Citius, altius, fortius
Even though I love the Koufax Awards dearly, and the good people who host them, I thought I should wait until all the Koufax categories were compiled and announced before saying anything about the nominations this humble and yet relentlessly self-promoting blog has received. So far, I’ve been entered in the lists for Best Writing, Most Humorous Blog (oh, get out), Most Humorous Post (double get out!), Best Series (for my posts about Jamie, which I really ought to collect into a real series one of these days), Best Blog (hah! in my dreams—no, actually, not even in my dreams), and (my heart flutters) Best Post, in which I have five nominations. Actually, four nominations, because one of those nominations is for John McGowan’s soul-harrowing post, “The Rhetorics of Violence.” So here’s a raising of the traditional liberal-elite glass of pinot grigio to John! Kudos, my friend.
When I started blogging two years ago, it didn’t take me long to realize that the Koufaxes are critical to the self-representation of the left hemisphere of the blogosphere. They bring attention to all kinds of emergent blogs, particularly in the “Best New Blog” and “Blog Most Deserving of Wider Recognition” categories. And it’s a sad-but-good commentary on the growth of Left Blogistan that the Koufaxes have lately become too unwieldy for Wampum to handle. Let me put it this way: in 2002, there were 15,000 blogs. Now there are almost 30 million. Four years ago, the medium was dominated by manic libertarians (finally! a medium of Total Freedom in which I can vent at will! Truly this is the Paradise of which Robert Heinlein and George Gilder spake!) and manic warbloggers (finally! a medium in which I can rebel against the Forces that Be and pledge my undying devotion to Dear Leader without once acknowledging the contradiction, because blogs move at the speed of incoherent thought!). Today . . . well, let’s just say that today things are vastly different. Thousands upon thousands of good liberal-left writers compete for our attention, and the good people at Wampum have their hands full as they sort through all the smart, snappy, craftily-composed blogs whose paws face to the south. So please, if you can, help them defray the cost of the Koufaxes today.
But I’m writing tonight about another competition entirely—a competition at once more trivial and more momentous. Shortly after 9 pm Wednesday evening, in the comments to my previous post, the incorrigible Scott Eric Kaufman informed me that FrontPage.com, the website run by the Person Who Shall Not Be Designated By His First Initial and a Drastic Truncation of His Surname, is conducting an online poll to determine the very worst professor in America. You may recall that I was outraged, outraged that He Who Shall Not Be Designated had not ranked his “101 or 100 or 102 Most Dangerous Professors” in the order of the danger they pose to the Republic; but now, friends, you and I have a unique opportunity to redress a grave wrong. Please vote for me as America’s Worst Professor, if you have the time and inclination. Right now I’m leading Eve Sedgwick by the slimmest of margins, and as you know, I have no Diebold apparatus to fall back upon. But don’t worry about ballot-stuffing! This is FrontPage.com, people—a website whose unofficial (and yet universally acknowledged) motto is “Sloppiness R Us.” There are no limits, no limits at all, on the number of votes you can cast from one IP address. So stop by FrontPage today, and vote for me as America’s Worst Professor. I thank you, and all that is good and holy thanks you.
And then go back to Wampum, if you would be so kind, and toss them another ten bucks for good measure. You’ll be glad you did—and America’s Possibly Worst Professor will be glad you did.
Unsurprisingly, I was able to vote twice for you within half an hour from the same IP number. Now that’s some rigorous, utterly valid web polling!
It may interest you to know, Michael, that as of 9:33 pm PST, 2/22/2006, you were 7.96 times as worst as Noam Chomsky.
Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/23 at 12:37 AMHey, I was able to vote 10 times in about a minute, just by using the back button and hitting submit. Then I could watch the tally climb--you’re on top now!
Posted by on 02/23 at 12:47 AMyou should get the guys at Sadly, No! on board with this and you’ll take home the gold (or lump of coal--what’s the pot here, anyway?) for sure.
Gavin, Brad, where are you?
Posted by on 02/23 at 12:53 AMWhether you are the worst is still in doubt. Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick is the only one close to you. Voted once. Will try again. Actually I tried 108 times. You can click back and forth using the Back button. You don’t even have to click your name again. You are now ahead by 160 votes over Sedgwick and 1250 ahead of some kid named Noam, a chump named Chomsky, champ.
Posted by The Heretik on 02/23 at 12:57 AMBroadband, baby. Three hundred over Sedgewick. I am changing my name to Diebold.
Posted by The Heretik on 02/23 at 01:06 AMI feel a little guilty now. Jerry Lembcke has only one vote. Certainly the man who claims to have been unable to verify one instance of returning Vietnam vets being spat upon by flower children deserves more than one vote.
