Home | Away

The Left, Online and Outgrabe

Great article in the Washington Post this weekend on blogging and The Left!  A truly illuminating look at what makes the left blogosphere so smart and cool, as opposed, say, to some of the people WaPo.com has been hiring lately.

In the witty life of Andrew Northrup, the fun begins as soon as he opens his eyes and realizes that his president is still George W. Bush. The sun has yet to rise and his kittens are asleep, but no matter; as soon as the realization kicks in, Northrup, 32, is out of bed and heading toward his computer.

“Who am I?” he asks plaintively.  “What am I doing here? Who are you people? What day is it? Where’s my Scotch?

“Oh, it’s coming back to me, now. That mysterious bar. A pint glass of Jagermeister that, no matter how much I drank, I could never empty. And that mysterious sideburn man—or was it two? or four? or was it a kitten?—urging me on, until he—they?—proposed that horrible bet. . . .  Well, the details don’t matter, and I’m not in the mood to relive them for you.”

Northrup shakes off the fearsome hangover and takes his seat.  Out there, awaiting his latest missive from “The Editors”: the Witty Left, where Northrup’s reputation is as one of the wittiest of all. “One long, sustained wank” is how he describes the writing he does for his “Web” “log,” as he wonders what he should wank about this day.

He drinks an absinthe and soda. Should it be about Instapundit, whom he calls “Professor Lloyd Christmas”?  He drinks another absinthe and soda.  Should it be about Vice President Cheney, whom he thinks of as “a poker cheat,” or about Michelle Malkin and Bill O’Reilly, “the gifts that keep on giving”?  He drinks still another absinthe and soda.  Should it be about the Gannon-Abramoff-Allen-Domenech phenomenon, about which he says, “whenever someone goes fishing for shadiness, deceit, and fraudulence in their background, they always land a whale,” or should he compose the next thrilling sequence of Battle-Action Bush and the Keyboard Kommandos?

The Wanker-Wingnut Continuum, he finally decides. He will write about the Wanker-Wingnut Continuum. The shame of it. The culpability of all Americans, including himself, for doing nothing. He will write something so filled with wit that it will accomplish the one thing above all he wants from his writing: to make readers spew hot coffee all over their laptops.

“The Wanker-Wingnut Continuum is not hopeless,” he begins typing, and pauses.

“Ugh,” he says.

“You are not helpless,” he continues typing, and pauses again.

“Weak.”

He deletes everything and starts over.

“A reader asks:  Darling, Every week you give out a ‘Weekly Wanker’ award for the biggest wanker of the week. But the trophy for the Weekly Wanker is the ‘Golden Winger,’ which implies that it’s really an award for wingnuttery. So I’m confused. Is it an award for wanking, or wingnuttery?  Still Craving Your Body, Julia Stiles.”

And this time, instead of pausing, he keeps going, typing harder and harder on a keyboard that is surrounded by bottles of wormwood, Grooming Tips for Porn Stars, a dirty litter box, instruments of Science, golden statues of Kip Winger, and a taped-up note—staring at him—on which he has scrawled “Who am I?  What am I doing here? Who are you people? What day is it? Where’s my Scotch?”

Fascinating, fascinating stuff.  I never knew you could mix absinthe and soda!  Well, as they say on “web” “logs,” read the whole thing.

Posted by on 04/18 at 07:43 AM

  1. So, so funny.  But you know that if the Post had really done an MSOC-style article on The Editors, they would have added a picture of him putting a sweater on a cat, with the abovementioned dirty litter box looming in the near background.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  09:09 AM

  2. Michael, you realize that you could slack off as much as The Editors do if you only posted a few kitten photos.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  09:37 AM

  3. There’s also a bit of playing to the groundlings going on with stressing The Editors’ cats - there’s a longstanding stereotype of machismo that Cats Are Quintessentially Feminine, Real Men Have Dogs & Hate Cats. So while most of us think of him with a charmed twinkle for “the Evil Kitten Man” and “Friday Catblogging” has no gender-linked pejorative value in Left Blogistan, it’s reinforcing a stereotype of liberals as Teh Gay, or at least suspiciously effeminate and therefore simultaneously threatening and non-threatening to the Manly He-Men and male-identified She-Women of the Right…

    Posted by bellatrys  on  04/18  at  10:16 AM

  4. I confess that I do not have the time nor stamina to read “The Whole Thing.” Can you summarize it in two-three sentences?

