Hey American Airspacepeople, do we have a treat for you today! This humble but insanely ambitious blog has scored the very first blog interview with Michael Steele, the new chairman of the Republican National Committee!
MB: Mr. Chairman, welcome to American Airspace. Thanks so much for joining us.
MS: Thanks for having me!
MB: Mr. Chairman, you’re the first African-American to serve as RNC chair. Congratulations! What should we make of this historic moment?
MS: Michael, I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust my party has bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed—why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration of this magnificent party, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you as the leader of the party of Lincoln.
MB: Wow! Stirring words, Mr. Chairman. But isn’t it true that some people are unhappy that you’re taking the helm of the party? How will you work to keep white supremacists in the big tent that is the modern GOP?
MS: Well, you’re talking about a few outliers there, you know. You’ll find those people everywhere on the political spectrum. Take for example the time I was pelted with Oreo cookies by a bunch of bra-burning women’s libbers who were spitting on our servicemen returning from the war. You’ll find I tend to get it from all sides, which probably suggests I’m doing something right.
MB: Good point, Mr. Chairman. So can you say a few words about the new Republican agenda? You must be very excited about kicking it off.
MS: I am indeed very excited. This year we’re going to take a bold new approach to governing: we’re going to vote “no” on whatever Barack Hussein Obama and the Democrat party proposes. Then we’re going to complain that Obama’s attempts at bipartisanship have failed. We’re pretty sure we’ll have the media with us on this—they’ve certainly played ball so far.
MB: Um—and that’s it? Just voting no all the time and then making disingenuous complaints? Really?
MS [laughing]: No, that’s not it. Those are just temporizing measures. We’re actually just biding our time and messing up his stuff until we can impeach him.
MB: Impeach him? For what? I mean, don’t you have to have a reason?
MS: Not necessarily. But don’t worry, we’ll think of something. Look at what we’ve got already: between Daschle and Blagojevich, Obama’s administration is the most corrupt government in American history.
MB: Uh, I don’t think Blagojevich was actually. . . .
MS: Doesn’t matter. The verdict is in, and the Obama presidency has failed. He came in here promising to change the tone, and he trashed the place, and it wasn’t his place. He promised to reach across the aisle, and look what he’s done so far: nothing but vicious attacks on Rush Limbaugh and foot-dragging on the tax cuts Americans need. It’s altogether disgraceful, really, and we’re about to lose our patience with him. We can only take so much, you know.
MB: You’re kidding, right? Tell me you’re kidding.
MS: Hey, don’t take it from me—ask David Broder and Chuck Todd. They’ll tell it to you straight.
MB: But don’t you realize the country is in a terrible financial crisis, a crisis brought about largely by deregulation of the financial sector and free-market extremism?
MS: Yes, yes I do realize this. That’s why we’re calling for sweeping tax cuts to stimulate the economy, instead of the failed pork-barrel spending programs the Democrat party wants to foist on the nation.
MB: Tax cuts? Again? Didn’t you all say eight years ago that we needed tax cuts because we had a budget surplus? And then we needed tax cuts because we were at war? And then we needed tax cuts because the earth was continuing to revolve around the sun?
MS: That’s about right, yes. But see, before you go off with your Democrat talking points, you have to understand that government never created a job. Government never built a mass transit system. Government never passed a law or ran a school or inspected a piece of meat. So this spending bill can’t really be called a “stimulus” bill. It’s just more of the same tired policies that caused FDR to plunge the country into the Great Depression, as the historian Amity Shlaes has pointed out.
MB: OK, uh, what does government do if it doesn’t do any of those things?
MS: You asked so I’ll tell you. Government piles a stack of dollar bills very high. How high? Very. Very high.
MB: Well, this has been a most enlightening conversation, Mr. Chairman. Thank you. But I have to wonder—it sounds as if the GOP really is at a turning point here. It sounds as if you’re talking about the complete and total Palinization of the party.