I’ma go vote for him a few more times.
captcha: justice.
Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/23 at 01:08 AMWhat a fibber! You’re not even on the list! Just look at the column headings—there’s a listing for a professor named “Penn State University” at a school called “Michael Berube,” but no Michael Berube at Penn State University. An easy mistake, I suppose, but get a grip.
Posted by on 02/23 at 01:19 AMOK, Lembke’s in the honorable three digits.
You need not hit the “back” button, incidentally: just reload the results page and approve sedning the form again. It’s faster.
Of interest: Peter Kirstein appparently has fans online right now too. He’s climbing like a rocket.
Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/23 at 01:19 AMI voted for you because, while the list contained several of the usual professors who would win in any given year--Howard Zinn, Noam Chomsky, Tom Hayden--I thought it was time for a new face of professorial evil.
The way I see it, with your Koufax nominations, it’s your year, man! Sweep, sweep!
Posted by Mitchell Freedman on 02/23 at 01:20 AMYeah, reloading kicks ass as a way of getting you up that ranking. We really don’t want Eve to win this one (whatever Scott’s own preferences…
)
captcha: him
Posted by Jon on 02/23 at 01:33 AMNo need to hit the back button? But I like seeing the results grow. And they have grown. Over 2000 votes now. What a bad professor. Or university.
Posted by The Heretik on 02/23 at 02:04 AMyou should get the guys at Sadly, No! on board with this and you’ll take home the gold (or lump of coal--what’s the pot here, anyway?) for sure.
Gavin, Brad, where are you?
I think we’re up for Best Writing as well, which means we’ll probably be going down in flames in the first round.
Hamsher’s going to sweep it, you know. She’s like a blog-award killdozer this year.
Posted by Gavin M. on 02/23 at 02:17 AMYou’re totally gonna win the beauty pageant now.
... but I almost think we should put a whole bunch of dangerous professors DHo & co. haven’t even heard of in the top 10. Would scare them silly!
Posted by Dr. Free-Ride on 02/23 at 02:23 AMYeah, why’s there no “write-in” category?
Posted by Jon on 02/23 at 02:29 AMIs it OK that I voted for Todd Gitlin in total earnestness? That guy is truly a total schmuck and his politics are genuinely awful. “Oh, the 60’s woulda been the BEEZ KNEEZ if it hadn’t been for the blacks and womenfolks yapping it up...”
And don’t get me started on his “Letters to a Young Activist.” i’d be embarrassed to sell that one at my yard sale.
That new book “The Intellectuals and the Flag” looks like a real self-important snoozefest, too.
But no worries, I voted for you, too.
Posted by on 02/23 at 02:31 AMI’m sorry, Michael, I couldn’t vote for you. Grover Furr’s muppety name was just too funny. And if I didn’t vote for Furr, it would have been Fred Jameson, since he’s all indoctrinating unsuspecting students with his modernist’s reading of postmodernism. Or at least he was, before he retired. I simply won’t stand for that kind of thing.
I’d kind of like someone to tell Horowitz about Judith Butler, just to see his head explode.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:20 AMOh wait, you meant the worst-professor competition. I wasn’t reading carefully.
It looks like Michael is already ahead by a huge amount, but sure, why not push that margin up toward gaping ridiculousness?
Actually, it would be fun to get Juan Cole involved too. Maybe there could be a formal challenge, if the parties agree.
Posted by Gavin M. on 02/23 at 03:49 AMI’m not voting in the worst professor competition, which should have a zingier title that will attract adolescent attention--say “TROTSKY OR NOTSKY?”
That sort of gives you the idea.
~Stalin~
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:24 AMMay I complain for a moment? I will. I single handedly multivotedly pushed the EKS vote into the range of a grand plus. I just feel that this blog is very conservative. Clearly, I am in a minority, and we need to count minority votes by multiples. But since you--each of you--single handledly (nods to David Sedaris) pushed Michael into the two grand range, I feel that I have to save my strength for greater battles.
OK. I need to get back to the salt mines.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:58 AMMichael -
If you win, I’ll give you first pick on which month of the 2007 “America’s Most Dangerous Professors” calendar you’d like to represent.Posted by on 02/23 at 05:29 AMSo what do I get for pushing you to 2500 votes? And how are you going to explain this vote-rigging effort to your family?
Posted by Sherman Dorn on 02/23 at 05:58 AMThe rout is on. It feels so good to back a winner.
captcha word: level
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:06 AMHamsher’s going to sweep it, you know. She’s like a blog-award killdozer this year.
And rightly so! Hey, I think I’ll rename my blog. And rightly so!
But don’t forget Glenn Greenwald. His blog kicks it and then kicks it some more.
