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ABF Friday:  Post-election WAAGNFNP edition!

Readers, friends, fellow pet ferret owners, members of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party.  I know many of you are restive; many of you are querulous; many of you are querustive.  Since we took control of the House and Senate last Tuesday, many of you have been wondering: where is the giant nuclear fireball you promised? You are puzzled and upset, even outraged, by media reports that the victories of the WAAGNFNP were in fact victories for conservatism—reports that ritually repeat a handful of talking points about a small handful of our candidates.  “Look at that one’s hair,” they say, “a man with a crewcut would never launch a first nuclear strike.” Or “remember that this one used to play quarterback,” they say.  “Clearly Bérubé doesn’t understand that when this guy says ‘bomb,’ he means ‘pass deep downfield,’ not ‘thermonuclear armageddon.’”

My friends, what did you expect?  Did you really think that we would win a bunch of elections—and that the entire apparatus of American media would reform itself the next day?  Did you think that the K Street wing of the WAAGNFNP, which has been in thrall to defense contractors for decades, would just pack its briefcases, tidy up its offices, and go home?

What I told you on election night was the simple unvarnished truth: this is only the beginning.  Remember that it took the Republicans a full generation to transform their party.  Even the election of Reagan didn’t quite do it, in retrospect: sure, it set the tone, and solidified the Southern Strategy, but when Reagan was president there were still unacceptably reasonable Republicans in the Senate, like Howard Baker and Nancy Kassebaum.  Replacing them with hardcore wingnuts like Bill Frist and Sam Brownback took years of hard, hard work.  The kind of work will have to undertake now.

And so I tell you today: of course there are still plenty of apparatchiks in our party who talk and talk about the giant nuclear fireball but who have no intention of actually bringing it to the people.  They’ve played this game all their lives, and they’re not about to stop now.  And of course there will be stories by Adam Nagourney about how the WAAGNFNP is “divided” and “splitting.” We read those stories back in October, we’re reading them now, we’ll be reading them for years:  don’t worry about that.  Just stay on message: the WAAGNFNP is always already splitting, and always already fused.  We know that every minor setback, every little arms-control measure is going to be reported as an epochal defeat.  We know that Joe Lieberman will be on the talk shows every Sunday.  We know that the Kewl Kids at DC High will mock us at every turn.  Get over it before it happens, people, because it assuredly will happen.

Meanwhile, we have important things to do on the ground.  First and foremost, we must work for electoral reform: we call for fission ballots in order to allow citizens to split their votes again and again, creating a “chain reaction” that will transform the political landscape beyond recognition.  This sounds tedious and wonky to many of you, I’m sure: you didn’t come for the fission ballots, you came for the sublime, incendiary spectacle of the GNF itself.  But even in victory, comrades, you can’t put the nuclear cart before the nuclear horse.  The journey to the GNF starts with a single act of splitting, followed by millions of fission ballots from sea to shining, irradiated sea.  It is not for nothing that we join together, split, and sing, “let there be a giant nuclear fireball on earth, and let it begin with me.”

Why, there is much to do right here on this very blog!  Because—as you well know—the WAAGNFNP is committed to the simulacrum of democratic deliberation followed by executive decisions made by me, it’s time to open the floor to the simulacrum people.  Where should the WAAGNFNP go from here?  What should it do?  When should it eat?  Most important, should it order the halibut or the steak? 

Have a great weekend.  Make great suggestions.  And I’ll be back next week to tell you what you think!

Posted by on 11/17 at 09:07 AM
  1. I think I think whatever you think. Is that what you think?

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  10:49 AM
  2. I would think so.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  10:52 AM
  3. If we can’t get the news media on board, let’s try the famously-giant-nuclear-fireball-loving Hollywood.  I have a revisionist screenplay of Wargames, told from the perspective of WOPR.  The whole nation will be rooting for the computer if we can get this thing made.

    Posted by Lance  on  11/17  at  10:56 AM
  4. Definitely the steak.  It’s “renewable”, whereas fish stocks are plunging.  If it’s going to take a long, long time for the giant nuclear fireball to arrive, better not to hasten a period of immiseration in the meantime.

    But I’m deeply disillusioned.  I thought we were the “We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party”.

    Posted by Nell  on  11/17  at  11:06 AM
  5. No, no, no, we didn’t mean “now” literally!  We meant “now we do a lot of canvassing and door-to-door, state-by-state scutwork in order to bring about the GNF at some point in the indeterminate future.”