MS: Oh, definitely! It’s what the people want. Look. This is a real crisis for America. The liberal elites of the Democrat party want to bring in a bunch of “experts” who “know stuff” and are going to try to “fix things.” If they succeed, we’re basically done. Kaput. We’ve built this party on a firm foundation: mocking Obama for telling people to keep their tires inflated, giving creationists and flat-earthers control over U.S. science policy, and reminding hardworking men and women that Al Gore is fat. Hey, we’ve even got Joe the Plumber working as a war correspondent, political analyst, and economic advisor. We can’t have voters turning to knowledgeable people in times like these—we’ve got to win back the hearts and minds of Americans, and make them willing to believe, once again, that Sarah Palin knows more about energy than anyone in the United States; that Rush Limbaugh should have control over 46 percent of the federal budget; and that we had to fight the terrorists over there so as not to fight them over here. And that’s what we’ll be trying to do.
MB: Bring the stupid?
MS: Not precisely. Bring the stupid higher.
MB: Thank you, Mr. Chairman.
MS: No, thank you.
Goddamn! That book really is done, isn’t it?Posted by on 02/04 at 08:28 AM
I know this isn’t a real interview because Steele would never be that cogent.
What irks me is that the media continues to treat Republicans and their talking points as if they are insightful. Goddamn, just how badly do Republicans have to screw things up before they lose credibility? I shudder to think.
And as for Joe the Renaissance Man, can we be 0 sure he’s not Jeff Gannon?Posted by on 02/04 at 08:48 AM
Hey, that expletive looking thing was supposed to be “one-hundred percent.” Though I guess an expletive fits, also.Posted by on 02/04 at 08:51 AM
Well, Ed, personally I’m not 0 sure that Joe T. Plumber isn’t Jeff T. Uncut. So that statistic works for me.
And yes, JP, the book really is done. I even played hockey last night.Posted by on 02/04 at 09:18 AM
God, I miss Steve Gilliard.
(Not because your interview wasn’t fantastic, Michael. Just because I’d love to see his reaction to Steele being RNC chair.)Posted by on 02/04 at 11:29 AM
Sen. Thune doesn’t want to stack dollar bills. He wants to stack c-notes. The cat’s a playa.
He also wants them stacked back to back. I didn’t look closely but Escher must have drawn his charts.Posted by David J Swift on 02/04 at 12:34 PM
Did Mr. Steele indicate that he would be hiring homeless people to spread the propaganda? He has used that tactic in the past but I should think that would be considered a job creation program. I’d like to know how he squares that with the official platform. Also, blart.Posted by on 02/04 at 12:50 PM
So far things are going pretty much exactly as I expected in my inaugural poem. The only reason that the GOP can do this is because Obama’s first reaction is to conciliate his enemies and dump on his friends. As with the general election, I expect him to turn this around once he realizes that this will hurt him personally.Posted by Rich Puchalsky on 02/04 at 01:43 PM
Don’t forget: Katon Dawson, the runner-up, had to resign from his country club in South Carolina to save face while running for the GOP national chairmanship. Why? That country club is still Whites-only.Posted by Christian Anderson on 02/04 at 03:47 PM
That country club is still Whites-only.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.Posted by on 02/04 at 05:24 PM
from his Faux-News bio
From 1991-1997, Steele was a corporate securities attorney at the international law firm of Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton in Washington, D.C., specializing in sophisticated financial transactions on behalf of Wall Street underwriters.
I’m sure none of those transactions had anything to do with the financial mess we are in now.Posted by on 02/04 at 05:48 PM
Great Post! Would anyone else like to see a pick-up b-ball game between Obama and Steele? I mean nothing overtly racist--however benevolent racism seems to have become in American politics today--just something to remind everyone that politics can be good, clean competition between two people whose political/intellectual/etc. credentials are entirely irrelevantPosted by Derek T. on 02/04 at 09:54 PM
XXX BREAKING MUST CREDIT
DRUDGELIBERAL MEDIA XXX
Michael Steele humbly offers Democrats olive branch of bipartisanship.
Articulate RNC Chairman willing to not dwell on failed Obama presidency. Vows to pursue “what the people want”.Posted by on 02/04 at 10:30 PM
From 1991-1997, Steele was a corporate securities attorney at the international law firm of Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton in Washington, D.C.