Certainly the man who claims to have been unable to verify one instance of returning Vietnam vets being spat upon by flower children deserves more than one vote.
You know how it is, Chris. No justice, no peace. Besides, if Jerry Lembcke is willing to say that about our men in uniform, just think of how he might treat conservative students! He probably spits on them and then denies having done so.
What a fibber! You’re not even on the list! Just look at the column headings—there’s a listing for a professor named “Penn State University” at a school called “Michael Berube,” but no Michael Berube at Penn State University.
Jeez, they never sleep at Sloppiness R Us, do they? Now I’m going to have to change my name to Penn State University. Right after I change the name of this blog.
And if I didn’t vote for Furr, it would have been Fred Jameson, since he’s all indoctrinating unsuspecting students with his modernist’s reading of postmodernism.
I agree, Pat, someone’s got to stand up and be counted on this one. No more Lukacsian readings of L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E poetry and Los Angeles hotels!
And how are you going to explain this vote-rigging effort to your family?
The usual way, Sherman—with popcorn and a Dasani water.
Oh, and don’t forget to show some love to my dangerous Penn State colleague, Sam Richards. Right now he’s fifth. Remember, his name is Penn State University, and he teaches at Sam Richards.
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:23 AMDr. Berube - good luck in your quest to become America’s Worst Professor. I only wish that I had the opportunity to join you in the study of great literature. I envy your students.
You may hold us accountable for our political views as citizens and as educators, but our political views and our scholarly arts may not for your purposes be wedded.
Gideon Lewis-Kraus, In the Penthouse of the Ivory Tower, C-Theory July 04Posted by on 02/23 at 06:41 AMMichael BerubePSU 2543
Eve SedgwickCUNY 1237You are a patriotism-destroyin’ machine, Michael. Unless Eve announces some special extra-credit excercises for her lecture classes, you’d better get that tuxedo to the dry cleaners, pronto.
Posted by on 02/23 at 07:49 AMDid the UC system open a new campus? Where the hell is Berkelyl?
Posted by JDC on 02/23 at 07:50 AMSorry, I’m still stunned by the omissions from the list. Where, in God’s name, is Michael Hardt? He wrote two popular books with a convicted terrorist, for pete’s sake! That should count for something.
Posted by on 02/23 at 07:59 AMWe too were struck by the obvious omissions, but then, we’re given to understand that Mr. H. has a small staff.
Posted by on 02/23 at 08:09 AMimport httplib for i in xrange(100): conn = httplib.HTTPConnection("www.frontpagemag.com") conn.request("POST", "/survey/vote.asp", "profVote=46&VOTE=Vote+Now!", {'User-Agent':'Diebold Ballot-Rectify-o-bot v2.1'}
r1 = conn.getresponse()
print r1.status
conn.close()
Posted by Dominic Fox on 02/23 at 08:28 AMTo run the above code, you will need a Python interpreter. You can get one from http://www.python.org. Copy and paste the code above into a file, and save it as “diebold.py”. Then run the file (on Windows, once you’ve installed Python, all you need to do is double-click it). Presto - high-tech ballot stuffing. Feel free to change the number (in the line “for i in xrange(100)") from 100 to a figure of your choosing…
Posted by Dominic Fox on 02/23 at 08:35 AMDamn it, that version doesn’t actually work.
This version does, though:
import httplib for i in xrange(100): conn = httplib.HTTPConnection("www.frontpagemag.com") conn.request("POST", "/survey/vote.asp", "profVote=46&VOTE=Vote+Now!", {'Content-Type': 'application/x-www-form-urlencoded', 'User-Agent':'Diebold Ballot-Rectify-o-bot v2.1'}
r1 = conn.getresponse()
print r1.status
conn.close()
Posted by Dominic Fox on 02/23 at 08:45 AMHey, I have a suggestion: Why not a poll of the 101 Most Dangerous Graduate Students in the USA! I nominate that Scott Eric Kaufman fellow. His rap sheet: English major (bad enough), blogger with a blog whose title alludes to Bataille, a known Frenchman (yikes), and an admitted interrupter of undergraduate trysts (oh my).
Posted by on 02/23 at 08:56 AMI’d like to make a request that no one vote for Derrick Bell. He’s an administration shill and a union buster at NYU, and he doesn’t deserve he honor of a single more vote. “Leftists” who cross picketlines really get to me. Or, if you want to honor Bell for some reason, you could donate to the GSOC strike fund in his name.
Posted by jacob on 02/23 at 09:29 AMOkay, I’ve just finished casting a quick baker’s dozen or so votes for Prof. P.S. University at Michael Berube. You’re the Secretariat of academe, sir!