    Posted by Roxanne  on  04/18  at  10:20 AM

  5. Indeed.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  04/18  at  10:22 AM

  6. Absinthe. 

    Not only illegal in this country, but another gay kind of drink that those European elitists drink… not like real Americans, who start their day with Jack Daniels and a Lone Star chaser. 

    How can liberals ever be taken seriously… I mean, who’d want to go have a beer (the only relevant standard for anything) with an effite cat-loving absinthe drinker?

    Posted by the talking dog  on  04/18  at  11:29 AM

  7. Michael,
    I’m
    with
    Brian C.B.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  11:35 AM

  8. Rich:  Or worse, they would have suggested that he scares his cats with Howard Beale barking on the iPod.

    Rox:  money talks.  The other one-two sentences are kinda filler.

    Cat people:  I’m allergic to cats and don’t do much better with photos of cats.  Horses are the worst.  Even typing the word “horse” makes my bronchioles feel like . . . remember when you wrapped that rubber band around your finger too many times and couldn’t get it off?  Pretty much like that.

    And that’s why I’ll never be President. 

    Posted by Michael  on  04/18  at  11:59 AM

  9. I confess that I do not have the time nor stamina to read “The Whole Thing.” Can you summarize it in two-three sentences?

    The philosophers have only interpreted the world, in various ways; the point is to change it.

    The rest is commentary.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  12:08 PM

  10. I don’t want to inflict mandatory cats on anyone who isn’t a cat person, but the “gay cooties” fear on the right has to be witnessed to be believed.

    Like: OMG no I can’t order a Grasshopper, that’s a GIrLiE DrInK, it’s TEH GAY and will turn me into a sodomite! But wait, exotic mixed drinks were drunk by the ultra-cool elite in the 20s and 30s, so maybe it’s okay, I’ll be like someone out of Hemingway or Fitzgerald. But wait! artists are TEH GAY! OHNOES! I can’t enjoy anything I want to try, because People Will Think I’m A Homosexual (and I do find myself admiring the muscles of construction workers out there in the summer...eep!)

    Posted by bellatrys  on  04/18  at  12:19 PM

  11. For those of you who missed it, Maryscott wrote a response to the many critics who pilloried her for doing the WaPo article. If you have not read it, by all means check it out.  I think it’s fantastic.

    http://www.myleftwing.com/showDiary.do?diaryId=7550

    Michael - I hope you and Jamie both feel better very soon.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  02:29 PM

  12. Since the captcha word is “trouble,” i might as well get into a little.  Absinthe with soda tastes terrible and ruins the whole purpose of drinking it in the first place, the bitter/sweet high alcohol content herbs taken straight, neat, and not chilled.  But absinthe under the label Absente: Absinthe Refined is not illegal and is sold across the US, nor does it contain artemisa absyntheum, but rather a hillbilly southern cousin artemisia with only 1/10th of the thujones per gram.  One can still order a variety of overly expensive absynthes from Europe, probably illegal if you are intending to drink them, but not necessarily illegal if you are collecting the full bottles. 

    In June, somewhere along the left coast, near a city celebrating a day when all the then legal absynthe was destroyed by calamity, there will be the annual absynthe competition.  Much like the Cannibis cup, this celebration and ritual combines tastings with sharing of recipes, favorite moments, and other peculiarities of the precious liquid.  Last year’s top three honors went to some mighty wondrous magic.  I can only hope this year’s is as beneficent.  And no, no serious imbiber mixes it with anything; weaker types may drop in some cube sugar and chill it, but that is it.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  02:33 PM

  13. So you can’t mix absinthe with soda after all!  Just goes to show you that you should never take the MSM’s word for it.  Please let Andrew know—if he’s pounding back three A&S’s before breakfast, he should probably cut out the “soda” part.

    And thanks, O-Girl, I did read Maryscott’s response.  It’s a shame she has to deal with the “why are you so angry” question instead of the more immediate “why has our government so profoundly betrayed the ideals of democracy” question, but that’s the way this little shell game works. . . .

    Posted by Michael  on  04/18  at  02:54 PM

  14. weaker types may drop in some cube sugar and chill it, but that is it.

