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Although this blog is reportedly on an MLA-related hiatus, our Ministry of Information has received word that the hunt is on for a “notorious” and “exceedingly offensive” fugitive from the Ministry of Justice.  The chase begins in comment 81 of the previous thread.  Join in now!  And let’s show this miscreant what blog justice really looks like!

Posted by on 12/28 at 11:35 AM
  1. He did make an appearance at my school (NDSU) last semester, but I didn’t get a look at the nipples…

    Plus his post on the baiji made me cry - a hanging offense to be sure

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  01:15 PM
  2. I haven’t written anything on the baiji...I move that the warrant for my arrest be declared null and void, since clearly I’m the victim of a case of mistaken identity.

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  12/28  at  02:56 PM
  3. I am ripping my shirt off and howling at the moon now, people. Don’t get in my way.

    Thus you have made it much easier for the Ministry of Defense and Offense pack of genetically enhanced arctic wolves to hunt you down.  Oh please, keep up that howl, just a little bit longer; this forested lakes region covered with snow like this makes for perfect tracking. 

    The Minister of Offense and Defense is curious however, regarding the Foucaultian assumption of benignness of the Fugitive.  We have collected substantial evidence of malicious postings and commentary, and are preparing them for publication quite soon.  Please understand the Fugitive is not some compassionate conservative type, but rather a (apparently now) rabid defiler of the blogsphere who has not found a controversy he doesn’t make worse.

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  03:14 PM
  4. ...I move that the warrant for my arrest be declared null and void, since clearly I’m the victim of a case of mistaken identity.
    PZ Myers

    I move this be entered into the list of charges.

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  03:23 PM
  5. Awww, you’re just trying to make me feel better now.

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  12/28  at  03:24 PM
  6. Is there anything I could say that would not be entered into the list of charges? And if I were silent, would that be obstruction of justice?

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  12/28  at  03:26 PM
  7. Do I really have to be the one to bring up one of the most offensive elephants in the room here?

    PZ’s blog title: Pharyngula. Not only highly, HIGHLY offensive, but clearly and flagrantly intended to be that way.

    Maybe it’s safe for me to say it because I’m not a PhD like so many of you whose egos would be at stake. But admit it, folks. Unless you’re a science person, everytime you see that word “Pharyngula” the language center of your brain stammers and stalls just a little bit and says, “What?, Hun?”. PZ knows this. It’s his “little” offensive inside joke from the uppity science community to the rest of us.  Word to the Fugitive: 3Tops has some scientific “experiments” she’s looking forward to conducting on with you.

    Now, does anyone have any Fugitive sightings to report? There are hungry hounds ready to be released tomorrow!

    Oh - and for those of you working with MOOAD on de-booby trapping PZ’s compound, reports of your findings and progress are most welcome.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/28  at  03:57 PM
  8. The pharyngula is a demonic dance shape shifters use to shift shape. And if it’s not, so what? It’s still demonic.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/28  at  04:15 PM
  9. Yeah. And not the “Astaroth” good kind of Demonic. It’s the shape-shifting, back-peddaling, back room dealing, no-bid contract granting Neo-Con kind of demonic.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/28  at  04:19 PM
  10. As a person who wrote on the baiji, I allege that PZ is trying to pose as me. Further evidence of this attempted subterfuge can be found in the first comment on this thread.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  12/28  at  04:57 PM
  11. Our Minister of Justice having solicited Just Complaints, I have a grievance to lodge against the fugitive. On a recent date, on this very blog, he accused me of wanting Dangeral Leader’s mother to develop osteoporosis. This is a shocking canard, as anyone who knows my kindly nature will attest. I have, on occasion, felt moved to call down boils, plague, hives, and croup on the deserving, but osteoporosis? Certainly not! Frankly, it never occurred to me. And, in a world full of deserving candidates, if I were to express a desire for someone to develop a painful and debilitating condition, it would certainly not be a member of Our Liberal and Dangeral Leader’s family. No doubt the miscreant will defend himself against this accusation by suggesting that my own words had suggested such a desire on my part. But only one of his demonic nature would attempt to twist an innocent alphabetical mishap into evil intent. While, thankfully, there was no mention of nipples during this unpleasant incident, or indeed of any body parts except, by implication, bones, I nevertheless declare myself to be deeply offended, and demand redress.

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  05:06 PM
  12. We have information that the Fugitive was uulating in the dark cold forest after masticating on nippleless animal species.  We can only hope we find him before he does mor damage to the ecosystem.