I couldn’t help but notice, though, that so many of these dangerous free-thinkers have the last name “University.” So not only are they undermining traditional American values, they’re involved in a ridiculous amount of nepotism, as well! They’re like the Fred Phelps family!
Posted by on 02/23 at 09:55 AMIf those who are interested, Jesus’ General has reviewed the 101 professors book for Amazon.
Posted by JDC on 02/23 at 09:57 AMActually, Michael, you’re up against ReddHedd for best writing and Plame for best series. I kinda feel bad that when mentioning FDL, many forget that much of the more serious writing (versus the cute and entertaining, but nevertheless fluffy fluff) is posted under our favorite prosecutor-turned-parent Redd.
And thanks for all the kind words. I do think we’ve actually got it under control (had to work out a lot of kinks now with so many more nominees), and I think if we tighten up on the nominating process next year (URLs required, no zillion self-nominations, etc.) and find a sponsor (so we can stop begging) we’ll continue holding them at Wampum for the as long as we sanely can.
Posted by MB on 02/23 at 10:09 AMSorry Michael-I had to vote for “gentleman” bob jensen. Long time reader-first time poster-you were however mentioned by my critical theory professor last night in class-to which I responded that I read your blog on a regular basis.
Posted by on 02/23 at 10:12 AMYou got my vote! You’re up to 4000-and-something now, totally stomping EKS and way way out ahead of Ward Churchill, which is going to have them scratching their heads over at the SAF Brigade Headquarters, I’m sure.
I noticed no write-in opportunity, and so I guess we can’t nominate ourselves or our colleagues. Thanks for showing these guys how a really good internet campaign is run.
Posted by Ur Err on 02/23 at 10:20 AMI thought Gavin was right-- are you really 619 times worse than that naysaying know it all Juan Cole? I think you’re only about 40 times worse, so I’ll see to it that the ratings are adjusted.
Posted by ackfoo on 02/23 at 10:29 AMVote often, live long, Diebold. Someone else besides me is voting early and often in the Cook County tradition.
Posted by The Heretik on 02/23 at 10:33 AMYou got my vote(s), but only because I’m not in the running. You gotta love electronic voting!
Posted by Chuck Tryon on 02/23 at 10:38 AMI didn’t know Amiri Baraka taught at “Rutgers University, Stony Brook.”
Great news! My home state has decided to stop taking shit from its overbearing neighbor to the north—they must have invaded.
Posted by Brian on 02/23 at 10:38 AMI did my bit.
As Stalin may have said, “It’s not who votes that counts, it’s who counts the votes.” Nevertheless, you have at present a commanding lead (just as Mustafa Kemal Ataturk did in the early running for Time‘s “Man of the Century” poll).
Posted by on 02/23 at 10:47 AMThank you, thank you, one and all, even Jon for voting for Bob Jensen (who is indeed more dangerous than I). And a special thanks to Dominic Fox, for showing us exactly what happened in Ohio! So that’s how it’s done. . . .
I couldn’t help but notice, though, that so many of these dangerous free-thinkers have the last name “University.” So not only are they undermining traditional American values, they’re involved in a ridiculous amount of nepotism, as well! They’re like the Fred Phelps family!
Good catch, Alek! Now you know why we need the Academic Bill of Rights.
Posted by Michael on 02/23 at 10:57 AMHey, I have a suggestion: Why not a poll of the 101 Most Dangerous Graduate Students in the USA! I nominate that Scott Eric Kaufman fellow. His rap sheet: English major (bad enough), blogger with a blog whose title alludes to Bataille, a known Frenchman (yikes), and an admitted interrupter of undergraduate trysts (oh my).
Yeah, where’s our list and how do I get on it?
And I had to vote for the other Michael (Warner). Dangerous queer theorists need to stay on top.
Posted by air on 02/23 at 10:59 AMMichael, I just bumped you up to an even 4500 votes. You’re welcome.
The real question is: if you win “Most Dangerousest Professor,” will you finally be invited to be a guest on *The Daily Show* or *The Colbert Report*. I mean, Michael Dyson was with Colbert last night. You cudda beena contenda.
Still, B. Dorn should probably win this competition. I mean, she actually blew shit up. And she’s batshit crazy.
Posted by on 02/23 at 11:13 AMWell, Michael, after I’d cast my votes you were at 4531. But votes are piling up so fast I’m sure that you’ll have 10 or 20 or 30 more by the time I’ve actually posted this note.
Posted by on 02/23 at 11:15 AMYou got my vote!
Posted by punkrockhockeymom on 02/23 at 11:15 AMPS I also posted some votes for McChesney as he’s so far down in the list & thus no threat to your hegemonic appropriate of the Means of Evil Doing.
