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Feet happy and unhappy

Something big and exciting and explosive is coming to the blog this week!  I’m not sure exactly what, though.  I may know in a few days.

In the meantime:  Jamie and I saw Happy Feet over the weekend.  The movie is just fine, as these things go.  He might even see it again.  That’s my sheep-from-goats criterion for movies with Jamie: the Babe movies and Galaxy Quest stand up to dozens of viewings; Harry Potter, largely because of Jamie’s interest in the plot intricacies, more than ten; Star Wars, well, I never understood the attraction of Star Wars; The Emperor’s New Groove, definitely. Milo and Otis, of course, when he was younger.  At the bottom of the barrel, over the past ten years, you find unbearable swill like Cats and Dogs and See Spot Run and Homeward Bound and any films involving a Winnie the Pooh character.  Janet calls these “knuckle-biting movies,” and when we come back from the movies with Jamie we report to each other in this way: three stars!  Or: three knuckles!

Happy Feet gets two stars out of a possible four, and no knuckles.  But that’s not what I’m blogging about today.

I’m blogging about the fact that the right-wing pundits and bloggers who complained about the film are completely and fully batshit insane, including this Medved guy, who also manages to be kind of, ah, stupid insofar as he gets a lot of plot details wrong.  (And when you’re a professional film critic, you know, that’s usually considered bad.) Now, I don’t want to be misunderstood here.  The film is a liberal film.  It was rushed into production by Hollywood expressly to counteract the evil effects of the smash conservative penguin hit of 2005, March of the Resolutely Heterosexual Penguins. Happy Feet, by contrast, suggests that children with weird species abnormalities might turn out to have some value even though their peers ostracize them; it suggests that ignorant tribal elders who attribute supernatural causes to natural phenomena are best ignored; and it strongly suggests that humans are interfering with penguins’ fish supply.  Though I note that the humans who actually arrive in Antarctica are kind of nice, smiling and joining in the dancing and even falling down.

Interestingly, Medved comes to a queer conclusion about that species abnormality:

As in so many other recent films, there’s a subtext that appears to plead for endorsement of gay identity. Mumbles (the voice of Elijah Wood) displeases his parents and the leaders of his community because he’s born different, and makes an impassioned plea that he can’t possibly change—and they should accept him as he is.

Remember, kids:  different = teh gay! OK, it’s not as if Medved is obsessed or anything, but for the record, Mumbles’ dancing (and inability to sing) is quite clearly a disability.  But for you, Mr. Medved, gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.  There.  Happy now?

Anyway, the right-wing punditocracy, being completely batshit insane and all, misses the whole point.  The movie is not about pollution and global warming and bad humans.  The movie is about the insidious correlation between immigrants and polyrhythms, a subject about which I once delivered a learned and distinguished lecture back when I was the Visiting and Distinguished Lecturer at General J. C. Christian Academy.  You see, when Mumbles is driven from his own kind, he finds five penguins of a different species—smaller, more fun-loving, with Latin accents—who become his companions for a good deal of the film, even accompanying him on his perilous voyage to open contact with the humans.  The film thereby suggests that small, fun-loving, Latin-accented penguins are good penguins.  And if you’re a right-wing pundit concerned (and who among you isn’t?) about Hollywood’s endorsement of the Mexidisabilitofascist agenda, then that’s what you should be complaining about: the preponderance of small, fun-loving, Latin-accented animals in America’s animated films.  It started with Tito (Cheech Marin) in Oliver’s Company.  It has reached the level of Mexidisabilitofascist propaganda in Happy Feet.  It can only end with you, Michael Medved.

Oh, one more thing.  In the course of his “review,” Mr. Medved also complains about the brief snippet toward the end in which Mumbles is discovered on a beach and brought to an aquarium.  Waking up and finding himself in the penguin exhibit, Mumbles does not understand that the humans do not understand his cries for help, and after a few months, he begins to hallucinate, thinking that his family and girlfriend are with him.  Here’s Medved’s characterization of this sequence:

There’s also scenes of a penguin captured for a zoo and tormented to the point of mental incapacity by unfeeling people.

Hmmmm, that’s not what happens in Happy Feet at all.  The people are not unfeeling, and Mumbles is not tormented by them; they’re just families going to the aquarium.  Indeed, the one little girl who taps on the glass turns out to be the person who snaps Mumbles out of it, by inducing him to tap dance.  So what could Medved possibly be thinking about?

