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Roger and me

A reader writes in to say: “hey, Michael, did you see that you were recently linked by the brilliant Tom Tomorrow?  It seems that you’d parodied a form of wingnuttery that was then echoed, in precisely so many words, by an actual wingnut.  How about that?”

Well, dear reader, it’s true.  Here’s what happened.  Back on December 21, I’d asked why it is that newly-minted wingnuts adopt all the wingnut positions of the past three or four decades even if they themselves became wingnuts only in the past four years.  And I’d summarized their Campbell’s Condensed Cream of Post-Sixties Wingnuttery like so:

Everything changed for me on September 11.  I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.

Within a month, right on cue, Roger L. Simon and his hat had this to say about the Alito hearings, in a post titled “To the Manor Born”:

The big loser of the confirmation hearings so far is Teddy Kennedy. In his hectoring and tasteless attack on Samuel Alito he has succeeded in nothing but reminding us of his (Teddy’s) past. While Alito may have been associated with a creepy Princeton alumni publication of twenty years ago, Kennedy was associated was something much worse than that—and we all know it. . . .  When Mrs. Alito walked out of the room, I thought of Mary Jo Kopechne.

Leaving aside the pedestrian fact that this is a world-historically stupid thing to say (and also leaving aside the fact that Alito was actually a member of a creepy Princeton alumni organization, not merely “associated” with a “publication,” as well as the fact that it’s “to the manner born,” as in Hamlet I.iv.14, not “manor,” as Simon would know if he knew anything about literature), Simon’s remark has seemed, to some readers, an eerie confirmation of my own—as if, back in December, I was not parodying a wingnutterance so much as predicting it.  One blogger, in fact, finds the coincidence “uncanny” and “creepy,” though I presume he does not mean “creepy” in a creepy-Princeton-alumni kind of way.

But for the record: it is not eerie that Roger Simon said the very same wingnut thing I’d tried to parody back in December.  What’s eerie is that this is now the second time this has happened.

Fifteen and a half months ago, as some of you may recall, I did a six-part series of parody liveblogging at the Republican National Convention.  It was great fun at the time, and installment number two nearly won me a much-coveted Koufax.  (Curse you, Poor Man!  And curse you in especially vivid cursing language, Rude Pundit!) But just as I began to recover from the RNC, I learned that Roger Simon had echoed nearly every single one of my parodic posts with a “real” post of his own.  And so, at once deeply honored and deeply amused, I offered readers a side-by-side comparison way back on September 6, 2004.  Here it is again for all you fans of the eerie, the creepy, and the uncanny:

On the honor and dignity that is Ed Koch:

Me:  For a quarter century, the name “Ed Koch” has been synonymous with integrity and rectitude—he’s a beacon of sanity and light in dark times.  If he says George Bush is our man, I think Democrats should sit up straight and listen.

And Roger Simon:

Koch is my man. He is pro War on Terror and pro same sex marriage. He is a moral man of guts who, as a lifetime Democrat, was willing to speak in favor of Bush.

On the warm and fuzzy feelings of that first moderate and tolerant inclusive compassionate night:

Me:  These people really seem very nice, once you get to meet them. They’re not wild-eyed ideologues—they’re just ordinary folks, sitting there in Madison Square Garden, trying to have a good time. They’re as sensible as you or your grandmother, and all they want is for people to love one another, inclusively, in a big tent that is inclusive.

And Roger Simon:

Listening to Giuliani and McCain last night, I was starting to think, well, this Republican thing ain’t so bad.  Just like when I listen to Lieberman or Evan Bayh I think the same thing about Democrats—hey, these folks make sense.

On Zell Miller, the last honest Democrat in America:

Me:  The Zellraiser started off on fire: “Where is the bipartisanship in this country when we need it most?” he asked. Our nation is being torn apart by Democrats and their obsession to bring down our Commander-in-Chief! And that, my friends, is why we cannot unite the country the way we so desperately want to: these goddamn Democrats are a bunch of soft-bellied traitors! They insist on seeing American soldiers as occupiers, not liberators, when in fact, as Zell pointed out, the soldier, not the reporter, has given us the freedom of the press. Many cheers for this line from the crowd below me in the Garden! Screw those reporters who abuse the freedom of the press! Just like the soldier, not the agitator, has given us freedom of expression. Damn to hell fire those protestors who abuse the privilege of freedom of speech! Real American patriots know that dissent is possible only in America, and therefore unnecessary. Actual dissenters, who don’t bathe very often and who habitually abuse the privilege granted them by the military, are therefore traitors. To Gitmo with ‘em all!

