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So when is Al Gore going to return that Nobel Prize for If You Don’t Recycle It Will Never Snow Again?

Just in from a round of “knock the icicles off the roof” and a brief snowball fight with Jamie.  The fight was brief because, well, let’s just say that you don’t want to get into a snowball fight with Jamie.  He has a strong arm and is accurate like a “laser.” I took one to the left eye and one to the right cheek before surrendering and going inside to eat cheese.

(Interpolated update:  a friend just sent this implicit commentary on the above grafs.)

OK, back to older news.  About those wimmen-hating Super Bowl ads:  it’s not as if very much time or money or thought went into them, after all.  Seriously, people, I warned you about the creeping Bradley Cooperization of American masculinity months and months ago, but did you listen to me?  Nooooooo.  And now you’ve all got The Hangover.

Finally, I hear that much has happened lately in the world of talking-about-retards.  Apparently a vicious and incompetent White House chief of staff should resign (or just apologize repeatedly) for calling liberal Democrats “fucking retarded,” but a vicious and incoherent professional gasbag/ part-time drug addict can insist that it’s OK “to call retards ‘retards,’” because that’s “satire.” This is too hard for me to keep up with, so I figure I’ll just refer everyone to this ancient post in which I called for the banning of words I don’t like and therefore violated every principle for which the Founding Fathers fought and died suggested that you can call people “jackasses” (and many other insults!) instead.  Though I added an important caveat:

If you’re concerned about stigmatizing jackasses, however, on the grounds that you may be likening an innocent beast to a hideous human (or, conversely, figuratively dehumanizing one of your fellow men or women), you can always adopt the more politically correct term “jackass-American,” presuming, of course, that the jackass in question is -American.

So next time you’re fed up with someone and you want to call his or her intelligence or judgment into question, remember: you might be better off with insults that speak to the performance of intelligence or judgment rather than to capacity.  This isn’t just a matter of politeness; it’s also a matter of proper English usage.  Many, many morons and retards have very good judgment about some matters, whereas many, many ostensibly intelligent people make bafflingly, excruciatingly bad decisions.  Why?  Because some of them are knaves, and others gulls, and still others hoodlums and miscreants.  That’s why.

This goes for the Tea Party Patriots™ as well, of course!  Don’t hurl unseemly epithets at people who do the selective-outrage thing about the R-word and proceed to share the Tea Party Patriot™ stage with rabid-right birther Joseph Farah.  Remember, Jackass-Americans are an important part of our national heritage.  As for Rahm, well, perhaps a politically sensitive job like WH chief of staff just isn’t for him.  Washington, D.C. contains many fine establishments such as the Institute for Pissing On Liberals, the Center for Advanced Triangulation, and the Foundation for Squandering Democrats’ Political Capital; his talents might be better suited to one of those organizations.  Not to mention the National Association for the Advancement of Jackass-Americans.

Posted by on 02/10 at 05:14 PM
  1. You know what’s retarded? This post that’s what.

    [Any criticism of this comment will be considered an intolerable violation of Buy n Large’s First Amendment rights and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of John “Dick” Roberts’ law.]

    Posted by  on  02/10  at  09:31 PM
  2. see: Colbert.

    Posted by  on  02/10  at  10:00 PM
  3. I saw Colbert, Lee, and I think it’s deplorable when liberals are so condescending to conservatives.

    I can haz WaPo column nao?

    Posted by Michael  on  02/10  at  10:17 PM
  4. I was at a meeting today where several “professionals” had written notes on their hands, and they were calling said hands Palin Palm Pilots 2.0. I was outraged.

    As for jackasses, my son’s name is Jack, so he gets a bit tired of hearing that one. Of course, I think he prefers it to “paper,” which he is sometimes called because his skin is not quite as pigmented as that of the rest of his classmates.

    I’m not suggesting you ban the use of paper on this blog, though I will say giggling is a very inappropriate response when confronted with that horrible epithet, and I won’t do it again. I am all for banning Rahm, though.

    Posted by  on  02/10  at  11:10 PM
  5. I would just like to voice another objection to the use of the term “jackass.” For one thing, it is not presidential, and surely the president-elect of the Modern Language Association should be aware of this.  More importantly, when used by one African-American in reference to another African-American, it is evidence of the deplorable reverse-racist double standards of the mainstream media, which would never allow a white person to talk about Kanye West that way.

    Captcha:  indeed.  Indeed.

    Posted by Terry Moran, ABC News  on  02/10  at  11:25 PM
  6. I can haz WaPo column nao?

    I don’t know, are you man enough to judge Bill Clinton more harshly than the rest of the country when he lies to you?

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  12:14 AM
  7. Apparently two Rahms make a Wright.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  12:16 AM
  8. Knaves! I love the word “knaves”!  “Gulls” is a little arcane, though—isn’t “suckers” a more American-English word?

