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ABF Friday: WTF edition!

But first, cake!

Two graduate students brought me a cake—and I eated it!  Nom nom nom, etc.

So.  In honor of that scrumtrulescent Arbitrary But Fun cake (thanks, Sarah and Dan!), today American Airspace offers you all a special treat:  it’s time for

Weekend Wingnut Mix-and-Match!

Here’s how to play.  Combine any two (or more! it’s Arbitrary!) Outrageous Obama Outrages and see if you qualify for the Washington Post’s “America’s Next Great Wingnut” contest!

First, choose from column A:

(1) Barack Hussein al-Obama was personally rebuked by the International Olympics Committee because of

(2) Barack Hussein al-Obama was personally knighted and apotheosized and then canonized by the Nobel Committee because of

and then choose from column B:

(1) his liberal-elitist taste in mustard
(2) his wanton and profligate trip to New York with Michelle for a night on the town
(3) his willingness to appease terrorists by saying “salaam alaikum” in Cairo
(4) his repeated Queen-touching, DVD-giving affronts to the United Kingdom
(5) his racist attack on one of Cambridge’s Finest and his subsequent refusal to help Henry Louis Gates, Jr. down the stairs at the White House
(6) his inability to speak extemporaneously
(7) his promise to kill the world’s grandmothers with his bare hands
(8) his wanton and profligate trip to Chicago with Michelle for their wedding anniversary
(9) his Katrina-like bungling of the fatally flawed “cash for clunkers” program
(10) his willingness to leave America open to a Soviet invasion by scrapping the Eastern European missile defense system
(11) his abominable bowling score
(12) his arrogant draining of a three-pointer on a basketball court in Iraq
(13) his repeated use of the word “I”
(14) his close personal friendships with Moammar Qaddafi and Hugo Chávez
(15) oh please, it’s only because he’s black

or make up your own!

Oh, and before I forget: in other news, the Nobel Committee announced that Herta Müller is not in fact the winner of the 2009 prize in literature.  Apparently the initial announcement was the result of a kerning error, and the recipient is instead William Ayers, for Dreams from My Father.

Posted by on 10/09 at 11:03 AM
  1. (16)ogling Mayara Tavares’ butt
    (17) it’s been 5 years since a Kenyan won the Peace Prize

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  12:31 PM
  2. Oooooh, I forgot about (16).  Truly a low point in American diplomacy.  Surely the IOC took notice of the fact that young Ms. Tavares hails from ... Rio?

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  12:40 PM
  3. I thought Ayers wrote Müller’s book.

    Posted by bitchphd  on  10/09  at  02:12 PM
  4. (18) ACORN!!!

    I’m pretty sure Obama, in his insatiable desire for international adoration, sent his ACORN Black Panther brownshirts to intimidate the Norwegian Parliament (a warm-up exercise for rounding up conservatives) and/or ply them with prostitutes that look suspiciously like Young Republicans. 

    I hate the fact that if I looked around teh internets, it probably wouldn’t be too difficult to find someone writing something like this who really meant it.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:26 PM
  5. The Nobel committee chose Obama just to stick it to The Man!

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:31 PM
  6. About (18):  who’s up for an undercover video operation?

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:36 PM
  7. I thought Ayers wrote Müller’s book.

    He did indeed!  Look for his latest effort, The Left At War, due out this November.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  02:59 PM
  8. Everyone knows Obama indoctrinated the Nobel committee via videotaped speech. He also indoctrinated the Olympic committee, but he didn’t really want the Olympics to be held here because he’d be sharing that win with the rest of us. He’s like that.

    All the rest of your “alternative” “explanations” are cover up.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:42 PM
  9. His influence so far appears to be limited to international awards:
    http://open.salon.com/blog/con_chapman/2009/10/09/nhl_awards_lady_byng_trophy_to_obama/

    - but once he gets the NASCAR Sportsmanship Award, look for all hell to break loose…

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  03:54 PM
  10. That Lady Byng award is a travesty.  While the NHL swoons over Obama as a symbol of “gentlemanly play,” the truth is that Obama has done absolutely nothing to prevent Sean Avery and Donald Brashear from playing for the Rangers.  Nor has he removed the salary cap.  So far it’s just like I said it would be—Bush Lite, only with a better smile.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:01 PM
  11. Did you set the cake on fire first?  Theorize its implication in global capitalist commodity circuits and/or cultural hegemony?  Mere eating seems a failure of arbitrariness, unless by the very banality of that act we are led to reflect…

    And what relations of cultural production obtain between you and these graduate students, hmmm? 