Posted by on 02/23 at 11:19 AMMichael,
In the name of civil disagreement, I just want to point out how completely unfair it is to call FrontPageMag.com “sloppiness ‘r’ us.”
So far, your accusation seems based entirely on switching the “name” and “institution” columns on the poll. Everyone makes proofreading mistakes!
Well, I guess there’s also the fact that you can easily vote multiple times. But isn’t this the same system used by major league sports in allstar ballotting? And nobody calls them sloppy!
And I suppose the “Rutgers, Stony Brook” entry is a bit off, too. Still, to err is human.
None of this suggests that Mr. Horowitz is not essentially correct. I think you’ll find that if you read press releases issued by Students for Academic Freedom, they entirely back Horowitz up. Case closed!
Posted by on 02/23 at 11:47 AMWay to go Penn State! 2 in the top 5!
I had to push Juan Cole up higher. I got him up one spot in about 30 seconds. I think he’s more dangerous than seventh: lots of people rely on him for a realistic view of events in the middle east.
Posted by on 02/23 at 11:49 AM
Posted by on 02/23 at 12:03 PMSubvert the dumbocracy fifty votes at a time.
Posted by The Heretik on 02/23 at 12:08 PMStill, B. Dorn should probably win this competition. I mean, she actually blew shit up. And she’s batshit crazy.
Good point, Luther. Besides, c’mon, everyone knows I got into that book on a technicality. The three major categories are: (1) Horowitz’s former comrades or competitors from the insane Maoist-Avakianist wings of the Very Late New Left; (2) professors in Middle Eastern studies; and (3) people who study race and American history. The catchall category (4), People Who Just Piss Horowitz Off No End, is by far the least impressive. That’s why it’s so important that people like Eve Sedgwick and I put in a good showing in this poll.
Oh, and Artless in MD, don’t forget that new UC campus at Bekrlkelyl.
Posted by Michael on 02/23 at 12:21 PMGo Team Berube!
Alas, out of unfamiliarity with the exercise, I went and tried to vote for Gertrude Himmelfarb (her emeritus status at CUNY counts for something, doesn’t it?) or Donald Kagan.
But G.G. Liddy was yanked off a low watt AM talk show station in the Imperial City. We no longer can hear David H’s manic expositions on The Memes We Need To Survive.
And suffer accordingly.
Michael, if Team Berube can keep it going and you win, this surely is a Triumph, more than an Ovation. Although a grad student following you in the chariot murmuring “Remember you are nothing but a man” might be protocol, I think in 2006 it can be updated to “Let me hear you say this shit is bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”
Posted by Leo Strauss on 02/23 at 12:25 PMI see that David Horowitz has added the following User Interface boilerplate to the entry formatting on his site:
Sign Up Today and Have Every Horowitz Blog Dropped Into Your Email So That You Don’t Miss One
Is it just me, or does that sound somewhat scatological?
Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/23 at 12:35 PMPSU #1
Professional courtesy.
Ballot stuffing is really quite unnecessary, Michael would clearly win anyway, unless Juan decides to petition his blog readers that is.
Chomsky and Davis don’t blog?Posted by Steinn Sigurdsson on 02/23 at 12:40 PMMichael, I’d love it if you had a “Jamie archive.” I have a friend whose nephew has Downs [sp?]; I wanted to direct her to your Jamie posts but couldn’t find a way to corral them.
Posted by on 02/23 at 12:48 PMMichael,
I’m pulling for you to win the coveted Worst Professor award. Would it be unethical of me to vote more than once?
Posted by Daryl McCullough on 02/23 at 12:53 PMDaryl, it’s not only not unethical, it’s your sworn duty as a blog reader! Vote early and often!
Given Michael’s comfortable 3000 vote lead, however, I decided to help out a few others. I couldn’t stand to see bell hooks languishing in the single digits, so I bumped her by about 25 votes or so. She is now worse than Amiri Baraka, but not as bad as Ward Churchill.
I’m working on it.
Posted by on 02/23 at 01:00 PMYou got my votes (four of them). I’m deeply upset, though, that I didn’t make the list. In fact, no one at an HBCU did, which surprises me. My colleagues are clearly falling down on the job of mind-control.
Posted by Fragano Ledgister on 02/23 at 01:23 PMI would like to second Protevi’s nomination of Scott Eric Kaufman for the Most Dangerous Graduate Students in the US. (And Protevi should know: without his guidance I wouldn’t be half so dangerous.) In addition to the reasons John listed, I want add a few more:
1) My classroom is wicked dangersome: sleeping students are liable to find themselves pelted with paper balls; I crack wise at the expense of certain dangerous Jews; I discuss on occasion the dissertation I’m writing on Darwin.
