What kind of transhuman are you?
In our ongoing effort to bring you commentary on last week’s Internets badinage this week, this blog would like to devise one of those “which Shakespearean character/ American city/ question of Summa Theologica are you” quizzes. Unfortunately, because we have no idea how to do this, we’ll have to settle for a standard multiple-choice format. So, then. What kind of transhuman are you?
You’re the latest generation of the Nexus-6! It takes hundreds of Voight-Kampff questions to distinguish you from a real human, and you have serious femme fatale hair. On the other hand, you are portrayed by Sean Young, and that can’t be a good thing, because she herself is a replicant—and not a particularly stable one.
You’re Robocop! You love saying “Dead or alive, you are coming with me,” and you gamely oppose the entire Paul Verhoeven crew of malefactors and miscreants. On the other hand, you live in Detroit.
You’re Darth Vader! Your breathing noises are really cool, and you accessorize well. On the other hand, you have to appear in no fewer than three prequels, and recite some of the worst dialogue ever written in English.
You’re Steve Austin! You are compatible with both Farrah Fawcett and Lindsay Wagner, which must be some kind of late-70s TV exacta. On the other hand, technologically speaking, you are the transhuman equivalent of Pong.
You’re Molly from Neuromancer! You help to inaugurate the entire genre of cyberpunk. On the other hand, you’re partly responsible for the entire genre of cyberpunk.
Oh, now that’s not right.
I’ve alway felt transhumance doesn’t get a fair hearing. Basis of the pastoral, what?Posted by on 06/28 at 01:36 PM
At the risk of sounding like one of those transhumanists under discussion, is a replicant a transhuman, or just a machine clever enough to fool itself into thinking it’s human--like one of the new sexy Cylons?
That quibbled, I’m gonna go off the menu and choose Kilroy, mainly because a Styx reference might contain enough irony to wash away the stink of desperate Mensadom in the above sentence.Posted by on 06/28 at 01:44 PM
I have nothing to add: I just loe the phrase “stink of desperate Mensadom.”Posted by Chris Clarke on 06/28 at 01:49 PM
As a radical always looking for the next purge, I’m clearly a Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.Posted by on 06/28 at 01:57 PM
Fine snark coming from a man who - judging by the picture on his very own web site - had his right hand replaced with a robotic saw!Posted by Sifu Tweety on 06/28 at 01:57 PM
I think you tranny-haters will be singing a different tune when you need our enhanced abilities to fight off the zombies. Of course, we need y’all to keep the furries in check. Really, it’s a win-win.Posted by on 06/28 at 02:22 PM
Quickly looking at Vader I had the impression he was preparing to referee a basketball game.Posted by on 06/28 at 02:27 PM
Man, it never fails. You put up a post on transhumans, and the whole tranny-hating, replicant-hunting crew shows up to call you a “triangulator” and a “liberal.” Well, I’ve had enough of this. The next objectively anti-android commenter gets banned.
Actually, Michael D, the Rachel question did cross my mind. But I decided that the Tyrell Corporation slogan, “more human than human,” was worth the stretch. Also, I couldn’t resist a cheap Sean Young joke.
I draw the line at the evil robot usses from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. No way those guys are transhuman, dude.Posted by Michael on 06/28 at 02:50 PM
People have all kinds of misconceptions about this issue. For instance, the tinfoil is not an actual part of my head—it’s a hat. Now the transmitter at the base of my brain which makes the hat a must—that’s what makes me transhuman.
People thought the debating George W. had crossed over because of the lump in the middle of his back. But when I take off my hat, they tell me that his hardware is not yet permanently fixed. So he’s a wannabe.