    --

    I am outraged by the militarist bombing of the moon this morning, and by the failure of said bombing to produce kewl explosion pictures. 

    captcha “any”—I demand harder captchas

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:05 PM
  12. Mere eating seems a failure of arbitrariness, unless by the very banality of that act we are led to reflect…

    ... maybe upon the fact that I filmed the cake first, then ate it, then put it on the blog?  The only cake you can eat and then film is, of course, Looking-Glass Cake.

    And all this talk of moon-bombing misses the point.  Al-Qaeda long ago decamped to Mars.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:13 PM
  13. The only cake you can eat and then film is, of course, Looking-Glass Cake.

    ...well, there was that really old wedding cake I had that I got a look at after I ate it—but I don’t think you want to go there. (wow—4 I’s in one fragment—does this mean I get to be President?)

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:29 PM
  14. I really thought that no news today could be as unbelievable as Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize until I read that graduate students brought you cake.  Seriously?  Cake?  Really?  Damn!

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  04:52 PM
  15. Triozyg is now in the running for next year’s Peace Prize. 

    And the really amazing thing, Stephanie, is that they got all those yummy candy letters onto the cake.  They told me they had to break the “u” in “but” to make it fit, and sure enough—well, check it out.

    Now, I know John Bolton and others have insisted that I should have declined the cake.  They can bugger off.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  05:02 PM
  16. I’ll take (1) from the first and add my own arbitrarity:

    (19) his attempted cover-up of the Air Force One strafing of Manhattan.  While kicking back in Air Force One last April he told the pilot to “check out Lady Liberty” and then tried to hide all the cool pix he shot from the window.  Happily, Fox News was on this one:

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/31/defense-department-releases-flurry-photos-botched-plane-flyover/

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  06:19 PM
  17. And I have a photo on my cellphone and airplane tickets that prove incontrovertibly that Ayers admits writing all of Müller’s novels.

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/25758.html

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  06:32 PM
  18. Barack Hussein al-Obama was personally knighted and apotheosized and then canonized by the Nobel Committee because they really wanted to visit Chicago and the IOC screwed up thier plans…

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  08:11 PM
  19. In even weirder news, Rush Limbaugh will judge the 2010 Miss America contest.  Dang!  If only I had a picture to accompany this....

    Ah, wait.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  08:14 PM
  20. He’s trying to buy the St. Louis Rams as well.

    But the picure reminds me of the classic Carrie Fisher blog post on filming the scenes.

    The biggest problem with the metal bikini, was that it wasn’t metal. ——Not that metal would’ve been an improvement over what it was actually made of, which was kind of a hard plastic. Whatever it was, it didn’t adhere to one’s skin. MY skin. My young, soon to be popular, unlucky skin. SO, when I was relaxing leisurely against Jabba the Hutt’s gigantic, albiet grotesque stomach, my hard, plastic bikini bottom……….well, it had the tendency to make my now not so private privates quite public. Especially for the actor standing behind Jabba playing Bobba Fett—–I believe his name was Jeremy—–from where Bobba/Jeremy stood, so straight and tall and severe behind his mask——to put it simply and weirdly, Jeremy could see beyond my yawning, plastic bikini bottoms all the way to Florida.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  08:43 PM
  21. (2) Barack Hussein al-Obama was personally knighted and apotheosized and then canonized by the Nobel Committee because of:
    SCIENCE:
    Unlike the previous administration Obama is charged with being very guilty of recognizing and honoring science, when we all know that science is a religion, and the wrong one at that.  Sitting in the audience were members of the administration, including Steve Chu (Secretary of Energy) and John Holdren (Science Advisor), widely respected scientists in their own right. Seeing them gathered with Obama, celebrating science, is a hopeful image. There is a perception that scientists are losing the goodwill amassed in the last Century, and are now thought of as just another interest group.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  08:47 PM
  22. Oh, he’s only trying to buy the Rams because he’s desirous to see a white quarterback do well.

    And spyder, if the Norwegian Socialist Society is so crazy about Obama’s attitude toward science, why didn’t they just give the Nobel Prize in Science?  Huh?

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  09:24 PM
  23. Michael,

    After hearing of your Cultural Studies mishap while hanging out at the esteemed Brad DeLong’s out here on the left coast, I was eventually enticed to wander back by after long absence.

    The place looks presentable and the host is erudite and witty as expected.

    Carry on.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:14 PM
  24. why didn’t they just give the Nobel Prize in Science?
    Ploughshares into dynamite type of thing i suppose.  And clearly they won’t give him the Economics Prize (another one of those sciences that Senator Coburn hates), so this was their last best alternative?

