Adams and Steve
Here at Sadly, Non!, we are occasionally amused by Professor Michael Bay-rue-bay’s evasive attempts to explain away the Liberal Dominance of Academia. We’re fond of his French surname, of course. Still, we can’t help but wonder at the extremely French weasel-words he uses whenever he tries to claim that wingers are scarce on his side of the campus mainly because bright young conservatives tend not to embark on five-to-ten-year programs of graduate study in the liberal (cough! cough!) arts.
The truth, as always, is otherwise, and the truth, as always, is quite simple. Conservatives are getting a raw deal in academia because they are much wittier than liberals. Liberal professors hate lively, funny writers like UNC-Wilmington’s Mike Adams, and that’s why lively, funny writers like UNC-Wilmington’s Mike Adams are teaching at UNC-Wilmington when they should be holding the Distinguished Hannity Chair in Advanced Liberal-Asskicking at Harvard. No one demolishes liberal PC like Professor Adams did in his October 10 column on why he became a Republican:
Of course, I knew that Republican women were more attractive than Democratic women, long before I saw the above link. But I didn’t know that it was proper to discuss the difference until just before my speech at Ohio University.
That was when three very attractive women came into the room to take their seats and I asked innocently “Are you ladies all Democrats who are here to heckle me?” Their blue-eyed blond leader responded with this far more intelligent question: “Do we look like Democrats to you?”
Just two days after learning that it was alright to talk about this issue, I was giving another speech in North Carolina. After the speech, my wife commented on the good looks of the young Republican women from UNC-Chapel Hill who were listening in the audience.
Of course, this is very good news. Since my wife is able to comment on the surplus of good-looking women in the GOP, that means I can, too. Of course, it also helps that she stopped reading my columns many months ago.
The public discussion of this issue will help Republicans answer some important questions. For example: “Should we assume that being gay often causes one to be a Democrat? Isn’t it more likely that the lack of exposure to attractive women causes Democrats to be gay?” And “Do Democratic women consider compliments in the workplace to be sexual harassment simply because they rarely hear them?”
Are there any liberal professors as funny as Adams?
An ordinary writer would have claimed that Democratic women are lesbians because they’re too ugly to find a man. But Adams is no ordinary writer. He shuns the low-hanging fruit (so to speak!), and takes the whole gay thing to The Next Level. Here, we learn, Democratic men are gay, and gay men are Democrats, because Democratic women are dogs! Now that’s the kind of bullet-to-the-bone cultural criticism that the stuffy liberal academy just can’t handle!
So Mike Adams asks: Who let the Democratic dogs out? And, more importantly, do those wrinkled old dogs make Democratic men gay? But don’t worry, PC-mongers. Mike says his question is just an example of “heavy sarcasm.” That’s another thing those liberal professors just don’t understand.
P.S. Mike is also very funny on the subject of Annie Sprinkle. Check out those puns at the end! Hubba hubba.
Mike Adams is...a boob.Posted by Orange on 12/12 at 10:14 AM
I went to the same high school as Mike Adams (graduating several years after him): the reason he’s a Republican is because he’s from a nearly all-white enclave of upper-middle class Houstonians. That he’s dumber than a sack of hair also helps immensely.
Fine, I’ll tell you so you don’t have to search for his bio: Clear Lake High School, suburban SE Houston.Posted by norbizness on 12/12 at 11:46 AM
I didn’t know that it was proper to discuss the difference until just before my speech at Ohio University.
i never heard of this jerk, and i go to school at ohio university.
we heckled the ultimate warrior(after we got his autograph of course) and a couple of other prominent talking heads but i;ve never even HEARd of mike adams.
and considering that 2/3rds of our campus(~20k) is women, all of them beautiful… you have to figure some of them end up republican.Posted by almostinfamous on 12/12 at 12:03 PM
#2 party school, aif? maybe with Mikey Adams swinging coeds, but I’m doubtfulPosted by pinko Punko on 12/12 at 02:41 PM
Will Mike and the beautiful women of Ohio University become Bosom buddies?
Or will his wife find out about this and show him who really knows breast?
One thing is certain… Tits!
Sorry, this whole witty boob pun thing is harder than it looks.
Posted by on 12/12 at 03:33 PM
No, no—Two things are certain: Death and titses.Posted by Orange on 12/12 at 03:44 PM
I think you mean breastesses.Posted by on 12/12 at 04:38 PM
I am completely confused. But then, dogs often are.
Woof.Posted by bitchphd on 12/12 at 11:00 PM
Hey, I finally made the sidebar on Sadly, No!
(kvells)Posted by julia on 12/12 at 11:09 PM
Congratulations, Julia. But the sidebar on Michael Bérubé Online is far more prestigious.Posted by on 12/13 at 12:34 AM
Dr. Adams has provided us with another compelling reason to become a Repubican: Republican humor is better than Democratic humor.
Or, as he might put it: Republican humor is udderly hilarious.Posted by on 12/13 at 12:03 PM
Well, looking at his picture it appears the same can’t be said about Republican men. Apparently all the pretty, pretty GOP ladies are all after one thing-- ugly men with money who don’t want them to work.
OK, that was bad. But what he wrote was as ridiculous as it was sexist.Posted by zoe kentucky on 12/13 at 01:42 PM
He tips his hat to what his standards of beauty are-- blonde and blue-eyed. That says it all.Posted by zoe kentucky on 12/13 at 01:44 PM
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Mrs. Adams? Is that you??Posted by Orange on 12/16 at 09:19 AM
Yeah, I saw the pages on “Ugly Democratic Women” and “Attractive Republican Women”. All those pages prove is that any woman over the age of her mid-20s is going to have some awful camera moments, some “bad hair days”. Well okay, Andrea Dworkin never looked attractive, but women like Nancy Pelosi clearly has some “Wow! Hot!” camera moments.Posted by Rich on 12/16 at 11:05 AM
Damn you, Orange, now I can’t delete comment 14. But I did Laugh Out Loud, and I wish someone would come up with a shorthand for that.
Rich, true enough. But I think this whole “Republican women are hot” thing is a deflection. When the wingnuts get through complaining that all the babes in Hollywood are liberals, then they take to crowing about how beautiful Ann Coulter is. Something quite strange is going on in that little two-step, though admittedly it’s not quite as strange as conservatives imagining ten-year-old girls being raped by bears.Posted by on 12/16 at 11:11 AM
Michael, LOL is no damn good.
Feel free to delete comments 14 and 15. ‘s okay.Posted by Orange on 12/16 at 07:04 PM