Oh, yes. Things like this.

Now lawyers for Mr. Padilla, 36, suggest that he is unfit to stand trial. They argue that he has been so damaged by his interrogations and prolonged isolation that he suffers post-traumatic stress disorder and is unable to assist in his own defense. His interrogations, they say, included hooding, stress positions, assaults, threats of imminent execution and the administration of “truth serums.”

The people running this country are completely and fully batshit insane.  Scarily, world-threateningly batshit insane.  And you know what else? Other people are catching on, too.

Posted by on 12/04 at 09:06 AM
  1. The only regional leader to voice unqualified support for the Bush administration has been Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, who has gone so far as to say that the Iraq invasion contributed to regional stability.

    No word yet on Olmert’s views on whether the Lebanon invasion contributed to regional stability.

    My only question is whether they are batshit insane enough for the GNF! If we’re lucky, we’ll get an emotional weather report like this:

    with tornado watches issued shortly
    before noon Sunday, for the areas
    including, the western region
    of my their mental health

    Posted by John Protevi  on  12/04  at  10:39 AM
  2. There’s also scenes of a penguin captured for a zoo and tormented to the point of mental incapacity by unfeeling people.

    But trying to prejudice kids against torturing living things to a point of mental capacity is something Hollywood would do, even if they didn’t “technically” do it in this case. The next thing you know, we’ll have kids running around questioning the government’s right to lock up and torture people indefinitely based on trumped up charges.  It’s insidious I tell you.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  10:49 AM
  3. Michael, one of your best blogs ever. Of course the right wing dumbasses will misinterpret everything, and I mean everything, you have clearly and cogently pointed out in this movie review. It is a review, right?

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  10:56 AM
  4. Amen, brother.

    Of course, I said something or two about Medved’s insane review last week (for once, ahead of the Berube Curve!):

    http://mitchellfreedman.blogspot.com/2006/11/michael-medved-fears-gay-penguinsor.html

    Posted by mitchell freedman  on  12/04  at  11:04 AM
  5. My favourite quote is: “This may be the darkest, most disturbing feature length animated film ever offered by a major studio”. Now, I haven’t seen this movie, and it’s just a guess, but I have a feeling there’s nothing in this movie that lives up to the scene where Bambi’s mother dies.

    Notice how he concludes the article. An “underdog boxing movie” is fine, like say, Raging Bull (which actually is a great movie btw) is fine because it isn’t “intense” the way “Million Dollar Baby” is. Maybe he hasn’t seen Raging Bull. Maybe he was thinking Rocky. Wait… Rocky, the first one at least, has some pretty intense theme too, doesn’t it?

    There’s something deeply perverse about a fellow who thinks pounding the crap out of someone to prove one’s sense of self-worth (Rocky) is wonderful, but gay ecologically friendly penguins are offensive. Did I say perverse? I meant pathological.

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  12/04  at  11:27 AM
  6. It’s insidious I tell you.

    Yes. It is clear that Michael B’s attitude towards punishment has already been unduly influenced and “Frenchified” by his early exposure to films such as Bridge over the River Kwai, Cool Hand Luke and Papillon. Is it any wonder that we lost in Vietnam?

    Mr. Padilla, his lawyers, Mr. Bérubé, you and I all need to shut up and accept that he has drawn the black spot - too bad for him - and that is all there is to it. Acceptance of these hard truths on the behalf of others is what distinguishes the Michael Medveds of the marvellous meritocracy that is modern punditry from you and I.

    The quality of “tough-minded” cluelessness is not strained.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  11:43 AM
  7. Red State picked up on timbales threat.  Alicublog has the details.

    Posted by J—  on  12/04  at  11:59 AM
  8. Speaking of happy feet, The Person of Interest has been keeping his feet most happy by using the state-of-the-art athletic facilities at the WAAGNFNP Presidential Palace and International Detention Center (PPIDC). Here’s the championship bowling alley, the Straight and Narrow:

    bowling-alley-40072

    And here’s the championship Vertical Perambulation Simulator:

    climbing-40072

    Notice how it is “laced” with oxidized rebar to provide many challenging footholds, all the better to toughen the souls soles of The Person’s feet for an upcoming challenge. When he stands trial his feet will be toughened and ready.

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/04  at  12:24 PM
  9. So, maybe “Happy Feet” doesn’t have a gay subtext, but you have to admit Herbie the elf/dentist embraces a problematic alternative lifestyle in the claymation production of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

    Keep your head still!

