You can win a lifetime supply of IEDs
All you have to do is identify the correct answer to the following question!
How long will the United States occupy Iraq?
(a) Just until the last throes of the insurgency subside.
(b) Only for another five, six, eight, ten, twelve years.
(c) Just long enough for “Iraq Occupation: The Next Generation” to go into syndication.
(d) Close your eyes and think of the Philippines.
(e) Until we find those dang WMDs. Ha-ha! Only kidding.
(f) When President Jenna Bush decides to finish what her dad started.Posted by on 06/27 at 07:20 PM
You forgot about al-Jaafari!
He says security will be established in two years!
AP - Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari said Monday that two years would be ``more than enough’’ to establish security in his country.Posted by Hoss Funk on 06/27 at 07:29 PM
Trick question! Answer (f) all of the above.Posted by on 06/27 at 07:52 PM
The way I figure it:
(5+2*2 or 2^20) (sine(30 degrees) or e^(i pi)+1) Zn + 1 = Zn x Zn + C Ax^2 + Bx + C = 0, 1 neutron + 6Li -> 4He + 3H
3H + 2H -> 4He + 1 neutron =
When hell freezes over.Posted by on 06/27 at 08:44 PM
(g) as long as the US exists. Then again, that may only be until 2007.Posted by Chris Clarke on 06/27 at 09:09 PM
For the last time: we’re not occupiers, we are liberators.Posted by on 06/27 at 09:53 PM
I haven’t gotten my magic book yet, and I don’t know whether it allows me to tell the future anyway.
So, the question I’d rather see answers to is, “How long will the U.S. occupy itself with Iraq?” I’d say until we get busy with Iran, and then Syria, and then--you heard it here first--Kazakhstan. (Anybody ever heard of the Tengiz oil fields?)Posted by on 06/27 at 11:31 PM
And I meant to add, Jenna Bush could never become president. She has partied way too . . . Oh, right. She’s going to see the light and be saved--unlike Clinton, whose adamant refusal to give up saxaphone and bj’s has certainly condemned him to the second circle of hell--though, as someone who grew up in John Ashcroft’s hometown (I shit you not), I think we can successfully lobby for an unprecedented jump to circle seven for him.Posted by on 06/27 at 11:39 PM
The US will be there until the oil runs out (I didn’t think of this, but I can’t remember where I read it first).Posted by on 06/28 at 01:07 AM
Why?Posted by on 06/28 at 01:19 AM
(h) (Holding pinky to edge of mouth) One Million Years!
(i) Until Jesus slays the Beast and returns to Earth for his Millennial Reign of Peace. Which means we’ve got to get the Green Zone stabilized STAT.Posted by corndog on 06/28 at 07:36 AM
as someone who grew up in John Ashcroft’s hometown
Oh yeah, Lance? You think you’re so bad? You think you’re so tough? Gary Bauer grew up one block over from the house I live in. Word to the motherfuckin’ streets.Posted by TravisG on 06/28 at 09:30 AM
Kazakhstan? Hah! Canada. Ever heard of oil shale and tar sands?
It’s not going to end until we’ve conquered everything. Heck, I’ve got a pile of plastic milk jugs in the recycling bin in the garage—I expect a tank to come rolling down the street to seize it as a strategic hydrocarbon reserve someday.Posted by PZ Myers on 06/28 at 10:30 AM
Well I grew up just down the street from Edward Teller. The same street, dammit. And Teller was pretty farkin’ evil, too.
(Though admittedly this all took place in Berkeley, California, which I imagine wasn’t quite as politically bad a place to grow up as Newport, Kentucky, or Springfield, Missouri.)Posted by on 06/28 at 10:47 AM
Whoa. One step at a time. First we need to figure out why we went there in the first place.Posted by Doghouse Riley on 06/28 at 11:29 AM
As long as it takes, and not a moment longer. Damn, weren’t you guys listening? Until the mission, meaning this mission as opposed to that other mission, is accomplished. Until every last Iraqi prays five times a day to thank Allah for all fourteen of our permanent bases, and they feel an inner pride when they contemplate that handsome new American Embassy we’re building in Baghdad’s green zone, the largest one we maintain anywhere in the world. Until all Iraqis not only read Tom Friedman’s column on a regular basis, but start to really understand what it is Tom expects of them. When Iraqis mend their collective soul, so damaged by those years under Saddam, and are content to be ruled by a plethora of plutocrats, including some home grown, who will prove themselves ready, by their ability to prosper in the atmosphere of graft and corruption already well established, to join the ranks of all those returning exiles, who will have, by that time, successfully sold off vast swathes of the Iraqi economy to multi-national corporations.
There’s genuis at work here, guys. Is it possible you believe that the supreme incompetence of this occupation, entering it’s third year while Iraq remains unreconstructed, is accidental? Who wouldn’t sell their souls to multi-nationals, after years of living in a war zone, for a modicum of civil order, some running water and a shot at some air conditioning during those summer days of temperatures above 100?
Remember please, failure is not an option.
It’s the only option.Posted by Leah A on 06/28 at 11:32 AM
Until all Iraqis not only read Tom Friedman’s column on a regular basis, but start to really understand what it is Tom expects of them.
And this, in turn, will make it easier for Friedman to write his columns in the future: once he can have conversations about Internet capitalism with cabbies in Baghdad, the world will be that much flatter.Posted by on 06/28 at 11:53 AM
”...and the world will be that much flatter.”
Indeed. That is why you are the professor, and I, your admiring reader.
BTW, Michael, I haven’t yet congratulated you for having been selected by Herr Horowitz for your own page in his rip-off of “Six Degrees of Separation, known as Discover the Network. Exciting and gratifying for all of us who read and love you.
Also, I was not among those who were able to express their concern about your emergency surgery, (surgery is bad enough, having it sprung on you is among life’s most unpleasant experiences, not including what was available in Nazi Germany or Stalin’s Russia), nor was I able to offer my heartfelt wishes for your swift and ample recovery. When I say couldn’t, I mean just that; my DSL became intermittent, and it took weeks for SBC global to figure out it was a very local coyote, who’d found a home in my city alleyway and was slowing gnawing his way through their cables, along with several of the smaller of the neighborhood"s household pets.
On or off-line, I was relieved and delighted to learn of your full recovery. And while I’m being so chatty, I hope that Janet can be persuaded into a return guest blogger appearance? She’s a natural.Posted by Leah A on 06/28 at 12:43 PM
I like (c). However, shouldn’t we also give a chance for a few other “Iraq Occupation” series to be churned out and rack up the requisite episode counts?Posted by Ancarett on 06/29 at 11:40 AM
IEDs? I thought everyone was using either condoms or the pill these days.Posted by Mike Stiber on 06/29 at 11:42 PM
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