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ABF Friday:  Special Election Edition!

The Dangeral Studies Tour 2006 continues to wreak havoc wherever it goes.  Last week, we arrived in St. Louis and promptly rendered that fair city the most dangerous city in the United States.  This week, we arrived in Colorado Springs and induced Pastor Ted Haggard to resign his position at the head of the National Association of Evangelicals.  Coincidence?  There are no coincidences on the Dangeral Tour.  Because

There’s a professor who leads a life of Danger,
To all his friends he talks about the Rangers,
Oh, with every move he makes,
Another contingent foundation he shakes,
Odds are he’ll be in your town tomorrow.

I’m still working on line four.  Should it be “contingent foundation” or “cultural formation”?  Or are there other things out there that need shakin’?

But never mind about me!  This blog is not about me.  This blog is all about the fortunes of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party, and let me tell you, my friends, the state of the WAAGNFNP is strong.

You’ll recall that we founded the WAAGNFNP last month—contingently, of course—not only in order to escape from the existential dilemma of drafting our “living will” and “advance directive” but also in order to be more nihilist and cynical than even the most devoted eighth-party partisan.  “The Democrats are hopeless,” they cried.  “Hopeless?  We’ll give you friggin’ hopeless,” we replied.  And since then, our movement has been expanding like a . . . like a . . . well, I can’t think of what we’ve been expanding like, but it’s been a good month.  We resolved the problem of “splitters,” you’ll recall, by realizing that the Giant Nuclear Fireball Party is always already splitting, and yet always already fused.  After North Korea’s nuclear test, we resolved the problem of “small fireballs in many countries” as opposed to “one giant nuclear fireball” by noting that from the tiniest nuclear fireball a mighty nuclear fireball may grow.  (There remains some residual confusion as to whether GNF stands for “Giant Nuclear Fireball” or “Global Nuclear Fireball.” As your chairman, I declare this to be a distinction without a difference.) And we even initiated proceedings for our very first show trial, complete with some well-crafted show trial tunes.

But thus far we have given relatively little attention to our electoral fortunes next Tuesday, because many of us couldn’t care less about “electoral” “fortunes” as we await the GNF—which, of course, will vaporize all 435 seats in the House and all 100 in the Senate, as well as all state legislatures and county boards and municipal councils and township supervisory committees.  (We call this “the clean sweep.”)

And yet, paradoxically, even as we disdain “electoral” “fortunes,” it appears that we are likely to pick up 35 to 40 seats in the House of Representatives.  That would give us an infinity percent increase over our current representation in the House, and permit members of the WAAGNFNP to occupy seats on key committes, like Ways and Fireballs.

How did we come so far so fast?  Largely, I think, because we are immune to the neocon noise machine and its various machinations.  When, for example, Dick Cheney claimed that voting for the WAAGNFNP would damage America’s security by permitting dictators to possess nuclear weapons, the Democrats caved, just as they did two years ago, but we just looked straight into the camera and said, “well, duh.” When Condoleezza Rice said, “we don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud,” we said, “but we do!” And when Christopher Hitchens accused us of being objectively pro-nuclear fireball, we said, “um, exactly what part of our name are you having trouble reading?”

But what’s really going to put us over the top, I think, is the amazing news that

Last March, the federal government set up a Web site to make public a vast archive of Iraqi documents captured during the war. The Bush administration did so under pressure from Congressional Republicans who said they hoped to “leverage the Internet” to find new evidence of the prewar dangers posed by Saddam Hussein.

But in recent weeks, the site has posted some documents that weapons experts say are a danger themselves: detailed accounts of Iraq’s secret nuclear research before the 1991 Persian Gulf war. The documents, the experts say, constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb.

While this has provided a few of the sharpest snarkmeisters of the liberal blogosphere with comedy gold, thanks to the truly world-historical boneheadedness of illiterate bloggers to their right, we here at the WAAGNFNP hail our security-compromising overlords and their inconceivably stupid enablers on the Internets.  We say, unleash the power of the Pajamas! The WAAGNFNP welcomes bipartisanship of all kinds—so long as it ends in a GNF, of course.

So what are you thinking about for next Tuesday?