And Roger Simon:

I’d like to log in on Zell Miller. That was one down home stemwinder out of the 1930s he gave and I agreed with pretty much everything he said. I think a lot of the negative reaction comes from the general lack of (or fear of) honesty in polite society. You’re not supposed to say what you think. You’re supposed to mask it.

And finally, last but not least, on how Bush’s War on Terror kicks serious butt whereas Bush’s new War to Teach Our Children the Equation for the Volume of a Cone is lame-ass nanny-state nonsense:

Me:  Leadership is all about “making decisions you think are right, and then standing behind those decisions.” Even when it looks like your decision to invade Iraq was based on the advice of a notorious kleptomaniac who was possibly serving as a double agent for Iranian mullahs, you stand behind your decision, because leadership is all about making decisions you think are right and then standing behind them. Um, I said that already. But that’s all right, because it makes it even more true!! And I stand firm in repeating what I said about leadership!!

. . . Why, why, why would Bush mention the economy at a time like this? I thought the important thing was that he will grab terrorists by the throat. All I wanted to know was whether he would rip out the terrorists’ jugular veins or tear their windpipes from their necks. I didn’t want to hear about whether the economy was staggering under the eight count.

And Roger Simon:

Bush is the opposite [of Kerry], the original WYSIWYG candidate—for good or nil. He knows that too and that’s the best part of him. He said as much at the end of his speech last night, acknowledging many of us don’t agree with him on everything, but still soliciting our votes. I appreciated that candor because I certainly don’t. Of course it’s hard for me to imagine a candidate I would agree with on everything, but I admit I wince particularly when he addresses the social issues. Still, that was hardly a surprise and that is the pill I will have to swallow when I vote for him.

Of course that is also why I enjoyed the stomping War on Terror speeches… Giuliani, Miller, McCain… more than I did the others. I didn’t want to be reminded of the parts of Bush’s program with which I disagree.

So, folks, now you know the real reason I didn’t sign up with Bedwetters Media when I was given the chance last November.  Who wants to write parodies of wingnuttery for an outfit headed by a guy who throws the very meaning of “parodies of wingnuttery” into semiotic crisis?  I mean, think of the position I’d be in.  One week I’d be making up batshit crazy stuff like “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick,” and the next week Roger would be writing, “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.” Before too long, Roger would be charging me with proleptic plagiarism or unauthorized time travel or something.  I just don’t need the hassle.

However, even though I didn’t sign up with the jammies crowd, I really could use the advertising revenue—especially since my little experiment with BlogAds has generated so little interest in its first month.  So I’ll tell you what.  I’ll offer my potential advertisers a special deal: if you buy blog ads on this site, I promise to let you know what Roger Simon is going to say at least 48 hours before he says it.  No other blogger—nay, not even Roger Simon himself—can make this amazing guarantee. 

Michael Bérubé Online: your best—and first!—source for blogging by Roger Simon.

Posted by on 01/18 at 04:35 PM
  1. "I didn’t want to be reminded of the parts of Bush’s program with which I disagree.”

    That all by itself is quite a thigh-slapper.

    Speaking of strangeness, have you seen this here?

    Looks like one of them customs more honored in the breech than the observance. (People get that bit wrong, too.)

    Posted by Ophelia Benson  on  01/18  at  06:23 PM
  2. That was funny and you are a name dropper!

    Posted by  on  01/18  at  06:29 PM
  3. I am indeed!  Whenever I have dinner with those names, that is.

    And Ophelia, my breeches were honored in Customs too!  How observant.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/18  at  06:35 PM
  4. I’ll buy a blog ad if you promise NOT to let me know what Roger will write 48 hours from now.

    ...And now I’m off to the second installment of My Dinner with Professor X.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  01/18  at  07:03 PM
  5. Huh. Yeah, but what did Ariel Dorfman think of them?