    Lance, have your screenplay people get in touch with my screenplay people.  I know we can get a meeting with Roland Emmerich—with only one condition:  Gojira must star.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  11:23 AM
  6. I think the electoral process is very tricky and am wondering if direct action might not be the way to go.

    Posted by John Protevi  on  11/17  at  11:29 AM
  7. We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball. Now Party.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  11:33 AM
  8. I share Nell’s disappointment in discovering this is all just some of that Long Now Now we’re talking about. But, what are you going to do? You work with the tools you’ve got. At least the GNF is fundamentally guaranteed by the Long Now of the sun. So I think we’re on firm footing as far as feasibility goes. And who knows? With a little careless thinking and the wind at our back, we may beat the sun at its own game.

    So, chin up, Nell. There’s work to do!

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  11:48 AM
  9. That’s right, Peter.  You go to the GNF with the now you have, not the now you want.  At least not now.

    And that’s not just any wind at our back!  That’s a solar wind, a fresh ionic breeze, and plenty lethal, don’t you worry.

    Now, there will always be a few impatient Party members who counsel direct action.  Some of them might even be in this thread!  But if cooler nuclear heads prevail, we will remember never to place a comma where Amanda has placed a period.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  11:55 AM
  10. All these Now, Now advocates are such concern trolls.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  12:05 PM
  11. One word. Merchandising. We need T-Shirts and buttons and maybe a graphic novel. Unless of course you all agree with me, in which case, I completely reject the idea of merchandising, cause, well, I’m like that.

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  11/17  at  12:17 PM
  12. You’re going to need fission voting machines to count those fission ballots.  I suggest you contact A. Q. Khan’s Fissile Electoral Systems Research Laboratories.  Election supervisors in Iran and North Korea have used their products recently and have been very pleased with the results.

    Posted by J—  on  11/17  at  12:24 PM
  13. I’d say we’re doomed as a party, but I’m afraid our inauspicious beginning may mean we’re not doomed after all. I blame all the squabbling and the tendency of some of us to walk around in out-of-fashion clothing and bad hairstyles. We know who we are.

    captcha: union...now that’s a thought

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  12:38 PM
  14. For spiritual and moral nourishment, we could follow the fine example of these folks. Maybe weekly prayer sessions followed by ritual unmaskings. No red hats though.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  12:38 PM
  15. What do we want?

    Giant Nuclear Fireball!

    When do we want it?

    What do we want?


    When do we want it?


    (i.e., order the steak)

    [Hmph.  My captcha word is ‘during’—as in enduring the Long Now Now.  Damn.

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  11/17  at  01:00 PM
  16. We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball. Now Party.

    Penn State version:
    WE ARE!! ALL GIANT*!! ... (nuclear fireball now party).
    *[All Giant? ... hmmm does that mean We Are All Gojira Now?]

    Jim Morrison version:
    We Want the GNF and We Want it Now.... now? NOOOWWWW!!!!
    (apologies to Dr. Virago)

    Princess Bride version:
    Hello!! My name is Gojira GNF. You Killed my Father! Prepare to Die!**

    **David Ignatius write-up on the PB version in his WaPo column:

    The GNF had a disastrous week in which its first priority seemed to be settling scores rather than solving the big problems. Shame on it!

    GiantPale Fire version:

    I was the shadow of the phoenix slain
    By the GNF through the windowpane;
    I was the smudge of ashen fluff - And I
    Lived on, flew on, in the irradiated sky.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  01:32 PM
  17. You don’t want to be cooking fish with a GNF.  Indeed, you might have trouble using it to cook the beef to your liking.  But using the GNF to roast the hell out of an eggplant would make for some fine baba ganouj.

    Perhaps the WAAGNFNP must accept that change will not be immediate, but it seems imperative to develop an agenda for the first hundred neutron impacts in the sustained nuclear chain reaction.  My humble contributions to that agenda: abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!

    (Capcha: done, as in, “That’s been done in a Simpsons episode already.")

    Posted by Dr. Free-Ride  on  11/17  at  01:33 PM
  18. The Party of Moderate Progress within the Bounds of Law declares you all to be splitters, spoilers, and deviationists.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  01:38 PM
  19. …it seems imperative to develop an agenda for the first hundred neutron impacts in the sustained nuclear chain reaction.

    Isn’t that already covered in the thoroughly elaborated “run but can’t hide” provisions of the Party platform?

    And, nice try, Mr. Emerson, but trying to claim Hasek for the Moderates will surely blow up in your face. Just saying.