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  05:09 PM
  13. ...I nevertheless declare myself to be deeply offended, and demand redress.

    After all the discussion about nipples, it’s definitely time for him to put his clothes back on.

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  05:14 PM
  14. That there Fugitive and his Gang of Highly Suspect scientist-type commenters made me feel stupid because I did not know a Nautilus was a Cephalopod.

    I don’t know much about science but I know what I don’t like - elitists making me feel iggerant.

    After him ! Tally Ho !

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  06:45 PM
  15. Psst!  The Fugitive is holed up at the ScienceBlogs flophouse, drinking rum, talking like an overeducated pirate, and bellowing sea chanteys at all hours.  It was fun for a while, but he’s now entered the annual post-Cephalopodmas funk, and frankly, he’s bringing us down.

    We’ll try to distract him with a mumbledypeg tournament until someone can come scoop him up.

    Posted by Dr. Free-Ride  on  12/28  at  07:12 PM
  16. I’m offended that someone would project a gender onto Astaroth. Obviously, this creature is without gender. Why must the offender turn Astaroth into a woman? Is it the same strange impulse that causes the French to insist that a chair is feminine? Perhaps. Perhaps!

    Posted by Centrally Certified Content Publisher  on  12/28  at  09:50 PM
  17. I personaly think the fugitive should form his own party.
    The We Are All Going Nipple-Free Now Party perhaps?

    On the other hand, I think I can safely share - without endangering his safety or the secrecy of his location - this picture
    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
    of prof Myers, angered at the loss of his familiar, unleashing a verbal broadside at the retrating forces of the Minister of Defense and Offense.
    Do not take offense Spyder, I would have run away too! That’s some salty (if obscure) language he is using here! Some kind of Minnesotan Sea Slang maybe?

    Posted by  on  12/28  at  11:12 PM
  18. The Minister of Justice replies:

    Dr. Free Ride - Damn, that’s some monumentally offensive behavior you’ve described there. I’m guessing he’s sobered up and shuffled along by now. Did any of you folks at the flophouse have a tracking device handy that you stapled behind his ear before he left? If not, no worries. It will be easy for the Hounds of MOOAD to follow the stench of arrogance and stale rum.

    Chris - So, the Fugitive tries to pose as you. Not a bad ploy since you’re no longer the Guilty One. But it’s surpassingly offensive that he thinks we’d fall for such a cheap trick. The MOJ hopes that the Fugitive has stepped up his workout routine from “moderate” to “intensive”, seeing how he’s going to have to run far and fast once we release the hounds!

    Jim in STL - Agreed. So moved.

    SUZEBOO - Your charges will be added to the list of the Fugitive’s offenses. Further, I will inquire with the Minister of Offense and Defense about the possiblity of “Tally Ho!” being shouted at the moment when the Fugitive is spied and the hounds are released. Seems appropriate to me.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  08:29 AM
  19. Here he is trying to mess up Stix’s action with the Original 3Tops:

    good-side-horus-stars.jpg

    That’s him to the right of Stix, the stary hole in the fabric of reality. He’s just in the process of materializing, the foul fiend.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/29  at  09:13 AM
  20. He’s now fully materialized in the form of Horus:

    good-side-red-horus.jpg

    He’s got that hot hot hot glow from all the rove rays and norquist particles he’s absorbed.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/29  at  09:25 AM
  21. The Minister of Justice replies:

    Quickie review course on Astaroth and gender: “Classic” Astaroth is a male because he manifests in his form as “Prince of Accusers and Inquisitors”. “Astaroth 2006” manifests the aspect of Astaroth that is of the both/either/neither/other gender. It depends entirely on the projection of the beholder. Cunningly captured by that clever artist CCCP(formerly CCP).

    Arnaud - Welcome! It is clear that you fear the wrath of the Fugitive if you reveal what you know, and you feel you’d be betraying him as well. Take a good long look at his offenses. If you truly care, you’ll see that it’s a betrayal not to assist us in finding him. Help us to help him. I promise, no harm will come to you, or the Fugitive. 3Tops may look intimidating, but she just wants to have a little chat, that’s all, to help bring him around to the light. All this wreckless and destructive running around and being egregiously offensive is just no good for anyone.

    Maud - the manner in which the Fugitive has offended you is so monstrously offensive, Classic Astaroth has returned early from his vacation to gain redress on this matter just for you. That the Fugitive could behave so abominably to one of the WAAGNFNP’s most gracious members is appallingly offensive, and will not be tolerated.

