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At the speed of thought

Years ago, when Miles Dyson invented the Internet using the advanced microchip from the Terminator’s forearm, he said to his colleagues, “what we’re looking at here is nothing less than a new stage in the history of human communication.  Someday, the systems we’ll develop with this technology will allow the world to watch the development of right-wing pundits’ sexual fantasies in real time.”

At the time, Dyson’s colleagues thought he was insane.  But he was a Super Genius who could see into the future, and time has shown that he was right.  So, boys, start your engines!

That’s right, fellas, she’s looking at you.  Yes, you right there.  You with the computer.  See those starbursts coming through the screen?  They’re like ... they’re like ... ah, yes, they’re like skyrockets in flight.

Posted by on 10/05 at 11:05 AM
  1. Gah!  I like Tina Fey’s cover version better, I must say.

    Posted by Dave M  on  10/05  at  12:57 PM
  2. I find your ideas repellent and I would like to unsubscribe to your newsletter.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/05  at  01:01 PM
  3. oh my god yes that wink…
    so knowing...oh yes oh yes she has that readiness…
    Scuse me, I’m gonna need another sixpack…

    [captcha: hot. How can these things be random?]

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  01:07 PM
  4. I like Tina Fey’s cover version better, I must say.

    I actually did spill coffee on my desk about an hour ago as I watched the skit from last night and heard her say that marriage is a sacred union between two unwilling teenagers.  I may be the first person in the history of the Internet to do this.

    Speaking of which, Chris, are you referring to an Internet tradition of some kind?

    Captcha:  known.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/05  at  01:25 PM
  5. Must...kill...an...animal..and...skin...it.  Here, kitty, kitty.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  01:39 PM
  6. He said “spill coffee” .... unh heh heh ... heh

    Seriously Michael, you seem to be suffering from Palin Derangement Syndrome. Maybe your electrolytes are out of balance; are you drinking enough Brawndo?

    Defictionalization, it’s not just for consumer products anymore.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  01:49 PM
  7. She’s practicing her Dick Cheney face.

    Posted by Joanna  on  10/05  at  01:49 PM
  8. Did a bug fly into her eye? I hate when that happens. One of the hardships of small town life.

    Posted by black dog barking  on  10/05  at  01:57 PM
  9. Am strenously striving to avoid making the obvious comeback to comment 8.

    Posted by Sajia Kabir  on  10/05  at  02:47 PM
  10. Ok, I’ll concede that she’s kind of hot, but when a woman who can skin a moose from a helicopter winks at you, I back out of the room slowly.

    Posted by Martin G.  on  10/05  at  02:53 PM
  11. "Oh Mrs. Palin… I know these John Grisham novels are really late.... but I just don’t have $73.22… isn’t there some other way I might take care of this?”

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  03:08 PM
  12. Why does her pin show a US flag flying from a dollar sign?

    Oh. Right.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/05  at  03:38 PM
  13. Some wag has fittingly tagged her as “Caribou Barbie”.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  03:40 PM
  14. That flag-pin also seems to acknowledge only 7 of the original 13 States...Northeastern elitists clearly need not apply!

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  03:45 PM
  15. Lol!

    My thoughts on looking at that great shot is that it’s Tina Fey playing Palin playing at the now interminable (as opposed to terminal) John McCain facial spasm. Does anyone notice that McCain also seems to stick his tongue out repeatedly like a snake? Dry cleaning establishments of America are probably praying she’ll take up that particular tic. Also, that flag brooch .. It seems to have some suggestion of a noose. No?

    Oh. By the way. I too “find your ideas repellent.” Would you mind if I marketed them as mosquito repellent?

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  03:46 PM
  16. "Caribou Barbie” is good.  I also like “Bible Spice.”

    Posted by Dave M  on  10/05  at  04:27 PM
  17. JP @ 6:  OK, so I followed that third link, then clicked on a Wired essay on Brawndo in which I read this:

    In addition to Brawndo, Omni has acquired from Paramount the license to market Sex Panther, a made-up cologne from Anchorman

    Which, when combined with the above link on “skyrockets in flight,” brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to “Afternoon Delight.”

    It all makes sense now.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/05  at  05:44 PM
  18. Somebody over at Pharyngula posted this link of Palin in an Alaska gubernatorial debate a couple years ago--what a difference in demeanor and diction! Incredibly, the national-scene Palin is revealed as even faker than I thought! Wow!

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  07:59 PM
  19. Did this wink come before or after the “talent portion of the evening?” What flute / piece would she play?  After all, isn’t that a ‘golly-G’ clef on her chest??

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  08:32 PM
  20. As a hetero male with . . . values (there’s no other word for it), you can imagine how objectified I felt when Sarah Palin hit on me the other night.

