spite of being spanked severely by the last two popes they remain a formidable phalanx of pedophiles).

    And probably a Democrat since Irish Catholics generally vote Democrat (they have since Lincoln).

    But we must await further news reports on this.  Meanwhile, only Foley’s hair dresser knows for sure.

    Meanwhile, I must get back to reading Foucault’s page 30 and seeing what else it must mean.  I guess it could mean anything if black can mean white according to the hierarchy of interpreters!

    Hee hee hee.

    Posted by Kirby Olson  on  10/10  at  01:05 PM
  58. David Brooks is currently in residence at dear old Duke University (as am I, but does the liberal media tell you that?)

    Wait, you’re that mathpants?  The one whose candid biography was featured so prominently in Journal of Mathematical Physics B: Down With America?  If so, tell Adrienne that mds says Hi.  I guarantee she’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

    I instruct you to address Bobo in the approved Althusserian fashion ("hey you!” or “hey Bobo!"),

    I wholeheartedly approve of this.

    and then, once you have his attention, sneeze loudly and in such a way as to utter the words “coochie snorcher.”

    Um…

    I’d like to use my free spin, please.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:30 PM
  59. mds,

    I both have no idea what you’re talking about AND you’ve done a far better job making an interesting point than K.O.

    Neat.

    For serious, tho, you’re either:

    1) making a reference to the ‘pair of pants’ malarkey put out by Duke-affiliated magicians.

    2) making a reference to things from my collegiate existence.

    which mathpants am I meant to be? By ‘Adrienne,’ could you possibly be referring to a girl from the northwest who likes things Russian, listens to the Decembrists, and is kuhrazee? Is communication intended here? Are there consequences? Who stole the grandeur of my worldview? Identify yourself, and quickly! Elections are in three weeks and the voters need the facts.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  02:17 PM
  60. By ‘Adrienne,’ could you possibly be referring to a girl from the northwest who likes things Russian, listens to the Decembrists, and is kuhrazee?

    Very possibly.  Having once considered the graduate physics program at Duke (back when it was still referred to as “natural philosophy"), I make a point of memorizing the, um, entire Duke directory?  (No, I don’t believe it either.) Regardless, purely as a throwaway statement, given the cloud of threadicide laid down by Mr. Olsen, I felt free to throw in a reference to someone with whom you might share an office.  Since, as far as I’m concerned, the duel is ongoing, this is meant to discomfit you severely.  The All-seeing Eye is upon you!

    Okay, fine.  I just used the web.  That’s why I added the disclaimer that the lady in question would have no idea what you’re talking about.  I believe in honesty and full disclosure, while hiding behind an ambiguous acronym.  In my defense, I wish I knew you and christian h.  Sometimes I feel lost in the culturaldangeral studies cloud around here.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  04:17 PM
  61. mds,

    this is delightful! We have here an example of how the internets serve only to muddy the waters of the global river of information on which Thomas Friedman’s ocean liner of information flies.

    -one is listed on the Duke website as sharing an office with this ‘Adrienne’ person.
    -however, one does not in fact inhabit said office and indeed has never in fact met said Adrienne.
    -howeverhowever, one did used to know a girl named Adrienne who knew everybody. It seemed reasonable that she had met you on a cloud somewhere. Or that you were a closet acquaintance all along. It is a larger flat world, sadly.
    -nevertheless, one shall still introduce oneself tomorrow to Miss (in not-my office) Adrienne by making reference to mds and such. It’ll make a hell of a first impression.

    This is all, of course, neither here nor there.
    Were I David Brooks (and wouldn’t it be a kick square in the ass if I were?), I would point out that liberals feign outrage over a nonsensical foreign policy but talk utter gibberish in comment #61 on a blog thread!

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  10:58 PM
  62. Sprezzatura : Lee Siegel :: mathpants : David Brooks.

    It all becomes clear now.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/10  at  11:03 PM
  63. I’m confused. Whose sock is Nephi? And what about Kirby O.? Are they alternate sock puppets for the same person?

    Posted by Orange  on  10/10  at  11:19 PM
  64. I can’t help you with Nephi, but I think everyone knows by now that Kirby O. is Gary Ruppert.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/10  at  11:40 PM
  65. I’m confused. Whose sock is Nephi?

    Lehi’s.  (No, that’s not a pun about jeans.)

    -however, one does not in fact inhabit said office and indeed has never in fact met said Adrienne.

    You haven’t met all the other math grad students?  Things have declined since my halcyon graduate school days.  What do you do, matriculate, then proceed immediately to a darkened cubicle to commence playing Craft Wars Online, or whatever?  What about the picnics?  What about the naked table-top dancing?  No, wait, that’s faculty.

    Sprezzatura : Lee Siegel :: mathpants : David Brooks.

    No!

    Hmm, it could be true.  Perhaps he can be smoked out by means of a clever stratagem:

    Hey, fellow traveler mathpants, how do you like that Durham Red Lobster?  Isn’t the foie gras appetizer to die for?

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  10:40 AM

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