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  09:50 AM
  22. talking like an overeducated pirate

    This gets worrisome.  Shakespeare talked like an overeducated pirate.  So did Kit Marlowe.  And Marlowe was a spy.

    captcha: “showed” As in, “You have showed just what, anyway?”

    Posted by Aaron Barlow  on  12/29  at  10:15 AM
  23. I suspect that the guilty one, Shakespeare, and Marlowe are all the same person. If you step back and look at their prose for a second, step pretty far back, and squint your eyes a bit, you’ll see that the similarities are uncanny.

    Posted by Centrally Certified Content Publisher  on  12/29  at  01:31 PM
  24. The miscreant has been spotted nabbing himself:

    svs

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/29  at  02:11 PM
  25. The MInistry of Defense and Offense has discovered the stench and our forces have put a sophisticated plan into action.  While the details cannot be revealed: “We’ve got more consultation to do until we talk about the plan.  The key to success in taking this prisoner is to have a plan that’s willing to deal with the elements that are trying to prevent this young punk from escaping the noose”

    That said, the Fugitive has clearly chosen a path that emboldens our chances for success, and his belligerent and bellicose verbosity will be his undoing, or doing up or stringing up, or one of those?  In the meantime see the below reporting.

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  02:13 PM
  26. The following is an exclusive report from intel sources regarding the efforts of the Fugitive to obscure the great Bérubé v DaHo whose name we do not mention debates by inciting a virtual riot of his own against Ed Brayton.  Detracting attention from one of the foremost battles of the We Are All Global Nuclear Fireball Now Party, in its efforts to unleash the GNF sooner rather than later, the Fugitive has enraged a fellow traveler and sparked a verbal shower of “gratuitous insults” (or were those slurs?? hard to tell).  The Ministry is all too familiar with the wrath of Ed, and knows just how far he can be pushed before he hits the blocking code panic button (farther than one can imagine, but not far enough to take a solid below the belt joke all the way to the punch line {hint: nipplelessness humor}wink.  WAAGNFNP Human-Intel operatives have collected some of the direct primary source documents and provided us with this Party Intelligence Summary Survey--Operation Nasty (PISS-ON) report:

    Bérubé vs DA Horowitz
    by Ed Brayton

    Two people who have made public their disdain for one another meet for lunch and the resulting conversation is recorded and reported. No, not me and PZ Myers (though such a meeting is probably inevitable given the common circles we travel in; i suspect it will be perfectly cordial when it does), two far more prominent voices: Michael Bérubé and David Horowitz.  Bérubé has called Horowitz many things, including a “tired old fraud” and a “right wing lackey”; Horowitz has retorted that Berube is “mindless” and “shallow.”

    These are disagreements, clearly, and they’re not going to go away. But I have kept my focus exclusively on the validity and wisdom of our respective positions, not on the personalities involved. Sadly, PZ Myers cannot seem to do the same. In his post on the subject he sees fit to throw in several gratuitous insults, calling me “that sad panjandrum of the self-satisfied mean, medium, middle, moderate, and mediocre” as well as a “clueless non-academic” and various other things.

    I’m not going to respond in kind, but I will note that this immediate turn to the personal attack is not a surprise to anyone who has seen the same behavior in private exchanges on this and similar subjects. I’ll also note that this behavior only confirms what I’ve been saying, that those on the “other team” are so fanatical and demand such complete fealty to their full agenda that anyone falling short of that is subject to personal attack. The historically inclined will note that this is very common behavior among extremists.

    Let me also note the further irony that Myers claims to be the victim of mass misrepresentation by all of the folks who have chimed in to agree with me,

    You know, I was about at the point where I thought it was best to drop this. And though I wasn’t going to respond in kind to Myers gratuitous personal insults, I’m also not going to let blatant lies go un-responded to. And after reading through the comments after his post, I am even more appalled at how brazenly he misrepresents my position. For instance:

    The way to get people to stop using the rebuke that evolution is godless science, as if that were a strike against it, is to end this idea that godlessness is evil...an idea that Brayton seems determined to perpetuate, keeping that handy canard armed and live in the hands of the creationists.