    Posted by Ophelia Benson  on  01/18  at  07:11 PM
  6. Although Ted Kennedy WAS born to the manor, you’re right, Shakespeare NEVER stooped to puns.

    Silly ol’ professor!

    (I’d bet you ARE right that Simon was merely misquoting and not consciously punning—and, since it’s Simon, you would know!)

    Posted by john  on  01/18  at  08:35 PM
  7. I went to Roger Simon’s blog once.  It was recommended to me as a good political blog for people who don’t agree with either party and think for themselves.  People with all points of view post there, I was told, and the blogger is an independent thinker.

    So, I went, and the post that day was about what a slime ball Kerry was for saying he threw *medals* when really it was *ribbons*.” Followed by about 150 comments on the slime-atude of such behavior.  Thanks a lot, “friend”.

    So I agree with Roxanne.  How much to *not* channel Roger Simon?

    Posted by  on  01/18  at  08:42 PM
  8. MB says:

    Leaving aside the pedestrian fact that this is a world-historically stupid thing to say (and also leaving aside the fact that Alito was actually a member of a creepy Princeton alumni organization, not merely “associated” with a “publication,” as well as the fact that it’s “to the manner born,” as in Hamlet I.iv.14, not “manor,” as Simon would know if he knew anything about literature)…

    I say:

    Leaving aside the pedestrian fact that Roger Simon’s post on Alito has no fathomable connection to Berube’s post on how his Democratic values were affected by 9-11, (and also leaving aside the fact that Berube must be smoking crack-scented teabags if he thinks that Simon’s statements remotely resemble his own), I think it might be possible that Simon made a PUN on “to the manner born,” cleverly changing it to “to the manor born.” Maybe he was just being funny???

    Half of my feels like the woman on Curb Your Enthusiasm--you know the wife of the fat guy, the little woman who swears a lot? I want to borrow some of her expletives and tell you how much of a %^&&* kook you really are, Michael Berube.

    But the other half wants to take a stance of compassion, asking if you are familiar with that 1980s song: “I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me.” You remind me of the protagonist of that song....

    Posted by  on  01/18  at  08:42 PM
  9. “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.”

    That’s one reason I was convinced at first that Atlas Shrugged was a parody site.  I had been blissfully ignorant of that little blogpile of steaming horsehit until I learned of it last week via Jesus’s General.  Right there on the front page were huge pictures of Ted Kennedy from the ‘60s, file photos of the Chappaquiddick case, and the blogger’s thoughtful pronouncement that the real reason Kennedy was opposed to Alito was because if the latter had been the judge in the Kopechne case, Kennedy would be in jail for murder.

    Posted by Violet Socks  on  01/18  at  09:06 PM
  10. That was one down home stemwinder out of the 1930s he gave and I agreed with pretty much everything he said.

    Most of the stemwinders from the 1930s of which I’ve seen film involve torchlit parades and some guy with a moustache who sputters a language I can’t understand, but whose body lurches with passionate nationalist hatred. Roger may be more perceptive than I thought.

    And, I say you’re a wimp, Michael. I used to be a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m pissed about fluoridated water and the Warren Court,

    Posted by  on  01/18  at  10:42 PM
  11. Leaving aside the pedestrian fact that Roger Simon’s post on Alito has no fathomable connection to Berube’s post on how his Democratic values were affected by 9-11, (and also leaving aside the fact that Berube must be smoking crack-scented teabags if he thinks that Simon’s statements remotely resemble his own), I think it might be possible that Simon made a PUN on “to the manner born,” cleverly changing it to “to the manor born.” Maybe he was just being funny???

    Dear readers, I assure you that I did not post this bizarre comment under the name “Skelton” as some kind of postmodern-Borgesian joke.  As you surely know, the phrase “to the manor born” is as common as Jimi Hendrix’s famous “‘scuse me while I kiss this guy.” There’s no way Simon was trying to pun on Hamlet here.  Besides, it’s not funny.  It’s just a very common mistake, made most often by pretentious “writers” who think they’re “citing” a “famous phrase” of some kind.

    But more importantly, I want you all to know that I did not invent a commenter who claims that there is “no fathomable connection” between my “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick” and Simon’s “I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.” I mean, sure, I’ve been known to indulge in Dorfmanesque satire now and again, but I wouldn’t try to invent a wingnut who says anything this silly.  Honest, I wouldn’t.