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  12:36 PM
  10. I’ve never understood why the conservative punditry embraced March of the Penguins in the first place.  Yes, it emphasizes a heterosexual nuclear family geared entirely toward procreation and dramatic parental self-sacrifice, if you’re into those things.  But, of course, the penguins are serial polygamists, and, worse, the film utterly refutes intelligent designism, the hot political button when the film opened.  Only an unintelligent—or worse, positively sadistic—designer would subject penguins to this kind of suffering.  Or design a penguin.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  12:47 PM
  11. Sometimes a penguin is just a penguin.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  01:03 PM
  12. the preponderance of small, fun-loving, Latin-accented animals in America’s animated films.  It started with Tito (Cheech Marin) in Oliver’s Company.

    I wanted to say, ‘what about Speedy Gonzales?"--no doubt a Latin character that’d burnish the smiles on the Medveds of our sad world--but I realized you probably meant “feature length films.”

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  01:10 PM
  13. michael ... wanted to ask you about “happy feet” and “rudolph the red-nosed reindeer” on friday afternoon.  seems “disabled” and “queer” are once again articulated in these two films....  but, more importantly: has jamie seen “Rudolph”?????  forgive me if you’ve ah discoursed on this before.  and/or, if you need a rudolph dvd, lemme know, and i’ll put one in your mailbox.  peace.  and thanks.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  01:18 PM
  14. I was actually trying to write something funny until I remembered the article about the treatment meted out to Padilla by our state. Which made me loose all sense of humor for the time being.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  01:37 PM
  15. Penguins on the ice alas.





    (captcha: “white")

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  02:03 PM
  16. Man, how come I didn’t have you for an English prof all those years ago?  (we are likely the same age, that’s why).

    Nice deconstruction of the batshit insane people.  Thanks for making my Monday.

    Posted by Jo Fish  on  12/04  at  02:13 PM
  17. The Gilded Age, the Modern Period… so many times have their names and reputations.  Ours, unfortunately, will be forever known as “The Era of Batshit Insanity.”

    Fortunately, Thomas Pynchon has a new novel out (his particular brand of unbatshit insanity has always resonated with me).  Though I should be doing other things, I started it last night--and am already charmed.  Certainly, as an antidote to the Era of Batshit Insanity, Pynchon is better than a lobotomy.

    Captcha “death"--as in, “What are you trying to do, scare me to an early grave with these things?”

    Posted by Aaron Barlow  on  12/04  at  02:24 PM
  18. That Medved, and the other one whose name no longer is texted in this blog, became friends and conservative zealots cannot be underestimated.  Collective insanity increases with proximity and time.  Teenage and collegiate Michael was an obnoxious, pathetic, churlish, ego-centric asshole, and that hasn’t changed one bit.  The left was greatly enhanced and blessed when he and his prostitutive friend came out as flaming batshit conservatives.  But i digress, for i am sure his review of Apocalypto will feature support for flesh and blood sacrifices of GITMO prisoners to maintain the potent power of his Lords in the WhiteHouse.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  02:36 PM
  19. So, here’s my theory on Medved and the rest of the rightwing folks who don’t understand simple family entertainment:

    Most kid films are about misfit kids who are “different” in some way because many kids feel different than their peers; everyone else seems to have it all together, I’m the only one who doesn’t fit in, etc.

    The plot complications in kid films often involve the protaganist being shunned or bullied because of the “differentness” and the resolution of the plot often has the protaganist beating the bullies and emerging triumphant. 

    We all can come with a dozen films that fit this outline without even thinking hard.  Now, the reason these films appeal to “kids of all ages” is because so many of us experienced being picked on as kids or feeling different. But some people don’t like the films because THEY WERE THE BULLIES!  Think about it, those kids who always were stealing lunch money and giving wedgies had to grow up and do something as adults. 

    The rightwing folks, like Medved, must get sick of films where the folks with power are the villians because they identify with the bullies rather than the protaganists.  “Whaddaya mean, kids shouldn’t make fun of the dorks?  This film implies I was wrong to beat up Jimmy Jones because of his stutter or always yank the turban off the little Singh kid!  Leftist crap!”