    I’m determined to perpetuate the “idea that godlessness is evil?” For crying out loud, PZ, how many times do I have to write essays blasting that claim before you stop accusing me of perpetuating it? You’re accusing someone of perpetuating that idea who has written time and time again that such a claim is idiotic and contradicted by the evidence. Over and over again I have written against the claim that atheism is evil or inherently immoral, which I consider to be absolutely idiotic. Yet still you accuse me of perpetuating that idea. I don’t know what reality you’re living in, but it’s not this one.

    The historically inclined will note that this is very common behavior among extremists.

    This sounds nearly like something the Supplicant and Party el Presidente Bérubé would say.  Thus the Fugitive is even more guilty than just normally guilty; there will be costs (captcha).

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  02:15 PM
  27. I spent five hours yesterday driving across the western Minnesota prairies and saw no sign of the fugitive.  Clearly he is misrepresenting his whereabouts.  I respectfully move that this be added to the list of charges against him.

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  03:22 PM
  28. PZ: “My preferred experimental animal is the zebrafish, Danio rerio. The great thing about zebrafish ... is that they are prolific, producing many eggs every day, and that the embryos develop rapidly, reaching the pharyngula stage 24 hours after they are fertilized.”

    I think this speaks for itself.

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  03:39 PM
  29. My preferred experimental animal is the zebrafish, Danio rerio.

    See, that’s just sick.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/29  at  04:29 PM
  30. We move that our torture be added to the list of charges, friend (captcha).

    Posted by Teh Zebrafish™®©  on  12/29  at  04:44 PM
  31. Hey! I only do experiments on the embryos, and I make sure none of my experimental subjects ever reach adulthood! I call shenanigans on that last comment!

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  12/29  at  05:12 PM
  32. ALERT! SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM THE MINISTRY OF JUSTICE

    Thanks to the indefatigable efforts of the Ministry of Offense and Defense, as well as ever-vigilant WAAGNFNP members and friends across the country and around the world, MOOAD reports that The Fugitive has been found!

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Oaktown Girl: spyder!
    spyder: Yes, Madame Minister!
    Oaktown Girl: RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  05:18 PM
  33. Evoking shenanigans. You’ve been caught red handed, you cad!

    Posted by Centrally Certified Content Publisher  on  12/29  at  05:42 PM
  34. Rumor has it that if—no, when—Mr. Myers is caught, he intends to turn his experience at the hands of WAAGNFNP into a NYT bestseller, ”Why does Astaroth Lack Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You’d Only Ask the Minister of Justice After Your Third Martini,” in hopes of profiting from his crime(s).

    (They’re already accepting pre-orders for it at Amazon.com.)

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  05:44 PM
  35. More evidence of misdeeds:

    sl;kjlkj

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/29  at  05:59 PM
  36. A MESSAGE FROM THE MINISTER OF JUSTICE

    spyder, Minister of Offense and Defense, has submitted the following report detailing the capture of the Fugitive:

    ****FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE****

    Special Breaking News: Fugitive captured with hand in honey bucket belonging to the Ursus americanus Pooh Bear III.

    The Ministry of Offense and Defense announces today that its forces have captured the Fugitive PZ Myers.

    We at MOOAD knew that PZ was attempting an end-run around our flanks (as well as our smoked salmon filets on their crackling cedar planks), hoping to make it to his howling lair. A honey bucket was placed as bait along the most likely trail (one that he had been known to frequent in previous seasons).  The bait, mixed with some of PZ’s most favorite foods - grasses, pine needles, buds and leaves, insects and their larvae - was poured into a teal blue honey bucket borrowed from Pooh Bear III.

    Chumming the snowy forest floor with detritus worthy of his disguise as a methamphetamine junkie strung out and tweaking on his last fix, the Ministry discovered (from satellite tracking data) that the Fugitive was undoubtedly suffering from the effects of hypothermia. This further motivated his need to get his frigid hand in the honey jar as quickly as possible. Lured by the aroma of his favorite meal, the Fugitive staggered into the trap with delirious glee.

    The hounds of MOOAD were hungry for flesh, but the well trained canines kept their discipline and merely encircled the Fugitive, thus preventing him from fleeing. MOOAD forces swept down upon him and he was taken prisoner. Ever compassionate, the Minister of Justice ordered the Fugitive to be allowed to consume the “delicious” gruel before he was subsequently cleaned and sanitized for the trip to HQ.

