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New poll on GOP beliefs about Obama

And the results are in:

Barack Obama is a socialist—67 percent

Obama is a Muslim—57 percent

Obama was not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be President—45 percent

Obama is doing many of the things Hitler did—38 percent

Obama shot a man in Reno just to watch him die—36 percent

Obama personally killed my grandmother at some point between 1980 and 2007, and then killed his own grandmother in 2008 when she threatened to release his real birth certificate—42 percent

Obama authorized ACORN to award two votes to each member of the Congressional Black Caucus, and that’s the only reason health care reform passed the House—78 percent

Obama has decorated the Oval Office with the skulls of his enemies, mounted on sharp sticks—53 percent

Obama swiped a chicken from my shed last summer—28 percent

Obama may be the Antichrist—24 percent

Obama probably did steal Susan Smith’s car and kidnap her children—22 percent

When Scooby-Doo finally pulls off Obama’s mask we will learn that he was Huey Newton all along—16 percent

Posted by on 03/24 at 12:56 PM
  1. Whenever Susan Smith is mentioned, you should also mention Beverly Russell, the Republican stepfather, Christian Coalition leader, and executive committee of the South Carolina Republican Party Central Committee member who repeatedly raped her in her teens.

    For this kind of thing, South Carolina is simply the best.

    Posted by John Emerson  on  03/24  at  02:45 PM
  2. The 16 per cent who believe that they can already identify what we will learn when Scooby-Doo removes Obama’s mask should reflect on the meaning of “learn” and whether it is really necessary, any longer, for Scooby-Doo actually to remove Obama’s mask.

    Posted by ben wolfson  on  03/24  at  03:03 PM
  3. Emerson, please.  As if Obama didn’t force Beverly Russell to do it.

    And Ben, I take it you’re suggesting that Huey Newton is the “always-already” of the Republican imaginary, and that the “mask” is therefore no mask at all?

    Posted by Michael  on  03/24  at  03:24 PM
  4. If it weren’t for the misguided ban on concealed carry on college campuses, that man in Reno would be alive today.

    Captcha: “these” as in “o tempora! o mores!”

    Posted by John Protevi  on  03/24  at  03:32 PM
  5. Obama will carry this country away one piece at a time - 60, 61, 62, 63, 64,...percent

    Posted by Dustin  on  03/24  at  03:51 PM
  6. These seem like pretty low percentages for the “anti-Christ” and “Susan Smith” responses. Are you sure about the methodology?

    Posted by Bulworth  on  03/24  at  04:02 PM
  7. The Antichrist response is from the Harris poll; the “Susan Smith” response reflects the 2 yes votes I received from the 9 Republicans I asked.  Perhaps mine was not a representative sample.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/24  at  04:08 PM
  8. What percentage of Republicans believe President Obama is actually DJ Lance Rock?

    Posted by Gary Oxford  on  03/24  at  05:02 PM
  9. Holy shit, Michael. I read this post before I read anything about the poll. I just now discovered that you only made up 7/12ths of this listing.

    Posted by Orange  on  03/24  at  08:42 PM
  10. That’s nothing, Orange.  I made up about 0/12ths of yesterday’s post—it was all from George Wallace’s 1963 inaugural address.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/24  at  08:57 PM
  11. ..and he’d have got away with too, had it not been for you pesky meddling kids.

    Posted by saltydog  on  03/24  at  09:14 PM
  12. Obama has decorated the Oval Office with the skulls of his enemies, mounted on sharp sticks—

    Unlikely, but not implausible, given his possible apprenticeship with Idi Amin, and/or cannibal jihadists in the jungles of Jakarta, where he reportedly developed a craving for human flesh, especially of young christian girls.

    Posted by Ezra Hound  on  03/24  at  10:14 PM
  13. Well, we must also take into consideration related phenomena. 
    Fully 92 percent of Americans say they believe in God, 85 percent in heaven and 82 percent in miracles, Though belief in God has remained at about the same level, belief in the devil has increased slightly over the last few years — from 63 percent in 1997 to 71 percent today.  The national poll, conducted by Opinion Dynamics Corporation, shows that about a third of Americans believe in ghosts (34 percent) and an equal number in UFOs (34 percent), and about a quarter accept things like astrology (search) (29 percent), reincarnation (search) (25 percent) and witches (24 percent).

    We just need to lower reading scores some more and wait for the carnage.

    Posted by  on  03/24  at  11:38 PM
  14. Gary @ 8: Have they ever been seen in the same room together?

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  10:17 AM
  15. Obama was a cop on the east side of Chicago, back in the USA, back in the bad old days - 66 percent

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  10:33 AM
  16. Obama has a Lincoln Continental, got an Eldorado too, got a .45 gun in his pocket for fun, got a razor in his shoe—47 percent

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  10:43 AM
  17. And Paper Lace Week continues here on American Airspace!  Thank you, Steve.