    That’s my theory, anyway.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  02:44 PM
  20. I thought vegetarianism was the animated metaphor of choice for homosexuality.  When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  02:49 PM
  21. I almost admire the way Medved couches his analysis--and thereby hides his true intent--as a complaint about the way the film is being marketed.  As if they had just come right out and said this is a serious drama dealing with serious issues, he wouldn’t have a complaint.  As if he’s just looking out for the consumer.

    By the way, did you and/or Jamie “feel gloomier and more depressed than [you] did when [you] entered the theatre?” Medved says most do.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  02:56 PM
  22. In related news, scientists at Stanford University recently synthesized batshit in the laboratory by confining ordinary bullshit in a field of cognitive dissonance and bombarding it with reality.

    Fans of low-budget exploitation films have had Medved’s number since long before he came out as a conservative. Following jpj’s theory, Medved’s Golden Turkey Awards revealed him to be a petty man who confuses slickness and financial success with quality, and who regards idiosyncrasy as worthy of derision.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  03:12 PM
  23. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

    Two, four, six, eight. Time to transferenciate.
    - Doing the Antarctica Rag

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  03:20 PM
  24. To balance Medved, I should probably note that there is something insidious in the movie’s implications that all we need to do to solve the world’s serious problems is to communicate. “Where’s the delineation of power in the film?” But for goodness sake, it’s an animation flick.

    Now, if a somewhat liberal professor can say an animated penguin is just an animated penguin, why can’t Michael Medved? Sheesh.

    Captha: “done”

    Posted by Sherman Dorn  on  12/04  at  03:38 PM
  25. As if they had just come right out and said this is a serious drama dealing with serious issues, he wouldn’t have a complaint.  As if he’s just looking out for the consumer.

    By the way, did you and/or Jamie “feel gloomier and more depressed than [you] did when [you] entered the theatre?” Medved says most do.

    You know, m.ho., there’s just so much about that review to love.  The smokescreen argument about marketing is great (here’s another as if:  as if Eight Below didn’t also feature death and scary leopard seals), but the assumption that filmgoers are arriving gloomy and depressed is actually my favorite part.  And why wouldn’t they be gloomy and depressed, in Medved’s World?  Good lord, the thought of Nancy Pelosi as Speaker is enough to send them over the edge!  And now we have actual senators from Virginia, who were supposed to be “conservative Democrats,” refusing to bow and scrape before President Bush when he snaps at them!  It’s all too much for Medved to take, the hate that’s flying all around him. . . .

    My favourite quote is: “This may be the darkest, most disturbing feature length animated film ever offered by a major studio”. Now, I haven’t seen this movie, and it’s just a guess, but I have a feeling there’s nothing in this movie that lives up to the scene where Bambi’s mother dies. . . .  There’s something deeply perverse about a fellow who thinks pounding the crap out of someone to prove one’s sense of self-worth (Rocky) is wonderful, but gay ecologically friendly penguins are offensive. Did I say perverse? I meant pathological.

    CCP, between the bit about the gloomy depressed filmgoers and the bit about how Happy Feet is the darkest most disturbing major studio release ever (remember, that means darker than The Grifters or Carnal Knowledge or . . . shudder . . . Father of the Bride II), I’m guessing that poor Mr. Medved is just one or two reels away from a serious nervous breakdown.  Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi!  Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay!

    There, that should do it.  Or maybe a simple viewing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Raindeer will suffice.  If I recall correctly, pretty much everyone in Rudolph is gay.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/04  at  03:40 PM
  26. ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE MINISTRY OF JUSTICE

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    With great pleasure and tremendous fanfare do We announce that spyder will be joining the WAAGNFNP’s High Council as the Minister of Offense and Defense.

    With a cheetos-free keyboard will spyder defend as well as launch pre-emptive assaults on all enemies of the WAAGNFNP, be they great or small, internal or external.

    Please join me in thanking syder for being such a great patriot of the WAAGNFNP and leading the MOOAD’s noble cause. And it’s a real noble cause, not some jacked-up nightmare quagmire where nobody has any fun at all.

    And to “christian h” - it has not gone unnoticed by the High Council that you have steadfastly defended and enthusiastically represented the WAAGNFNP on this and other blogs. For your service, we would like to reward you with an official position in the Ministry of Offense and Defense. You do not have to do anything more than you are already doing, but you get a cool title which you can work out with me and spyder. Just keep up the good work.

    I would also like to take this moment to thank our Minister of Visual Propaganda, Bill, for creating the ultra-cool Ministry of Justice 3Tops symbols that you’ve seen the past couple of days for official MOJ posts. Best MVP ever.

