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Naked Lunch

I just wanted to point out that the John “Statutory” Derbyshire who came up with this observation, which he attributes to his own “honesty” . . .

It is, in fact, a sad truth about human life that beyond our salad days, very few of us are interesting to look at in the buff. Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman’s salad days are shorter than a man’s—really, in this precise context, only from about 15 to 20. The Nautilus and the treadmill can add a half decade or so, but by 36 the bloom is definitely off the rose. Very few of us, however, can face up to this fact honestly, and I am sure this diary item will generate more angry e-mails of protest than everything else I have written this month.

. . . is, in fact, the same John Derbyshire who started a fun game over at the Corner, in which he invited readers to nominate dead “villains” whose corpses should be exhumed and hanged. (This was once known as “gibbeting a corpse,” and most civilized people these days tend to refrain from actually gibbeting corpses or indulging in gibbeting fantasies.  Not the Corner readership, though!  They had lots and lots of suggestions.  Lyndon Johnson and Edward Said were among the most popular.)

Girls under 20 and gibbeted corpses.  That Derbyshire fellow certainly is a man of many tastes and interests!  I wonder if the Rude Pundit could make sense of this, because I am not going to think about it.  La la la la la la la la la la, Mr. Derbyshire, I can’t hear you.

Posted by on 12/06 at 04:12 PM
  1. And he’s generally regarded as “the smart one”.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  05:40 PM
  2. "2. Michel Foucault. The idiot that made it possible to question what the meaning of is, is. A Frenchman, besides.”

    Ah, who could forget that amazing passage in “L’Etre et le Biopouvoir” where Michel demonstrates that the third-personal singular form of “to be” was actually developed by a group of seventeenth century Jesuists who used the word as a means of controlling noisy or possibly homosexual children?

    “For a long time, the story goes, we used verbs of being, and we continue to be dominated by them today...”

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  06:15 PM
  3. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta. 

    Derb is ok in my book.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  06:20 PM
  4. That’s right, Jess, Foucault made it possible for Bill Clinton to traduce the honor and dignity of the Oval Office.  Thank God it has been restored!

    And Humbert, if that is your real name, are you suggesting that Derbyshire is somehow channeling both Nabokov and Burroughs?  He is the smart one, after all.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  06:27 PM
  5. You know, I thought a woman’s salad days ended at around 15, so Derb and I are only off by about 5 years.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  06:34 PM
  6. Actually, pedophilia and public corpse showings aside, this reminds me of that time John Podhoretz name-dropped Wittgenstein: “And so, as Wittgenstein said, ‘Whereof we cannot speak, therefore [sic!] we must be silent’ (I just put that in there to drive the anti-elitists bonkers; I actually hate Wittgenstein).” http://corner.nationalreview.com/05_10_02_corner-archive.asp#079001

    Champions of Western culture, those Corner people.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  06:48 PM
  7. So, John “buggery buggery buggery buggery” Derbyshire prefers his women slender, smooth and hipless?

    Oh god, it’s just TOO EASY.  Someone hand this one to Andrew Northrup, I’m going to go drink until the image of the Derb pawing through the Britney Spears section of his local music mart leaves my brain for good.

    Posted by Doctor Memory  on  12/06  at  07:00 PM
  8. It’s such a short distance between legality and wilted salad, isn’t it, Mr. Derbyshire? Egads.

    Posted by  on  12/06  at  08:29 PM
  9. If you’ve seen a photo of the Derbyshire family, you will not that he apparently married the Mrs. in her prime back when he was only twenty five years or so out of his.

    Posted by julia  on  12/06  at  10:10 PM
  10. Just for you, Michael:

    First, look into the eyes of John Derbyshire - those cold, awful discs that say, “One day my neighbors will say, ‘He seemed so normal...’”

    Then look at his (vanity press?) trilogy of novels, Fire From the Sun, with its creepy description of a young girl at a public pool (from the point of view of an eight year old boy): “ You wouldn’t have called her either skinny or plump—though her chest and shoulders were somewhat broader than usual, perhaps.  He wondered if there were some polite way to touch her. “

    And between that and what Michael mentions above, there’s certainly only one conclusion:  John Derbyshire wishes to use the skins and body parts of gibbeted “villains” to create a rail thin young woman, of, say, 16, who will never outgrow that sexual ripeness and who he can use for his pleasure without fear of losing his valuable National Review Online space to spout about his secret desires in code.  At least until he wears through the stitching.

    Kisses,

    Posted by Rude Pundit  on  12/06  at  11:04 PM
  11. I am so sorry, but would you want to be the mother of his daughters?  The flesh creeps.

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  12:34 AM
  12. I was going to leave a pithy comment until I read Rude Pundit above and now I am feeling nauseous.  Sorry… I’ll go now.  The comment was good, too.  Damn it.

    Posted by BP  on  12/07  at  09:36 AM
  13. Could you folks please direct some of your disgust and scorn Vox Day-ward? He is really creeping me out with his enthusiasm about rape, but I can’t get any farther in taking it down, than to mock his haircut.

    Posted by Jeremy Osner  on  12/07  at  10:19 AM
  14. OK, Jeremy....