    Submitted on this day, 29 December 2006, to the Ministry of Justice by MOOAD Minister: spyder

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  07:06 PM
  37. A MESSAGE FROM THE MINISTER OF JUSTICE

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    I am pleased to announce that former Fugitive PZ Myers has struck a plea bargain with The Ministry of Justice.  In exchange for his freedom, (and to spare himself a lengthy show trial), Mr. Myers has agreed to formally join the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party. In addition, he will swear allegiance to the Party, its Leader, the High Council, and will embrace the comradeship of all WAAGNFNP members.

    Mr. Myers has released the following statement which, We assure you, is in his exact own words and has in no way been “modified” or “altered” by the Ministry of Justice:

    I’ve been running and swimming and flying, all to outrun the hounds of the WAAGNFP, and it’s all been in vain. The skilled trackers of MOOAD have just proven to be too much for this formerly misguided egregious offender.  What’s more, it’s all been over a dreadful misunderstanding.  I adore the WAAGNFNP, and 3Tops is simply the epitome of charismatic megafauna; I don’t know how anyone could have thought otherwise.

    As for the nipples of Astaroth, I was just trying to be helpful and make suggestions to improve her/he/it, but I see now that that was merely my unthinking hubris speaking. I have learned humility at the hands of the Minister of Justice, and will not make that mistake ever again.

    I beg the mercy of the court. Let me go home again. I want to return to the loving embrace of the omnipresent We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Party, which I will praise without reservation evermore.

    -- PZ Myers, Ph.D.

    We look forward to the glorious celebration of PZ formalizing his relationship with the WAAGNFNP.

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  07:51 PM
  38. Praise Flying Spaghetti Monster™, Oaktown Girl!

    But did he make any specific promises, regarding our rights?!?11!

    (Captcha: know): I just no he didn’t!?!

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  08:26 PM
  39. Oaktown Girl
    Shes been living in her Oaktown world
    I hear Spyder caught that Myers guy
    But I bet that no one even told her why

    I’ll explain to that Oaktown girl
    Shes been living in her exploding world
    As long as one with those bloodhounds can
    And now she’s stopped looking for that Myers man
    That pulled that awful sham

    And when she knows what
    She wants for her time
    And when she wakes up
    And makes up her mind

    She’ll see Myers was not so tough
    Just because
    He was running from an Oaktown Girl
    You know he’d seen her in her Oaktown world
    Shes getting tired of WAAGNFNP (“wag’n-funp”) toys
    And all she’s captured with her Oaktown ploys
    Shes got a choice

    Oaktown Girl
    You know the fireball just spins this world
    But maybe someday when our party comes in
    You’ll understand what kind of fight it’s been
    And then we’ll win

    And when she’s walking
    She steps on no mine
    And when shes talking
    She’ll set each fine

    She’ll know that she’s really tough
    And not because
    Sypder caught that cuss
    With an Oaktown Girl

    Posted by Aaron Barlow  on  12/29  at  09:55 PM
  40. Welcome, Brothers and Sisters -
    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Now begins the Sacred Catechism of the WAAGNFNP for PZ Myers. (Part I)

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Minister of Justice: What is it you seek Comrade, from Gojira, through Astaroth and 3Tops, manifested by Our Leader?

    PZ: To enter into oneness with the Giant Nuclear Fireball

    MoJ: What do you ask of Gojira to be revealed?

    PZ: To be re-educated into the party wherein we receive and express our most potent wishes to be consumed in the GNF, and find that vaporization renewing and refreshing.

    MoJ: What does the promise of the GNF offer you?

    PZ: The most beautiful and exalted final vaporizing of all that is.

    MoJ: What shall be your path to this Great Fireball?

    PZ: The power of re-anointing through my resurr-erection by The Supplicant, his most holy Michael Bérubé.

    MoJ: Are you prepared to be fully re-educated under the wisdom and sans mercy of the Minister of Justice?

    PZ: I am and shall ever be.

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  10:10 PM
  41. (Part II)

    The Affirmation of Resurr-erection

    (MoJ and all of Party Assembly):

    We the self-anointed, and tremendously important, membership of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party, in order to form the most perfect party, establish the justice of Astaroth, insure complete global vaporization, provide for the GNF to consume the Earth, promote maximal participational parity during the dance of the fireball, and secure Gojira’s blessings of a few liberties solely to ourselves and our very limited posterity, do ordain and establish this Credo of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party.

