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Rove Republicans prepare for war

A twelve-step program

1.  Deploy 101st Fighting Keyboarders
2.  Cut taxes for the $300,000-and-up income bracket
3.  Tell citizens to continue shopping
4.  Cut taxes on capital gains
5.  Begin “fixing” intelligence and facts
6.  Undermine Secretary of State with humiliating U.N. presentation
7.  Repeal estate tax
8.  Alienate remaining international allies
9.  Distribute magnetic “support the troops” ribbons
10.  Prepare U.S.S. Lincoln for critical photo op
11.  Dispatch preparatory rose-petal-cleanup detail for Baghdad, Mosul, Basra, Najaf, Fallujah, etc. 

and finally, most important:

12.  Blame failure on liberals

UPDATE:  Apparently, some liberals are indeed blameworthy.  Adam Kotsko explains how he’s been undermining the war effort.

Fie on you, Adam.  Fie.

Posted by on 06/27 at 06:49 AM
  1. I know it may seem small by comparison to the other things on your list, but it’s #6 that bugs me the most. The fact that they asked him and do it. And the fact that Powell complied.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  06/27  at  09:30 AM
  2. I’m trying, and failing, to come up with a witty comment involving the phrase “chickenhawks come home to roost.”

    Non sequitur? Perhaps.

    Posted by gzombie  on  06/27  at  09:34 AM
  3. Let’s keep going here:

    13.  Fire generals who give off “negative waves” about wanting 500,000 troops to fight the war.

    (apologies to “Oddball” from the film “Kelly’s Heroes)

    Posted by Mitchell J. Freedman  on  06/27  at  10:07 AM
  4. One could say that blaming the liberals for the failure of the plan that the conservatives devised and implemented, with basically the full consent of those liberals in power, is Yet Another Example of blaming the powerless for society’s problems—not the most egregious, but still.

    Posted by Adam Kotsko  on  06/27  at  11:40 AM
  5. This comment is for people who followed the link to the Times story on Rove.  Sorry, Michael, for stealing one of your rhetorical moves, but I have to say that Rove is the best three card monty dealer in the business.

    Let’s pretend, for one tiny little moment, that Senator Durbin’s remarks have had some tangible effect on the war in Iraq.  I won’t even say “concede"--let’s just pretend.  Rove then says that’s that all we need to know about the motives of liberals.  Again, to steal directly from you, Michael:  but did you watch the red card? 

    Rove conflates (almost certainly imaginary) consequences with motives, but he does so with such fast and deft rhetorical sleight-of-hand that it’s almost impossible to see without one of those cameras that lets you watch the golfball actually compress when Tiger Woods’ driver smashes into it.

    Next thing you know, he’ll blame all those atmospheric scientists for making New Orleans a part of the Gulf of Mexico.

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  11:49 AM
  6. Don’t try to weasel out of it now, Adam.  First you admit to undermining the war effort, and now you claim to be powerless?  Forget all this smoke and mirrors, Lance—Adam’s comment tells you all you need to know about the motives of liberals, and the motives of liberals have dire, dire consequences indeed.

    Posted by Michael  on  06/27  at  12:35 PM
  7. Well, Adam’s post is very enlightening. Now I see that if I comment how I think something the Republicans do is unjust, I am really casting a spell that will doom the righteous to fail.

    I also see why gay marriage is a problem. Their vows must certainly be incantations that bring about the destruction of traditional unions. And I thought it was economic erosion causing both heterosexual partners to work long hours to maintain a standard of living somewhere above the poverty line. What a rube!

    But homosexuals don’t have this problem because they, through their knowledge of the black arts, can spin their pubic hairs into gold. Has this gold found its way onto my very own hand?

    But I’m fighting back. My wife actually believes that gays can go to heaven. And she’s Baptist! Tonight I will implore her to engage in a ritual intended to drive the devil out. I think once should be enough but would be willing to perform the rite again if given sufficient time to recover. I hope the children don’t come home too early.

    This evil must be stopped. Wish me luck!

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  02:01 PM
  8. "12.  Blame failure on liberals”

    Well, it worked for Vietnam, didn’t it? I mean, everyone knows that liberals like John Kerry were the reason for our failure in that war, despite the heroic efforts of patriot-warriors like George W. Bush.

    Posted by Mike Stiber  on  06/27  at  02:15 PM
  9. Doesn’t
    “1.  Deploy 101st Fighting Keyboarders”
    violate the Geneva Conventions?

    I certainly run away screaming when I accidently get directed to one of them.

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  02:16 PM
  10. I think my magic powers are broken, as I still have not won the lottery.  Who do I contact about that?