    <i>Vox Day is a novelist and Christian libertarian. He is a member of the SFWA, Mensa and the Southern Baptist church, and has been down with Madden since 1992.

    That accounts for his incoherence.

    Call me old-fashioned, but I chalk up his appalling beliefs about rape to good, old fashioned patriarchy.

    Amazing what some folks believe, isn’t it?

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  10:35 AM
  15. It has been my experience that the salad days start around 20.  Before then, it’s cheeseburgers and fries without a care in the world.  Then, when the “everything goes to my hips” talk starts, the salad days begin.

    What are salad days anyway?  The only example I am familiar with is the interpretation by Sam (sniff sniff)Peckinpaugh.

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  10:45 AM
  16. I’d pay big money for some collaborative literary project involving Derbyshire, Scooter Libby, and Rick Santorum, wouldn’t you? Why we could call it, “The Aristocrats.”

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  11:50 AM
  17. Thank you, O Rude One.  I knew you’d come through for me—but reading Derbyshire’s fiction really is above and beyond the call.  Bless your rude heart—and your strong stomach.

    Your reading of Derbyshire’s desires sounds about right.  Accordingly, I’m going to stop calling him John “Statutory” Derbyshire and call him John “It Puts the Lotion in the Basket” Derbyshire instead.

    And that photo is priceless.  Notice how his wife is subtly shielding their children from him. . . .

    Jeremy:  there are some depths to which even this relativist blog will not sink.  Acknowledging “Vox” “Day"’s existence is one of them.  But Ben, if you’re going to blame the patriarchy, I suggest you get in touch with Twisty—she’s the undisputed world champion of patriarchy-blaming, you know.

    Chris, I’ll have my development people talk to your development people. . . . 

    Posted by Michael  on  12/07  at  12:42 PM
  18. Njorl dude, check out the final lines of Act I of Antony and Cleopatra, where Cleopatra says:

    My salad days,
    When I was green in judgment, cold in blood,
    To say as I said then! But come, away;
    Get me ink and paper:
    He shall have every day a several greeting,
    Or I’ll unpeople Egypt.  (I.v.89-94)

    Cleopatra was really hot when she was 15, by the way.  Just saying.

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  12:51 PM
  19. That was an interesting piece of rhetoric, wasn’t it? The universalization ("sad truth,” “unfair truth") of his own little kinks, the slippery slide from “our” and “us” to “a woman’s,” the fairly odd use of that “salad days” metaphor… What does he think it means? Shakespeare’s got the word, of course, and its current usual meaning is more about “young and dumb” and/or “broke” than… what? Green and crunchy? Tartly dressed? Finely diced? Cherrily tomatoed? He seems to be using it to imply “attractive” somehow, but it just doesn’t quite work.

    Unless there’s another kink he isn’t disclosing.

    Posted by Ron Sullivan  on  12/07  at  01:44 PM
  20. Ron, I think “cherrily tomatoed” comes closest.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/07  at  01:49 PM
  21. jeesh. You guys act like he was poking a bear with a stick or something.

    Posted by  on  12/07  at  02:35 PM
  22. No, no, no, PrematureOne.  The girls in that story were ten years old—not even in their salad days!

    Posted by Michael  on  12/07  at  02:42 PM
  23. "Salad days” is Derbyshire code for “I like to watch young girls dressing.”

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  12/07  at  04:24 PM
  24. njorl, “salad days” technically means, when I was too young to have any sense, and therefore willing to shag anything cute, because being a young twerp of course I thought with my cunt, as opposed to now when I’m older, wiser, and able to think about the political ramifications, that is to say of screwing powerful guys based on more than just their HOTTTNESS!!!1!

    At least, that’s how Cleopatra uses it in Shakespeare’s play. Cleopatra, who would of course have been played by a teenage boy wearing a dress and fake boobs...maybe we better not talk about Elizabethan drama around Derbyshire, just to be safe.

    Posted by bellatrys  on  12/08  at  08:17 PM
  25. Oh and njorl, both the way it’s used in Antony & Cleopatra, and considering real world applicability, I don’t think there’s any set time frame for when young adults stop being “green in judgment” and our inexperienced “cold blood” heated up by the first sexy guy/gal to cross our paths, incapable of making intelligent judgments over what’s truly sexy.

    See, the whole “salad days” thing is used, in the original, exactly the opposite of the way Derb uses it. ("But your majesty, you used to think Caesar was TEH HAWTTT!” “Shut UP! I was a stupid kid then!")

    Someone needs to tell the NRO - Reading skills, people! it isn’t enough to just grab a Famous Quote and assume you know how to use it, without training or even considering the context…

    Posted by bellatrys  on  12/08  at  08:24 PM
  26. ("But your majesty, you used to think Caesar was TEH HAWTTT!”

    Those were obviously her Caeser salad days.

    Posted by  on  12/09  at  10:27 AM
  27. Oh, now, let’s not start the whole “dressing v. stuffing” debate again.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/09  at  11:59 AM
  28. Njorl, shush.

    Posted by bellatrys  on  12/09  at  12:20 PM
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    Posted by Ginger  on  12/21  at  10:58 AM

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