Captcha word: earth ... that rings a bell.Posted by on 06/28 at 02:51 PM
someone’s ALWAYS gotta take a cheap shot at detroit.Posted by sarah on 06/28 at 02:53 PM
Laugh while you can, you callous sophisticates, laughing at Judy’s tiny head. You’ll soon be sorry you never bought How to Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on How to Defend Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion.Posted by John Protevi on 06/28 at 03:13 PM
Where the heck are those cool cyborg hockey players from “Strange Brew”? You can’t just bypass an important film like this.Posted by on 06/28 at 04:14 PM
Rachel is very close to arch-transhumanist (my goodness, what a terrible term) Hans Moravec’s big idea, which is that we puny humans will eventually be able to download our minds (via a truly gory and unappealing auto-dissection of the brain) into sexy, sexy humanoid robots.
So, uh, carry on, I guess.
A hilarious account of the perils and perks of transhumanism can be found here, in a book that also features cryonic true believers and, briefly Evel Knievel.Posted by Sifu Tweety on 06/28 at 04:26 PM
As Peter Ramus’ link doesnt’ work, I thought I would post another link to some transhumance types-
&imgrefurl=http://www.ac-nancy-metz.fr/ia57/netaventure/documents-texte/guenviller/transhumance/p4article-transhumance.htm&h=381&w=493&sz=34&hl=en&start=12&tbnid=yw26FJXi1HIziM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=127&prev=/images?q=transhumance&svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&sa=GPosted by on 06/28 at 05:14 PM
Phooey. That didn’t work.
Try this- and no jokes. http://www.avignon-et-provence.com/tourisme/fete-transhumance/Posted by on 06/28 at 05:16 PM
this blog would like to devise one of those “which Shakespearean character/ American city/ question of Summa Theologica are you” quizzes.
At first I thought, what is this, a livejournal? But I took the quiz and it turned out to be soooo right!
You’re Wile E. Coyote! You’re very promiscuous in your trans-human[animal]ism: You employ batman suits, rocket sleds, jet-propelled roller skates, high-speed tonic, and basically anything the ACME corporation R&D can cook up to aid you in the pursuit of the delicious road-runner. You can defy gravity (albeit briefly, until you realize what’s happening) and have an unlimited supply of signs upon which to write short messages (e.g. “help” and “oops"). Nothing, apparently, can kill you, but like some kind of doubly hexed Tithonus, you will grow mangier and mangier and your eyes will become more and more jaundiced until finally you accidentally hobble into an ACME portable hole, never to be heard from again.Posted by on 06/28 at 05:47 PM
*sniff sniff* What is that smell? Did someone step in some Mensadom and then track it all over the carpet? Check your shoes, everybody!Posted by on 06/28 at 05:53 PM
Don’t forget the Bicentennial Man, The Beta-unit in The Last Starfighter, and Lt. Commander Data.Posted by Inoculated Mind on 06/28 at 05:55 PM
What, no Stepford Wives? Are you trying to make it so that Republicans can’t play?Posted by Roxanne on 06/28 at 05:59 PM
What type of transhuman should one be to ensure an invitation to the NRO space migration cruise?Posted by on 06/28 at 06:06 PM
JR (#14) …Peter Ramus’ link doesnt’ work…
Sorry about that, JR. Works like a dream for me.
Just think “electric sheep” and click.Posted by on 06/28 at 06:38 PM
In keeping with Arthur C. Clarke’s dictum that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, I want to be Albus Dumbledore.Posted by on 06/28 at 07:15 PM
Thanks for the heads up, JR. We’ll keep an eye out for the cyborgs during our vacation in Saint Rémy de Provence next month.Posted by on 06/28 at 07:19 PM
Fembots, bitch!Posted by Something Polish on 06/28 at 07:43 PM
... Yatima or Orlando from Egan’s Diaspora?
... Neo?Posted by on 06/28 at 07:50 PM
All right, who is that guy in the last photo? I admit to a complete lack of mensadom.
Also: stainless steel rat. The nickname sounds transhuman, so close enough.Posted by on 06/28 at 07:55 PM
That’s Glenn Reynolds, the worst tranhuman of the lot, because his vocalizations are limited to “Indeed.”Posted by Chris on 06/28 at 08:44 PM
You’re Ironman from the song!