Posted by on 11/03 at 01:24 PM
  1. Beer.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  03:11 PM
  2. The WAAGNFNP welcomes bipartisanship of all kinds—so long as it ends in a GNF, of course.

    What about Saddam himself? I understand that the Secretary of State is saying that these publicly posted directions on how to build nuclear weapons prove he was working on WMDs. It could be a publicity stunt on Hussein’s part, in the hopes that we’ll overlook his shady past I suppose.

    I must apologize to the group, I confess. I was this close to having the plans drawn up when they shut down the website. I guess I should have enlisted some of the math and physics folks’ help instead of going for all the glory myself. Or at least printed the instructions out. Live and learn.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  03:16 PM
  3. With your travels out-of-commonwealth you may not be aware that Rick Santorum has aired a campaign ad that makes me think that he is on to us. (It shows a picture of a mushroom cloud next to the face Bob Casey.)

    Never-no-mind it ain’t gonna matter. So I am looking forward to no longer having a Senator who looks and acts like Pee Wee Herman after he has been intellectually gang-raped by Ayn Rand, Joe McCarthy, Anita Bryant and Greg the Bunny* ... even if it is only for a nanosecond.

    *[man-on-dog ain’t no-thang after you’ve seen rabbit-on-lobster in ”Bunnie Hall]

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  03:19 PM
  4. I’m still working on line four.  Should it be “contingent foundation” or “cultural formation”?  Or are there other things out there that need shakin’?

    Or you can take it in a whole ‘nother direction:

    Oh, with every move he makes,
    Another pompous troll he breaks,

    or even

    Oh, with every move he makes,
    sprezzatura‘s what he fakes,

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  03:37 PM
  5. We all must understand that the GNF is a work of art, and that the WAAGNFNP provides the artisans and creative visions for the project itself.  This is congruent with the Adminstration’s position on Iraq:
    “Every great work of art goes through messy phases while it is in transition,” U.S. Maj. Gen. Caldwell told reporters yesterday in Baghdad. “A lump of clay can become a sculpture. Blobs of paint become paintings which inspire.”

    I also think that we are fully supported by the rest of the minions of the administration and its allies.  Mike Whitney suggests this by asking some pertinent GNF styled questions:

    Consider this: Did the Bush troupe assemble all the levers of absolute power including unlimited surveillance of every phone call, e-mail, bank transaction, doctor’s visit etc just to transfer that power over to Democratic control?

    Did they frantically slap together the Military Commission Act of 2006, which repeals the Bill of Rights and denies American citizens due process of law if they are imprisoned on the orders of the president, just to hand that power over to Hilary Clinton or Barak Obama?

    Did they painstakingly change the laws restricting the “cruel and inhuman” treatment of prisoners or spend years composing the volumes of repressive legislation in the Patriot Act, the Homeland Security Act, and The John Warner Defense Authorization Act of 2007 (which allows the president to deploy troops within the country against American citizens) just to deliver the entire apparatus of police-state power to Patrick Leahy and Teddy Kennedy?

    The WAAGNFNP is expanding bilaterally, multi-orthogonally, and fractally to incorporate every dimension.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  03:51 PM
  6. Yeah, verily, it is better to light a single GNF than to curse the darkness.

    Posted by John Protevi  on  11/03  at  03:57 PM
  7. I am very concerned that the WAAGNFNP will suffer from our lack of a convincing manifesto. I therefore propose that everyone concerned join me in composing such. Of course, we start out with the advantage that our ultimate goals are clear and immutable. However, we could destroy all those pathetic liberal manifestos if we went beyond generalities and exhibited in concrete terms how to progress towards the manifestation of the GNF. I am positive that we can make everybody happy this way. I’ll start with the libertarians:

    The WAAGNFNP resolves to support any and all steps towards nuclear deregulation.

    captcha: cold as in “you can take the Bomb out of my cold dead hands.”

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  04:03 PM
  8. To: Christian H.

    From: John Protevi

    Re: WAAGNFNP Manifesto opening lines

    Christian, bro, whaddya say we start off like this:

    “A specter is haunting America. The specter of the GNF.”

    Catchy, huh? Let’s run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.