    I felt so cheap, so used. I was just about over it. Then you post this.

    Now she is so totally hitting on me, hour after hour.

    Captcha = provide. Where’s the innuendo in that?

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  10:11 PM
  21. "Oh Mrs. Palin… I know these John Grisham Nationals Review novels are really late.... but I just don’t have $73.22… isn’t there some other way I might take care of this?”

    Fixed.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  10:32 PM
  22. Hee hee!  Thanks ed.

    There should probably be a ‘Bow chicka bow bowww....’ in there somewhere, too.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  10:53 PM
  23. by a commodius vicus of recirculation

    Fucking A! Hierarchitectitiptitoploftically speaking, that is. (Go ahead and gulag that one up and put it on a notecard Sarah Talking Point. We’re connectin’ with the real heartland voters here.)

    Actually, I had noticed the Anchorman connection, but could not come up with anything that passed the humor/erudition threshold for posting. (In other words I had absolutely nothing.)

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  07:28 AM
  24. Michael, nobody expects you to resist making fun of Rich Lowry’s comment. It’s practically a civic duty. He really needs to be convinced not to share some things. But despite the urgency of squelching this unpleasantness, there is no excuse for bringing to mind the Worst Song Ever, which is now playing in my head and making my skull hurt. No one should have to have NRO and the Starland Vocal Band in their consciousness simultaneously.

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  07:33 AM
  25. David @ 20:  Now she is so totally hitting on me, hour after hour.

    It could be worse.  I could have posted one of those winking Sarah-bots that are now making their way across the innertubes and hitting on guys with a wink rate of 50 per hour.  It’s kind of like that Will Ferrell cowbell thing, which takes us back once again to . . . .

    Maud @ 24:  But despite the urgency of squelching this unpleasantness, there is no excuse for bringing to mind the Worst Song Ever, which is now playing in my head and making my skull hurt.

    I feel your pain.  Literally:  I have now had that song in my head from the moment I read Lowry’s post.  Three days and counting.  I may not make it through the week, but if I expire under the weight, I want to say that it’s been a good run, and that I did it for my country first.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/06  at  07:58 AM
  26. Everything is fine. I hear she’s reading The Economist now. Twister Edition.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  10/06  at  08:03 AM
  27. She wuz winkin’ just at me. I knowz it. She wantz me.

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  12:27 PM
  28. Mike Dyson is a damn good debater and public speaker, and he’s written some important books, but “invented the internet”?

    Oh.  Never mind.

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  06:16 PM
  29. i picture lowry as lester burnham watching angela dance at the basketball game

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  08:58 PM
  30. "Caribou Barbie"--not so great: too many syllables, too many B’s.  I hereby propose “Klondike Sally.”

    Also, while I have your attention, doesn’t she remind you of the Nicole Kidman character in “To Die For?”

    Welcome back, Michael.  Glad your kid made it thru WUSTL, as did mine.

    Posted by  on  10/06  at  09:51 PM
  31. mmm, dirty rueben love.

    Posted by  on  10/07  at  11:53 AM
  32. travy @ 29:  i picture lowry as lester burnham watching angela dance at the basketball game

    Hmmmm, pretty good, pretty good.  And that leaves the Derb free to fantasize about Bristol. . . .

    joeff @ 30:  thanks for the good wishes, and congrats to your graduate!  Yes to the Kidman, but I do think “Caribou Barbie” is a pretty nice echo of “Malibu Barbie,” myself.

    and winnebago @ 31, don’t make me post a link to “Muskrat Love,” now.  I just might do it, too—I’m a blogger on the edge.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/07  at  11:59 AM
  33. In the name of all that is sacred in this world, would you all please stop with the musical kitsch. Just a song title is enough to ruin my day. I mean, what’s next? Allusions to Leo Sayer? The Brady Bunch theme song? Novelty rock songs like “Monster Mash”? All I’m going to do is tell you what you want to hear in order to end the pain.

    Posted by  on  10/07  at  12:23 PM
  34. what’s next?  Allusions to Leo Sayer?

    You make me feel like dancing.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/07  at  01:00 PM
  35. 33: Novelty rock songs
    34: You make me feel like dancing.

    Let’s take the average cave man at home, listening to his stereo. Sometimes he’d get up, try to do his thing. He’d begin to move, something like this: “Dance...dance”. When he got tired of dancing alone, he’d look in the mirror: “Gotta find a woman gotta find a woman gotta find a woman gotta find a woman.”

    Posted by  on  10/07  at  05:08 PM
  36. hot pants!
    hot pants!

    Posted by  on  10/07  at  06:36 PM
  37. I don’t know about you, but she reminds me of Dyanne Thorne for some reason.
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071650/

    Posted by  on  10/07  at  07:18 PM

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