    The effect of taking it like this is not unlike alternating shots of diluted neutral spirits with handfuls of Good & Plenty.  Stupefying licorice goodness.

    Posted by JL  on  04/18  at  04:30 PM

  15. Nice try on the article, but it needs less context, like referring to him as “The Editors” but not speculating about the title, also look up the one time or two he said “f***” and extensively quote that and talk about how he said Tigerhawk was a cobag.

    Posted by Pinko Punko  on  04/18  at  04:31 PM

  16. JL, I’m with you as far as the “stupefying” and the “licorice"…

    Posted by bellatrys  on  04/18  at  05:08 PM

  17. weaker types may drop in some cube sugar and chill it, but that is it

    Any anyone who takes milk in their coffee is inauthentic?

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  05:13 PM

  18. P-P:  that’s why people need to read the whole thing.  Seriously, comb through the Grundrisse very carefully, and you’ll find all the things you’re looking for—Andrew’s bad language (including lots of bad language used by people commenting on other blogs), the bit about “the Editors,” and, most important of all, scant mention of the actual content of the post he sat down to write that morning.  Marx foresaw it all.

    Captcha:  didnt.

    Posted by Michael  on  04/18  at  05:45 PM

  19. Best comment ever...attached to Marx’s Grundrisse.  Scroll down.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  05:48 PM

  20. Captcha: truth.

    That’s all it said.

    Posted by black dog barking  on  04/18  at  06:48 PM

  21. Bravo, Michael!  Thank you so much for bringing The Editors here!

    In reading the preceding comments, I’m wondering if perhaps some of the commenters (commentors?) here are unfamiliar with The Poorman.  I hope your post will serve as a corrective.

    I consider The Poorman to be as much a necessary internet stop as your own eponymous “web” “log”.  I’m quite delighted to see The Editors’ work given exposure here.

    On behalf of kittens everywhere, I sincerely thank you.

    sw

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  06:55 PM

  22. Bellatrys:  LOL at “OHNOES”

    Captcha “nothing” as in “I have nothing to do with teh gay!”

    Wait, Michael gets captchas?  Shouldn’t the “web” “log” just know it’s him?

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  07:04 PM

  23. Is it left to me to reference the absinthe drinking scene in Francis Ford Coppola’s “Bram Stoker’s Dracula”? 

    Dracula (Gary Oldman) is shown pouring absinthe into a glass over a sugar cube seated in a slotted spoon perched over the glass, in a romantic and seductive scene with Mina (Winona Ryder).

    Having no familiarity with absinthe beyond herbal references, I found that scene fascinating; and assumed it depicted a popular method of imbibing absinthe in that particular time and place.

    (The fact is, I love Coppola’s “Dracula” movie—even if that makes me hopelessly uncool.)

    (And if you loathe the movie, at least play the credits and listen to Annie Lenox’s “Love Song For a Vampire”.)

    sw

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  07:20 PM

  24. Michael,

    I was thinking of responding to Roxanne’s question with:  Work.  Eat.  Repeat until dead.  But ‘money talks’ works fine for me.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  08:48 PM

  25. here is a link for those possibly interested in the constitutionality of using that special “F” word in a variety of public settings, especially schools.  The pdf download makes for a stunning read and surprising education.

    http://law.bepress.com/expresso/eps/1087/

    Good and Plenty??? i think not.  scarletwoman’s correct in that the film portrayed one of the more common social rituals for drinking that particular spirit.  It is not unlike those that consume Yerba Mate in the special gourd with the special straws: calabazas and bombillas.  Do you need that stuff??  Unfortunately some of my friends think so; and when they can’t find them, damn do they get pissed off.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  08:53 PM

  26. I got ahold of some synthetic absinthe when I was living in Japan. Didn’t like it much, for the same reason I don’t like most drugs --I’m too much of a control freak. Is the Memorex version much different from “live”?

    And I, too, liked Coppola’s Dracula ...in spite of it being a-decade-too-late AIDS metaphor, starring that little monkey-earned girl.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  04/18  at  09:01 PM

  27. Good and Plenty??? i think not.

    Don’t forget the neutral spirits.  But yeah, after several drinks, as one gets more hammered, and the sugar lingers in one’s mouth even as the searing anise accented liquor takes over--shots plus Good & Plenty is pretty much the taste.  And I think so.  So there.