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice
    WAAGNFNP*

    *Where nobody ever gets tortured because it’s been proven over and over again to be counterproductive. Even Astaroth - Prince of Accusers and Inquisitors - says it’s a waste, and he would know. Therefore it’s stupid and yucky and only stupid and yucky people would advocate it.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/04  at  03:42 PM
  27. Something big and exciting and explosive is coming to the blog this week!

    Does this mean that the WAAGNFNP threat level will be raised and signalled to the masses via a brilliant, endearing and highly effective color coded system?  Muave or maybe Desert Almond Delight (formerly the beige)?

    Captcha: question

    Comment: absolutely

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  04:05 PM
  28. Land Before Time? Cute little chubbycheeked dinosaurs all worried about the food being scarce and the water going away, until the TRex comes along and comes within inches of eating the little apatosaurus over and over again for minutes with lots of nice up into the mouth shots, but then mom comes along and fights the TRex, also almost getting killed a whole bunch until she wins, and then the ground opens up and mom falls to her death in the resultant chasm.

    She does have time to tell her son as she dies broken on the rocks that he’s going to have to go on alone, as he has no-one left in the world to care for him, and, of course, his little dino friends are on the other side of the chasm and he can’t get to them.

    At which point HM very sensible said “Mom? Yuck” and we turned off the TV.

    Medved loves the guys who made that. Thinks they’re lyrical.

    Medved is an idiot.

    Posted by julia  on  12/04  at  04:07 PM
  29. Heh, but at least we can say “na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye” to John Bolton (I think that dinner in Yale at the same restaurant as Our Fearless Leader had something to do with his “resignation") and start a faint but rousing cheer of “scoreboard scoreboard” as the bad guys begin to look like Wile E. Coyote just after overshooting the cliff but before realizing it and holding up the funny and self-deprecating sign....  Hmmm, if columns like Medved’s are any indication, somehow I doubt that’s how they’ll react when the realization comes. 

    Actually, I’m a bit worried about the recent trial balloons from the Bush-Cheney Gang in favor of “redeploying” US troops in Iraq to the Syrian and Iranian borders.  Anyone got any good sources on that.

    Still, looking ahead to the CCST makes my day.  Let’s just have it before the GNF, ok?

    Captcha:  “show"--even the random word generator is thinking about the CCST!

    Posted by The Constructivist  on  12/04  at  04:39 PM
  30. In related news, scientists at Stanford University recently synthesized batshit in the laboratory by confining ordinary bullshit in a field of cognitive dissonance and bombarding it with reality.

    That tears it. You just can’t trust those leftwing universities to tell the truth.

    Stanford University scientists may have played backup on the team, but it was led by the WAAGNFNP CSCOTF, B. Q. Rollins, and the basic research was conducted at the Party’s Nuclear Test and Solitary Confinement Facility with Roncomatic Action:

    nuc-test-40072

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/04  at  04:47 PM
  31. I’ve never understood why the conservative punditry embraced March of the Penguins in the first place.  Yes, it emphasizes a heterosexual nuclear family geared entirely toward procreation and dramatic parental self-sacrifice, if you’re into those things.  But, of course, the penguins are serial polygamists, and, worse, the film utterly refutes intelligent designism, the hot political button when the film opened.  Only an unintelligent—or worse, positively sadistic—designer would subject penguins to this kind of suffering.  Or design a penguin.

    Worse still for the conservatives who embraced the film as a celebration of heteronormativity, they completely overlook the fact that the male penguins engage in something that looks suspiciously like a form of collectivism when they huddle together in order to protect themselves and the eggs against the ravages of both the -40 temperatures and howling winds during the months the females are searching for and consuming food in order to eventually feed the newborn penguins.

    You might recall that the male penguins rotate those on the outer ring of the circle with those closer to the center to ensure that no one spends too much time doing the hard work of taking the brunt of the wind and cold.  Evidently, something like a form of penguin collectivist ethics prevails, something which, one hopes, evolution will ultimately render as vestigial and useless as the human appendix. Anyway their bizarre concern for the good of their species just tells me that those tuxedoed f***ers clearly aren’t practicing the maximization of their individual self-interests the way they ought to. I say up against the wall to all those commie motherf***ers!