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  12:37 AM
  9. This post has finally, finally prompted me to look up the origin of “Cheese eating surrender monkey”. I heard it first from Groundskeeper Willie, of course, but I kind of assumed it was some archaic post-WWII phrase that the clever writers of The Simpsons has resurrected. Well, according to teh Wiki, it really did originate with Groundskeeper Willie. And then some pajama-wearing wingnut butthead from the Fighting Keyboarders started badly abusing it. Jackass-American.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  12:51 AM
  10. I’ve got to give this up, as with the Sally Quinn article a few threads back, I had no idea when I wrote 6 that David Broder had outdone himself with this howler, “Sarah Palin displays her pitch-perfect populism”. Utterly beyond parody.

    Freed of the responsibilities she carried as governor of Alaska, devoid of any official title but armed with regular gigs on Fox News Channel ...

    ...

    Palin’s final answer to Wallace showed how perfectly she has come to inhabit that part. When he asked her what role she wants to play in the country’s future, she said:

    “First and foremost, I want to be a good mom, and I want to raise happy, healthy, independent children. And I want them to be good citizens of this great country.

    “And then I do want to be a voice for some common-sense solutions. I’m never going to pretend like I know more than the next person. I’m not going to pretend to be an elitist. In fact, I’m going to fight the elitist, because for too often and for too long now, I think the elitists have tried to make people like me and people in the heartland of America feel like we just don’t get it, and big government’s just going to have to take care of us.

    “I want to speak up for the American people and say: No, we really do have some good common-sense solutions. I can be a messenger for that. Don’t have to have a title to do it.”

    This is a pitch-perfect recital of the populist message that has worked in campaigns past.

    ...

    Those who want to stop her will need more ammunition than deriding her habit of writing on her hand. The lady is good.

    Sorry to quote so much of it (gee, is there a way a person can get their own blog where they can ramble on with impunity?), but my God.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  12:59 AM
  11. Well Prof. Berube may claim that he prefers having the exercise of his intelligence called into question rather than his intelligence as such, but as someone who has in the past advised him - in the most friendly way possible - to “cut the crap” I have to conclude he’s fibbing.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:02 AM
  12. Jeez JP, that post needs to come with a warning. Now I’ll have to wash out my eyes with soap.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:17 AM
  13. I forgot this gem from the article: I gave her high marks for her vice presidential acceptance speech in St. Paul. That of course would be the speech that was >90% already written for John Q. VP Candidate and which then had a few Palin-specific flourishes added such as the mayor/community organizer comparison (oh, snap!). You have to have been a Washington insider for decades to really obfuscate those little behind-the-scenes details for your readers. So Michael, I don’t think you qualify after all.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:27 AM
  14. Auf Palin: She can spin the platitudes and aphoristic mumble-jumble, but she, and much of her ilk, are substanceless.  The proposed common sense solutions she espouses are lower taxes on the rich, increased spending on defense, avoiding any and all regulations, and ... oh i must be forgetting a GOP talking point or five.  She is unworthy of being called a jackass since they are wise and intelligent animals.  She needs some other moniker of disdain and repudiation.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  06:54 AM
  15. http://digbysblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/notes-from-tea-party-convention-by.html

    “Farah cited the plan devised by Richard A. Cloward, a Marxist Columbia
    University professor, and his assistant, Frances Fox Piven. It was first
    unveiled in a May 2, 1966 issue of The Nation. The title of the plan pretty much
    says it all: “The Cloward-Piven Strategy of Orchestrated Crisis.”

    Under the canard of ending poverty, Cloward and Piven openly calculated
    “bringing the capitalist system to collapse through a series of escalating
    demands that could never be met,” Farah said.

    “When these entitlements were no longer able to be covered by government
    agencies,” he continued, “the new dependent class would riot and rebel and
    create chaos that would create a real crisis for the system.”

    Cloward’s and Piven’s influence proved profound on first George Wiley, who then
    turned Wade Rathke on to it. Rathke in turn employed it as the founder of ACORN,
    “the organization Barack Obama would serve as an attorney and as a trainer of
    its leadership

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  07:51 AM
  16. Farah is right about the Cloward-Piven strategy and how it eventually helped ACORN steal the election for Obama, but he totally overlooks the critical role Queen Elizabeth played on the Trilateral Commission in the late 1970s.

    Posted by Michael  on  02/11  at  10:22 AM
  17. And now, News at Eleven:

    In a new Time article today, Joe Klein writes on the “brilliance of Sarah Palin,” asserting that she is “the favorite to win the Republican presidential nomination and therefore someone to be taken absolutely seriously.” If he’s right, the Republican Party is in a sad state. According to the new poll, 71 percent of Americans say that Palin is “not qualified to serve as president.” That figure includes 52 percent of Republicans. Ironically, on Sunday, the Washington Post story about Palin’s speech at the Party convention read, “With her remarks, greeted with wild enthusiasm here and carried live by all three major cable news networks, Palin moved firmly to reestablish herself as a politician capable of national office.”

