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Everybody wang chung tonight

Strangely, the AL and NL division series amount to I Love The 80s: the Tigers, who last won a World Series in 1984, face off against the A’s, who won the Earthquake Series of 1989 after collapsing in 1988; and the Mets, who managed to get by the Red Sox despite losing the first two at home in 1986 (I don’t know if you’ve ever seen any clips of game six of that series), take on the Cardinals, who won the Watery Beer Series of 1982 and lost in seven in 1985 and 1987.

I propose that each team be paired with an immortal classic from the list of Top 100 Songs for its championship year.  To wit:

From the soul-crushingly abysmal year of 1982, the Cardinals can choose to be represented by Deniece Williams’s entirely appropriate “It’s Gonna Take a Miracle” (# 87), America’s “You Can Do Magic” (# 29), or, if they’re really into the inspirational-instrumental thing, Vangelis’s “Chariots of Fire” (# 21).

From the mind-numbingly dismal year of 1984, the Tigers can go with Billy Joel’s “The Longest Time” (# 90), Survivor’s “I Can’t Hold Back” (# 68), or Phil Collins’s searing, hauntingly evocative “Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)” (# 8, ye gods).

From the world-historically abominable year of 1986 (redeemed for me in other ways, however, by the Birth of the First Child), the Mets can pick from among Rod Stewart’s “Love Touch” (# 73), Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” (# 22, and often cited on this blog as a Perfect Paradox Song, insofar as it is physically impossible to have fun while the song is playing, just as—as Janet points out—it is physically impossible to dance to Orleans’ “Dance with Me”), or Lionel Richie’s bitter, disillusioned “Dancing on the Ceiling” (# 36).

And finally, from the rather-interestingly transitional year of 1989, the A’s can treat themselves to Jody Watley’s “Real Love” (# 58), Prince’s “Batdance” (# 47), or Young MC’s “Bust a Move” (# 10).  Yes, I know, Phil Collins is still in there—at # 1, no less.  And no less than five Bobby Brown songs from Bobby’s pre-psychosis period!  The inimitable Milli Vanilli!  Mike and the Mechanics’ even-worse-than-Lionel-Richie “The Living Years”!  Clearly this was a year when all kinds of geopolitical binaries were beginning to crumble.

On the basis of these lineups, I have good news for Oaktown Girl: it’s the A’s over the Mets, in a replay of the 1973 Series.  And just you wait ‘til I mine the top 100 from that year!

____

Completely unrelated public service announcement: members of the American Historical Association are invited to sign a resolution opposing the use of speech codes to restrict academic freedom.  Apparently the drafters need a few more signers in order to put the resolution on the AHA’s agenda for the January business meeting, so if you’re a current member of the AHA and are of a mind, stop by and help out.  I got no dog in this one myself, not being a member of the AHA, but if you’re interested in the debate behind the resolution, you can check out this and that and the other thing.

Posted by on 10/10 at 11:41 AM

  1. Say what you will about “Take a Look at Me Now,” but I can’t hear that song without picturing Rachel Ward, and that can never be a bad thing.

    Posted by mrgumby2u  on  10/10  at  12:58 PM

  2. Over at Pharyngula, PZ is featuring The Cure’s “Just Like Heaven” (1987).  A very memorable 80’s toe-tapper.  But yeah, “The Living Years” is as soul-crushing as music gets.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:01 PM

  3. Hey, why not “Sledgehammer” (# 17) for the Mets? Seems fitting for a team that will have to score in bunches to win.

    Plus Claymation figures of Jose Reyes and David Wright would look really cool.

    Oh, and while the charts for ‘86 were miserable, it was the year Indestructible Beat of Soweto won the Voice Pazz n’ Jop, if memory serves.

    Posted by George  on  10/10  at  01:01 PM

  4. You should warn people about some of these links!  When I clicked on the 1982 page there was a link to download “Eye of the Tiger!”

    I’m still shaking about my narrow escape.  My god, I have children in the house!  Will no one think of the children!

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:11 PM

  5. jpj, have you considered staying on the link long enough to cross-pollinate “Eye of the Tiger” and Asia’s “Heat of the Moment,” so as to produce “Heat of the Tiger”?  It makes for a space-warping Suck Vortex that threatens life on earth just as surely as any GNF.

    Hey, why not “Sledgehammer” (# 17) for the Mets? Seems fitting for a team that will have to score in bunches to win.

    What do you mean “have to,” George?  Are you under the mistaken impression that Cardinals have more than one starting pitcher?

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:17 PM

  6. I can’t hear that song without picturing Rachel Ward, and that can never be a bad thing.

    Never?  I can think of a few contexts where it could lead to trouble, not least at a rowdy ACA open bar, or when you’ve taken the witness stand yourself, over your attorney’s protests.

