Miers ushers in “Age of Aquarius”
There seem to be three schools of thought on Harriet Miers. The first is that of the Skeptical Left: You’ve got to be kidding. No, really. Who’s the real nominee? Variations on this include Rox’s suggestion that Miers is an elaborate head-fake, that she’ll be scuttled before too long and replaced by Janice Rogers Brown when the DemocRATS complain that she’s not qualified for the job. That doesn’t seem as likely as it did even 24 hours ago, though, because everyone to the left of John Ashcroft, from Harry Reid to Big Max, agrees that Miers is about as mild as a Bush SCOTUS pick can possibly get, and they’re OK with that. So if she’s scuttled, she’ll be taken down by the Other Side. If that happens, all bets (even yours, Wild Bill B.) are off the table.
The second is that of the Wary Left: maybe she’s a stealth candidate the like of which we never imagined. Maybe she’ll be placed on the Court in order to shield Bush and company from future indictments, as Digby suggests: “With the election fixing, gerrymandering, corruption and executive power cases coming before the court over the next few years, her position will be very important to the GOP machine.” Maybe she’ll also put an end to baseball’s antitrust exemption; maybe she’ll deal the final death blow to the Fourth Amendment; maybe she’ll wreak havoc on zoning law as we know it. Hard to say, but something must be afoot.
The third is that of the Disappointed, Depressed, and Demoralized Right: I was so hoping for Vlad the Impaler. Now I worry that my Impaler will never come.
But all you people are wrong. You are trying to assess the candidacy of Harriet Miers by looking at her past (not much to go on there!), or by estimating George Bush’s present political capital (disappearing faster than the polar ice caps!). These are inevitably flawed methods to bring to bear on such an important subject. Instead, we should focus on analyzing the future. And thanks to Google’s brand-new feature, “Future Search,” you can check out the full record of Justice Miers’s service on the Supreme Court.
It’s all right there on the Future Internets: her famous declaration in early 2006 that Roe v. Wade was wrongly decided . . . and that a woman’s reproductive rights should be predicated on the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment instead! Pro-life groups were especially outraged when Justice Miers closed her opinion with a sentence that many legal analysts interpreted as a repudiation of the American religious right: “Psyched you all out, didn’t I?” Justice Miers then followed this decision with a stunning series of rereadings of Fourteenth Amendment case law, reaching all the way back to the 1886 case of Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, which first established the principle that corporations are “persons” under the Constitution. “No way are corporations persons,” wrote Miers in June 2006, deftly undoing 120 years of precedent and restoring to the Fourteenth Amendment its original function of extending the scope of U.S. law to actual living people (particularly freed slaves). “Check out Section Three of the Amendment if you don’t believe me,” Miers wrote, in the famously colloquial style that won her legions of admirers and epigones throughout the legal profession. “There’s no question that ‘person’ means ‘a guy’ or ‘a woman,’ not ‘a commercial entity.’ How could Acme Corp. or Amalgamated Products Inc. serve in Congress or as an elector, or be a state legislator, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, et cetera et cetera et cetera? It doesn’t make any damn sense.”
Perhaps the most controversial opinion Miers wrote during her time on the bench—even more surprising than her revocation of baseball’s antitrust exemption in 2009—came in the landmark case of Bush (Jeb This Time) v. Obama/Bérubé (2016), in which Miers extended her analyses of the equal protection clause to the point at which she insisted that Bush v. Gore was wrongly decided. Although the ensuing years saw much confusion, as Congress agreed to reset the calendar at December 12, 2000 and strike down every executive order and administrative decision issued by the Bush Administration, most legal analysts agreed that Miers’ bold stroke had, in the words of Laurence Tribe, “righted an unbearable wrongness, and removed a terrible stain from the record of Constitutional law.”
Miers was not without her detractors. Her fellow Justice, Antonin Scalia, thought little of her as a legal mind, and took to writing withering dissents as Miers’ influence on the Court grew. Scalia was particularly appalled at Miers’ reasoning in Putnam County Soil and Water Conservation District v. U.S. (2012), in which she wrote, “When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars, 539 U.S. 558.”
“Mystic crystal revelation indeed,” wrote Scalia, in one of the shortest dissents in the history of the Court.