    Posted by John Protevi  on  11/03  at  04:07 PM
  9. new WAAGNFNP logo--- the mulit-universes’ response to our constant supplications for dimensional expansions.  Propitiate your dieties with prayers.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  04:11 PM
  10. >This week, we arrived in Colorado Springs and induced Pastor Ted Haggard to resign his position at the head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

    Yes, thanks for that. We owe you one.

    Posted by Steve Lawson  on  11/03  at  04:24 PM
  11. Tweakers for Jesus™ strongly denies Pastor Haggard paid for sex with another man.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  04:47 PM
  12. Manifesto? The writing’s on the wall:

    writing

    It’s all in the interpretation.

    WAAGNFNP
    Ministry of Visual Propaganda

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/03  at  05:32 PM
  13. Bill, I have to say these visuals rock.  Now that I understand a little more about how the Innertubes work, I’m enjoying them immensely.

    Azelie, beer sounds good!  Labatt’s, anyone? 

    Posted by Michael  on  11/03  at  06:20 PM
  14. Next Tuesday? Oh yeah. That’s my night for Homo Tweaker Imperialists for Jesus Anonymous group.

    Anyone up for some thirteenth-steppin’?

    Posted by Kevin Hayden  on  11/03  at  06:44 PM
  15. "From the tiniest nuclear fireball a mighty nuclear fireball may grow.”

    I daresay there’s something very *liberal* about this slogan, if we define liberal (in this context, cause I still haven’t had time to read the book) as characterized by broadmindedness; as in a broad-minded political stance; generous and broad sympathies; tolerant of the opponent’s opinions.

    What we’re offering to the world is the chance to partake in a project not limited by orthodox or authoritarian views. Our giant nuclear fireball will be free from bigotry in that we will make it available to all who want it, whether they be North Korea, Ted Haggert, or Kazakhstan.

    Maybe part of our manifesto should be, “What’s Liberal about the Giant Nuclear Fireball?” And like the beer, a whole lot can happen, Out of the Blue.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  06:50 PM
  16. Glad you like them, Michael. We here at the Ministry of Visual Propaganda aim to please. If we’re going to have a clean sweep we gotta’ look classy when we act sassy.

    Oh yeah!

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/03  at  07:00 PM
  17. Maybe part of our manifesto should be, “What’s Liberal about the Giant Nuclear Fireball?”

    If that selfish Chris Clarke weren’t off walking his lovely dog and enjoying life outdoors and away from the Google, we could have ourselves a graphic novel manifesto in time for the election.  You know?

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  07:02 PM
  18. “From the tiniest nuclear fireball a mighty nuclear fireball may grow.”

    I hear that it takes a family village to make a GNF.

    [At one time the rule was that it took an advanced urban civilization to make a GNF - but if certain members of the alledgedly sentient species on your planet have widely disseminated GNFs for Dummies all bets are off. In fact it might now be:
    It takes the annoying kid down the block who is still totally pissed at his parents for not letting him go to the Nine Inch Nails concert to make a GNF]

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  07:14 PM
  19. JP Stormcrow,

    I think you’re still trying to understand the nature of the GNF through the conservative lens of conventional wisdom.

    Rather than lament the age in which the brat on the block can wreak havoc with their own nuclear fireball, you might celebrate the egalitarian vision that we offer.

    A simple graphic novel explaining how to use and breed such a fireball can only further our party’s goals! If I didn’t pity the fool who don’t listen to his girlfriend when she says it’s time to get unplugged, I would add to the list of charges against Chris Clarke that he has fallen short of his party obligations by not publishing the visual version of our cause.

    captcha: french (We’ll also give the GNF to the French, so they can blow up Britain once and for all).

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  07:34 PM
  20. The manifesto would have to be called “We Answer to the Name of Crispies”.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  07:35 PM
  21. And (good) ol’ Ed Herman would have to denounce it.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  07:52 PM
  22. And (good) ol’ Ed Herman would have to denounce it.

    Nah, we confound him by making the last statement of the manifesto read “Anyone denouncing all or part of this Manifesto, is in fact, affirming it” ... or alternatively we just waterboard him and get him to say whatever we damn well please.

    lament
    Lament? ... Lament? You read my statement as normative? How jejune. I stated merely the facts. Whose thinking is constrained by convention now Frenchy? Huh? Huh?

