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Box turtle day

OK, so Tom Frank has a point-- every so often, the fundamentalist right throws itself behind some purely symbolic issue that doesn’t have a prayer of becoming law.  But lost in all the sound and fury about same-sex marriage is the simple fact that Senator Cornyn was right:  it really doesn’t affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle.  My neighbor has a marriage license for his box turtle, and it hasn’t affected me a bit.  Except that it did convince me to get a marriage license for my pet bee Eric.  Actually, he’s half a bee.  And I love him.

Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.
I love this hive employee-ee-ee
Bisected accidentally
One summer afternoon by me
I love him carnally.

And my license is signed by one Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania’s Ministry of Housinge.

Posted by on 07/15 at 02:51 AM

  1. I’m In Love With A Big Blue Frog
    Leslie Braunstein

    I’m in love with a big blue frog,
    A big blue frog loves me.
    It’s not as bad as it appears
    He wears glasses and he’s six foot three.

    Well I’m not worried about our kids,
    I know they’ll turn out neat.

    They’ll be great lookin’ ‘cause they’ll have my face,
    great swimmers ‘cause they’ll have his feet!

    Well I’m in love with a big blue frog,
    A big blue frog loves me.
    He’s not as bad as he appears,
    He’s got rhythm and a PhD.

    Well I know we can make things work
    He’s got good fam’ly sense.
    His mother was a frog from Philadelphia
    His daddy an enchanted prince.

    The neighbors are against it and it’s clear to me
    And it’s prob’ly clear to you
    They think value on their property will go right down
    If the family next door is blue.

    Well I’m in love with a big blue frog
    A big blue frog loves me
    I’ve got it tattooed on my chest
    It says P.H.R.O.G. (It’s frog to me!)
    P.H.R.O.G.

    http://frogcircus.org/ppm/the_collection/im_in_love_with_a_big_blue_frog

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  04:38 AM

  2. Now, that’s just sick.

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  07:34 AM

  3. Cyril Connolly…

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  12:27 PM

  4. No, semi-carnally!

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  12:48 PM

  5. http://www.rathergood.com/giantbee/

    Posted by Mtraven  on  07/15  at  01:20 PM

  6. Now, that’s more like it-- a thing of beauty is a joy forever.  Thanks, Mtraven.

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  01:48 PM

  7. I’m looking at the old New Yorker cartoon pinned up over my desk.  The caption:  “Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can’t have pets.” Well, so are husbands and wives.

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  02:01 PM

  8. So long as you don’t start slapping him with fish....

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  02:30 PM

  9. Interesting point, Bean.  Has anyone even asked Santorum about his pets?  We know he has nineteen children, sure, but what about the pets?  And what about his kids’ pets?

    Posted by  on  07/15  at  06:57 PM

  10. "The legitimate powers of government extend only to such acts as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say that there are twenty gods, or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”
    --Thomas Jefferson (real quote)

    remix:
    “The legitimate powers of government extend only to such acts as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to marry a giant bee, a box turtle, or Rick Santorum. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

    Posted by Amardeep Singh  on  07/16  at  04:18 AM

  11. Hmm, this is all a little bizarre.

    Given that this page gets approximately two thousand individual visitors daily, I suppose that it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch that another person with my first name reads it.  And leaves comments, I guess.

    However, in order to preserve the little indie cred I have left to me, let me clear up one thing:  I am most certainly not a fan of Peter, Paul & Mary.

    And don’t knock fish, they make excellent (and embarrassing) weapons in a pinch.

    Posted by Arthur  on  07/16  at  05:50 AM

  12. Great quote, Amardeep.  But did you know that Jefferson had an illegitimate child with a ferret?  He lost all credibility with me when I learned that.  And Arthur, whichever Arthur you are, don’t worry about that indie cred-- I assumed that the first Arthur was referring to Fugazi’s cover of the Peter, Paul and Mary original--

    Posted by  on  07/17  at  06:13 AM

  13. Dr. BČrubČ, I have responded to this post at length at my site. 

    Posted by Adam Kotsko  on  07/18  at  09:45 AM

  14. Hi, Adam.  Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply to your social-contract-theory repudiation of my marriage to Eric the Half a Bee.  But of course I agree with the larger point your satirical reply is driving at, namely, that it’s perfectly all right to have a cat license in which the word “dog” is crossed out and the word “cat” is written in crayon.  If that’s what you mean by asking why “we cannot, at this point in history, choose as a society to reshape our idea of what constitutes a family.”

    I’ll post this over at your site too, on Eric’s behalf.  Ha ha!  Bee-half!  Get it?

    Posted by  on  07/21  at  08:58 AM

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