    Secretary to the Deputy Effectuator
    Bureau of Lost or Stolen Appellations

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  02:12 PM
  20. Now that we’re in the majority, it’s high time we instituted the “nuclear option” to crush any vestiges of dissent.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  02:41 PM
  21. Yes, it’s true. Peter Ramus, through his dedicated and skillful service* to the WAAGNFNP has indeed earned himself a High Office positon and a formal title.

    His Ofiicial Title is Supreme Attache to the Minister of Justice. But I’ve granted him leeway to sign off his official missives as you see above. (Whatever keeps him happy, as long as the quality of work does not fade). Like I’ve said, I don’t micromanage.

    Peter - your next assignment as my Supreme Attache is to help me get that little accent over the “e” on “Attache”!

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice

    **The bounty of this dedicated and skillful service will be make clear to all next month, as the WAAGNFNP’s Ministry of Justice makes a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/17  at  02:41 PM
  22. Where should the WAAGNFNP go from here?  What should it do?

    Yes, care must be taken, lest the GNF turn into A Neglectful Librarian or even a Failing Banal Lecturer, and not - as it rightfullly should - into a Fancier Legal Tribunal.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  02:52 PM
  23. We need T-Shirts and buttons and maybe a graphic novel.

    Actually, CCP, something is in the works.  Something really big, like O-Girl says.  But I can’t say any more, or I’d have to kill me.  Just watch this space in a couple of weeks, is all I’m saying.

    You’re going to need fission voting machines to count those fission ballots.  I suggest you contact A. Q. Khan’s Fissile Electoral Systems Research Laboratories.

    And wait until Khan meets Diebold!  It’s so . . . diaboldical, it’s genius!  Bwah hah hah hah hah hah hah!

    You don’t want to be cooking fish with a GNF.

    I thought we had already decided that one benefit of the GNF was going to be all that tasty irradiated salmon-on-a-plank?  Or did that plank of our platform disappear when Chris Clarke was incarcerated (awaiting trial)?

    Perhaps we do, indeed, require a Fancier Legal Tribunal.  And who knew that “rightfullly,” like “Scott Eric Kaulllfman,” had three l’s?

    Captcha:  march.  This one needs no elaboration.

    Posted by Michael  on  11/17  at  03:02 PM
  24. On the internet, if you want to display é, just type ”é” or ”é.”

    But, why would anyone ever want to do that?

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  03:10 PM
  25. Damn. The comment box ate my code!




    Put an ampersand where the brackets are, and remove the brackets.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  03:18 PM
  26. Wait, the WAAGNFNP is the effing Democrats?  They’re only nihilists in the sense of having no real principles.  I was hoping we would all be annihilated before the next round of applications for one-year positions.  Now, I’m terribly disillusioned.  In the words of Jimbo, “I don’t believe in anything.  I’m goin to law school.”

    Although the line “the WAAGNFNP is always already splitting, and always already fused” almost makes up for it.

    Actually, as long as we’re doing pragmatic political action, here’s a letter you can send to the chancellor of UCLA, the head of the UCPD, and the mayor of LA about the recent police brutality in the UCLA library (this is the only one I’ve seen).  If a couple hundred professors send the letter, the chancellor may decide it will hurt the brand more to be pro-tasering students.


    Posted by Heraclitus  on  11/17  at  03:46 PM
  27. And who knew that “rightfullly,” like “Scott Eric Kaulllfman,” had three l’s?

    Well, if you didn’t know, then obviously, we didn’t know.

    Out, damned typo! out, I say!
    I know there’s one somewhere - finding it beforehaΩd is the hard part.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  03:52 PM
  28. Just watch this space in a couple of weeks, is all I’m saying. - Berube

    Shamless self-promotion. I approve completely.

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  11/17  at  03:53 PM
  29. The “splitting - already fused” line isn’t mine, unfortunately.  It’s somewhere in a previous comment thread, and I can’t find it right now.  Perhaps it split!

    But no, the WAAGNFNP is not the effing Democrats.  Today we are deploying one of the WAAGNFN splinter groups as commentary on the Democrats.  Next week we will be nihilists again—more nihilist than thou, I might add.

    About that tasering at UCLA:  holy fucking shit almighty.  Read this, then read this, and then, if you want to read something that links this incident to the widespread and indiscriminate use of tasers across the country in recent years, read this.  If you can stomach it all.  And then go write the chancellor and demand (a) the firing of these UCLA police officers and (b) a campus-wide inquiry into “security” policies at UCLA and the training of their “security” forces.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  03:57 PM
  30. Halibut or steak?