    In fact the comment was written as a part of a “sting” operation sponsored by the Subdepartment on Ideological Purity to detect precisely that which you claim to “decry”. Be well warned. We do not wish to stifle the free exchange of ideas, merely to stigmatize those who would stigmatize others.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  08:37 PM
  23. Oo-oo! Je comprends!
    Pardon, Monsieur JP Tempête-Corneille.

    I will go away to the country this weekend and perform some hard *labor* in effort to purify my understanding of the party’s complex ideology. Tis the 8-year system of indoctrination that has made me this way. smile

    captcha: labor

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  09:08 PM
  24. So what are you thinking about for next Tuesday?

    How to PhotoShop Michelle Malkin’s head exploding.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  11/03  at  10:08 PM
  25. The Party of Reasonable Progress within the Bounds of Law farts in the general direction of your so-called Fireball Party.

    Posted by John Emerson  on  11/03  at  10:28 PM
  26. "Crispies”?  No, no.  “Brights”.

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  10:49 PM
  27. Official WAAGNFNP prognostications for Tuesday:

    Red States:

    red

    White States:

    white

    Blue States:

    blue

    AKA: Gojira always wins when it comes to GNFs

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/03  at  10:54 PM
  28. The Ad Hoc Defensorial Defense Team of Defenders of Your Man McNaturepants Cadre (Second Line) offers up this draft proposed Official (one-size fits all!) GNF Party Partyhat, and further proposes that proceeds from the distribution of the GNF Party Partyhat go toward expunging whatever minimal expenses the AHDDToDoYMMcNC(SL) might incur in the vigorous execution of its role in the forthcoming CCST.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  11:12 PM
  29. Regarding bipartisanship, might I suggest a strategic alliance with Fatmouse?

    http://www.labradorice.com/fatmouse/

    Perhaps Chairman Berube can sanction We Are All Giant Nuclear Fatmouse Now as a legitimate interpretation of WAAGNFN?

    Posted by  on  11/03  at  11:20 PM
  30. For Tuesday, I’m hoping to be thinking “all your base are belong to us.”

    After all,

    Are_your_base.jpg width=400

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  12:15 AM
  31. The forces of reaction (captcha) are already closing in, I see. The path to GNF has to be accelerated before borderline traitors like Foucault and agents provocateurs like John Emerson can derail this liberating endeavour - graphic novel version of the manifesto or not (I can only say that Chris Clarke will have a lot to answer for). For Tuesday, I predict that the WAAGNFNP will pick up the vital Nevada Governorship.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  12:31 AM
  32. Borderline traitors like Foucault!?

    Hey, I’m looking forward to the Giant Global Nuclear Fireball as much as the next guy. Screw John Emerson and his “The Party of Reasonable Progress within the Bounds of Law.”

    All I suggested was that we try to share our hotbed of radioactive energy with the rest of the world. Splitters without borders, you know? Embrace the paradox--but nooo, not this bunch!

    Fine, I’m a traitor. I say we add this to the list of charges against Chris Clarke and use his as a sacrificial scapegoat so I can retain my place as prosecutor within the party’s folds.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  01:07 AM
  33. Gojira is getting excited:

    fire

    I wouldn’t be too worried about Emerson’s TPRPWITBOTL and their flatulence. It will all be consumed in the GNF.

    captch: “finallly”

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  02:17 AM
  34. Michael, Digby’s right.  You’d be more than welcome in Phoenix this weekend.  You could get a red-eye to Dulles in plenty of time for election day, and you’d fly over Memphis on the way. For Montana we’d have to get you on an extra flight, but didn’t George Bush just make a campaign stop somewhere near there, at a big important airport thronged with schoolchildren?  You see, it can be done.

    Posted by Tracy  on  11/04  at  02:28 AM
  35. Hey, it has been a great day for the WAAGNFNP. First we find out that a basic guide to building an atom bomb was launched into cyberspace like a Paris Hilton video, and now we learn that one Jessica Quintana stole 228 double-sided pages of a How To guide on deactivating locks on nuclear weapons. (Does the WAAGNFNP have some kind of award-granting institution? Because clearly this woman deserves some recognition.) It’s as if the WAAGNFNP has infiltrated the highest levels of government and that someone is just desperate to get nuclear technology into the hands of anyone who might be interested.