    Posted by  on  01/18  at  11:47 PM
  12. Y’all should leave Roger alone. He’s doing much less harm as a blogger 99.99999999999% of the universe doesn’t know about than he would as a “Write a Screenplay in 58 Minutes” instructor at the Santa Monica Learning Annex.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  01/18  at  11:55 PM
  13. Wait a second, Rox.  You’re saying that the role of Robert McKee in Adaptation was actually played by Roger Simon and his hat?

    Jeez, that explains a lot.  I mean, the only idea more overused than serial wingnuts is multiple personality.  On top of that, you explore the notion that liberal and wingnut are really two aspects of the same person.  See every wingnut movie ever made for other examples of this. 

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  12:18 AM
  14. Michael - I mean Skelton - no, wait, I don’t, do I? Oh jeez, I’m so confused.

    Anyway, Michael, could you really use three question marks in a row? Could you?

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  12:25 AM
  15. I dunno. I’m still recovering from seeing “Scenes from the Ventura Blvd. Galleria” --which has polluted my judgement of all Roger L. Simon films.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  01/19  at  12:26 AM
  16. I thought he was good on The West Wing. It’s a shame he died.

    Posted by Violet Socks  on  01/19  at  12:34 AM
  17. SCENE 241: A Decadent Salon. Int. Day.
    MB: I used to consider myself a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m outraged by Chappaquiddick.

    (general amusement)

    RLS: You know, I wish I’d said that.

    MB: Oh, you will, Roger, you will.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  06:51 AM
  18. Re. ‘To The Manor Born,’ I thought Roger was making a reference to the British sitcom featuring that chronically unfunny comedianne, Penelope something. And was thus implying that Ted Kennedy’s jokes were really lame. Or that we should sell the Congress to a supermarket magnate of immigrant background, whom Ted Kennedy will later marry after many amusing hijinks.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  07:11 AM
  19. And, I say you’re a wimp, Michael. I used to be a Democrat, but thanks to 9/11, I’m pissed about fluoridated water and the Warren Court.

    Well, Brian, I used to be a Democrat, but after 9/11, I realized that Hillary used fluoridated water to kill Vince Foster.  And then covered up the murder with that Warren Court.

    Your turn!  This is fun.

    And A.T., it turns out that Roger was punning after all.  My bad!  He was trying to suggest that Kennedy was “to the Mannerists born,” thereby implying that Kennedy’s questioning of Alito was influenced by Tintoretto and El Greco.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  08:00 AM
  20. I see only one explanation: Dr. Berube is a brilliant satirist; Roger Simon is a mediocre plagiarist.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  08:27 AM
  21. I think that Roger L. Simon’s hat has completed its brain-eating mission and is ready to head by to Alien Hat Planet HQ with a full report on the effects of a parasitic chapeau on one’s writing ability.

    And stop telling him to do things!

    Posted by norbizness  on  01/19  at  10:14 AM
  22. Debra Saunders has brought the Chappaquiddick thingie into the near-major media.

    Posted by John Emerson  on  01/19  at  10:42 AM
  23. I think on 9/11 a lot of people installed non-parody memory.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  10:54 AM
  24. I used to be a democrat but thanks to 9/11 I realize that a Spartan-style limited oligarchy is best after all.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  10:58 AM
  25. Ha. You wish. At least the Spartans used to win wars.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  11:33 AM
  26. The Kennedy & Chappaquiddick thing is a little difficult to bring out with this administration, when you have a First Lady who picked off her ex-boyfriend in a motor vehicle accident. There were no charges as I recall & no investigation.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  11:38 AM
  27. I thought Skelton’s post was so funny! But even funnier is that Prof. Berube thought we were too dumb to figure out that Skelton is not him.

    Maybe Prof Berube is actually copying Roger Simon, and not the other way around? I also fail to see a connection between the two sets of posts. One set is the boring posts of someone who seems to believe what they’re saying (Simon). The other set is condescending and stupid (Berube). There’s a lot of difference in tone: Berube thinks he has to be over-the-top because he doesn’t trust his readers to get it. He must think everyone’s a moron except him.