You are very patient and hide your thoughts and emotions well. You were once helpful and courageous. But now you’re pissed.
You have caused more adolescent males to move their hand vigorously up and down in front of their abdomen than Farrah Fawcett, Lindsay Wagner and Steve Wagner combined.Posted by on 06/28 at 09:25 PM
WagnerAustinPosted by on 06/28 at 09:30 PM
Your choices betray a marked bias towards human body designs. My preferred form is that of foglet or orbital satellite.
Failing that, unstoppable death machine.Posted by on 06/28 at 10:31 PM
To the extent that I have any philosophical bent RE transhumanism, it would be that to be preoccupied with technological trappings is to mistake the car for the drive.
Yes, I’m a tie-dyed sandal-wearing proponent of organic transhumanism.
(Captcha = “least!")Posted by on 06/28 at 10:55 PM
Oh, and if ”[t]ranshuman is a term that refers to an intermediary form between the human and the posthuman,” then Glenn Reynolds might more properly be classified among the transneanderthals…Posted by on 06/28 at 11:02 PM
All right, who is that guy in the last photo? I admit to a complete lack of mensadom.
That is a picture of Davros, evil cyborg supervillian and leader of the Daleks, from the classic British sci-fi series Dr. Who.Posted by The Editors on 06/28 at 11:38 PM
Of course, the greatest “transhuman” of all time was Divine in John Waters’s Pink Flamigos.
Heh.Posted by Alex von Waldenberg III on 06/29 at 12:03 AM
I think every human has that feeling of Transhumance in his life. It just the matter that one says and one may not!!
But I think before we realise what we are we need to be a good human being forst of all.Posted by Linda on 06/29 at 12:25 AM
I saw both Bill&Ted movies...in the theater.
Fifteen years later, I am elated to find out that the working title of the second movie really *was* “Bill And Ted Go To Hell”.
Every now and then I go around cheerfully muttering, “and we’re going to totally *kill* you, dudes!”
Says something about my life, I’d say.Posted by on 06/29 at 04:53 AM
"In keeping with Arthur C. Clarke’s dictum that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, I want to be Albus Dumbledore.”
what, dead?Posted by on 06/29 at 06:00 AM
You are Locutus of Borg. You have the best voice of all ex-star fleet captains and are part a vibrant and growing bee-like collective community of which resistance is futile. On the other hand, the honey taste terrible.Posted by on 06/29 at 11:10 AM
Don’t get me started or I’ll get my kids in here and they’ll explain at length that Dumbledore isn’t dead. And Snape isn’t a traitor.
I think the crux of the argument is that Dumbledore was an unregistered Animagus who can transform into a phoenix.
OK, now back to your regularly scheduled blog....Posted by on 06/29 at 11:37 AM
You are The Terminator. Your awesome strength and ubermann senses allows you seek and destroy your enemies, run in an at-large election for governor that requires a relatively small percentage of votes to win and grope promiscuiously at women with no consequences to yourself. On the other hand, your early steroid use and recent face lifts are beginning to make you look like Skeletor.Posted by on 06/29 at 11:37 AM
Who needs fiction?
http://www.partanimal.com/video.htmlPosted by Central Content Publisher on 06/29 at 12:19 PM
You are The Blogosphere.
Your powerful hive mind is buzzing with febrile energy, self-correcting, and bent on the destruction of the old order. It also produces volumes of sweet, gooey honey. You have high self esteem, but are often misunderstood. You share a fondness for cats, character assassination, and lists of ten.
I usually don’t put much stock in these sorts of silly quiz-memes, but this one sums me up pretty well.Posted by Blar on 06/29 at 02:33 PM
You are Luke Skywalker. You are reckless. Always is your mind somewhere else, never on where you are, what you are doing. Although only minimally transhuman, you are satisfied that no more mechanics do you require. Already have you that which you need.Posted by on 06/29 at 03:25 PM
You’re a hipster!