    Obviously we need a manifesto, and pronto. In addition to everything else that has been suggested, clearly we need to include sentiments such as “BLAST years before 1945. Curse abysmal inexcusable middle class (also Aristocracy and Proletariat). BLAST their weeping whiskers—hirsute RHETORIC of EUNUCH and STYLIST—
    SENTIMENTAL HYGIENICS // ROUSSEAUISMS,” etc.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  03:12 AM
  36. Oh, and:

    Ours not to splitters try,
    Ours not to reason why,
    Ours but to light the sky,
    Into the GNF
    Rode the We’re All A Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party.

    Still working on that last line.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  05:24 AM
  37. Assention of the GNF Conglagrettes, a Prophesy, by Uncle Walt:

    conflag

    captcha: “face”

    face

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  08:23 AM
  38. Whoops! That’s “Ascension” not “Assention,” though I do think Uncle Walt may have been a bit too fixated on a$$ in that sequence.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  08:28 AM
  39. I say we join forces with the We are all Ted Haggard party.

    http://jollyblogger.typepad.com/jollyblogger/2006/11/ted_haggard_som_1.html

    captcha:  nations, as in it takes a nation of to hold us back

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  10:20 AM
  40. We must teach our children both sides: giant nuclear fireball-making and evolution.

    Posted by David J Swift  on  11/04  at  11:28 AM
  41. The Ad Hoc Defensorial Defense Team of Defenders of Your Man McNaturepants Cadre sincerely welcomes the addition of Pastor Haggard to its ranks, taking his place in the Third Line (the last-ditch go for broke what the hell anyhow “Hail Mary” line) of our admittedly futile effort.

    image hosting by thumsnap.com

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  12:02 PM
  42. Re 40: The WAAGNFNP Ministry for the Reconciliation of the Two Cultures has just released this proposed conceptual model of the reconciliation of evolution and GNF:

    recon

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  01:23 PM
  43. Holy Psychedelia!

    Even if our activities between now and next Tuesday fail to bring about a massive GNF, there are still great ideas for album covers in here.

    GOJIRA: a memorable name for the mind-blowing show tunes that will no doubt emerge out of the CCST. Last night I dreamt about neon-colored dinosaurs…

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  01:46 PM
  44. Because it meets the WAAGNFNP’s high standards of both justice and visual effectiveness, the Offices of the Ministry of Justice and the Ministry of Visual Porpaganda announce their official endorsement of the Video the Vote program.

    Let them know they are being watched:

    watch

    Oaktown Girl
    WAAGNFNP
    Minister of Justice

    Bill Benzon
    WAAGNFNP
    Minister of Visual Propaganda

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  01:57 PM
  45. Roxanne said:

    How to PhotoShop Michelle Malkin’s head exploding.

    malkin.jpg

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  11/04  at  03:03 PM
  46. For reference purposes, the original Gojira:

    gojira

    The WAAGNFNP will not tolerate illusory WMDs. We’ll all about pure unadulterated MMDs.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  03:44 PM
  47. I’m in between sessions on “How to Indoctrinate Students” and “How to Hide the Evidence” this afternoon, but I just want to say that the graphics of the WAAGNFNP are now even cooler than those of Barry Commoner’s Citizens Party run in 1980.

    Except that I think I see two men having sex in 42.  No meth, just two men having sex.

    Posted by Michael  on  11/04  at  04:44 PM
  48. See, these guys (the ones who hopefully will suffer a major electoral setback soon) really are into obscure Adam Smith passages on imperialism. 

    Next Tuesday?  Hoping my absentee ballot (which I requested in July) has arrived in the mail...and getting ready to teach “Constitutionalism and Its Discontents,” which continues my Intro to American Studies course’s stodgy focus on relations between 17th-C American Puritanism and 18th-C American Enlightenment (yup, 19th-C Romanticism and 20th-C Modernism will soon rear their heads).  Such antiquarianism has no place in today’s America, of course, which is why I’m exporting it to Japan.

    Oh yeah, also making up more poetic Chris Clarke charges.  It makes me angry that traitors like him will benefit from the GNF as much as the rest of us.