    Oh so clever.... hope you’re not this self-indulgent in class.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  11:56 AM
  28. Berube thinks he has to be over-the-top because he doesn’t trust his readers to get it. He must think everyone’s a moron except him.

    Au contraire, my cheeky friend.  I trust my readers completely, as they well know.  The only one who doesn’t get it is you.

    I do hope you’re not this rude and self-regarding in class.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  12:00 PM
  29. The Kennedy & Chappaquiddick thing is a little difficult to bring out with this administration, when you have a First Lady who picked off her ex-boyfriend in a motor vehicle accident. There were no charges as I recall & no investigation.

    What you forget, Rich, is that the First Lady killed her ex-boyfriend in the pursuit of your freedom. And even though this happened long before 9/11, 9/11 shows you what would happen if she hadn’t. Only worse. With a mushroom cloud.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  12:10 PM
  30. ’m nl rd t ppl wh dsrv rdnss. Y r sch jrk t Smn tht thnk y dsrv rdnss n rtrn. D y rlly thnk h vn knws wh y r? H’s jst sm prsn wh’s cnfsd bt hs Rpblcn flngs. Y’r mkng fn f n nnyms prsn fr n rsn. Thts lw.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  12:22 PM
  31. Oh yeah, and Berube tried to link a GSOC website to my computer when I posted my first post. He’s obviously a wingnut who can’t even take a little heat.

    BBy the way, thanks for the GSOC information. I know they are doing a swell job of shutting the school down this semester. My life is terrible; the picket lines are everywhere; everyone is moving classes off campus; there is mayhem in the streets and President sexton is ready to sign an armistice with the union, offering them a contract and a big hug.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  12:28 PM
  32. Michael, for heavens sake stop picking on poor ol’ NYUS. He leads such a terrible life!

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  01:55 PM
  33. I love a good, substantive disagreement, O persecuted anonymous one, and I’ve had many on this humble blog.  But I don’t have all that much patience for empty, obnoxious comments from people trolling my site from multiple IP addresses.  And so, dear soul, you may continue to post empty, obnoxious comments if you really want to work at it, but you never know what might happen to them.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  02:12 PM
  34. "I’d like to log in on Zell Miller”

    Can you even say that on a family friendly bog?

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  02:14 PM
  35. bog , blog , whatever

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  02:19 PM
  36. Or log, as the case may be.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  02:19 PM
  37. Thanks for not joining Plastered Jammies.

    And thanks for changing the picture. You are too handsome to be allowed to put a good picture of yourself up.

    Posted by JS Narins  on  01/19  at  04:14 PM
  38. Michael, at least your trolls are ambitious.  And unintentionally hiliarous:

    Prof. Berube thought we were too dumb to figure out that Skelton is not him.

    That’s right up there with the Grover Norquist pinata as one of the funniest things I’ve read on this blog.

    Posted by Violet Socks  on  01/19  at  04:53 PM
  39. Occasionally I leave comments under a psuedonym (as an alleged a 9/11 nutter) on some of the rightwing sites (I’d tell you the name I use, but I’d have to kill you) and go out of my way to write stuff that’s so over the top that no one should believe it’s real, but—you guessed it—I’m greeted with open arms by the regulars.

    Posted by Kevin K.  on  01/19  at  05:17 PM
  40. The tears are streaming from my eyes and i can’t stop laughing: chortle, guffaw, snort, wheeze chuckle etc.  It is just so damn funny, and that includes NYUS’s own contributions unintended or not. 

    The only thing i am confused about is what Allende had to do with Mary Jo????

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  05:18 PM
  41. That should be “pseudonym.”

    Sorry, thought I was posting as my too-manly-for-spell-check alter ego.

    Posted by Kevin K.  on  01/19  at  05:19 PM
  42. Thanks for the Ariel Dorfman link.  His talk was one of my favorite highlights of this past MLA, and I enjoyed reading his subsequent thoughts.

    Posted by S  on  01/19  at  05:31 PM
  43. You are too handsome to be allowed to put a good picture of yourself up.

    Now here’s someone smoking the crack-scented teabags.  Skelton to the white courtesy phone!

    Only kidding, JS.  Thanks for the compliment.  But as it happens, there are no good pictures of me.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  07:06 PM
  44. I think you should bring back “The Gates,” old man.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  01/19  at  07:09 PM
  45. Howdy,

    Someone called for Skelton? Did you run out of teabags, sir? We can probably ship you another order soon. Let us know.