    Posted by JL  on  04/18  at  09:05 PM

  28. A pretty thorough ass kicking of DHo and The Professors at Media Matters:

    http://mediamatters.org/items/200604180011

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  09:12 PM

  29. Michael you revisionist. The Grundrisse makes no mention of The Editors and would never countenance Absinthe, the drink of Proudhonists and worse. Such petit bourgeois revisionism is objectively Trotskyism and Islamofascism. Real Americans drink their Bombay Gin as they march to the front with POUM-Focus on the Family division.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  09:13 PM

  30. Yeah, but no one said you couldn’t drink soda from a wormwood goblet. If there’s a best-selling mystery plot there, I dibs ten percent.

    Posted by  on  04/18  at  09:25 PM

  31. Michael, you slay me!

    When are you coming back to NYC?  We miss you in Queens.

    Posted by Mad Kane  on  04/18  at  11:14 PM

  32. good blog,i like.

    Posted by 木地板  on  04/18  at  11:21 PM

  33. The last order of absinthe I got from alandia.de came with recipes for different mixed drinks, so perhaps cocktails are acceptable after all. I find it impossible to drink absinthe without adding ice water; at 58-70% alcohol it burns the mouth. Plus adding the water turns it cloudy, which is neat.

    Czech absinth is made without anise, so it doesn’t louche and it tastes, if anything, somewhat worse.

    Last year Virgin Airlines was offering La Fee absinthe in its in-flight catalogue; unfortunately, one needed to order it on the outbound flight in order to collect it on the return.

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  12:09 AM

  34. 木地板, thanks so much!  I remember you from Dave Munger’s blog, and at his suggestion, I’m including you in my acknowledgements.  In the meantime you might like this good site, free, try now.

    Posted by Michael  on  04/19  at  12:24 AM

  35. I especially loved the photo that shows he blogs in a cummerbund and bunny slippers. Me too!

    But I still don’t understand why he left so angry.

    I hope he knows it was just wild speculation that I was about to pop a bunkerbuster in his kitty’s tuchus.

    Posted by George Dubbleyoo Yayhoo Neenerneener Yourking  on  04/19  at  03:01 AM

  36. La Fée rocks. You can get it from http://www.eabsinthe.com, although I don’t think they sell it to the States. Also good is the Spanish Mari Mayans absinthe, which is sweet enough on its own not to need sugar.

    As for mixing, the only thing you should drink with absinthe, apart from water, of course, is apple schnapps.

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  05:45 AM

  37. Wait, Michael gets captchas?  Shouldn’t the “web” “log” just know it’s him?

    Michael’s retinal scanner is on the blink, so he has to “slum it” with the captcha words till it gets fixed.

    I did read Maryscott’s response.  It’s a shame she has to deal with the “why are you so angry” question instead of the more immediate “why has our government so profoundly betrayed the ideals of democracy” question, but that’s the way this little shell game works. . . .

    Yeah, that sucks. At least it’s pretty easy to turn that back around on them. After listing the ways in which we are losing our country, just say, “The real question here is, why aren’t you angry?”. It’s much easier to deal with than the amorphous, “Why do you hate America?”

    The best thing that came out of the WaPo article is that so many more people now have discovered a window to non-corporate news and information (and opportunities for activism) that they never knew about before. I think it’s easy to forget how many people are not connected up that way if you’re someone who gets on the lefty blogs just about every day.  And not just older people, either. A bunch of younger people saw that article and got plugged in, and previously they’d only used their computer for games and Hollywood/movie entertainment sites and the like. Of course, now they also have the open access to the Professor of Dangeral Studies because My Left Wing links here too. So, more young minds for you to corrupt, Michael.  Although, I don’t know how you can advance your status since you’re already No. 1 Most Dangerous Professor.  We’ll have to think up a new title for you. Supreme Exalted Most Dangerous Professor for Life?  Il Duce?

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  07:49 AM

  38. Michael - I want to make my additional verse to “The Blind Men and the Elephant” part of the literary tradition.  Can you or your readers suggest ways to do this?  [Relevance - “Blind Men” allegorizes to “Journalists”; “Elephant” allegorizes to “contemporary political discourse in the cybersphere”.]