    Also will likely be still waiting for some golf blogging from FHPwSC on the Annika/Karrie/Ai showdown set to start here in a few hours.  Even omniscient and omnipotent (but not all-Good) leaders of party-cults nod every once in a while, I’ve been told on good authority.

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  11/04  at  04:48 PM
  49. I applaud Bill Benzon for reminding us all that the WAAGNFNP has not arisen from an ideological vacuum; rather, we stand on the shoulders of giants (ok, I stole that slogan from the PLP, but whatever...). My personal favorite is the dubbed-into-German version of Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla where we are informed that certain aliens have the ability to travel through the “third dimension”. Classic.

    captcha: “big” as in “giant isn’t big enough”.

    As for Michael’s travel schedule: I had this friend in high school, when he entered a room, the light bulbs would blow. He spent a day in Moscow - the coup against Gorbachev happened. We could use him now, Michael seems slightly overstretched.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  05:04 PM
  50. So what are you thinking about for next Tuesday?
    Well that the WAAGNFNP may not be sufficiently surreal.

    The Main Stream Media coverage of the WMD kerfuffle in Iraq isn’t the only indication that Surrealism is quietly experiencing a revival that has escaped the notice of the roster of conservative talk show hosts. The Los Angeles County Museum of Art is preparing for a Magritte show. The movie Tidelands is a stealth cultural treasure that satirizes the “lovable dysfunctional family” genre with ghoulish glee. Runing With Scissors is the story about living without the restraints of the conformity of the bourgeois. The ultimate proof that the philosophy of Andre Breton has become a dominant force in the contemporary scene will come next Wednesday, when the mid-term elections deliver control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate to the Democrats and President George W. Bush claims the results are an overwhelming mandate for him to continue his present Iraq policy, whatever it is.

    On page 886 of The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations, readers will, in the section titled “Surrealism,” find this slogan: “The simplest surrealist gesture is going out into the street, gun in hand, and taking pot shots at the crowd!” The Surrealism revival has reached explosive levels in Iraq.

    For several reasons, i still cannot laugh about Kent State (45), thus i am decidedly underprepared for the surrealism final on Tuesday.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  05:12 PM
  51. All this surreal and subliminal perversion of an unsuspecting mass culture is fine and dandy, but I realized during my recent bike ride that we’re competing with *hyper-realism* this weekend.

    I forgot all about it in my blood-thirsty excitement about the CCST, but that *other* show trial, the one for Saddam, is scheduled to end tomorrow. Betters are calling it a victory for the guillotine.

    Always a paranoiac of sorts, I wonder about the timing of this anticipated conclusion, and wonder if people’s enthusiasm about seeing Saddam get whacked won’t spill over into the election results? Or maybe the Diebold machines will just spill over into the election results, and the Evil Bastard Party will just use Saddam as an excuse for their “victory?”

    captcha: basis, as in “There is no basis for my groundless fears, except 2000 and 2004.”

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  06:03 PM
  52. The WAAGNFNP platform committee might want to consult Dizzy Gillespie’s stump speech from his 1964 run on the Presidency. It has some useful ideas, and some of his titles might be appropriate for WAAGNGNP use as well.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  06:15 PM
  53. Never write another limerick again.

    On the other hand, write more of everything else.

    Posted by Righteous Bubba  on  11/04  at  06:50 PM
  54. I’ll never write another comment again because I didn’t get your dippy verse.  Oh man.

    Posted by Righteous Bubba  on  11/04  at  06:51 PM
  55. For those of you who, through youthful innocence or whatever, don’t know what Chairman Michael was playing on in writing those lyrics about a professor of danger, I give you a YouTube performance of the theme song from Secret Agent Man, a way cool TV series about a secret agent whose theme song eclipsed the series itself. The clip replays the theme song. With some crucial differences:

    In Japanese.

    First as a ballad.

    Then as an up-tempo dance number.

    This is just incredibly cool. It needs to be on every cultural studies top ten list . . . . at the TOP!

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  07:15 PM
  56. For those of you who, through youthful innocence or whatever

    Thanks Bill. I was afraid to ask.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  07:50 PM
  57. @spyder: Propitiate your [deities] with prayers.

    Propitiate. Your deities. With prayers.