    I’d have added AHA to my list of illustrious palindromic memberships, but I was blackballed for inappropriately loud and vulgar criticisms of Lytton Strachey during a symposium on the Code of Justinian.

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:40 PM

  7. Are you under the mistaken impression that Cardinals have more than one starting pitcher?

    uh,...ya see......I, uh.......um...........

    Well, anyway, shouldn’t the discussion be about some really, really important world events?

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  01:59 PM

  8. Thanks, Michael!
    I’ll take good vibes/good predictions for the A’s from anyone, anytime, by any theory. Conventional wisdom (aka TV talking heads and Internets “experts") have jumped so hard on the Tigers’ bandwagon, I’m surprised it hasn’t collapsed under the weight of it all.

    If I’d known you were going to have a baseball-themed post today, I would have saved my comment in your previous post, Weekend in review (#56 with the really fun link) for today.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  10/10  at  02:14 PM

  9. Michael—Thanks for linking my earlier posts about the AHA and the ABOR.  I was finishing a reply to Ralph Luker’s latest post even as you posted this.  Your readers, if interested, can find it at:

    Speech Codes” and the AHA

    Posted by Hiram Hover  on  10/10  at  02:20 PM

  10. "I Heard it Through the Grapevine” (Gladys Knight and the Pips #53) that it would be the Tigers vs. Cardinals, a replay of 1968.  “Those Were The Days” (#7) according to Mary Hopkin.  And since the Tigers have taken a sad song (43-119) and made it better, they are going to be #1 ("Hey Jude").

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  02:49 PM

  11. Well, if it really is an 80s themed post-season, then watch out for the Tigers - I mean, Magnum went around wearing that hat for just about the whole decade, that’s gotta mean something…

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  02:50 PM

  12. I really hope that the Mets lose. I take the 7 train home at night and it sheer hell when people come from Manhattan on it who only go to Queens to see baseball games, tennis matches or fly out of town.

    Posted by Randy Paul  on  10/10  at  04:25 PM

  13. Why did Thomas Magnum drive a (foreign-made, obviously) Ferrari while wearing a Tigers cap?  Shouldn’t it have been a Ford or GM or Chrysler product?

    Posted by Linkmeister  on  10/10  at  04:30 PM

  14. I think there needs to be a convergance of events. Both rock concerts and sporting events already happen in stadiums, so why not combine the two? Forget turning to lifeless recording media for appropriate anthems, and incorporate the musicians right into the event. I see a twenty foot plateform about middle center field, and t-shirts with both band and the team logos intertwined - unique to each event. It would open up a whole new market. $$$cha-ching$$$

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  10/10  at  05:09 PM

  15. it is physically impossible to dance to Orleans’ “Dance with Me”), or Lionel Richie’s bitter, disillusioned “Dancing on the Ceiling” (#36).

    I would go so far as to suggest it’s not even possible to dance on the ceiling.

    Posted by Kip W  on  10/10  at  05:32 PM

  16. During the Tigers last playoff run in ‘87, a childhood friend was living in India and Sri Lanka, and during his time in Sri Lanka, another friend sent him a letter, covering the envelope with cheers for the Tigers—Go Tigers!  Tigers are the best!  (I grew up in Kalamazoo.) The authorities took my friend in for questioning. 

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberation_Tigers_of_Tamil_Eelam

    1984 rocked!  Prince, Cyndi Lauper, Van Halen—dude, those are some good songs!  Even the Boss had some good ones!

    captcha, “further,” as in, “dude, you couldn’t be further from the truth in declaring the suckiness of 1984’s charts.”

    (Although, it WAS a world historical irony that the Jacksons’ released their “Victory” album and went on their “Victory Tour” in *1984*, the same year that Reagan had them to the White House.)

    Posted by john  on  10/10  at  06:07 PM

  17. my votes:
    1982:
    The Cardinals could always channel this not so classic Paul Davis hit #39 ‘65 Love Affair and hope that the glory of Koufax and Drysdale under the leadership of Walt inspires them.  Then again Air Supply’s #28 Sweet Dreams might be as close as they get (and Ebony and Ivory is just too gratuitous)

    1984: (if just the ghost of Orwell is not enough to spook a team) Every time Detroit wins any championship the city riots, and hundreds end up in jail.  So i nominate the #12 Lionel Richie hit: All Night Long (All Night).  However i can’t ignore # 42. Twist Of Fate by Olivia Newton-John in this category.

    1986: Survivor’s Burning Heart #8, suggests the longing of #13 Friends And Lovers (Carl Anderson and Gloria Loring) supporting the Mets since 1969 because they followed Huey Lewis and the News #21 pledge to stay Stuck With You.