    RM:  right, I forgot a few of those.  Like:

    Obama shot Billy, oh he shot that poor boy so bad, that the bullet went through Billy and it broke the bartender’s glass—39 percent.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/25  at  11:14 AM
  18. They say he shot a man named Gray, and took his wife to Italy (It-a-lay). She inherited a million bucks, and when she died it went to him to finance his plan to destroy our excellent health care system. He can’t help it if he’s lucky.  46%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  11:43 AM
  19. Professa Danga, you missed one:

    Obama is so ornery, he once shot a man just for snoring--9%

    That figure would be higher except that most Republicans don’t think that the odious Obama would ever do anything that cool.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  11:45 AM
  20. Obama was a desperate little man, he carried two guns every day; he shot a man by the West Virginia line, you shoulda seen Obama gettin’ away, Lord, Lord—14 percent.

    The “capture” word is “trouble”—eerie.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  11:47 AM
  21. Can run fast--88%

    Is a centrist--0.0%

    Made Mrs. Alito cry--79%

    Killed Leopold and Loeb--24%

    Lost Sudetenland--33%

    Invaded Sudetenland--27%

    Pardoned Willie Horton--51%

    Is Willie Horton--44%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  12:02 PM
  22. You know?  I haven’t been feeling well since last week, hacking cough, blew out my ear drum (almost; still ringing tho) and yet I hear about some health care crapola being passed.

    Yeah, right.  Bet that fucker Obama’s behind my illness, too.  Also.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  12:09 PM
  23. Obama kicked my dog! - 47%

    Posted by clark  on  03/25  at  12:27 PM
  24. Obama killed young Mary Dalton and stuffed her body into the basement furnace—31 percent.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/25  at  12:33 PM
  25. I saw Obama drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s

    -- Scott Brown fundraising letter.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  12:54 PM
  26. He turned me into a Newt!

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  12:57 PM
  27. Actually, black dog, I believe that was John Edwards at Trader Vic’s.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/25  at  12:58 PM
  28. Obama jounced the limb--19 percent.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  12:59 PM
  29. When Scooby-Doo finally pulls off Obama’s mask we will learn that he was Huey Newton all along—16 percent

    Huey Lewis--another 7%
    Juice Newton--3%
    Huey, Dewey, Louie, and/or Daisy Duck: 8% combined
    Stewie Griffin*--0.5%

    *[captcha, seriously, family guy]

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  01:16 PM
  30. Barack Obama’s a reptilian Shapeshifterfrom the constellation Draco who controls world politics via the Trilateral Commission, along with other powerful figures such as David Rockefeller, and possibly Hillary-- 20%

    Posted by Ezra Hound  on  03/25  at  01:27 PM
  31. Didja’ ever look real close at the eye above the pyramid on yer dollar bills?  Yep, Barry Obama, staring back at YOU!!1!!

    Word validation: story…
    nuh-uh, I read it on the intertubes!

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  01:48 PM
  32. Obama is a man of wealth and taste: 42 percent

    Obama has been around for a long, long year: 29 percent

    Are puzzled as to the nature of Obama’s game: 89 percent

    Posted by John Protevi  on  03/25  at  04:39 PM
  33. Obama’s got a lot of nerve to say that he’s our friend—57%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  04:47 PM
  34. Obama touched me in my playtime spot:  33%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  05:12 PM
  35. Michael,

    I didn’t realize you invited guest bloggers from the American Enterprise Institute to contribute.

    Also I didn’t know George Wallace’s ghost worked there.

    Posted by Bob Calder  on  03/25  at  05:28 PM
  36. Chris at #18-- aren’t you confusing Obama with John Kerry?

    Posted by outside counsel  on  03/25  at  05:29 PM
  37. Obama killed my baby, killed my family, got my homestead, killed my crop, boys, and blowed my barn down (but he won’t kill me): 19%.

    Posted by Orange  on  03/25  at  05:30 PM
  38. This made my day. Thank you Michael. Thank you.

    Obama convinced Brett Favre to sign with the Vikings -42%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  07:33 PM
  39. Orange, I was just looking for that song, darn it. Well done.

    Obama knows thee not, old man; see to thy prayers.—.000001%

    Out of quiet thunderclap Obama would abrupt (man-President-demon)upon a country peaceful and decorous as a Texas history book decoration, faint tobacco-reek still in hair clothes and ears, with grouped behind him his band of wild Democrats like beasts half tamed to walk upright like men, in attitudes wild and reposed, and manacled among them the Senate parliamentarian with his air grim, haggard, and tatter-ran.—92 percent.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  08:21 PM
  40. Sadly, I wrote on a student’s essay a week ago, “That’s just flat-out crazy-talk.” When he had written that our president was only elected because he was “half-black, half-terrorist.”

    I wish I were joking. About his claim or my response.