    Ever notice that some folks around a table seem to wait and order what someone else has ordered and that other folks seem to wait and order something that no one has ordered? (Plays hell with choosing a red or a white to go with dinner, unless you cave and order both.)But to the point, google

    David Horowitz + Steak = 42,700 hits
    David Horowitz + Halibut = 17,000 hits

    Michael Berube + Steak = 15,700 hits
    Michael Berube + Halibut = 5,270 hits

    Cooking with GNF, however, yeilds

    David Horowitz + Salmon = 118,000 hits
    Michael Berube + Salmon = 46,100 hits

    One might begin to discern a trend here. Or not.

    Me? Forget the wine, I’ll stick with tequila for this Last Meal.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  04:54 PM
  31. At times like these, the WAAGNFNP cannot afford to indulge in the nihilism Olympics, the circular nihilist firing squad, nor the constant battles between “fun” nihilists and ideologically pure nihilists.

    First, we must burn to a crisp all those non-nihilists.  Then, we can do the splitting in whose service we are all united.

    Posted by Dr. Free-Ride  on  11/17  at  04:57 PM
  32. Wait, the WAAGNFNP is the effing Democrats?

    No, no, no! We’re only supporting the Dems because we have a better chance of getting genuine election reform (no more e-voting machines, instant run-off voting, clean money elecitons) under their majority, not the rethuglicans. And once our elections get cleaned up, there’ll be no stopping WAAGNFN Party candidates whose honest message and clear vision of the GNF will sweep the nation.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/17  at  06:05 PM
  33. whose honest message and clear vision of the GNF will sweep the nation

    --and how!  Other parties talk about “transparency” in elections.  The WAAGNFNP, and the WAAGNFNP alone, stands for transparency in the bodies of voters.

    Posted by Michael  on  11/17  at  06:07 PM
  34. ”...Noam Chomsky’s underpants”

    Posted by Karnack  on  11/17  at  06:25 PM
  35. "the WAAGNFNP alone, stands for transparency in the bodies of voters.”

    Nice.  As it should be!

    But shouldn’t we support the GOP?  After all, they’re the ones who put the plans for The Giant Nuclear Reactor out on the internets.

    Posted by Heraclitus  on  11/17  at  06:30 PM
  36. [ampersand]eacute;


    And that’s just one of the reasons why Peter Ramus is the Supreme Attaché to the Minister of Justice (SAMoJ).

    Question - But Madame Minister, how can Mr. Ramus be both your SAMoJ and on that traitor Clarke’s defense team?

    Answer - Why, that’s simple. The Ministry of Justice is nothing if not fair. It’s my job to see that Mr. Clarke gets a fair show trial, and I intend to see that that happens. Having my Supreme Attaché on the Defense team only further validates my commitment to a fair show trial.

    Love him though I may, at the end of the CCST, I expect to be scraping SAMoJ juice off the bottom of my Ministerial boots. But not to worry. He’ll receive a generous post-CCST two week vacation before needing to get back to work in the MoJ for the Glorious Benefit of the WAAGNFNP.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/17  at  06:41 PM
  37. all your nuclear fireball parties are belong to us.

    seriously, i don’t mean to blogwhore here (stop laughing!) but pudentilla over at skippy made an interesting discovery about the mmm (mulit-millionaire media):  it seems that when gingrich was elected house speaker some lo 14 years ago, his choice for majority leader, robert walker, was not.  but did the media portray this as a loss for gingrich, or the gop in disarray?  (two guesses).

    on a cheerier note, i just want to thank michael and all the berubites for your hard work and enthusiasm that helped win the election last week.  i truly believe that without the open channels of communication and streams of excitement of blogs like michael’s (and mine), let alone the actual real world participation inspired by same, the outcome would have been much different and way more depressing.

    thanks to all of us for proving that democracy is spectator sport!

    Posted by skippy  on  11/17  at  06:42 PM
  38. Cooking with GNF

    How’d you know? That’s the first CD by 3Tops and the Wind Blowers. Miles Davis is sitting in on trumpet and vocal rasp, and he doesn’t do that every day, not these days. He’s making a special interdimensional appearance through the offices of technologies developed by the WAAGNFNP’s super hush-hush eyes-only Dimensional Advanced Research Party Aggregation. They invented the webtubicles too.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/17  at  08:21 PM
  39. Where should the WAAGNFNP go from here?  What should it do?  When should it eat?