    Propitiate your deities with prayers?
    Propitiate your deities with prayers??

    YOU CAN NOT propitiate your deities with prayers!!

    {cue organ...}

    Posted by Nell  on  11/04  at  07:53 PM
  58. and now we learn that one Jessica Quintana stole 228 double-sided pages of a How To guide on deactivating locks on nuclear weapons.

    I was already planning at some point to suggest northern New Mexico as great location for a WAAGNFNP Convention - this security breach at Los Alamos adds some piquancy to that choice (and probably good reason for us to stay the hell away). Nonetheless, from my experience, there could be no better excurision for the Koyaanisqatsi* wing of the WAAGNFNP than a daytrip to Los Alamos and nearby Bandelier National Monument (Ancient Pueblo ruins) and Valles Caldera. The whole area resonates with GNF-ness on multiple levels - the road to Bandelier and its haunting ruins winds past several remote parts of Los Alamos Nat’l Lab tucked into canyons carved into the lava flows from the Caldera which looms over the whole area. (And who can imagine what manner of goodness goes on in places like Tech Area 39 that require them to be sequestered away miles from the rest of the laboratory.) And to complete the experience, the road up to the Caldera in the Jemez Mts. passes through visible scars of the Cerro Grande and other massive forest fires.

    * I propose that Koyaanisqatsi (movie & music) be added to the official canon of the party. It even has a St. Louis tie-in with its footage of the Pruitt-Igoe destruction.

    If I have seen farther than others, it is because I am surrounded by dwarves.

    - Murray Gell-mann

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  08:07 PM
  59. And at Los Alamos, we shall (captcha) engage in ritual denunciation of those Manhattan program wusses that didn’t want to use their own creation! On the other hand, Edward Teller would make a good honorary Chairman.

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  08:17 PM
  60. Secret Agent Man with some gender modifications, plus. The music sounds original—it’s been some years since I heard it, hence my hesitation.

    captcha: “return” as in the return of all those things Theory talks about

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  08:39 PM
  61. Johnny Rivers singing “Secret Agent Man” in 1966.* The original. What’s with the freakin’ suit and tie? There are a few minor glitches in the sound. Key lines:

    refrain: “They’ve given you a number and taken ‘way your name.”

    2nd verse: “A pretty face can hide an evil mind.”

    *Chairman Michael: Am I mistaken, or would you have had to have been a pretty precocious secret agent in 1966?

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/04  at  08:50 PM
  62. Now, Bill, if you’d kindly bring back Agent 99 for the fight, resurrect Abbie Hoffman and outfit everyone here with lead-lined bellbottoms, that premonition I had on that Owsley in ‘69 will finally be true.

    I can still recall the rallying cry when we rendezvous with the Eternal Flying Furry Freak Brothers: “Onward Jeremiah! Where injustice abounds, there must we be jooglin’”

    Posted by Kevin Hayden  on  11/04  at  09:41 PM
  63. A few anachronistic counterpoints---
    the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers are now the Flying Other Brothers, and are indeed preparing for the last dance concert;
    Secret Agent Man (aka Danger Man) was competing with three other new TV series at the time--Star Trek, I Spy, the Prisoner--for dominance; Phillip Glass music just doesn’t quite seem right for the GNF;
    and Kevin what color was that Delysid sunshining, or were just looking through the windowpane, given that the Senator’s son was jail (yes a Creedence reference)?

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  11:17 PM
  64. From (41): The Ad Hoc Defensorial Defense Team of Defenders of Your Man McNaturepants Cadre sincerely welcomes the addition of Pastor Haggard to its ranks, taking his place in the Third Line (the last-ditch go for broke what the hell anyhow “Hail Mary” line) of our admittedly futile effort.

    Having Haggard on the defence might actually do you guys a world of good. It takes a deftly creative mind to think up a defence as outlandish as, “I bought meth from a gay hooker, but I didn’t use it. I threw it away.”

    That sure kicks ass on the tired old cliche: “I tried pot but I didn’t inhale.”

    captcha: evidence!

    Posted by  on  11/04  at  11:30 PM
  65. Owsley’s website.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/05  at  12:31 AM
  66. It’s always been understood by the main line of the Ad Hoc Defensorial Defense Team of Defenders of Your Man McNaturepants Cadre that our charge, CC, cannot get a fair trial. A fair show trial would be patently weak tea. What would be the point in that?