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:19 PM
  25. Freaking Twins get “homered” (homered) by the single worst umpiring call I’ve ever seen in the playoffs or World Series. Dreadful. No Wittgensteinian analysis necessary. I just hope Oaktown Girl wasn’t watching. Now back to your regularly scheduled arbitrariness.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:31 PM
  26. (homered) s/b (and then homered)

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  10:35 PM
  27. maybe upon the fact that I filmed the cake first, then ate it, then put it on the blog?

    Ewwwww.

    Anyway, I canna embrace the spirit of this one, for I was all set to crow to my father about my N degrees of separation from one of the science Nobel Laureates of the week, where N is a very small natural number.  Whereupon much brouhaha-ing erupted around the globe thanks to the Norwegians, and I knew that the mention of any Nobel Prize would be met with vitriol about its useless leftist anti-American nature.  Never mind that the relevant Swedish scientists and Norwegian politicians are different people.  Probably.

    So curse you, Barack Obama, for stealing from me this chance to really majorly* brag to my father about what I do for a living.

    ...Hey, maybe this could be worked into an ABF entry after all.

    *I know, I winced as I typed this, but it fits somehow.

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  11:15 PM
  28. (20) his wicked curve ball.  Works for A(1) and A(2).

    Posted by  on  10/09  at  11:32 PM
  29. After hearing of your Cultural Studies mishap while hanging out at the esteemed Brad DeLong’s out here on the left coast

    Oregonsage, that is so last week, and I am so over cultural studies.  Cultural studies is dead to me.  Dead, do you hear?  Dead to me.

    But thanks for stopping by.

    Ewwwww.

    You’re right, mds, I didn’t phrase that well.  I meant to say that the theoretical ferment of the cake was gaining traction until it reached the boiling point of a fever pitch that Mauer laces down the line for a double ... but no!  There, that’s better.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/09  at  11:37 PM
  30. Does nobody see that 1 and 2 from column A above are all part of the same conspiracy?  We’re giving the games to Rio, you’ll get the Nobel Peace prize in less than 2 weeks and everyone forgets that you “lost” the Olympics for Chitown. And… the next Olympics is garronnteeed to go to Kenya you’re true birthplace.

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  09:31 PM
  31. Well, mds, at least we all know how super cool you are.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/11  at  09:54 PM
  32. Actually, I don’t even get pulled over by cops any more, because word has gone out about my N-degree connection to a Nobel winner.

    Sure, Chris, appear mysteriously from the Intercloud, as is your wont, only to mock my harmless self-indulgent ego trip.  As if you wouldn’t do the same if you found yourself in a crowded room with a Nobel Laureate speaking at the other end.  And the prize was for work done before I was employed there, so there!  Er… Anyway, can’t we all just hate Norwegians for a little while?

    Posted by  on  10/11  at  10:31 PM
  33. As if you wouldn’t do the same if you found yourself in a crowded room with a Nobel Laureate speaking at the other end.

    Hey, just Friday night I was in a crowded room with Eddie Izzard at the SAME end, but do you see me mentioning it here?

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  10/11  at  10:51 PM
  34. ...in a crowded room with Eddie Izzard at the SAME end

    I’ve enjoyed those episodes of The Riches I’ve managed to scrounge from Hulu. Sorta Mad Men for the self-employed.

    Posted by  on  10/12  at  10:01 AM
  35. I was in a crowded room with Eddie Izzard at the SAME end

    Chicka-Wow Chicka-Wow Wow!

    Still, that trumps Alfred Nobel any time.  And Eddie Izzard would have been a fantastic replacement for David Tennant.  Oh, well.

    Whoops… ABF!  Um…

    Barack Hussein al-Obama was personally knighted and apotheosized and then canonized by the Nobel Committee because of his gracious refusal to take on the the main role in Doctor Who, leaving the field clear for Matt Smith, who’s part-Norwegian*.

    Wait, not vitriolic enough.  How about: ”uppity refusal”?

    *I lie!

    Posted by  on  10/12  at  11:16 AM
  36. Is that really your voice?  My goodness, there’s a career in radio just waiting outside your door!

    Posted by  on  10/13  at  08:54 PM
  37. Thanks!  I have the body for radio, too.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/13  at  09:09 PM
  38. Seriously, though - if you crossed the voices of Bob Edwards and Don Imus, you’d get Mike Berube.

    Posted by  on  10/14  at  09:50 PM

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