    Eric (who is busily trimming his conscious in conformity with the latest wingnut fashion)

    Captcha (at least it was the first time I tried to post this): “north,” as in the ideological pole to which I am movin’ so that I can be as far away as possible from those black and white and red all over penguin bastards.

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  05:13 PM
  32. Where nobody ever gets tortured because it’s been proven over and over again to be counterproductive. Even Astaroth - Prince of Accusers and Inquisitors - says it’s a waste, and he would know. Therefore it’s stupid and yucky and only stupid and yucky people would advocate it.

    We resent Oaktown Girl’s remark.  We have worked very hard to defend and advocate torture, and our defense and advocacy of torture is far more robust and sophisticated than that of the merely stupid and yucky people.

    Does this mean that the WAAGNFNP threat level will be raised and signalled to the masses via a brilliant, endearing and highly effective color coded system?

    Yes.  We love raising the threat level.  It gives us a little thrill.

    mom comes along and fights the TRex, also almost getting killed a whole bunch until she wins, and then the ground opens up and mom falls to her death in the resultant chasm.

    Actually, Julia, mom does not fall into the chasm.  TRex does (and some people think his blogging is a bit misogynist sometimes, too).  But before mom defeats the TRex, the TRex gives her a mortal wound on her back—a great big bite.  You can see this only if you watch the shadows on the rock; The Land Before Time, unlike Bambi, is rather discreet about killing mom.

    And yes, we join Michael Medved in liking that part.  The rest of the film, like the more recent Dinosaur, is mere multiculturalist hogwash about how different people need to learn to get along with each other and cooperate like (shudder) communist penguins.

    Posted by Batshit Insane People  on  12/04  at  05:31 PM
  33. We have worked very hard to defend and advocate torture, and our defense and advocacy of torture is far more robust and sophisticated than that of the merely stupid and yucky people

    We, in the Ministry of Defense and Offense, are ourselves split asunder by this conundrum; a multi-divided self can be good for having lots of conversive friends, but not much else.  The best defense is a good threat, and the best threat is a torturous and unfair offense.  Yet by increasing our use of the machines of the inquisition we have further incensed those in the party who advocate something called “peace.” Unsure how to be the all-inclusive party of participational parity, we accept the final judgement of our leader MB, and praise all torture and its advocation by the party faithful and unfaithful. 

    We acknowledge that Medved is torturing our futures with his own batshit insanity and must be ridiculed and derided into deeper piles of cave guano, from whence he can never return. 

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  05:49 PM
  34. "Something big and exciting and explosive is coming to the blog this week!

    Does this mean that the WAAGNFNP threat level will be raised and signalled to the masses via a brilliant, endearing and highly effective color coded system?  Muave or maybe Desert Almond Delight (formerly the beige)?”

    It’s tee shirts! I tell ya, it’s going to be WAAGNFP tee shirts.  And just in time for the war on Christmas!

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  06:11 PM
  35. Oops, I almost forgot to note my strenuous disagreement with CCP’s analysis of Rocky in #5 above. As all right-thinking wingnuts know (is there any other other kind?), Rocky is about as gay-friendly a film as you will find. In fact, it’s downright homofabulous!

    Notwithstanding the obvious sexual subtext of boxing itself--just see the most recent episode of SciFi network’s Battlestar Galactica if you need confirmation--there are plenty of details other than the sweaty spectacle of Rocky and Apollo’s fifteen round game of grabass to clue you in to the fact that beneath the film’s seemingly sado-masochistic hetero hide there beats a proud and passionate homo heart.

    I’ll spare you the extended queer anaylsis and simply say that the film reveals its true gay colors when Rocky, anxiously desiring his upcoming meeting with Apollo--if the film had called him Ganymede it would have given everything away--refuses sexual relations with Adrian (a sexually ambiguous name at best) and retreats to a locker (hello!?! closet!!) in order to beat his meat. In ‘76 that had the lavender crowd on its feat singing Garland tunes and shouting “Harvey Milk for President and Sly Stallone for Vice.”

    Eric

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  06:46 PM
  36. Michael, w/r/t “the bit about how Happy Feet is the darkest most disturbing major studio release ever (remember, that means darker than The Grifters or Carnal Knowledge or . . . shudder . . . Father of the Bride II),” CCP’s quotation gets it right: it’s not “major studio release” but “feature-length animated film,” so CCP’s use of Bambi as a comparison is more a propos than yours.

    On the other hand, you are certainly correct that Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi Pelosi and that gay gay gay gay gay gay.