    Six Blind Men & the Elephant

    from John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887)
    A Hindu Parable

    It was six men of Indostan
    To learning much inclined,
    Who went to see the Elephant
    (Though all of them were blind),
    That each by observation
    Might satisfy his mind.

    The First approached the Elephant,
    And happening to fall
    Against his broad and sturdy side,
    At once began to bawl:
    “God bless me! but the Elephant
    Is very like a wall!”

    The Second, feeling of the tusk
    Cried, “Ho! what have we here,
    So very round and smooth and sharp?
    To me ‘tis mighty clear
    This wonder of an Elephant
    Is very like a spear!”

    The Third approached the animal,
    And happening to take
    The squirming trunk within his hands,
    Thus boldly up he spake:
    “I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant
    Is very like a snake!”

    The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
    And felt about the knee:
    “What most this wondrous beast is like
    Is mighty plain,” quoth he;
    “‘Tis clear enough the Elephant
    Is very like a tree!”

    The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
    Said: “E’en the blindest man
    Can tell what this resembles most;
    Deny the fact who can,
    This marvel of an Elephant
    Is very like a fan!”

    The Sixth no sooner had begun
    About the beast to grope,
    Than, seizing on the swinging tail
    That fell within his scope.
    “I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant
    Is very like a rope!”

    The Seventh blind man, staff in hand,
    Upon his bare feet goes.
    “I clearly sense”, he calmly said,
    “And think that all should know
    The elephant is warm and squishy
    In between the toes.”

    [additional verse by David Jodrey]

    And so these men of Indostan
    Disputed loud and long,
    Each in his own opinion
    Exceeding stiff and strong,
    Though each was partly in the right,
    And all were in the wrong!

    Moral:

    So oft in theologic wars,
    The disputants, I ween,
    Rail on in utter ignorance
    Of what each other mean,
    And prate about an Elephant
    Not one of them has seen.

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  10:00 AM

  39. What, didn’t everyone else read the New Yorker article last month about absinthe, its history, and its modern distillation? Good article. There was also a WSJ article, reprinted here.

    That said, I move on: Anise, feh. Licorice, feh.

    Posted by Orange  on  04/19  at  10:28 AM

  40. We should invent a new mixed drink for Left Blogistan, in honor of the Editors.

    I don’t know what will be in it, once the voting is done (although it should probably have coffee), but I do know what it will be called.

    “--Bartender! Another round of ‘Ponies’ for our table, please!”

    Posted by bellatrys  on  04/19  at  11:28 AM

  41. I believe the difference between us liberals and the crunchy-cons is that they prefer their absithe strait from the tree.

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  02:05 PM

  42. Before we gratefully move on to other topics on a new post (soon i hope) i do suggest that if you like absinthe (and apparently many who share this space share that taste), learning to make your own is the best way to enjoy it.  I don’t like anise, or licorice, that much (thus my adversion to the good and plenty referent with no offense towards JL whatsoever), so my recipes are based more on the central european versions rather than the french.  And when you learn to have fun with other flowering plants, and their alkaloids, well, one’s absinthe takes on some very wonderful characteristics and flavors (there is a treasure trove of knowledge on herbs that spike thujone neurotransmitter affects for example; okay, some might not be all that, shall we say, free from sanctions, but they work).  Imbibing it without other influences then seems to work best for me, sans water chasers as well as other additions. 

    All this discussion in the last couple of days increased the motivation to start a new batch.  I can’t wait.

    Posted by  on  04/19  at  04:07 PM

  43. Hey Spyder -
    Is this what they taught you at UCLA? The fine art of making absinthe? Boy, you must have hung out with the really, really, really cool kids.

    Also, I may have missed it, but how come I did not hear you crowing about how well UCLA did in the tournament, nor did I see my “Thank you, Oaktown Girl, for giving my team such good juju while they were in your fair city”? Very ungrateful, that!

    Captcha word: church. Miracle moment: the keyboard did not burst into flames when I typed it in.

    Posted by  on  04/20  at  01:57 AM

  44. O-Girl, meet spyder.  Spyder, O-girl.  Brian, bellatrys, Orange, everyone, a round of ponies on me!

    Posted by  on  04/20  at  08:14 AM

Name:

Email:

Location:

URL:

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Submit the word you see below:


Next entry: Fever dreams

Previous entry: Acknowledgements

<< Back to main