2) I’ve now been cited by name three times by Michael, who we now know to be the worst a.k.a. most-dangerous-professor in America, despite Horowitz’s initial reluctance to rank ‘em. The people have spoken! (And just like my classroom, some much more than others. Maybe I need to whip out my bag of feminist pedagogy tricks . . . )
3) I have a bag of feminist pedagogy tricks.
4) My wife and I accepted cash donations from a known gay for seven months. We even made him do his half of the dishes.
5) I never planted a tree in Israel like all the other kids in Hebrew class...but I did spend a summer with communists in the le Marche province of Italy. (Where, fascistic boasts aside, the trains never ran on time.)
7) I’m awesome with numbers.
Posted by Scott Eric Kaufman on 02/23 at 01:28 PMOh, and Michael’s great and all, but ”My Morning,” also nominated, ain’t unfunny.
Posted by Scott Eric Kaufman on 02/23 at 01:29 PMI’m sorry, Michael, but I voted for Bernardine. Better legs.
Posted by jam on 02/23 at 01:59 PMAs of 2 pm EST Michael’s leading by almost 3000 votes. Wow, i had not seen the list before, as i just have no interest in supporting the Person Who Shall Not Be Designated By His First Initial and a Drastic Truncation of His Surname. So many quality people, including a few friends, associates, and others for whom i have deep respect and admiration. In a sense this list is an honor roll i guess for all that is good and intelligent and wise.
While i can only vote once (i just can’t go to that site) i would love to support many more, for this great honor.
Posted by on 02/23 at 02:10 PMThat was fun! I want to claim credit for moving Gayle Rubin up about ten places.
But I feel bad for all the people with only two votes.
Posted by on 02/23 at 02:13 PMwould you like a script?
would you like a small drone army each with scripts?
do you think the target stores “votes” in 8, 16, 32, or 64 bits, and how many of those could be overflowed if incremented once per second for the duration of the ... er ... voting period?
deconstruction isn’t just a critlit pastime.
Posted by ebw on 02/23 at 03:00 PMI did my duty but I’m going to have to go back and fluff up some of those low numbers for some of the other folks. I know what it’s like to be picked last for the dodgeball team.
Somewhat OT - for all the bitching about Harvard U. being a bastion of liberalness and political correctitude (see Dershowitz in the Boston Globe and Silverglate in the Phoenix), no one from the World’s Greatest University is on the list.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:01 PMHeads up readers-we seem to have another reprobate stuffing ballot boxes. Just 30 minutes ago, my vote for John Bellamy Foster took him out of the pack at nine votes up to ten. Now he has 1300!
I suppose I really should vote for Eric Foner-he’s the only one I’ve ever seen speak and met afterwards. And I’m a lefty to this day-so clearly he is very dangerous indeed.Posted by on 02/23 at 03:18 PMjust went and voted now. you are waaaay ahead Professor. Congrats.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:21 PMThis is better than being in Ulster (motto: Vote early, vote often). This the best bit of ballot stuffing I have ever partaken off.
The votes currently are:
Michael Berube - 6001
John Bellamy Foster - 2104
Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick - 1248I reckon that with the rate at which his votes are increasing John Bellamy Foster has his own Diebold machine
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:25 PMThe votes are now:
Michael Berube - 6065
John Bellamy Foster - 3008Heeeeelp!!!!!
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:31 PMFoster doesn’t need a Diebold machine. He’s the editor of the Monthly Review. He simply called upon the workers of the world to unite, at this moment, in voting for him. The revolution will have to be postponed until after the workers are treated for carpal tunnel.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:33 PMI just cast my vote for the big MB, a man so dangerous that in the Stones’ “Shattered” the backup singers are actually chanting his name.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:35 PMI didn’t realize that there were that many workers left in the world. Maybe Foster has outsourced it to India or China.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:40 PMFoster just topped 4K. At this rate he’ll pass MB in less than an hour.
“The sky is falling! The sky is falling! WMDs have been loosed on the world!”
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:42 PMAdded about 100 or so. Just alt-left_arrow and enter once you have your selection. It is getting a bit slow I guess we are starting to use some bandwith
.
PenGun
Posted by PenGun on 02/23 at 03:42 PMIt’s typical of the far Leftists who frequent the websites of tenured radicals like Berube that you are deliberately and maliciously screwing up my poll. But I’ll have my revenge, my pretties, on you and your little dog too....