    Ambivalent captcha: “however”

    Posted by Dave M  on  12/04  at  07:13 PM
  37. In ‘76 that had the lavender crowd on its feat

    It had them on their feet too.

    Eric (blushing a particularly queer shade of pink)

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  07:58 PM
  38. Michael, w/r/t “the bit about how Happy Feet is the darkest most disturbing major studio release ever (remember, that means darker than The Grifters or Carnal Knowledge or . . . shudder . . . Father of the Bride II),” CCP’s quotation gets it right: it’s not “major studio release” but “feature-length animated film,” so CCP’s use of Bambi as a comparison is more a propos than yours.

    I thought those films were animated.  Shows you what I know!

    Posted by Michael  on  12/04  at  08:23 PM
  39. At least it was just a temporary fit of madness from the M&Mster. With his review of Casino Royale, he is back on the track of sanity, merely lambasting the filmmakers for their choice of villains.

    Meanwhile, high profile and top-rated TV series like “The Road to 9/11” and “Twenty-Four” showed that the public could and would respond to entertainment that faced the Islamic threat head-on. That record only intensifies the obvious question about Hollywood’s unwillingness to use Muslim murderers as convenient, obvious bad guys in films, like “Casino Royale,” that pretend to take terrorism seriously.

    Welcome back to reality big guy, you had us worried there for a minute.

    [via TBogg]

    Posted by  on  12/04  at  11:01 PM
  40. Comrades, I am of course deeply humbled by the undeserved praise received from Comrade MoJ Oaktown Girl and am prepared to serve the Party in any capacity the Chairman sees fit - as long as it’s not advocating peace. Peace is just another word for capitulationism (doubtless, Mr. Medved would agree with this sentiment). I only strive to get the executioner some work… eh, I mean, bring traitors to justice. “Justice” taking cruel forms like being subjected to a Red Dawn marathon employing the special Jonah Goldberg - commented DVD edition, or having to work in any capacity at all at the Hoover Institution (which, to my everlasting disappointment, is not in the business of designing better vacuum cleaners - that would actually be useful).

    captcha: “floor” as in “this is a show trial. The defense will have the floor only for a full confession”.

    (Not too) long live the WAAGNFNP!

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  12:05 AM
  41. I knew it was only a matter of time before the WAAGNFPN started handing out tenure.

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  01:15 AM
  42. But for you, Mr. Medved, gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay.

    What is it with wingnuts and the “gay” meme, anyway?

    That calls to mind the Harpers article, ”Stabbed in the Back!,” about the conservative habit of blaming foreign policy failures on “internal enemies.” Quote:

    Older, more established [Vietnam War] dissidents were ridiculed by Nixon’s vice president, Spiro Agnew, in a series of William Safire authored speeches, as “nattering nabobs of negativity,” and, unforgettably, as “an effete corps of impudent snobs who characterize themselves as intellectuals.” These invectives were, of course, doubly disingenuous; it was Agnew and Safire who very much wanted such persons to be known by the damning label of “intellectual,” and what the vice president was really calling them was fags.

    Also, note the similarity between Medved and U.No. From Medved’s bio page, we learn that, before his “transformation from liberal to conservative,” he “served as campaign consultant to Congressman Ron Dellums (a Stalinist Democrat from California)”—why, that’s practically an oxymoron!

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  01:19 AM
  43. Only two stars? How come?

    And yes, they are batshit insane and evil and all their enablers like Mr. Medved are hopefully going to be driven soon enough out of the public sphere just out of pure public shame, or so one can wish in this best of all possible worlds.

    Posted by sfmike  on  12/05  at  03:43 AM
  44. Christian - welcome to MOOAD!

    I only strive to get the executioner some work… eh, I mean, bring traitors to justice. “Justice” taking cruel forms like being subjected to a Red Dawn marathon employing the special Jonah Goldberg - commented DVD edition...

    Jury deliberations on the sentencing of the guilty party (and his defense team) will happen on the final day(s) of the Chris Clarke Show Trial. Christian, your suggestion above is an excellent one, and I encourage you to re-introduce it at that time.

    I know that many of you great patriots of the WAAGNFNP are filled with wonderfully creative (and appropriately punitive) ideas for sentencing the Guilty One accused. Save them for the CCST. It’s coming soon.