    I guess my point is that whether Michael made up 19/5 of these responses or not, the real crazy is out there. Way out there.

    Posted by Jason B.  on  03/25  at  08:39 PM
  41. Obama ate the ears off my chocolate Easter bunny and put it back the basket -76%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  08:47 PM
  42. Michelle, perhaps you should keep that between you, Barack, and the marriage counselor.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  09:28 PM
  43. Indeed.  Also, I used to be a Democrat, but since the HCR vote, I’m outraged that Michelle is commenting here with her arms bared.

    Posted by Michael  on  03/25  at  09:30 PM
  44. Percent who believe that sonofabitch is brave and getting braver—67

    Percent who believe he’s a revolutionary bum - 94

    Percent who believe one time he could-a been the champion of the world—50

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  09:32 PM
  45. Yes Virginia, Obama is our reptilian alien overlord
    ~~uncommonly usual 24%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  09:39 PM
  46. The only reason you left, Michael, is you’re just jealous my guns are bigger than yours.

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  09:57 PM
  47. Obama’s last two teams have had their championship records erased because of recruiting violations—1% (low because, where I am, that’s a good thing)

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  10:14 PM
  48. Strumming their pain with his fingers: 52%

    Posted by  on  03/25  at  10:56 PM
  49. Once wrestled Thomas Sutpen in the stable--17%

    Knows where the love of God goes when the waves turn the minutes to hours--1.3%

    Posted by  on  03/26  at  12:05 AM
  50. Won’t be in office a year, a year, I swear it won’t be three, till the country will turn round three times, and sink to the bottom of the sea—21%

    Posted by  on  03/26  at  12:50 AM
  51. Actually, black dog, I believe that was John Edwards at Trader Vic’s.

    If John Edwards’ hair is perfect how come he has to spend like eleventy thousand dollars a minute to get it cut?

    Posted by  on  03/26  at  12:41 PM
  52. Obama has decorated the Oval Office with the skulls of his enemies, mounted on sharp sticks

    I’m surprised this one scored so high, given that it’s actually true.

    I saw Obama drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s

    -- Scott Brown fundraising letter.

    I’d like to meet Scott Brown’s tailor ... and say, ”Pink leather shorts?!?”

    Obama shot Billy, oh he shot that poor boy so bad, that the bullet went through Billy and it broke the bartender’s glass

    “But, but ... he was aiming for meeeee!”

    --Eric Cantor

    Posted by  on  03/26  at  02:17 PM
  53. Chances that Obama bumper sticker intends to incite rage in mild-mannered, normal people ~ 1:4

    Posted by  on  03/26  at  08:56 PM
  54. Are you sure you don’t mean HUEY LONG????

    Posted by OVERLADY  on  03/27  at  03:03 PM
  55. The same people who name their children Huey, Myrtle, and Ethyl are the same people who name their children Willard and Marmaduke.

    Posted by  on  03/28  at  09:00 PM
  56. And Obama’s heart was going like mad and yes I said yes we can Yes--48%.

    Posted by Russell60  on  03/29  at  03:13 PM
  57. Russell60 @56: FTW!

    Captcha, and I am not making this up: “for” as in “the win”

    Posted by John Protevi  on  03/29  at  03:21 PM
  58. Yes yes yes.  Though to be fair, this entire thread is full of win.

    Posted by  on  03/29  at  03:30 PM
  59. Obama may be the Uebermensch as described by the philosopher Freddy “Peachy” Nietzsche --- ~ 1%

    captcha “problem” as in you got one

    Posted by Ezra Hound  on  03/29  at  03:39 PM
  60. Obama has known Abigail Williams. He has known her, sir, her has known her--47% (73% in Salem, Mass.)

    Posted by  on  03/30  at  12:38 AM
  61. Hungry as hell no food to eat, and Obama said that he would sell his soul for just a piece of meat Timothy, Timothy, Obama was looking at you . . .
    And nobody ever got around to finding Timothy - 36%, including much of NE PA.

    Posted by  on  03/30  at  04:01 AM
  62. Obama’s a German and he have my pen - 61%

    Posted by  on  03/30  at  12:21 PM
  63. Hungry as hell no food to eat, and Obama said that he would sell his soul for just a piece of meat Timothy, Timothy, Obama was looking at you . . .
    And nobody ever

    Posted by Cheap Evening Dresses  on  04/12  at  07:55 AM
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    Posted by  on  12/31  at  02:38 AM
  65. No matter how small the number is, producing hate programming brought in 16 million dollars to the Coral Ridge Ministries Media company in 2009. That guarantees they will keep pumping out “Obama is a Commie”, “The US is a Christian Nation”, “Universal Healthcare is a Fraud”, and “Charles Darwin made Hitler kill those folks” and other right wing classics.

    Posted by  on  12/31  at  10:42 AM

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