You are a life-support system for an iPod*. Having extricated yourself from political engagement, you have transcended the oppression of meaningful human existence and exist on a plane of pure façade. Why wait for thousands of years and the crushing weight of, well, weight, to turn your élan vital into usable fossil fuel? You’re already a feasible power source; be the giant battery you are.
*(OR messenger bike; indie rock band; starbucks; vintage T-shirt)Posted by on 06/29 at 03:33 PM
Thanks Chris, but I think he also says “heh.”
Captcha “ball” - ball bearings I guess.Posted by on 06/29 at 05:42 PM
The already inhuman (at least in terms of emotional abilities--Voight-Kampff 0) Keanu Reeves is playing Bob Arctor, an undercover cop addicted to the drug he’s investigating, in A Scanner Darkly, from the Philip K. Dick novel, opening in a week.
Reeves is perfectly cast: Arctor is so at sea that he can’t react to anything.
Also, he gets to wear a special suit that flashes images from thousands of faces and bodies, making him look like nothing more than a blur. Sort of multi-human on the outside and ex-human on the inside.Posted by Aaron Barlow on 06/29 at 06:02 PM
You are Ann Coulter. Your human body has been augmented with a direct, real-time connection to the US media, meshing your neural network with all cable news networks. Sadly, you have been recalled due to significant operational defects. Please return to the manufacturer at once and report to the “Morton Downey, Jr.” division.Posted by Chris Clarke on 06/29 at 06:11 PM
You are the Philip K. Dick Android. Although at present you lack actual consciousness, you are able to mimic some of the basic body language and conversational patterns of the author whose phildickian vision of the universe your existence proves self-referentially to be true. This lack is being rectified by the installation of an artificially conscious brain by a rogue team of drug-addled VALIS-guided ersatz scientists who have stolen your head and reported to the world that it was forgotten in some carry-on luggage.Posted by on 06/29 at 09:42 PM
None of these SF post-human enthusiasts seem to make anything of this linguistic echo—when you become posthuman, it’s posthumous. Upload your brain into some supercomputing medium (composted of orbiting dust, or supertiny flying computers, or indestructible bodies, or virtual worlds, or whatever) and you are dead. Who’s to say that that series of 1s and 0s is in any sense you, or alive? Where is Dr. McCoy when we need him? He could always tell when someone was dead, Jim, and he had a healthy philosophical skepticism about beaming up.Posted by on 06/29 at 09:52 PM
You are Dave Bowman. You have conquered humanity’s dependence on technology and have journeyed through other dimensions. You have been reborn as the Starchild. You are not sure what it’s all about, but it is comforting to be floating about in a giant amniotic sac. You are not quite sure what to do next, but you will think of something.Posted by on 06/29 at 10:19 PM
You are Marvin the Paranoid Android. You long cheerlessly for your meaningless existence to end, ruefully certain that however long that day takes to come, you will probably still be under warranty, and thus revived.Posted by on 06/29 at 11:16 PM
had his right hand replaced with a robotic saw!
You are Edward Scissorhands! You are all about topiary and ice sculpture. You could prune the shit out of a downed silver maple if you felt like it. You have the biggest house in your neighborhood - and a great view to boot!
However, if the Six Million Dollar Man is the transhuman equivalent of Pong, you are at about the technological level of a Victorian stereocope.Posted by on 06/30 at 01:21 AM
You are Michael Bérubé. You drop the occasional beat, and everyone can hear all the important stuff you got to say. But you should have picked guitars and lazor guns. Bullhorn?!? What were you thinking?!?Posted by on 06/30 at 09:54 AM
Yeah, like a bucket’s gonna get me any chicks.
But dropping oatmeal on stuff is kewl.Posted by Michael on 06/30 at 10:22 AM
I had to go apologize to a neighbor for a prank as a kid and he told me he was just reading the Summa Theologica, recommended it highly. Will have to get to it one of these days.