    In the meantime, here’s a fun test you can take. Just let us all know if you see Roger Simon in here somewhere, and if he’s still parodying you. If so, we’ll send a stronger batch of bags.

    http://www.stupidstuff.org/main/rorschach.htm

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  07:19 PM
  46. I think you should bring back “The Gates,” old man.

    Be careful what you wish for, Rox.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  07:36 PM
  47. Okay, Michael, whatever did you do to poor Mr. Drum?

    --Oh, all right, I guess you’re not the only postmodern academic lefty out there, but…

    Fess up. You chased him up that tree with your chainsaw, didn’t you?

    Posted by bellatrys  on  01/19  at  09:10 PM
  48. And the picture of you with the chainsaw is pretty darn good, although I still think it needs 1) an Indiana Jones hat, 2) more blood and stubble, 3) explosions and smoke in the background.

    Posted by bellatrys  on  01/19  at  09:11 PM
  49. Njorl, I’ve warned you about those puns, haven’t I?

    [tapping assegai gently against floor]

    Posted by bellatrys  on  01/19  at  09:22 PM
  50. You know, I read this post almost 24 hours ago, and I’m still trying to figure out this “crack-scented teabags” thing. Can you really get high by sipping crack diluted in hot water? The only reason I’ve avoided crack is because I have delicate lungs. Crack-scented teabags, however, sound promising. Very promising.

    I used to be a Democrat, but after 9/11, I switched from chamomile to crack-scented.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  09:28 PM
  51. Can you really get high by sipping crack diluted in hot water?

    Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, Paul!  Certainly beats boiling those damn banana peels for twelve hours the way The Anarchist Cookbook told me to do.

    And your “I used to be a Democrat” line is great.  If I were you I’d submit it to The House of Rox.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  10:03 PM
  52. "For good or nil”? The man does have a gift, doesn’t he? I bet his dialog just leaps off the page.

    Oh, and I used to consider myself a Democrat, but since 9/11 I can’t get over the abandonment of the gold standard.

    Posted by  on  01/19  at  10:55 PM
  53. "For good or nil” is a British pun, vetiver, made popular by the BBC sitcom “For Good or Nil” back in the 1970s.

    Posted by Michael  on  01/19  at  11:25 PM
  54. I used to be a Democrat, but after 9/11, I’m outraged by Tammany Hall.

    No wait, wrong talking point.

    Here it is:

    The culture of corruption is bi-partisan.  Look at Tammany Hall!

    “I can’t get over the abandonment of the gold standard” made me laugh.

    I also enjoyed NYUS’s Hebraic abandonment of vowels. 

    But why didn’t Skelton write in Skeltonics?

    Posted by John  on  01/20  at  03:16 AM
  55. For the record:

    To me, the creepy part isn’t that you predicted it (of course you didn’t), but that wingnuttery actually imitates sarcasm. Maybe “Uncanny” was a lousy choice on my part for a post-title, but hey, I can live with that. At least I’m not Roger Simon.

    Thanks for the link, Michael. Much appreciated…

    Posted by Mimus Pauly  on  01/20  at  09:19 AM
  56. As absolutely hysterical that this thread has been, i had the good prescience to choose to read a week’s worth of White House press briefing transcripts last night.  Little Scotty boy is dissembling himself into some strange form of pixelated parody that can only be read as humor.  It is greviously sad that our nation’s spokesperson cannot be counted on to utter even the most remote tangential truthful statement. 

    My only hope left in this world is for Michael to begin to channel Scotty rather than Roger.

    Posted by  on  01/20  at  03:10 PM
  57. Speaking of Dorfmanesque satire (okay, that was 400 comments ago, but whatever), I’ve just now discovered for myself the extent to which one’s humble attempts at satire can be misconstrued.  I have a category on my blog called “Genuine Fake News,” which consists of satirical news articles.  They are clearly labeled as such, and I even have a little page explaining that the stuff in that cateogry is what’s technically known as “horseshit.” Today I was appalled to learn that my latest effort—in which Joe Lieberman writes an Op-Ed in the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Alito Must Be Confirmed” — was taken seriously on Democratic Underground, where it caused much consternation.  When peole finally realized it was a joke, they sternly rebuked “the blogger” for creating false rumors. 