    1989: This list puts Chicago’s Look Away at #1 which is synchronicitously followed by Bobby Brown’s My Perogative when it comes to the A’s.  We could change the Fine Young Cannibals #18 title to They Drive Me Crazy, in that i have long been a member of the Oakland faithful (okay not the Warriors) and have been frustrated endlessly.  Then again, saluting 1989 musically is a travesty onto itself: four Milli Vanilli in the top 30??

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  06:07 PM

  18. In space?

    Seriously, though, don’t mess with the lidless “Eye of the Tiger”! (Hmm, actually “Eye in the Sky” and “Somebody’s Watching Me” fit the theme better, but were they from the same year?) You’ll give my little brother far too much satisfaction by implying that his favorite song back then, “Jack and Diane,” is not nearly as bad as my favorite song (AT THE TIME, people).

    Was it all the homework I did to bad pop music on the radio that decade that makes it impossible to get it out of my head?

    I haven’t cared about MLB since the Yankees traded Bucky Dent.  Although eating and drinking as many apple-themed items during 1986’s Game 6 is still a fond memory.  So, please, Michael, back to the golf blogging/Party-cult building!

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  10/10  at  06:16 PM

  19. Good god, 1982 *was* abysmal.  At first I thought you were just being a snob, Michael, but then I carefully read the whole list, and even the formerly good artists were putting out mediocre to bad crap. About the only thing worth saving from that list are the Go-Go’s.  (Aw, come on!  The Go-Go’s!)

    No wonder I hated junior high.

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  10/10  at  06:29 PM

  20. And yup, ‘84 and ‘86 pretty much sucked, too.  Thank god I’d discovered college radio by then.

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  10/10  at  06:33 PM

  21. The end of 1986 World Series Game 6, re-enacted in the form of Atari RBI baseball, can be found here:
    http://www.sandiegoserenade.com/2006/04/1986_world_series_game_6_reena.html

    Ted

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  07:49 PM

  22. Damn you, Ted.  I have 45 emails to answer and eight manuscripts to read, and I just watched that entire thing.  It was utterly compelling, in an Atari kind of way.

    John (16) has half a point—I was kind of surprised to see that 1984, thanks to Prince and Cyndi, did not achieve the seventh degree of suckitude attained by 1982 and 1986.  But c’mon, dude, Van Halen was so over by then.  And yes, Dr. V., those cute Go-Gos are OK.  The Motels’ “Only the Lonely” isn’t soul-crushing swill either, and I though I strongly opposed the Stray Cats at the time, now “Rock This Town” looks like an oasis in a sea of dreck.  Hell, I’ll even settle for “Maneater” and “I Ran” (underrated guitar solo, as someone once pointed out on this site).  But are you really willing to wade through Neil Diamond’s “Heartlight,” Air Supply’s “Even the Nights Are Better,” and APP’s “Eye in the Sky” (yes, Constructivist, the Panopticon was big in 1982.  Coincidence—or design?) to get to this handful of listenable things?  I’m not.  A’s over Tigers in 6, over Mets in 7.

    Even though we are all Tigers now.

    And Randy, I feel your pain.  The 7 was my train too, once upon a time.  Here’s to the obscure stops, like 33rd-Rawson and 45th Road- Court House Square.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/10  at  09:03 PM

  23. One of the definitive “Where the hell have I moved to?” moments in my grad school career: I’m walking to school (down frat row, where I inadvertently got an apartment) and an open-top Jeep drives by blaring “Just Another Day In Paradise.”

    Back [in the major city whose boring suburban environs are] where I’m from, bumpin’ to Phil Collins in your car is grounds for getting your ass kicked--even (especially?) if it’s that weird thing he did with Bone Thugs and Harmony.

    Posted by e. fiction  on  10/10  at  09:10 PM

  24. c’mon people, have you all forgotten that the As are gonna come out in what the great Nenah Cherry refers to (#44) as a “Buffalo Stance”?

    Posted by  on  10/10  at  11:00 PM

  25. If you enjoyed the Atari RBI thing (which I’ve seen before), you might enjoy this.  Vin Scully’s call of the ninth inning of Sandy Koufax’s 1965 perfect game.  It’s an mp3.

    Posted by Linkmeister  on  10/11  at  02:55 AM

  26. The last place I would have used as a reference for music in the 80s was the American pop charts. I figured, a majority of Americans elected Reagan twice, so the American public having bad taste was pretty much a given.

    Then again, here I prove my taste in music wasn’t much better in the 80s.