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:43 PMI’m not sure Fredric Jameson is a bad professor, but his books sure aren’t much fun to read. Long years ago I remember English professors beating in my brains with “semiotic rectangles” and such. That’s probably why I abandoned belles lettres for the vineyards of the law.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:47 PMShit, this didn’t install spyware, did it? Because I don’t want to get hit with a wave of “Bill Buckley Kung-Fu Academy and Rolex Look-alike Watch Sale” spam.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:50 PMWell, I cast some votes for Michael, but now I think that I have to go back and throw some sugar at Nancy Rabinowitz since she alone is bearing the standard for Classics. Dangerous Euripideans of the world, unite!
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:51 PMI doubt that the David Horowitz posting above is the real one. He doesn’t sound Spartist enough.
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:54 PMShow some love to Juan Cole, dammit!
Posted by on 02/23 at 03:54 PMFoster’s topped 5K. I give Berube 10, 15 minutes at most.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:01 PMNot even that. By the time this is posted, MB will be eating Bellamy’s dust.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:03 PMMaybe not. MB’s got his second wind and has picked up speed.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:04 PMIt’s still Berube by a nose, Foster closing. Chomsky, eat your heart out.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:08 PMIt looks like Bellamy’s has pulled ahead with a strong lead. I feel this is a defeat for the blogosphere really. I mean, where’s this Bellamy guy’s blog?
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:09 PMYup, looks like a stunning upset. Perhaps this Bellamy guy is reading here and took notice of comments 29 to 31. But shame on the Berube-ites.
captcha: normal
Posted by Jon on 02/23 at 04:13 PMpwned! JBF has better bots.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:14 PMJust a guess, but I think MB will get at least 1000 more votes before this is over. *coff coff*
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:18 PMWell, fancy that. Foster’s now in 2nd place.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:25 PMBlowback, you can always tell the real Horowitz from the fakes by the typos real-Horowitz leaves in his wake. Horowitz impersonators give themselves away with their proofreading skills.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:29 PMGood work, B. Ott! You have saved the honor of the Blogosphere and helped to select AMERICA’S WORST PROFESSOR!
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:29 PMI didn’t do it officer. I don’t even know what a “compiler” is . . .
Posted by Scott Eric Kaufman on 02/23 at 04:33 PMWe’re approaching 10,000 votes for MB here. I can’t wait to hear Michael’s touching acceptance speech: “I’d like to thank all the people and servomechanisms who made this possible...”
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:33 PMJust voted for the umpteenth time, Michael ahead by almost 1000. Gosh, this is fun! Now I know how the Bushies feel during elections.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:36 PMMichael,
You certainly have a lot of readers (this includes me!) who don’t have a lot to do with their time today!!!
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:38 PMFoster’s fading faster than a delicate flower in the Sahara. Oh, the glories of voting on the Internets!
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:42 PMjoe: Marx himself warned that the forces of revisionism and counter-revolution would resist us with all their power. But don’t lose hope! He also proved that the people inevitably will wipe away and vanquish those forces. So don’t thank me, comrade, thank the proletariat.
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:43 PMI must stop...I must stop...it’s so addicting.
captcha word is group, ‘nuff said.Posted by on 02/23 at 04:47 PMI got Victor Navasky up into the Top Twelve singlehandedly. It seems to me that people would have shown some appreciation. He was languishing at 2.
Posted by John Emerson on 02/23 at 04:51 PMSo, do the Koufax’s have a category for best prank ever?
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:54 PMperhaps j.b.foster is only able to cheat during business hours...little does he know a good prank never sleeps!
Posted by on 02/23 at 04:59 PMMichael is averaging about 30 posts a second at this point.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:02 PMSomehow I don’t think John Foster was actually responsible for his magnificent rise and (temporary) pause. He’s too busy Marxifying the minds of impressionable young undergraduates.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:06 PMWho knew you could have such awesome fun just hitting the refresh button? I’ll be keeping that window open till I go to bed tonight.
In fact, I was enjoying this so much I just opened a second window so I can add a coupla dozen votes for Juan at the same time. Didn’t seem right to leave him out, somehow.
captcha: “can”. You bet.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:06 PMSo it was *you*, JE, who kept pushing Victor N in front of Gayle Rubin. Well take *that*!
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:07 PMMichael is approaching a 2-1 lead on JBF. What a shutout.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:09 PMHow can someone with a name like “Lisa Anderson” be all that dangerous? She sounds like about 45% of my femal students here in NoDak Land.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:18 PMCole is climbing. Could this be a Cinderella story we’re seeing here today? Back to you, B. Ott…
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:19 PMThis is sad-I’m the only person voting for Bob Jensen.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:20 PMMichael Berube, Eve Kosovsky Sedgwick, Michael Eric Dyson, and bell hooks? It’s like Sophie’s Choice! I just want you all to win.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:36 PMDone. 19K and counting. It’s in the bag!!!
