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From the desk of David Horowitz

image

More precisely, from the desk of David Horowitz to the website of NewsMax:

Will you help me place the enclosed advertisement in college newspapers across America?

It conveys an important message to all Americans:  There are thousands of Ward Churchills indoctrinating students on college campuses from coast to coast!

Thousands!  But wait—your graphic says “100 Ward Churchills.” So which is it?  Are there 100 Churchills on college campuses, or are there thousands?  You shouldn’t play around with powers of ten, David.  They’re really tricky!  You might wind up with hundreds of thousands of Ward Churchills by some counts, or maybe just one by others.

It really all depends on how intellectually corrupt Discover the Networks is!

You remember Ward Churchill, don’t you? He’s the tenured University of Colorado professor who has written, among other things, that the people in the World Trade Centers deserved to die on September 11, 2001. They were, Churchill said, “little Eichman’s” comparing them to Adolf Hitler’s right-hand butcher!

Well, it’s Eichmann, not Eichman, and he wasn’t the right-hand butcher, and you don’t use an apostrophe to indicate a plural noun.  If we don’t correct bad English usage, you know, the terrorists win.  But let’s get back to the letter.

One of our most important missions at CSPC is to expose the Ward Churchills of America. And there are many, many more where he came from. That is one reason we worked hard with the support of thousands of Americans to create our Discoverthenetworks.org website.

Or maybe with the support of hundreds of Americans, or maybe just tens of Americans.  OK, actually it was just David and his assistants.  Never mind.  The important point is that there are as many supporters of Discover the Networks as there are Ward Churchills.

Discoverthenetworks.org casts a bright light on the radical left and shows, in detail, the connections between hundreds of radical organizations. We’ve also provided substantial evidence revealing the financial support these groups receive from left-wing foundations, like Ford, MacArthur and Pew, and self-serving billionaires like George Soros and Peter Lewis.

Oh, speaking of the Holocaust! Tony Blankley’s still not sure how that sneaky Soros guy managed to escape it.  But now David’s on the case, with the help of a few altruistic billionaires who only want to serve humanity.

I’m hoping you’ll help us prepare for 2006! I want to place this advertisement in at least 250 student newspapers across America over the next 60 days. To do that, the Center must raise $131,250.

Will you help me do that today? Will you take a moment to make a contribution of $25, $35, $50, $100 or even $1,000 to CSPC right now?

We want to open 2006 by getting students, professors, and administrators’ attention:  we’re watching radicals on campuses and we’re going to expose them to the public!

In order to defend their academic freedom!  Honest!  Our Academic Bill of Rights is all in favor of academic freedom.

We know from experience that running ads in 250 student newspapers that nearly 500,000 people will see this ad and be exposed to our Discoverthenetworks.org website.

We know from experience that running ads in 250 student newspapers that? I’m sorry.  David is hereby reassigned to Objectively Pro-Saddam University’s remedial Freshman English program.  His instructor will be Professor Ward Churchill.

And the first papers we hit will be the hotbed schools for anti-Americanism—schools like Cal-Berkeley, Harvard, Yale, and Columbia!

The Center made tremendous strides against the left this past year. Now we must take advantage of the momentum we’ve generated over the past year and take our battle for our culture to the next level. Discoverthenetworks.org is a vital tool in that battle. . . .

Ah, takin’ it to the Next Level.  And just wait ‘til you see what level that is!

What emerges is undeniable proof of the radical left’s anti-American agenda. They’re not anti-war. They just hate America. And they’re camped out in our classrooms spewing their hatred to our young, future leaders.

By placing our ad in student papers across the country we can expect our already popular and useful website’s influence to grow. Frankly, without your support we won’t be able to get into the trenches with the radical left and battle them into submission. That’s why I’m asking for your financial support today.

Yes, the next level is one level down, where David and his army of one will get into the trenches and battle professors into submission.  (And if you print out David’s letter and hold it up to the light, you can see that under the word “battle” is the word “bludgeon.”) Let academic freedom reign!

There’s no contradiction here, actually.  Submission is freedom.  That’s why David’s troops will be welcomed as liberators!

Still, let’s take a closer look at the charge that we’re “spewing our hatred to our young, future leaders” and “indoctrinating students.” (I’m going to leave aside the “camped out in our classrooms” bit, because, c’mon, that’s kind of silly.  Everyone knows we only spend six hours a week in our classrooms.) David brings up an important issue here, one that I’ve been thinking about lately.  Let’s say that professors really do spew hatred to the young.  And let’s say that Churchill provides a perfectly paradigmatic example of the things we spew.  What, in practical political terms, has been the effect of Churchill’s profoundly stupid and vile “little Eichmanns” remark?  Did it lead to an important “teaching moment” for the left?  Has it led thousands, or even tens, of American students and citizens to the conclusion that the World Trade Center dead were, indeed, comparable to the technician of the Holocaust?  Has it spawned Departments of Little Eichmann Studies in which far-left professors calculate the precise degree to which the 9/11 dead shared in the responsibility for the events of that day?  Or has it led thousands, and even millions, of Americans to the conclusion that O’Reilly, Hannity, and Horowitz are right about college professors?  Has it served as the anti-academic right’s Exhibit A and primary recruiting tool, invoked in one state legislature after another when Horowitzian bills are brought to the floor?  And has it allowed the right to smear everyone to the left of Joe Lieberman as America-hating, terrorist-sympathizing fanatics?