    Eating is for sissies, cows are for ruminating, and halibut are for one-eyed seeing.  We cannot waste time dining, while there is so very much to do, as in “should” be doing.  For example, there seems to be no end to the lifespan of plutonium (recent study shows weapons will last a minimum of 90 years not 45) as a resource for fish-aisle and fuss-isle instigation.  Rounding up all that stuff is going to take so much longer now. 

    Then there is the issue of launch codes (No! not lunch.  Gawd you people; only thinking of food at a time like this).  The CCST is using considerable tactical and personnel resources.  But now we really need someone to prepare the defense ministry for the inevitable and necessary strategic planning.  Isolating the isotopes requires focused and intense minds, and this general Carterian malaise is harming our harmony. 

    There seems to be residue from the initial super-extra- gianormous nuclear “i don’t know what you call it” thang.

    Posted by  on  11/17  at  10:51 PM
  40. All your GNF are belong to us. hahahaha!
    evil Korean

    Posted by Hattie  on  11/18  at  01:33 AM
  41. Eating is for sissies, cows are for ruminating, and halibut are for one-eyed seeing.  We cannot waste time dining, while there is so very much to do, as in “should” be doing.

    Spyder, either I’m undergoing a bout of mild derealization, or you were channeling Gertrude Stein up there.

    Most important, should it order the halibut or the steak

    A change, a final change, includes the halibut. This is no authority for the abuse of steak. The tongue and the salmon, there is not salmon when brown is a color, there is salmon when there is no meaning. There is no meaning before the GNF, which is always-already splitting and always-already alright already.

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  02:35 AM
  42. Well, what do you know. Turn your back on a thread for, like, five minutes, and already the Chairman has turned “now” into “whatever”. Soon, he’ll replace Giant by large (captcha), too, I imagine. And all that just because Pam of Atlas Shrugs or K.Lo at the Corner are so hilariously loosing it that even extreme nihilists like me (motto: Now means now! No more waiting!) want to savor the moment a little longer.

    Wait, I just saw M. Dowd’s new piece. I’m healed. Please turn me into plasma NOW.

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  06:34 AM
  43. or you were channeling Gertrude Stein up there.

    Channeling James Thurber sending up Gertrude Stein down here: (after “There’s an Owl in My Room” from The Thurber Carnival)

    dogs Gojira on the grass, look out, Gojira on the grass, look out, look out, Gojira on the grass, look out Alice.

    Which reminds. A worthy candidate for GNF icon status is the Get-Ready Man, a doomsday prophet who makes an appearance in Thurber’s “The Car We Had to Push” (in Columbus, not France.) He makes a memorable appearance from the balcony during a production of King Lear.

    Neither father nor I, who were there, ever completely got over the scene, which went something like this:
    Edgar: Tom’s a cold -O, do de, do de, do de! -Bless thee from whirlwinds, star-blasting and taking ... the foul fiend vexes!
    (Thunder off.)
    Lear: What? Have his daughters brought him to this pass?-
    Get-Ready Man: Get Ready! Get Ready!
    Edgar: Pillicock sat on a Pillicock-hill--
    Haloo, halloo, loo, loo!
    (Lightning flashes.)
    Get-Ready Man: The Worllld* is coming to an End!
    Fool: This cold night will turn us all to fools and madmen
    Edgar: Take heed o’ thy foul fiend: obey thy parents -
    Get-Ready Man: Get Rea-dy!
    Edgar: Tom’s a-cold!
    Get-Ready Man: The Worr-uld is coming to an end!

    *[not a typo, Thurber apparently was a master of the three ‘l’ construction as welll.]

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  07:09 AM
  44. Interior, solitary confinement cell for defendant Chris Clarke, WAAGNFNP Presidential Palace and International Detention Center:


    Notice the “deep texture” floor treatment, designed to give CC’s ankles a workout as he paces the floor between performances at the CCST. Notice also the simulacrum of light so that Chris Clarke may better simulate the reading of the simulacra of printed matter with which he will be provided.

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda

    captcha: “little” as in chicken

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/18  at  07:17 AM
  45. Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/18  at  11:55 AM
  46. So the Ministry of Justice is asking for submissions for original (and copyright-free) images of Astaroth in his Prince of Accusers and Inquisitors role

    Rules are for losers.

    Astaroth with Power Tie.
    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  12:33 PM
  47. Astaroth appreciates your sense of humor, JP, but wants everyone to know that the above pictured “poser” brought nothing but shame and disgrace to all noble practitioners of accusing and inquisiting.
    (And Astaroth can’t wait till that fellow in the photo arrives in the underworld for his own trial!)