Through it all, Miers remained humble and self-effacing, saying only, “let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”
Thanks for giving us the scoop, Michael. Who’d a thought that one could find such predictions on the Internets!Posted by Bulworth on 10/04 at 10:50 AM
Well, I could have been right about the evil plan and wrong about the DemocRats taking the bait. And now Vlads are stuck eating shit sandwich.Posted by Roxanne on 10/04 at 10:53 AM
Not wanting to start the whole Nader thing again, but I wonder, if the word comes down that Miers won’t overturn Roe v. Wade, won’t there be a split among the liberal-left, too?
The Democrats’ default position should be firmly on filibuster until we know where this nominee stands on issues that the majority of Americans support.Posted by Mitchell Freedman on 10/04 at 11:04 AM
Hey, thanks for the heads up about future.google.com, MB! There’s a lot more good stuff in there than just about Miers, and I’m not just talking about the Chief Justice’s elective gender change surgery in ought-eight. F’rinstance, I was especially heartened to see the stuff about the current South American populist revolution taking root in the US in 2020. Something to look forward to. I can’t wait for agrarian reform in Caifornia!
And who could have forecast the insurgent John Edwards-Tucker Carlson campaign of 2024, and the subsequent nationalizing of Big Energy and de-nationalizing of Fox News? Not me. I still find it hard to believe that anyone will really fall for the “No, I was misquoted, what I said was ’j’accuse-ey lawyer’” line. But of course, that’s a matter for the National Forgiveness and Reconciliation Councils to take up in ‘26.Posted by Chris Clarke on 10/04 at 11:28 AM
We should be so lucky.
HannaPosted by Hanna on 10/04 at 11:33 AM
Pretty darn funny, Michael, but what had me really laughing was Bush’s insistence (expressed this morning) that Miers is the best candidate in the country for the job. She’s got Christian Right creds, and the Senate better pick up on this. I was thinking of sending a copy of Ronald Dworkins’ “Flunking Judge Roberts” (NYRB, Oct. 20, 2005)to every member of the Judiciary Committee. But I wonder if I the better tactic would be Marxian (Groucho, that is) and send them all socks filled with manure.Posted by on 10/04 at 11:39 AM
I never thought these nine could do a nekkid musical. Excuse me while I go wash my eyes out with battery acid.Posted by Kevin Hayden on 10/04 at 11:54 AM
Thanks, I needed that. More on Miers WILL THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN?Posted by The Heretik on 10/04 at 12:40 PM
Speaking of the future, how ‘bout that bird flu?
Q. How bad will it be?
A. Compared to what?
for two pages about the situation -
for 32 pages (but there are quite a few pictures)
- another pdf -
http://tinyurl.com/bgefmPosted by on 10/04 at 02:03 PM
From your fingertips to God’s ears, Michael.Posted by on 10/04 at 02:07 PM
It’s about time we got some good news, even if it hasn’t happened, though I’m shocked you would accept second spot on the ticket. Still, all for the good of the country, what?Posted by on 10/04 at 02:30 PM
You gotta give me the name of your dealer. That must be some sweet shit you’re on!Posted by Anthony Paul Smith on 10/04 at 02:33 PM
Don’t tell anyone, but Harriet and I were at Woodstock, running nekkid through the fields of barley. Ssshh!Posted by Miracle Max on 10/04 at 03:16 PM
I hear you, Miracle Max. That was the same Woodstock at which Bill Bennett sang backup behind Janis Joplin on “Piece of My Heart,” right? Not the 1999 Woodstock?
I can’t wait until Justice Miers starts turning bombers into butterflies above our nation.Posted by Michael on 10/04 at 03:54 PM
“Future Search” is definitely cool. I like the advertisements for inexpensive champagne that can be shipped directly to your home.
Its a shmmoooth sailing nowwwww . (hick).Posted by on 10/04 at 04:16 PM
Why do the archives on the future news site refer to “Previous Posts”?Posted by on 10/04 at 04:31 PM
Good question, Charles! Those are “previous posts” in a future perfect.
Did I mention that everybody gets a pony in 2017?Posted by Michael on 10/04 at 04:34 PM
The Pulitzer-winning photo of the pny dstribution event will be captioned “Ann Coulter (left), with new pony.”Posted by Chris Clarke on 10/04 at 05:15 PM
So those posts will have been the previous posts, right? Or maybe am I just all tensed up, as usual.