Just asking.

Back to Horowitz:

Discoverthenetworks.org is doing what the major media won’t:  exposing a serious threat to our nation’s well-being, the powerful, well-financed radical anti-America left! I’m counting on you to stand beside me in the months ahead and I look forward to your help today. God bless.

God bless?  Excuse me—did somebody sneeze?

Now, as a member of the powerful, well-financed radical extra-adjectival anti-America left, I do know that this is very serious stuff.  In fact, I have my very own page on Discover the Networks, so that makes me a Ward Churchill too!  Though I’m still waiting for my standard-issue black beret, aviator-frame sunglasses, and rifle.  I think they’ll look boss.

But I’m not going to discuss Discover the Battle of the Anti-American Network Stars this time around, because, as some of you know, I

already

did

that

earlier this year, and in so doing, provided thousands (really, thousands!) of readers with well-deserved Horowitz mockery.  And when I was finally honored with my own page, complete with its weirdly blurry photo, I respectfully read it through and paid careful attention to every last one of its distortions and misstatements

No, instead of trying to drive David to the next level of batshit insane (this would be level thirty-one in the thirty-three Masonic levels of wingnut batshit insanity), I’m simply going to direct you to John Holbo’s Discover the Nutwork, where you can learn about the links between Leo Strauss and Sideshow Bob . . .

. . . Grover Norquist and Grover . . .

. . . Tom DeLay and Red Skull . . .

and most crucially, David Horowitz and Zod!

Folks, I will need $131,249.95 over the next 56 days in order to place “Discover the Nutwork” ads in campus newspapers around the country.  Obviously, I can’t do it alone, because unlike David, I don’t have the backing of crazed reclusive far-right billionaires like Richard Mellon Scaife (part owner of NewsMax!  Hey, talk about discovering the networks!).  I need your help, dear readers, as I’ve never needed it before.  Will you take a moment to give me $25, $35, $50, $100 or even $1,000 right now?  I’m counting on you to stand beside me in the months ahead—or, to be more exact, to stand far away from me and watch me as I pocket the cash.

Zod bless.

Posted by on 12/13 at 04:27 PM
  1. Check’s in the mail along with beret and sunglasses. Ixnay on the ifleray, Okay?

    I think you’ll actually look SASSY!

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  06:31 PM
  2. Michael - are you sure that you aren’t really Gavin M.? 

    Just kidding.  I’m pretty sure it’s you.

    Apropos of Horowitz, do you think that the verb ‘to spew’ has jumped the shark, at least as far as the internets are concerned?  It seems to be the verb of choice when certain folks are talking about their political opponents, or when bloggers or commenters are talking about certain folks in the media (mostly on Fox.)

    I don’t mean to go off topic, it just struck me as I was reading this.

    Also, I didn’t realize that you had your own page over there.  Congratulations are in order!

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  06:41 PM
  3. Ex Con, I don’t want to look “sassy.” I want to look boss.  “Sassy” is something you’d find in a gay creche.

    And Ianua, you’re right—“spew” has indeed jumped the spewing shark.  Look for it in any sentence that also includes some version of the word “hate.”

    Though I should add that the number of things, people, and terms that have jumped the shark lately is staggeringly large.  One of these days the phrase “jumped the shark” will have jumped the shark, at which point we will finally be post-postmodern.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/13  at  06:54 PM
  4. You think your fuzzy photo is odd? I teach one lousy class wearing a beret, cool shades, armed with a rifle, and look what happens. Fortunately, I shaved off my Snidely Whiplash mustache the day before. My credit card number is on the way.

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  07:02 PM
  5. Brilliant rebuttal, as usual. And boss is infinitely more classic.

    Posted by Masterfraud  on  12/13  at  07:15 PM
  6. Culture war pits UC vs. Christian way of teaching
    Religious schools challenge admission standards in court
    - Mike Weiss, Chronicle Staff Writer

    In a small room at the University of California’s headquarters in downtown Oakland, UC counsel Christopher Patti sat beside a stack of textbooks proposed for use by Calvary Chapel Christian School in Riverside County—books UC rejected as failing to meet freshmen admission requirements.
    Biology and physics textbooks from Christian publishers were found wanting, as were three Calvary humanities courses.

    “The university is not telling these schools what they can and can’t teach,” Patti said. “What the university is doing is simply establishing what is and is not its entrance requirements. It’s really a case of the university’s ability to set its own admission standards. The university has no quarrel with Christian schools.”