    That’s why Astaroth is happy to lend his good name and reputation to the CCST. He sees it as a way not only to introduce himself to a whole new generation of followers here in the 21st century, but to restore all the credibility that was lost by that *&^%#!! Ken Starr maggot.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/18  at  01:43 PM
  48. The now is sooner than the whatever.  By some miracle of miracles, we, of the party bureacratic apparati, have been able to insinuate our own spy into the highest levels of our enemy’s command and control system.  Just yesterday, he made his first post-election call for the GNF.  All is not lost, we are back on track again for a raging WAAGNFNP moment all so very soon; our spy says “tomorrow!”. 

    The top U.S. general in the Middle East, Army Gen. John Abizaid, said on Friday that if the world fails to stop the escalation of military crisis in Middle East, it will face a third world war. Among the major problems tearing up the Middle East region Abizaid named Arab-Israeli tensions, militant extremism, and Iran’s nuclear program.  However, dealing with Iraq is number one priority, according to Abizaid, who thinks that al Qaeda ideology is dangerously similar to fascist ideology in 1930s that led to World War II.

    “If we don’t have guts enough to confront this ideology today, we’ll go through World War Three tomorrow,” Abizaid said speaking at Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government in Cambridge. “The sacrifice that is necessary to stabilize Iraq, in my view, must be sustained in order for the region itself to become more resilient.” Abizaid earlier in the week warned U.S. Congress against setting up a timeline for withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq.  Abizaid’s comments came only a week after President George W. Bush’s Republicans lost the congressional elections largely because of growing angst in the American society over the 4-year-long Iraq war.

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  01:43 PM
  49. Technical difficulties?

    Is anyone else having trouble submitting comments on this thread? I can only do it if I hit “enter” after entering the captcha word, doesn’t work it I hit “preview”.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/18  at  01:44 PM
  50. Those of us working for the WAAGNFNP Ministry of Defense and Offense located in the F-Word ring of our world headquarters, have just completed a thorough study of the food question.  Our strategic planning unit has come up with this important announcement. 

    We must eat all cows.  Cows are a direct threat to the GNF.  Their abundance upon the planet is of grave concern as they spew out enormous quantities of methane while ruminating upon their own fates.  This methane could be used by our enemies to suffocate or smother the potential of the GNF to crispify the planet (powerful greenhouse gases encourage too much humidity and moisture in the atmosphere).  With the eating of the last cows, the grasses and grains will become excellent fuel sources for conflagration. 

    Not only must we eat the steak, but all the rest of all the cows as well.  Happy cow consumption is good for the GNF and good for you.  Thank you for your attention.  We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog posting.

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  01:56 PM
  51. Our enemies are messing with the comment threads.  I too have experienced their outrageous attempt to delay the inevitable posting.  I had to go from preview back to the original then submit.  And all the captcha words are oriented towards the corporate for me.  That is just wrong i say, wrong!!!

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  02:00 PM
  52. Sorry about the technical difficulties!  Expression Engine is moving its GNF server to higher ground and compelling Kurt to upgrade to EE 3(52).05.GNF.111.  We weren’t messing with the comment apparatus, honest.  Just trying to bring everyone the best GNF on the Internets—now.

    Posted by Michael  on  11/18  at  07:08 PM
  53. …With permalinks to comments, maybe?

    Posted by  on  11/18  at  09:32 PM
  54. Let’s not get greedy, now.  Or “now.”

    Posted by Michael  on  11/19  at  01:10 AM
  55. Can the Minister of Snacking and Entrée Selection offer any guidance on the fissibility of Now and Later candy?

    Posted by Orange  on  11/19  at  01:57 AM
  56. Orange, maybe someone from the WAAGNFNP"s Science Team can help you on the Now and Later candy’s fissibility question.

    However, I was able to find this informative item quoting President Bush on the fizzibility of one of the deadly wmd’s that was found in Iraq: 

    Acting on an American intelligence tip, UN inspectors also discovered a lengthy article about nuclear fission and a description of the American use of atomic bombs to destroy Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War II.

    The encyclopedic article, written in 1962 and buried in one of dozens of volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica, was found on the shelves of a high school library. Mr. Bush, commenting on the find, called the discovery of the “fizzible” material “extremely troubling” and said it fully justified the obliteration of every man, woman, child, school and library in Iraq.

    captcha: faith, as in, Without the preview window working, I have to have faith that will come out alright.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/19  at  08:21 AM
  57. It has not been easy for me to put any faith in the Minister of Justice, I confess, as Ministers of Justice (or Attorneys General) and their minions to whom we have recently been exposed have so soiled and shriveled the very concept. Clearly, however, the WAAGNFNP Minister of Justice is most worthy of this high office, demon-strating excellent judgment in the selection of her minions. The site linked to above, Demons I informs us that Astaroth himself teaches the liberal arts and, it goes without saying (so they didn’t) of one who rides a dragon and carries a viper, dangeral studies! He is not to be found among Most Dangerous Professors or Leftwing Monsters listed on the Internets, which apparently connotes a higher level of monstrous dangerality than that possessed by a mere demon, but this is nevertheless a shrewd recruit by the honorable MoJ.