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/05  at  05:52 AM
  45. It’s time for a little collective effort. I’ve proposed lyrics for the first verse of the Battle Hymn of the WAAGNFNP, but we need more:

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming G F N;
    It will sear the souls of running jackals, smite them once again;
    It will cleanse the earth of varmints, let the gamma rays begin;
    The chain reaction’s on!
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom!
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! The chain reaction’s on.

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda and Lyricist Pro Tem*
    WAAGNFNP

    captcha: “working”—oh yeah!

    *LPT is a rotating title. You write it, you got it.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/05  at  07:20 AM
  46. And yes, they are batshit insane and evil and all their enablers like Mr. Medved are hopefully going to be driven soon enough out of the public sphere just out of pure public shame

    Actually, sfmike, they will be driven out of the public sphere by . . . a Giant Nuclear Fireball!  Yet another of the many benefits of the GNF.  Sign up with the WAAGNFNP today and we’ll tell you more!

    eco2geek, thanks for the link to Kevin Baker’s wonderful essay.  I knew Kevin at Columbia back in the day (the early-80s day), and he was a hell of a writer then, too.  As for Medved and Horowitz and their journeys from Stalinism:  I know something of their travels and travails, because I used to be a Democrat too—but after 9/11, I became really upset about Chappaquiddick.

    And I do apologize for the boneheaded mistake in comment 25.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/05  at  08:08 AM
  47. Does your news involve “My dinner With David” and coverage in the chronicle of higher education?

    captcha: “believe” as in “I believe it might”.

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  01:01 PM
  48. Nope!  It’s way, way bigger than that.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/05  at  01:19 PM
  49. Bigger than corroboration of steak for Michael and halibut for David?!?!  Wow.

    I will also just note in passing that the article does NOT corroborate the salads which David was supposed to report to us.  Typical of the liberal MSM to only come to the aid of the leftist....

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  01:42 PM
  50. The WAAGNFNP Institute for Advanced Study releases the first-ever pictures of its famed bullshit-to-batshit conversion reaction:

    batshit-conversion-400

    The bullshit is placed in the central cavity along with snake oil, vinegar, and Rustolium. It is then bombarded with norquist particles and rove rays until the batshit begins to crystalize out in cylindrical form.

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/05  at  02:03 PM
  51. Whoops! I just realized it’s “G N F” not “G F N.” That will throw the rhyme scheme off. Rats!

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/05  at  04:23 PM
  52. Fixed:

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming G N F;
    It will sear the souls of running jackals, smite them right and lef;
    It will cleanse the earth of varmints, let the gamma rays be swiff;
    The chain reaction’s on!
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom!
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! The chain reaction’s on!

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/05  at  04:33 PM
  53. That’s OK, Bill.  The bullshit - to- batshit sequence was so funny that it more than made up for the rhyme scheme in comment 45.  Norquist particles and rove rays, indeed.

    Posted by  on  12/05  at  04:54 PM
  54. Bill -
    I think both verses (45&52)are perfect just as they are. The We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party is not just a Big Tent, but an International Big Tent. So “GFN” is going to be totally appropriate for some languages, and so is “FNG”. So I say, let’s “rock on” to verses with all those rhyming options.

    We just need to be prepared that in certain places when we’re handing out our literature, it’s going to be the WAAGFNNP, or the WAAFNGNP, not The WAAGNFNP.

    I’m quite sure the forward flank (offensive wing) of the Ministry of Offense and Defense already has it all covered.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/06  at  06:35 AM
  55. Dont’ forget eco2geek’s contribution (#54): Parti Nous Sommes Tous Gigantesque Boule de Feu Nucléaire Maintenant (PNSTGBFNM).

    Meanwhile, I’ve come up with a last verse, which is just a few relatively minor changes from the original:

    Gojira’s like the glory of the morning on the wave,
    She is wisdom to the mighty, She is honor to the brave;
    So the world shall be her furnace, and the soul of wrong her slave,
    Gojira’s marching on.
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom!
    Gojira! Gojira! Kabloom! Kabloom! Gojira’s marching on.

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda and LPT
    WAAGNFNP

    captcha: “herself”

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/06  at  06:51 AM
  56. the original

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/06  at  06:57 AM
  57. Dont’ forget eco2geek’s contribution (#54): Parti Nous Sommes Tous Gigantesque Boule de Feu Nucléaire Maintenant (PNSTGBFNM).

    Absolument!

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/06  at  08:57 AM

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