    Posted by bitchphd  on  06/27  at  02:31 PM
  11. Ex Con:  yes, of course gays and lesb**ns have spells.  What do you think all that “swish and flick” stuff is about in Harry Potter?  Mike, you’re right, liberals lost Vietnam until Reagan and Rambo called do-over and won it.  But while this blog honors George W. Bush’s heroic, if sporadic, defense of Alabama air space, we frown on blaming John Kerry entirely.  After all, as Honest John McCain has pointed out, both men served honorably—and besides, Kerry had lots of help from Hollywood and the liberal media, who organized most of the antiwar rallies.

    And SFA, what is this about the Geneva Conventions?  Parlez-vous francais, mon ami? The Geneva Conventions entitle terrorists to free therapy sessions, to be paid for with my tax dollars.  The more often they’re “violated,” the better I feel.

    Posted by Michael  on  06/27  at  02:35 PM
  12. Concentrate, Dr. B., concentrate.  It’s not about winning the lottery, it’s about undermining the war.  And if we’re going to undermine it, we’ll need your help.  Now clear your mind, pick one of Adam’s spells (I recommend the “pride and joy” one, myself), and chant.  Oh, yes—swish and flick, too.

    Posted by Michael  on  06/27  at  02:39 PM
  13. Oh, right.  Sorry, I was taking a too complicated path--thinking that if I won the lottery, then I’d get a tax cut, and that would undermine the war indirectly, you see?  Far too logical.  It’s back to the swish and flick for me.

    Here’s another great site dedicated to undermining the war effort, by the way.

    Posted by bitchphd  on  06/27  at  02:44 PM
  14. Now I see that if I comment how I think something the Republicans do is unjust, I am really casting a spell that will doom the righteous to fail.

    Just this past weekend, Donald Rumsfeld blamed the drop in military recruitment on press stories discussing the drop in military recruitment. I shit you not.

    I’d better get up to snuff on using my homo dark arts. If things keep going in this direction I’m going to want to snap my fingers, Samantha-like, and transport myself the hell out of this country.

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  02:47 PM
  15. Kidding aside, some of us really are, with no sense of shame nor turpitude, trying to undermine the war effort.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  06/27  at  03:25 PM
  16. Also please note the URL of this thread, Dr. Bérubé. You vile secret is exposed at last.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  06/27  at  04:00 PM
  17. Chris has some serious black mojo going. All hail the Dark Lord!

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  04:09 PM
  18. Also please note the URL of this thread, Dr. Bérubé.

    Bwah hah hah hah hah hah hah.

    Do you all want the mark on your right hands, or on your foreheads?  The forehead hurts more, but it’s way cooler.

    Posted by Michael  on  06/27  at  04:25 PM
  19. black mojo going

    I [HEART] Carlos Santana.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  06/27  at  04:49 PM
  20. I want my mark over my left breast, above my heart.  Where it can easily be seen in conjunction with the Famous Cleavage (tm).

    Posted by bitchphd  on  06/27  at  05:14 PM
  21. Truly the baleful influence of the Krugminimicon is extending its sway over more and more bloggers. Who will be next to open its leather covers, and glimpse the unholy undermining that lies therein?

    Posted by  on  06/27  at  06:59 PM
  22. Shouldn’t Hillary be given a special place on this list as well? There’s a whole new fresh wave of Hillary bashing happening that’s rising in direct relation to Bush’s tumbling poll numbers. Coincidence? With Hillary, you get a two-fer: Lesbo + Witch!

    Roxanne - don’t even get me started about Colin Powell. But it’s even worse than “just” the Iraq thing. Michael now has The Black Commentator on his blogroll, (under “T”, not “B"), and I advise everyone to check it out. Here’s a taste of their excellent breakdown of Powell and Haiti plus the link to that article (if I did it correctly).

    “History will record that the first Black U.S. Secretary of State personally engineered the theft of the national sovereignty of Haiti, the world’s first Black republic and the second nation in the western hemisphere to free itself from European rule. Such is Colin Powell’s horrific legacy – an historic shame and blight on the collective honor of Black America.”


    Posted by  on  06/28  at  03:34 AM
  23. Hi, Oaktown Girl—yeah, The Black Commentator, like The Weblog, gets filed under “T.” The blogroll is funny that way.  And to answer your question from last week, why, yes, I did miss you.

    Posted by Michael  on  06/28  at  07:47 AM
  24. Hi, Michael!  Just to be clear, there are no quibbles here on the alphabetical order of the blogroll. I just mentioned it in case folks might look under “B”.
    And thanks for remembering me. You made my day.

    Posted by  on  06/28  at  02:04 PM
  25. "2.  Cut taxes for the $300,000-and-up income bracket “

    What, no more slumming with that $200,000 a year crowd?

    Posted by  on  06/29  at  09:35 AM
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