    Posted by  on  11/19  at  10:02 AM
  58. Maud -
    It pleases me greatly that I have demonstrated to you that the Minister of Justice can be a force for good, not evil in the world; and I am even more pleased that you have found me worthy of serving the WAAGNFNP in this high office.

    Quite right you are about Astaroth! Like I said, it was probably more “destiny” rather then “accident” that we have come to know of his/her greatness.

    He giveth true answers of things Past, Present, and to Come, and can discover all Secrets.

    A predecessor and kindred spirit with Gojira?

    He can make men wonderfully knowing in all Liberal Sciences.

    A truly appropriate Patron Demon for this blog!

    And speaking of liberal ARTS, we are still waiting for someone, anyone to step forward and volunteer to create an original image of our dear Astaroth. (See #45 above). He’s demanding an updated pic if we are going to promote his “Special Appearance” at the CCST on our Press Packet materials.

    (Hot Tip for parents: if you get your teenager to create an Astaroth picture, they can knock out a school art assignment and get research done on a future writing assignment as well!)

    Yours in Service,

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice

    He will declare wittingly how the Spirits fell, if desired, and the reason of his own fall. He ruleth 40 Legions of Spirits.”

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/19  at  10:55 AM
  59. Um, that last part is not my new “signature line”. It’s remaining Astaroth information, the result of our little tech glitch currently happening here in the comments section.

    Although it’s almost not too bad for an MoJ signature line, I guess.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/19  at  11:00 AM
  60. From a review by Michael Berry in today’s San Francisco Chronicle:

    …rather like Nabokov’s “Pale Fire,” only with subterranean fungoid horrors.

    (Dedicated to the recently sighted Shadow of the Stormcrow Slain, which if this blog had PERMALINKS, would get linked ⇒ here ⇐ and achieve the puissant level of infrareferrentiality so devoutly tbw by those who care to wish for such things, forever and ever amen)

    Posted by  on  11/19  at  01:11 PM
  61. This just in: WAAGNFNP faithful free from conservative gene, making us much more dangerous.

    Meanwhile, a team led by Bruce Lahn of the University of Chicago has been investigating a human gene called microcephalin. A statistical analysis of mutations in this gene indicates that its most common form (or allele) evolved as long as 1.1 million years ago, was carried for most of that time by a different hominid species and then was reintroduced into the human population—conceivably even by a single mating—some 37,000 years ago. That’s about the time that modern humans, coming from Africa, were replacing Neanderthals in Europe. Whatever that allele does, it must have conveyed a very strong evolutionary advantage, because from that single event of what geneticists politely call “introgression” it spread to 70 percent of the human population today.

    That must be the core group that contains the elements of the Da’Horrian minions for sure.

    And what might that disadvantage have been? We don’t know yet.  “I don’t buy the stereotype that Neanderthals were dumb,” says Henry Harpending, a leading researcher on the genetics of intelligence. “Modern humans came into Europe and encountered Neanderthals and within a few thousand years were also making glorious cave paintings, figurines and art. About the same time they show up in Australia [where there were no Neanderthals], and there’s not a trace of that.” Lahn has no direct evidence that it was Neanderthals who carried the crucial gene, and Paabo and Rubin haven’t found it yet in their fossil DNA. So it’s still “far out,” Harpending admits, but civilization could have gotten its start in an act of “introgression” with another species.

    “Far out?” But then so is kool-aid!

    Posted by  on  11/19  at  01:59 PM
  62. The site linked to above, Demons I
    also informs us that Astaroth is derived from Astarte/Ishtar. Which leads me to submit this rendering of Asta-boy in his Singing Camel Manifestation. (Though something tells me it may not help us inspire the broad popular following we seek.)

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    I know, I know, still not original work, but I did crop it and Photoshop out Warren Beatty’s name (Disclaimer: I am not on the payroll of Mr. Beatty.) But if we are going to rip off cartoon images, someone should find a picture of what this intriguing blurb on Wikipedia is referring to:

    Astaroth was a one-shot villain in the animated series The Mighty Ducks.