    Moreover, the Tea Party movement that commentators have held up as one of the most significant forces in American politics, really isn’t all that popular with the public. Not only do most Americans not identify with the right-wing activists, but 64 percent say they know “some/little/nothing” about the Tea Party movement stands for.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  11:41 AM
  18. I was at a meeting today where several “professionals” had written notes on their hands, and they were calling said hands Palin Palm Pilots 2.0. I was outraged.

    I’d be outraged, too.  What a way to botch the joke.  “Palin Pilots” is sufficient, people!

    She needs some other moniker of disdain and repudiation.

    How about “vicious authoritarian jackass who probably wouldn’t be able to spell ‘authoritarian’ unassisted”?  Or is that not catchy enough?

    Anyway, good to know that “the more she talks, the less we think she’s qualified” has even reached the GOP.  That should clear the jackbooted theocrat field for Huckabee, or whoever else gets out front with “morning in America” against the shambles of the nominal Democratic agenda and a high unemployment rate.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:05 PM
  19. but he totally overlooks the critical role Queen Elizabeth played on the Trilateral Commission in the late 1970s.

    Don’t forget the litotes tungsten.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:06 PM
  20. It’s all too confusing. Sometimes you have to write notes on your hand. Unless you have a Vulcan mind like IslamoMarxist Obama.

    ACORN has been quiet of late, too quiet.

    Although I wouldn’t be surprised to learn they were behind the speculator attacks on Greece and the Euro.

    Posted by Pete  on  02/11  at  01:24 PM
  21. Didn’t Richard Hofstadter write an entire book about Jackass-Americans?

    And when the setting is informal, I always prefer the epithet “douchebag.”

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  01:40 PM
  22. And when the setting is informal, I always prefer the epithet “douchebag.”

    Jon Stewart notwithstanding, the polite consensus seems to be that the epithet in question has some disturbing patriarchal undertones.  Hence the attempt to adopt “co[lostomy ]bag” in its place.  Though it might be seen as making light of colon cancer survivors, “cobag” has the virtue of indicating “filled with fecal matter” as opposed to “filled with weak acid and optional floral scents for dubious feminine hygiene benefits.” YKMV, of course.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  02:03 PM
  23. Christ, this used to be the one place on the Internet I could go and not have to look at pictures of cats.  Despite this slip in etiquette, I’m with Michael on the R-word, mainly because calling people on it results in an “I was thinking when using it moment.” Since I’m not the government, it is not a violation of all that is sacred in the 1st Amendment. My new favorite word, by the way, is “asshat.” It trips off the tongue well, I can use it in conversation with my mother and she thinks it funny, and you an add the “F” word before it when things get serious. And yes, I do use the “F” word because, well, I drive.

    Posted by  on  02/11  at  09:29 PM
  24. If it’s a cat-free “web” “site” you want, Chris, there’s always Talking Points Memo.  Extra extra bonus:  they use the word “asshat” all the time.

    Posted by Michael  on  02/11  at  10:18 PM
  25. So will this blog have to register as “subversive organization” in South Carolina?

    Posted by  on  02/12  at  12:41 AM
  26. So will this blog have to register as “subversive organization” in South Carolina?

    Purely as a matter of national security, shouldn’t South Carolina have to register their batshit crazy racist wingnuts? Because once a State exceeds a certain percentage of those amongst their population, shouldn’t they legally have to slough some off onto other locations? It just seems to me that something cataclysmically bad having to do with physics (and probably math and chemistry) happens once a mental and emotional density level reaches a certain tipping point.

    captcha: “freedom” - now with 80% more irony!

    Posted by  on  02/12  at  01:56 AM
  27. I see nothing in this for which any of us need apply our hard-earned five dollars; we should save them for foot-longs.

    By “subversive organization,” the law means “every corporation, society, association, camp, group, bund, political party, assembly, body or organization, composed of two or more persons, which directly or indirectly advocates, advises, teaches or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States [or] of this State.”

    But those in band camp; that is something else again.  Captcha is ‘club,’ because, well, clubs don’t form to overthrow governments
    Posted by  on  02/12  at  07:03 AM
  28. Purely as a matter of national security, shouldn’t South Carolina have to register their batshit crazy racist wingnuts? Because once a State exceeds a certain percentage of those amongst their population, shouldn’t they legally have to slough some off onto other locations?

    Two words, O-Girl:

    District 9.

    Posted by Michael  on  02/12  at  01:16 PM

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