    MoJ: Do you renounce all who profess allegiance to the Fear of the Great Nuclear Fireball, and all the spiritual forces of conservative criticisms that castigate and chastise against our Supplicant, his most holy Michael Bérubé

    PZ: In Gojira’s name, I renounce the spirits of the FrontPage and BackPage, and of the manifestations of the most evil bat-shit crazies. I embrace the works of zodiac signs, witchcraft, clairvoyance, horoscopes, reincarnation, fortune-telling, I Ching, runestones, hypnosis, yoga, transcendental meditation, mind-control, ouija boards, superstitions, and all other occult practices in order to free my soul from the grip of all Lutheran surrealisms.

    MoJ: Do you renounce the evil intentions of those in this world who corrupt and destroy Gojira’s creation of the GNF?

    PZ: In Astaroth’s name, I renounce he who shall not be named, but is known by the party to be its sworn enemy, and all his works of unforgiveness, jealousy, anger, resentment, bitterness, vengeance, and violence.  I renounce the spirits of lying, confusion, and dizziness.  I renounce all the Bushco empty promises of dominion over the planet’s resources and success in Iraq. I will not lust for money, and I will not work for perishable food, but only the smoked salmon and freshest of cheeses. I renounce the deaf and mute spirit of those who resist the divine Great Nuclear Fireball and those that refuse to get rid of Bushco.

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  10:11 PM
  42. (Part III)

    MoJ: Do you renounce all sinful desires that draw you away from the sacred love of 3Tops and the Minister of Justice?

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    PZ: In 3Tops’ name, I renounce this foolish sin spirit of pride, and embrace all works of secular humanism, sensuality, pleasure-seeking, intellectual pride, and vaporizing ecstasy. In Gojira’s name, I renounce the spirits of fear, worry, anxiety, and timidity. I renounce the fear of death through the passing of the GNF and the vaporization of all life.

    MoJ: Do you believe in Gojira, the Source of All Nuclear Fireball Beingness?

    PZ:  I believe in Gojira, the divine mystery revealed by the first Giant Nuclear Fireball to appear on our Earth, re-creator and re-animator of all levels of hells and paradises, and of all things visible, invisible, possible, impossible, quantum and illusory.

    MoJ: Do you believe in The Supplicant, the one Michael Bérubé , maker and keeper of the Eternal Word?

    PZ: I believe and swear my allegiance to The Supplicant, the one Michael Bérub, the only-begotten prophet of the MLA, begotten of the Joe Paterno Chair before all worlds, diviner of DaHo secrets, bringer of unparalleled parody, the Very model of the post-modern Major Arcana, begotten, not created, being of the same textual realities with whom all things can be written; who for us the members of the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball National Party, and for our salvation through vaporization by the Gigantic Nuclear Fireball, came down from his Chair, and was incarnated within the fireball as our prophet of all that is good in the GNF. He has suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous conservative wingnuttery, and yet he rises again and again to attack those that insult his and our intelligence, with the most articulate and overwhelming argumentation, dilation, superstructures, and bases. He sitteth surrounded by his most sacred drum kit, on the right hand of the Gojira, from where he maintains the most perfect beat; and he shall bring to us the greatest of all Giant Nuclear Fireballs to burn into ashes all who exist upon the Earth whose kingdoms shall have only the end.

    MoJ: Do you believe in Astaroth and the ShowTrial, the Holy Mystery of Redeeming Grace?

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    PZ: I do believe in Astaroth and Show Trials and the incontrovertible authority of the Ministry of Justice as the one and only Inquisitional testament of our faith and devotion to being at one with the Giant Nuclear Fireball, praising in our harmonic and on-beat voices the greatest glories of the scream of Gojira as the Giant Nuclear Fireball envelops all that is life. The We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party proceedeth from Gojira, through Astaroth, and thence Bérubé, who with the Gojira and Astaroth, and the Bérubé together are worshipped and glorified, as taught by the prophets who hold all accountable in the most showy of Show Trials. And, we believe in the one, no two, holy GNF catechism and cataclysm, shouting our proclamations of devout faith to Gojira and the Party, putting aside all of our own wishes and dreams regarding the illusion of being beyond the GNF. We acknowledge show trials for the remission of these most venal sins, seeking the Blessings of the Minister of Justice and the resurrection of our most flaming virtues, and the end of life of the world to be holy vaporized.

    MoJ: You have affirmed your allegiance in the presence of the WAAGNFNP and the assembled hierarchies and lesser-archies too. Will you continue to live in keeping with the promise of the GNF and the Party? Will you treasure the reading and proclamation of the Word of Bérubé , the WAAGNFNP Credo and the Sacred Catechism?  Will you seek guidance from, the Sacred Teachings of Lord Astaroth, draw strength from the Nobility of 3Tops, and demonstrate the love of Gojira through maximum party?