    Posted by mat  on  10/11  at  07:50 AM

  27. mat, that was you?  I was just reading that post over the weekend!  And yes, “Love Will Tear Us Apart” is a fine, fine piece of work.  But I can’t join you on the Dream Academy.  I lump them with Mister Mister in the bin of 80s radio that made me want to crawl off somewhere with my Husker Du and Mission of Burma records and never come back.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/11  at  08:03 AM

  28. I think my defense of Boy George is far, far creepier that selecting “Life in a Northern Town,” which I admit made most of my friends retch back in the day. I thought it was a weirdly sweet song--and that chorus was kind of snappy. Anyone brave enough to put oboes in a pop song gets my vote.

    Posted by mat  on  10/11  at  08:18 AM

  29. As those Tigers keep rounding third, I’ll be singing, “They’ve got legs; they know how to use them,” and playing air guitar . . .

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  09:58 AM

  30. My approach, like others, was to focus on what was good, not what was popular, for each of the years in question and my mnethod was to focus on the artists I listend to then:  REM, Talking Heads, Elvis, etc.  Analysis was made difficult by the fact that most artists refused to issue albums in each of the years in question.  REM released nothing in 1989, for example. One exception was Elvis:

    1982: Imperial Bedroom
    1984: Goodbye Cruel World
    1986: King of America
    1989: Spike

    Another was Prince:

    1982:  1999
    1984:  Purple Rain
    1986:  Parade
    1989:  Batman

    What it all means, of course, is Cardinals, baby, Cardinals all the way.

    Or just that the people I listened to in the ‘80s released the good stuff early and then got worse.

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  10:22 AM

  31. Yeah, but relying on Elvis is cheating, since he released albums every eight months in the 80s.  I mean, you didn’t even mention Get Happy or Trust or Almost Blue or Punch the Clock or Blood and Chocolate.  Though he did rest for a couple of weeks in 1987, it appears.

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  11:19 AM

  32. Eewww, you guys! Now I have drecky music going around in my head. And around and around… Driving me into the arms of the WAAGNFBN party cult, my only salvation from relentless repetitions of “Even the nights”. Captcha: expected, as in I should have expected these low recruitment tactics.

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  12:04 PM

  33. Michael, Are you under the mistaken impression that the Mets have more than one starting pitcher?

    And I say that as a Mets fan.

    Posted by George  on  10/11  at  12:43 PM

  34. How can you beat Dire Straits’ “Twisting by the Pool” for a 1984 song? 

    (yes, I am kidding)

    Can someone give me some good advice?  Does the Twins’ world-historically significant loss to the A’s mean I should root for, or against, the A’s?

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  03:50 PM

  35. 1984 was the best music year of the 80s; I think both Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” and Prince’s “Purple Rain” came out that year.  Both lasting classics.  Didn’t Van Halen’s “Jump” chart that year too?  Not a lasting classic, but really fun.

    Posted by  on  10/12  at  01:00 PM

  36. Does the Twins’ world-historically significant loss to the A’s mean I should root for, or against, the A’s?

    We are all Tigers now, Charles.  Except for Oaktown Girl, of course.

    Posted by  on  10/12  at  01:08 PM

  37. As an anarchic lurker of the WAAGNFN partee, i was looking to develop* a Grateful Dead version of this 80’s notion (since it would merely serve to cause commotion).

    Doing so of course rules out 1986--year of Garcia’s first death (RFK stadium 07/07) followed by the release of Touch of Grey single inspiring the rise of the TouchHeads (thousands of new fans for whom sex drugs and rock-n-roll took precedent over our 60’s values of free love, LSD, and psychedelicized genre confusion). 

    1982 looks really pretty good, what with the “Springfield Creamery Second Decadonal Field Trip” at the OCF site (two weeks later they play of Univ of Virg), followed by the release of Run for the Roses, and the amazing Jamaica World Music Fest.

    1989 had some high moments too; particularly in the summer with the Frost run (sadly the last ones) followed by the AIDS benefit as backup band for Fogerty, then the summer solstice show at Shoreline.  They played California Earthquake only twice during late October east coast nights as tribute, then put on a huge earthquake relief concert (on the same day as the 20th anniversary of altamont); a few days later played in LA with Spencer Davis and Bruce Hornsby sitting in.  Ended the year with Bonnie Riatt, New Grass Revival, and Airto.

    But we are all Detroit now, and 1984 was an amazing year for the band.  Perhaps the most propitious moment came on a friday the 13th at the Greek amphitheatre at UC Berkeley: postponing the encore for half an hour, with the suggestion that it would all make sense.  Slowly the overflow crowd began to hear the howling from the canyons of the thousands who had gathered outside the show, then a meteor came screaming across the sky, followed by the rise of the full moon, and the band launching into Dark Star.  Yep.. 1984…
    * captcha

    Posted by  on  10/12  at  04:22 PM

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