I have a friend with a dog named Luther, more likely an hommage to the villain in Batman than a nod to the ultimate apostate, Martin Luther. In any case, Luther, an over-exuberant black lab, bit a houseguest (in the face, no less)—and off he went to obedience school. A full two weeks away from home for re-education. And the deal includes life-time refresher courses as needed for no extra charge.
The other night I dreamed that Bush named Luther as his Supreme Court nominee. In front of the cameras, the President told the assembled press corps that humans were just too unreliable. Rehnquist and Thomas wanted to protect sick folks using marijuana from the wrath of the DEA. Even Scalia had demurred at giving the Commander-in-Chief carte blanche to hold “enemy combatants” indefinitely without making any effort to ascertain if those held actually were enemy combatants. “No,” Bush said, “you just can’t beat a dog for faithfulness and dependability. Plus we can send him back to obedience school anytime he steps out of line. Although, maybe if Bill Frist were a lawyer instead of a doctor, I might have considered him.”
Dogs? Hell, why not parrots? Polly-want-a-lifetime appointment. Although, since parrots can actually talk, dogs might make rendering majority decisions more dramatic:
Luther: “Ruff, Ruff.”
Court Stenographer: “Whatsa matter boy?”
Luther: “Ruff, Ruff Ruff!”
Court Stenographer: “Hey everybody, I think Luther’s trying to tell us something!”
Luther: “Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff Ruff!”
Court Stenographer: “Hey everybody, I think Luther’s saying that due process doesn’t appply to people detained under the provisions of the Patriot Act!”Posted by on 06/30 at 11:17 AM
Batman villain? BATMAN villain? Don’t you mean Superman villain?
Have you been sniffing the kryptonite?Posted by Greg Nog on 06/30 at 11:18 AM
Frist already has that whole cat-killing part of doghood down pat. So, mindless loyalty, cat-killing, crotch-sniffing - anybody know if he drinks out of the toilet?Posted by on 06/30 at 11:23 AM
Some googlisms for “Luther”:
luther is my hero and always will be
luther is very extensive
luther is licensed to practice before all state courts in ohio
luther is naturally conforming to laws that do not even need to exist
luther is an international leader in programs to improve financial success
And hi to Mon Sieur McGowan, our weekly guest blogger! Do you like baseball?Posted by on 06/30 at 11:32 AM
Gteg Nog is correct. The villain in question is Lex Luther. Lex, hmmm, Latin for law (if I remember my HS Latin). Perfect for the Great Moron to put on the Supremes. You have the law thing going, as well as evil. The complete package!Posted by on 06/30 at 12:46 PM
Lex Luthor is also spelled with a “or” at the end (though if he went into hiding as a dog, he’d probably change his name a bit).
Lex Luthor, the evil genius, for the Supreme Court? On one hand, as a supervillian he’d probably vote to give criminals more rights - like keeping Miranda. On the other hand, he’s been known to torture Superman with kryptonite without bothering to first establish that, as an alien from krypton, he’s not covered by the geneva convention. A tough debate.Posted by Konczal on 06/30 at 01:05 PM
My bad, Lex’ name is spelled Luthor.Posted by on 06/30 at 04:29 PM
Two things I can’t quite square:
Michael Bérubé teaches literature and cultural studies...
BATMAN villain? Don’t you mean Superman villain?
Methinks a little homework is in order. Don’t make us revoke your kool kids of culture badge, Michael.Posted by ccobb on 06/30 at 07:18 PM
ccobb: Posted by John McGowan
Give credit where credit is due.Posted by Matt on 06/30 at 07:43 PM
Actually, I’ve never taught either Batman or Superman. I just want to know why every other superhero or group of superheroes is getting his-her-their own movie except for the Green Lantern.Posted by Michael on 06/30 at 07:52 PM
Not having a Green Lantern movie is soooo Q2 2005.Posted by Chris Clarke on 06/30 at 08:37 PM
An insider tells us today that “The Green Lantern” is actually moving just as fast towards fruition as Goyer’s “The Flash”.
Um, I’ve never taught either Flash or the Green Lantern, but how can the Green Lantern movie be moving just as fast as the Flash? The Flash is really, really, really fast. That’s why they call him the Flash. This just doesn’t sound right.
OK, I’ll stop messing up John’s thread now. I love the idea of Luther on the SCOTUS. Maybe he can team up with that cute Presidential dog from Tom Tomorrow’s Parallel Earth.Posted by Michael on 06/30 at 09:07 PM
This terrier and this lab went to obedience school because they both had the habit of nipping, biting, and attacking. They seemed to be doing well. At the graduation ceremony, the terrier attacked the lab and the lab killed him with one bite.
Talk about flunking.
(OT, I know, can’t help myself.)Posted by John Emerson on 07/01 at 01:40 AM
But here’s the real question: If Bush nominated a dog to the Supreme Court, would that then count as circumstances “extreme” enough for the Dems to filibuster (in accordance with that bogus “agreement” they made)? My guess is probably not.
Michael- Tom Tomorrow’s cartoon dog “Blinky” is the CUTEST dog ever!!! How am I supposed to stay on topic if you’re going to go THERE??Posted by on 07/01 at 02:17 AM
Are you going to dream about my dog Giles? Perhaps as the next presidential candidate for the Democratic party?Posted by on 07/01 at 10:00 AM
Caution. Bad poetry ahead ...
Carl Rove can make
his bitch into POTUS
Dr. Frist can
be appointed to SCOTUSPosted by on 07/01 at 01:56 PM
John, I have a favor to ask. Can you please have a dream about a dog named “Scalia?”Posted by Chris Clarke on 07/01 at 11:15 PM
Last time I looked, Lex Luthor was president of the United States, or on the run, or something. I don’t think he’s in a position to be nominated to the Supremes. He’d probably still be an improvement on anyone Bush might nominate, though. Well, except for that prejudice against aliens....Posted by Avedon on 07/02 at 12:20 PM
Wow, that’s really cool. Wish it was named ”SparklersPosted by Sparklers on 01/27 at 10:36 AM