In other words, he couldn’t cut it at the law firm, they pushed him out (gently I’m sure) and he had to try politics as a backup career move.Posted by on 02/05 at 11:10 AM
This is pretty much distilled awesome, except the distilling apparatus isn’t sealed and it’s emitting awesome fumes that are blurring my vision and making me drool and snicker uncontrollably.Posted by on 02/05 at 02:45 PM
Roger L. Simon is on his book tour, promoting his memoir, Blackfisting Myself: I Was An ATM For The Panther Party:
So I’m off on a media blitz of sorts today, starting with the Michael Reagan Show (taped, to air 6-7 ET) and then heading down to Hugh Hewitt’s studio in Orange County to do Hugh’s show live Shows (7 ET for a full hour). The next day I’m on the plane to Seattle to do the Michael Medved Show in studio (5PM ET) . I’ll also be doing some local shows in the Northwest before heading to NY and Washington next week where I’ll be on Laura Ingraham, The Mancow Show, Martha Zoller, Jim Bohannon, Lars Larson and Gordon Liddy, among, as they say, many, many others - 24 radio shows as of now. (Note to self: bring lozenges) I’m particularly looking forward to Liddy since he was - as many know - partnered for a bit with Timothy Leary, a sometime friend of mine discussed in the book. (Part of the Leary chapter is currently excerpted on PJM.)
For television, I’m on Greg Gutfeld’s RedEye on Tuesday night and CSPAN’s Book TV (AfterWords) on Wednesday for an hour chat with Armstrong Williams (should be fun).
I guess he’s given up on blogs. It’s a shame you won’t get the chance to interview him.Posted by Roger Ailes on 02/05 at 02:52 PM
As for me, I think I’ll take up the nose flute and live in a hole in the ground.Posted by Hattie on 02/05 at 05:09 PM
Yes, I hear that Roger L. has given up on blogs—and he hopes you like PJM’s new direction!
It’s Spinal Tap and Dr. Helen, right? Not Dr. Helen and Spinal Tap?Posted by on 02/05 at 07:44 PM
I would hate to witness the rebirth of Roger L. But I could see why anyone would regard Dr. Helen as tantamount to a puppet show.Posted by on 02/05 at 08:03 PM
Wingnut Ravioli (a country & western tone poem)
Pledged my love to Dr Helen
Went to bed and woke up smellin’
Wingnut Ravioli in my hair
It’s everywhere!!!Posted by on 02/05 at 11:04 PM
maybe we can tone down the divisiveness by calling them rightjobs instead of wingnuts. just a thought. rightjobs sounds a touch more positive to me.
ePosted by on 02/06 at 12:25 AM
Not bad. As in “the rightjobs blow it again”.Posted by on 02/06 at 01:37 AM
What Mr. Steele (if that is his real name and not his teh pron name)is trying to hide from you, is the following comment from Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX):
“Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban,” Sessions said during a meeting yesterday with Hotline editors. “And that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person’s entire processes.And these Taliban — I’m not trying to say the Republican Party is the Taliban. No, that’s not what we’re saying. I’m saying an example of how you go about [sic] is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message. And we need to understand that insurgency may be required when the other side, the House leadership, does not follow the same commands, which we entered the game with.” […]Posted by on 02/06 at 04:34 AM
This is a parody, right? Or am I really gullible? I mean, really, government never built a mass-transit system?Posted by on 02/06 at 05:35 AM
Right, and the government never passed a law (that one is my favorite). Seriously, all the remarks in hyperlinks are real, which is nice, because it saved me the trouble of making up parodies of Republicans.Posted by on 02/06 at 07:34 AM
Republicans, for the most part, are inherently self-parodies.
e.Posted by on 02/06 at 06:31 PM
"You’ll find I tend to get it from all sides, which probably suggests I’m doing something right.”
Hey! That’s pretty much what the Alumni magazine said after they were caught fluffing lottery-winner Judd Gregg after casting doubts on Obama (both, to be fair, with cover stories).Posted by Ken Houghton on 02/08 at 01:59 PM