So I’m going through my May/June issue of the AFT’s On Campus, and whose puss should appear on page 10 but that of one Michael Bérubé, “dangerous professor”, and a number of very scary looking rabid lambs behind him.
The article recounted said professor’s counter rally at Penn State on April 13 when “Marxist-radical-turned-conservative-polemicist David Horowitz” came to town, the latter being duly pummeled ("Failure to Launch” they wrote).
Frankly, you never know how AFT HQ is going to go. I remember in the 80s under Shanker they had a thing about the Sandinistas, how grade 4 math texts in Nicaragua were counting grenades as an example for the kids or something. Wicked, wicked FSLN. This is better.Posted by on 06/30 at 10:42 AM
Oh my god, someone just referenced one of the best strong bad emails ever. Amanda French you are my hero.Posted by on 07/04 at 09:59 PM
Of course! How could we have left out the SpamBot?Posted by Chris Clarke on 02/24 at 03:21 PM
A desolate cyberscape in which marauding bots commandeer abandoned comment threads?
This could be a chilling preview of the post-blog society!
captacha - appeared, as in “berube appeared out of nowhere”Posted by on 03/01 at 07:43 AM
Man, it never fails. You put up a post on transhumans, and the whole tranny-hating, replicant-hunting crew shows up to call you a “triangulator” and a “liberal.” Well, I’ve had enough of this. The next objectively anti-android commenter gets banned. At the risk of sounding like one of those transhumanists under discussion, is a replicant a transhuman, or just a machine clever enough to fool itself into thinking it’s human--like one of the new sexy Cylons?That quibbled, I’m gonna go off the menu and choose Kilroy, mainly because a Styx reference might contain enough irony to wash away the stink of desperate Mensadom in the above sentence.Posted by SEO Experts on 06/12 at 06:09 PM
Your breathing noises are really cool, and you accessorize well. On the other hand, you have to appear in no fewer than three prequels, and recite some of the worst dialogue ever written in English.Posted by California Animation College on 06/25 at 09:05 AM
Transhumanists believe that humanity can and should strive to attain higher levels of physical, mental, and social achievement through the use of technology. They seek to extend human capabilities and improve the human condition through technology- supporting the quest for immortality, the conquering of death and disease, the amplification of human intelligence, and the capabilities of the human body.
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I am gonna go off the menu and choose Kilroy,mainly because a Styx reference might contain enough irony to wash away the stink of desperate Mensadom in the above sentence.Posted by Ooty on 07/24 at 07:31 AM
As much as possible, I don’t want us to result being a transhuman just to be popular but if it’s really needed, then so be it.Posted by Designer Bags on 09/01 at 10:22 AM
- Posted by travesti on 03/19 at 04:59 PM
I’m Murphy! I mean robocop, my favorite action cyborg character from the 80s!Posted by Charles on 03/29 at 06:11 AM
Unfortunately, because we have no idea how to do this, we’ll have to settle for a standard multiple-choice format.Posted by mobile free chat on 06/24 at 12:09 AM
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blog would like to devise one of those “which Shakespearean character/ American city/ question of Summa Theologica are you” quizzes. Unfortunately, because we have no idea how to do this, we’ll have to settle for a standardPosted by travesti on 09/17 at 02:31 PM
I remember watching the Six Million Dollar Man TV series. It was fun.Posted by Shine on 01/14 at 06:56 AM
I cannot think of one that I’d want to be. I guess I don’t want to be one.Posted by Florinda on 04/22 at 02:49 PM
You are Ann Coulter. Your human body has been augmented with a direct, real-time connection to the US media, meshing your neural network with all cable news networks. Sadly, you have been recalled due to significant operational defects. Please return to the manufacturer at once and report to the “Morton Downey, Jr.” division.find irrigation in corunnaPosted by find irrigation in corunna on 08/23 at 02:54 PM
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