    The main line AH…(etc.) does not anticipate, does not seek, does not desire, such an absurdity. Even those of us in the reality-challenged ranks of the Second Line of the AH…(etc.), who stand diffidently behind and just a bit over to the side and out of the way of the main line, acknowledge that fairness should not be expected of the court’s proceedings.

    Thus, an appeal to the rule of law, to standards of evidence, cross-examination of witnesses, a settled bill of particulars, regularly scheduled sessions of the court made known in advance, all the bourgeoise trappings of jurisprudence familiar down the ages from the wan respectful pleadings of John Emerson and his ilk, will not be forthcoming from the AH…(etc.) in any way, shape or form.

    Rather, we will turn to Sophistry. Courtroom-grade, Tactical Nuclear Sophistry. Be forewarned.

    Our (draft provisional) opening statement:

    image hosted by thumbsnap.com

    Posted by  on  11/05  at  01:26 AM
  67. those Manhattan program wusses

    Yeah, legend has it that one ill-tempered physicist at Los Alamos cast a jaundiced eye on Oppenheimer as he self-aggrandizingly quoted from the Bhagavad Gita after the first working nuclear bomb was delivered “a boy.” This typically subservient scientist, forgotten by history, looked Oppenheimer up and down and drolly rejoined, “Blow it out your ass, Bob. We’ve got it made.” It’s so refreshing to see someone come out and say what everyone else was already thinking. This guy should have a bust on the WAAGNFNP’s mantle.

    Posted by  on  11/05  at  03:13 AM
  68. It’s so refreshing to see someone come out and say what everyone else was already thinking.

    Seems to be a theme lately.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/05  at  05:05 AM
  69. lb&fm

    Click on the image to go to the National Atomic Museum in Albequerque, NM.

    Little Boy: The Arts of Japan’s Exploding Subculture, an exhibit at the Japan Society in NYC, April 8 - July 24, 2005. Exhibition Catalogue at Amazon.com.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/05  at  05:30 AM
  70. Japanese GNF in the Tokugawa period, from Samurai Champloo.

    gnf

    The man on the left is Ogami Itto and the boy on the right is his son, Daigoro, aka Lone Wolf and Cub. They are fictional, at the center of a well known 28-volume manga series by the Kazuo Koike (writer) and Goseki Kojima (artist).

    lwcover

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/05  at  08:37 AM
  71. Click on the image to go to the National Atomic Museum in Albequerque, NM.

    I did forget to mention Albuquerque’s GNF mojo, what with the museum, Sandia Labs and it’s own disheartingly explosive growth. But as you can see from this image, I fear that despite good work in the past - they now are going about things the wrong way around.

    Waging Peace: The Challenge of Nuclear Stewardship

    I mean, anyone can beat a sword into a ploughshare, the trick is to do it in reverse. To that end, by my calculations, if we collect 300 billion of the right kind of smoke detector - we can obtain the 60 Kg of Americium needed for Critical Mass (I assume we can find an assembly video on YouTube.) Alternatively, we build the Mother of All Smoke Detectors that can detect the GNF in time to crank up White Rabbit and enjoy a last margarita at The Shed

    Show Trial note: We need to figure out an appropriate election that we can influence by announcing the (foregone) verdict two days before. Me, I got nothing, other than the dread of anticipating the humiliating spectacle of every Dem in the country being forced in the next two days to symbolically genuflect before the splendor of the verdict against the “Madman of Baghdad”.

    Posted by  on  11/05  at  11:14 AM
  72. We could all use some more intimate connection with the visionary arts, that’s for sure.

    Posted by  on  11/05  at  03:07 PM
  73. Chairman Michael, I’ve got a question. Back in the Theory Tuesday sessions there was this mysterious business of interpellation, the mysterious ideological hail from he-she-it who-that cannot be ignored, as it were. I’m looking at Gojira up there in 46 and wondering whether or not, in fact, Gojira is interpellating those attentive Japanese at the bottom of the picture. Does this mean that, with Gojira on our side, the WAAGNFNP is one mean interpellatin’ machine?

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/05  at  07:22 PM

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