Anyway, I hate anybody who had . . . er, will have had a pony growing up!Posted by on 10/04 at 05:38 PM
Stop bogarting the good shit, man.Posted by bitchphd on 10/04 at 05:39 PM
Sorry, pal, but you’re going to need to work on your +/- before you get a shot at the Golden Ring.Posted by NTodd on 10/04 at 06:22 PM
I did notice in the Ebay listings for 2012 that you could get the newly released autographed Bush license plate, part of that series of plates signed by former members of the Bush/Cheney administration serving their life sentences (that appeal was rejected by Miers) to raise funds for heaters in their Pelican Bay slammer (now operating under a no-bid corporate contract). And right there next to the Bush plate was a series of Cheney chunks--pacemaker, replacement hip pieces, hearing aids, etc., all up for immediate auction with no reserve.Posted by on 10/04 at 06:52 PM
Gotta like that point about Santa Clara and its offspring. The corporate personhood doctrine has to be the most outrageous case of judical activism in the history of U.S. Constitutional law. I wish that someone on the Judiciary Committee would spring that on these nominees who claim to be strict constructionists.Posted by Paul Lyon on 10/04 at 08:57 PM
According to future search, John Negroponte becomes the oldest U.S. ambassador at the age of 96 in 2035. He represents the U.S. in the former exotic island nation of Tuvalu. Unfortunately, due to global warming, the nation is now only 9 meters square with a daily temperature of 120 F. He will be provided with a hat. Interestingly, this information will be found on the CIA’s “Homepage for Kids” right after the announcement of the new George Bush Center for Intelligence.Posted by on 10/05 at 11:14 AM
Goggle’s way-forward machine also has an interesting alternate universe option in which Meier’s was never confirmed to the Supreme Court, but was instrumental in jump starting the ultimately successful impeachment hearings of 2007 because she was the first member of the Bush administration put under oath in public who didn’t lie.Posted by on 10/05 at 01:53 PM
spelling (Miers), grammar (no ‘s), lack of musical knowledge, no aptitude at snark (although LOL at response above)—eghads, this posting thing, rather than lurking, is much harder than I thoughtPosted by on 10/05 at 01:57 PM
I’m with BitchPhD. I’ll have whatever you’re smoking! Thanks for the acid flashback…Posted by Elayne Riggs on 10/05 at 04:31 PM
damn right Elayne!Posted by psytrance_mp3 on 10/08 at 05:07 PM
You will be happy to know that a portion of this entry on the blog was reported on page two of the Kansas City Star today.Posted by on 10/09 at 08:14 PM
’How could Acme Corp. or Amalgamated Products Inc. serve in Congress....’
Deep irony in this. I was under the impression that corporations already are serving in Congress. It just might be more honest if we put the names of the actual corporations we were voting for on the ballot.Posted by EB on 10/21 at 10:29 AM
>“Check out Section Three of the Amendment if you don’t believe me,” Miers wrote, in the famously colloquial style that won her legions of admirers and epigones throughout the legal profession. “There’s no question that ‘person’ means ‘a guy’ or ‘a woman,’ not ‘a commercial entity.’ How could Acme Corp. or Amalgamated Products Inc. serve in Congress or as an elector, or be a state legislator, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, et cetera et cetera et cetera? It doesn’t make any damn sense.”
This led me to look at Section 2 of that amendment. Do we count all the corporations in an area when assigning Congressional districts? Why not?Posted by on 10/23 at 06:28 PM
Sarah Palin is not smart enough, or well read enough, to have come up with “blood libel” on her own. It was a gift from a GOP operative who has infiltrated the Palin camp.Posted by Myscarf on 02/26 at 05:21 AM
[Added Later: This would be a truly International Symposium! We could have members representing Portugal, Tennessee, California, England (I think?)--Hey! Let’s invite “2” He’s from Singapore, right?]Posted by Web Design on 02/26 at 07:45 AM
Refer to the Europe listings on the far right towards the middle of the page. Didn’t see Tuscany, but did see Milan, Rome and Florence.Posted by pandora style beads on 02/28 at 07:09 AM
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