    Posted by  on  11/19  at  02:27 PM
  63. Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/19  at  04:26 PM
  64. Comrades!

    Yet another instance of WAAGNFN-partythink seeping into the public imagination!

    Posted by  on  11/19  at  04:45 PM
  65. Ooooh...the SAMoJ/SDEBLSA gets another jab in at Our Leader by demonstrating the “miracle of permalinks to comments” in the cunning guise of general WAAGNFN Party political discussion. Slick. Very slick. Absolute plausible deniability in a WAAGNFNP court of law. (And him being my Supreme Attaché, doesn’t hurt either).

    So - can anyone from the WAAGNFNP Technical Dept. please advise: do permalinks to comments cost BACM? Just curious.

    *Big-Ass Cash Money. But you all should know that one by now.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/19  at  05:17 PM
  66. I’m guessing that Fearless Leader is more interested in golf links than permalinks.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/19  at  07:26 PM
  67. Thanks for stopping by, honestly.  Sometimes it’s refreshing to find out you’re not as invisible as you thought you were.

    Posted by Juneva Spragg  on  11/19  at  11:21 PM
  68. Good to hear, Juneva.  And thanks for coming to the talk!

    Posted by Michael  on  11/20  at  09:22 AM
  69. Didja ask her to join the WAAGNFN Party, Michael?

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/20  at  09:55 AM
  70. No, actually—I believe all that is required for membership is an appearance in my comment section.  Because even though the “now” may be unclear, the “we are all” is straightforward.

    Posted by Michael  on  11/20  at  10:26 AM
  71. Yeah, when the GNF hits, everyone will join the party, even those who haven’t commented here, along with those who have, but have been banished.

    captcha: “members”—that’s how it works, we captcha them

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/20  at  11:13 AM
  72. I have been closely and with great interest following the WAAGNFN revolution.  I have to confess, being a Denison of the Heart of the Heartland™, that I was somewhat taken aback by the raw energy and shear audacity of the anti-foundational rhetoric so typical of the early movement - just imagine, taking shopping carts outside of their assigned spaces!  Shocking stuff. Dangerous stuff!

    I’m now wondering whether the party will be able to maintain the revolutionary momentum or if it will be dissipated in establishing and maintaining the beaurocracy (i.e., ministries, commitees, administration)?  Will there ever be a GNF or will this become just another convenient platform plank...or is it beam...maybe rafter?  Whatever.

    Also, does the WAAGNFN party offer a contract with America?

    Posted by  on  11/20  at  12:33 PM
  73. I’m now wondering whether the party will be able to maintain the revolutionary momentum or if it will be dissipated in establishing and maintaining the beaurocracy (i.e., ministries, commitees, administration)?

    Certainly you aren’t referring here to my department, which is run with streamlined efficiency and unwavering discipline in service to the people of the WAAGNFNP.

    But Jim, no matter how well I manage the Ministry of Justice, the party is only as strong as its people. So how about from you a little less hand wringing and a little more volunteering! (See above #45, for example).

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  11/20  at  01:01 PM
  74. In the spirit of “now,” let’s at least try to get The Editors at The Poor Man Institute on the same page as us.  Their “Chicken Little” allusion does no one no good nohow noway.  Failing that, we must launch a vicious attack of bad ‘80s videos, as per the usual procedure.  (I hear they’Ve been known launch preemptive strikes when the possibility is even discussed on other blogs.  Fun!  Our kind of people, already.) Seriously, though (not), what better way to raise the profile of the WAAGNFNP and the CCST than a little dueling banjos with the second-funniest folks on the intertubes.  If we could somehow find a way to get Sadly, No!, Norbizness, and Jesus’ General involved in this thing....  Clearly I’m looking ahead to Friday already.

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  11/21  at  01:17 AM
  75. Thanks for the link, Constructivist.

    Of course the sky’s not falling. Why? Because, Gojira, the WAAGNFNP’s own Monster of Mass Destruction is holding it up. And she does that while cruising the tubiclewebs too.

    Oh, how mighty is the magnificence of the 4GNF to come, now!

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  11/21  at  06:45 AM
  76. Certainly you aren’t referring here to my department... Oaktown Girl

    Absolutely not.  I’m just saying that the movement must maintain its guard.  I hope to someday lead the Ministry of Geology and Single Cell Organisms.  As far as volunteering that’s a good idea.  I think I’ll just start with emptying the waste cans and tidying up around the offices and work my way up.

    Posted by  on  11/21  at  10:08 AM





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