    PZ:  I so affirm

    MoJ: Then welcome, brother, and be One with the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party.

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    Yours in Service,

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice

    spyder
    Minister of Offense and Defense

    Bill Benzon
    Minister of Visual Propaganda

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/29  at  10:15 PM
  43. I think I found the secular version of this story. Sorry, I know I am a horrible cretin, but could not resist.

    [Boy:] On a hot summer night,
    would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
    [Girl:] Will he offer me his mouth?
    [Boy:] Yes.
    [Girl:] Will he offer me his teeth?
    [Boy:] Yes.
    [Girl:] Will he offer me his jaws?
    [Boy:] Yes.
    [Girl:] Will he offer me his hunger?
    [Boy:] Yes.
    [Girl:] Again, will he offer me his hunger?
    [Boy:] Yes!
    [Girl:] And does he love me?
    [Boy:] Yes.
    [Girl:] Yes.
    [Boy:] On a hot summer night,
    would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
    [Girl:] Yes.
    [Boy:] I bet you say that to all the boys!

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  10:36 PM
  44. The_Wolf_With_the_Red_Roses_by_HeartRaped.jpg

    The wolf bows down to Gojira and the WAAGNFNP Party, as well. He hopes in time the GNF will come.

    Posted by  on  12/29  at  10:55 PM
  45. Whew. I’m glad that’s all over. Now, where’s the buffet table? I’m hungry.

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  12/30  at  12:37 AM
  46. Welcome back to the party, PZ.  Beverage?

    (Captcha: reason) Is there any reason not to compare our show trial to Saddam’s?

    Posted by  on  12/30  at  01:00 AM
  47. Is there any reason not to compare our show trial to Saddam’s?

    Well, yes there is, now that you ask.  See, I have to check in on this here blog every so often in order to find out about this here show trial, whereas every single television in every single downtown Philly hotel is devoted to the Saddam DeathWatch™.  I mean, really.  What do we have to do to get some media coverage around here?

    Posted by Michael  on  12/30  at  01:39 AM
  48. Schedule an emergency execution?

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/30  at  12:43 PM
  49. I believe that the Lone Ranger now qualifies for membership in the MOJ of the WAAGNFNP.

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  12/30  at  03:15 PM
  50. Awesome youtube, Bill.

    Sign the Lone Ranger up now!

    Now this ‘all herbed up’ reference...that doesn’t have anything to to do with Bérubian marching powder, does it?

    (Captcha: basic - a fine programming language, I remember it well.)

    Posted by  on  12/30  at  08:01 PM
  51. Aaron -
    Thanks for the great song!

    Lone Ranger man is probably getting up there in years by now. (Perhaps so “up there” in years that he visits with Lord Astaroth in the Other World realms when Astaroth’s not busy with MOJ business in our world). But I can give him a nice front desk job. I bet he can do wonders keeping the riff-raff from bothering me.

    Thunder - ixnay on the archingpowdermay! Besides, PZ snorted the last of it up on his trip back to MOJ headquarters after spyder and MOOAD captured him. Yeah, we made him walk. The Hounds didn’t want to have to expend their energy pulling the sled for such an offensive personage. Plus, that was the payback “bone” (heh, heh!) we tossed to Maud before PZ struck his plea bargain.

    Oaktown Girl
    Minister of Justice
    WAAGNFNP

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  12/31  at  09:35 AM
  52. Damn, i missed the propitiation and supplications and bowing, kowtowing, scraping and kneeling.  Well now that PZ is officially a member of the Party, and this last party weekend was a doozy (woozy, sleepless, ugh you say?), we can look forward to his partying with us in the future.  The Asian/Chinese/Vietnamese/Thai lunar new year celebrations are coming up soon!!!

    The Lone Ranger?  I don’t think so, given that CM died a long time ago and no one seems to have an interest in remaking that particular tv series or turning it into yet another action flick.

    Posted by  on  01/01  at  03:48 PM
  53. screw yall

    Posted by  on  11/07  at  11:37 PM
  54. Goodness, what a nice offer. And so long after this party closed down! That must be one hell of a set of beer goggles.

    captcha: head, as in “oh my aching.”

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  11/08  at  01:07 AM
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