    What’s a post-modernist to do?

    Posted by Violet Socks  on  01/20  at  08:48 PM
  58. I’m working (or wrkng, as NYUS [or did he/she mean SUNY?] would say) on a theory that may explain the “prescience” of the esteamed Mr. Berube as regards the writings of Roger el-Simon. But, (as Pvt. Jonah Goldberg would say), I need help researching this.

    Specifically, I would like to know if anyone can state, for the record, that you have witnessed Mr. Berube and Mr. Simon in the same room at the same time. Anyone willing to so state should attempt to contact me at:

    [Naturally, if someone DOES provide proof of the above, then my theory is shot to hell. On the other hand, that hasn’t stopped my in the passed.]

    Posted by  on  01/21  at  07:26 PM
  59. I’d like to log on and state that Michael Berube and I were in the same room together once, but he will not remember. That’s because I was working with Skelton, who slipped him some crack-scented teabags while Berube was unaware.

    After Berube awoke, I introduced myself as a paramedic who’d rescued him, then followed him into the manor where he lived. And in that manner (if you will get the double-meaning here), I was able to hear him make a stemwinder of a speech to the various people inside.

    I copied his speech down with the help of my trusty Mystic Writing Pad (see image below). agreed with pretty much everything he said.

    http://www.dealtime.com/xPR-LeapFrog_Leapfrog_Phonics_Writing_Desk~RD-45298519684

    Since then, I have tried to keep up with the Berube channel, using his information to write my own stories and novels. I am probably going to write a new novel about the Greatest American Band, which will feature a Hebrew-speaking NYU student musician will does not use vowels, and a showdown between good versus evil: a battle of the bands, if you will. I don’t know yet who will win, though. I am waiting for a deciding vote from Berube, since advanced democracies do not always use numbers.

    Err...I meant to say that numbers are unreliable in advanced democracies. No wait, maybe its voters who are unreliable democrats? Wait, maybe it is voting that’s unreliable in advanced oligarchies? I can’t remember now: somethign about how the votes cast do not reflect the winner of the battle of the bands.

    Posted by  on  01/22  at  03:56 PM
  60. Goddam, Berube, I go away for a few months and you chop down trees and Simons ‘n such.

    Kewl.

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  12:15 AM
  61. The Kennedy & Chappaquiddick thing is a little difficult to bring out with this administration, when you have a First Lady who picked off her ex-boyfriend in a motor vehicle accident. There were no charges as I recall & no investigation.

    A-yep.  She ran a stop sign and snuffed her ex, Michael Douglas. She was 17 at the time.  The police report is rather sketchy, though it’s not known whether anything was removed after the fact, once she married into the powerful Bush clan:

    AUSTIN, Texas (AP) - Details in a 1963 accident report say that Laura Bush, then 17, ran a stop sign in the Texas crash that killed a friend in another car. The report, adding information to previous reports of the crash, was released to The Associated Press on Wednesday.

    [...]

    There had been published accounts of the accident, but city officials had declined to release the records because those involved were under 18. The police report was released Wednesday in response to an open-records request that was submitted to Midland officials in March.

    According to the two-page accident report, Laura Welch was driving her Chevrolet sedan on a clear night shortly after 8 p.m. on Nov. 6, 1963, when she drove into an intersection and struck a Corvair sedan driven by 17-year-old Michael Douglas.

    Although previous news accounts have reported Douglas was thrown from the car and broke his neck, those details were not in the report.

    The speed of Laura Bush’s car was illegible on the report. The speed limit for the road was 55.

    Laura Bush and her passenger, Judy Dykes, also 17, were taken to a hospital and treated for minor injuries, according to an accident account printed at the time in the Midland Reporter-Telegram.

    The police report indicates no charges were filed. That section of the report was left blank.

    ‘’As far as we know, no charges were filed,’’ said Midland city attorney Keith Stretcher. ‘’I don’t think it’s unusual that charges weren’t filed.’’

    And yes, it’s fun to bring that up whenever some GOP twit tries to wave around Mary Jo Kopechne’s dead body.

    Posted by Phoenix Woman  on  01/25  at  12:47 AM

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