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:41 PMPushing 20k. Love these scientific polling methods. I’m not even American and get to vote many times for people I have never even heard of. Good luck on this one Dr. Berube but I think you have a lock on it now.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:51 PMThe most pride (but not overweening) I’ve felt in a long time: I was responsible for vote #20,500.
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:57 PMMB plotting with his minions to secure ultimate victory:
Posted by on 02/23 at 05:59 PMMinions on the move:
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:00 PMNameless One contemplating MB’s ultimate victory:
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:03 PMBrad DeLong is out there campaigning for you. You are leading by a wide margin at the moment.
Word to enter: expect. As in I expect the poll to be freeped very shortly once the Horowistas* realize Ward Churchill isn’t winning.
* I hope this nickname isn’t disrespectful to women or minorities.
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:04 PMjust had to add my quantity of votes out of sheer belgitude. I think you might just win this one, Michael. I’ll drink a beer to that and yourself (and then another one just to make sure). (mind if I smoke?) Beginning to wonder if these numbers are not becomming slightly disconcerting. To whom, one might ask.
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:08 PMAnother minion:
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:11 PMI have a feeling that some have enlisted the help of Javascript to aid in your cause.
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:11 PMVoted for you. You’re now #1 !!!
Also tossed my own name in the ring. (haven’t a ghost of a chance)
Champ, do you have any tips on reaching the top on the next go round?
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:12 PMSome of nameless one’s short staffers:
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:14 PMBest. Thread. Ever.
Posted by Jon on 02/23 at 06:37 PMLook what I did! Wait, if Horowitz and his $18 millions dollars come after me . . . look what Michael did!
Posted by Scott Eric Kaufman on 02/23 at 06:43 PMOK, so who does this Eric Foner guy think he is?
Captcha: provided
Posted by Jon on 02/23 at 06:46 PMI am tempted to quote cliches from Casablanca, tempted to quote cliches from Casablanca! to find gaming the vote happening here.
I actually didn’t believe it, taking Dominic’s post a s a clever witticism, until I compiled the thing myself and clicked the applet a couple dozen or so times just to see if it really worked! And needless to say it did, and I am very disappointed in all of you.
Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/23 at 06:51 PMWhat? Juan Cole, University of Michigan, is up against someone from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor? When did the Wolverines collect two campuses?
Posted by on 02/23 at 06:57 PM"America’s Worst Professor.” I see a sitcom pilot here, something along the lines of “Lucky Jim” as visualized by the creative minds at the WB.
Posted by on 02/23 at 07:02 PMAs they told the delagates at the 1934 Congress of Victors, “The People Are Joyous!”
And then after counting the votes, they falsified the tally and killed about everyone who voted. (Which raises an interesting question about how the newly named NKVD would torture and kill a script or bot).
:: David H.:: Yagoda, you were too slow! Reform the OGPU into the NKVD!
::Congress sotto vocce Oh
KirovMicheal, we know we voted for you!Posted by Leo Strauss on 02/23 at 07:07 PMP.S. I wonder if David H.’s will explode—Michael you are approaching the 30,000 mark !
Posted by Leo Strauss on 02/23 at 07:10 PMHere’s a catchy little ditty to the tune of Irving Berlin’s “Puttin on the Ritz.” It’s from the hit musical *Springtime for Students for Academic Freedom*. It’s a duet between DH and Rick Santorum
DH:
“If your prof is lefty and his credentials are hefty
Help me do to him what Dick did to Alger Hiss--
Put him on the list!”Santorum:
“Even if his syllabus is super
It has to be ok’d by a State Trooo-per
(super-duper)!”captcha word: “normal” as in the old *Mad* Magazine satire where the professor writes
at the end of his journal
“everything is back to norbal.”Posted by david ross mcirvine on 02/23 at 07:15 PMIt goes to show--you can be the worst professor in America, but it don’t mean nuthin’ if you can’t get out the vote.
Posted by on 02/23 at 07:19 PMOver 30,000. You’re the Evil One!!
Posted by Fragano Ledgister on 02/23 at 07:27 PMDon’t stop voting, btw: We’re pedaling as hard as we can, and looking for a factor of five at least, but Bellamy-Foster’s ‘Monthly Review’ sux.
Posted by Gavin M. on 02/23 at 07:33 PMI took a five-minute average, and clocked you at 1.27 votes/second.
The long-term average is probably lower, since one of those minutes spiked at 4.5 votes/second (zat you, Dominic?)
Tally is at 30,936 at the moment of posting, with a bullet.I say this is a mandate!
So—Michael, how do you plan to spend your political capital?
Posted by jre on 02/23 at 07:41 PMWell, I think you’re all being very silly. I’ve voted just the once. Like the Frenchman not eating 2 eggs when he had the chance - one egg is enough.
Posted by