    The Association of Christian Schools International, which claims 4,000 member schools including Calvary Chapel and 800 other schools in California, disagrees. On Aug. 24, it sued the university in federal court for religious bias.

    The lawsuit marks a new front in America’s culture wars, in which the largest organization of Christian schools in the country and the University of California, which admitted 208,000 freshmen this year, are accusing each other of trying to abridge or constrain each others’ freedom.

    Unlike recent court cases—such as the challenge to the school district’s decision in Dover, Pa., to teach intelligent design (a ruling from the federal judge is expected soon) or the decision by the Kansas Board of Education to teach that such things as the genetic code are inadequately explained by evolutionary theory—the suit against UC does not pit Darwinism against creationism and its intellectual offspring. Rather, by focusing on courses that Calvary Chapel planned to offer this fall—in English, history and social studies—courses that were turned down by UC, it sets competing interpretations of academic merit against each other.

    “The university is in a way firing a shot over the bow,” said Charles Haynes, a senior scholar at the First Amendment Center in Arlington, Va., “saying to Christian schools that they may have gotten away with this in the past, but no more. And that will have a chilling effect across the country.”

    In its suit, the association and its co-plaintiffs objected “to government officials ... dictating and censoring the viewpoints that may and may not be taught ... (in) private schools. ... (They) have rejected textbooks and courses based on a viewpoint of religious faith, for the first time in the University of California’s history.” The rejections, the suit asserted, “violate the freedom of speech of Christian schools, students and teachers.”

    On Oct. 28, UC asked U.S. District Judge S. James Otero to dismiss the suit. The university was not “stopping plaintiffs from teaching or studying anything,” it argued. “This lawsuit is really an attempt to control the regents’ educational choices. Plaintiffs seek to constrain the regents’ exercise of its First Amendment-protected right of academic freedom to establish admissions criteria.”

    [...]

    http://tinyurl.com/7c3tq

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  07:21 PM
  7. Now I’m all depressed because I don’t have my own page there. No standard issue black beret and aviator sunglasses in my future. Just because I work in Canada?

    I have just one critique of your Nutwork proposal: David Horiwitz is not nearly so cool as to be linked to Zod. Zod had flair and better makeup, for one thing!

    Posted by Ancarett  on  12/13  at  07:30 PM
  8. schools like...Columbia!

    Schools that turn out people like...David Horowitz!

    Uh, and you.  But that’s my point, really.  Most of the people in Horowitz’s camp went to college themselves (or, if we are to believe that SAF is a student organization—yeah, right—are still there) and yet ended up righties one way or another, while other people who went to the same universities ended up all over the rest of the political spectrum. Some effective indoctrination we’re doing, eh?

    Seriously, why is it that these jerks think they’re the only ones who thought for themselves?  It’s so insulting to the students.

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  12/13  at  07:38 PM
  9. You know, somehow I managed to escape reading that before.

    Dude, you told a student that you knew more about your subject than they did? That either is or isn’t depending on how we’re supposed to feel about it this week so postmodern I can barely stand it.

    (sorry, I can’t even type “marxist-cum-post-modernist” without snickering)

    Posted by julia  on  12/13  at  08:15 PM
  10. Yeek, here in the waning days of 2005 we’re back to Dr. Ho?  No kidding about your already

    having
    been
    there

    this year, Michael.  Oh, well: some awfully plump and slow-witted fish in that last barrel were given a droll and masterful skewering.

    However, this Horowitz stuff is wearing a bit thin.  Are we going to be stuck in these same bloody trenches for decades?  It won’t be so amusing to see another DTN piece here in December 2006, 2010, 2..?  --Aaargh!

    Have a snappy-happy solstice, Michael.  I haven’t chipped in in months ‘cuz it’s gotten a mite intimidating, what with the scary-smart network you’ve built.  Should probably go back to school for some more indoctrination--that might help me keep up.

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  08:22 PM
  11. After reading your page at DTN, Michael, I was playing with one of those nifty visual maps they have--I like holding onto the Ford Foundation and making everyone play follow the money--when I was shocked to realized that I too am one of the powers of ten of Ward Churchills.

    So subtle was my own indoctrination that, quite without knowing it, I had gone beyond mere radical advocacy to making it an actual course requirement for my students become card-carrying members of a local affiliate of one of the most notorious of the DTN’s list of anti-American organizations:  the American Library Association.

    I feel just like Bruce Willis at the end of “The Sixth Sense.”

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  09:02 PM
  12. I had gone beyond mere radical advocacy to making it an actual course requirement for my students become card-carrying members of a local affiliate of one of the most notorious of the DTN’s list of anti-American organizations:  the American Library Association.

    Well, it’s radicals like you, BB, who help to delegitimate the principle of academic freedom for all of us.  You have no business forcing students to chant “All Power to the Supreme Soviet” in your taxpayer- or tuition-funded classroom.  You’re on your own this time.

    (sorry, I can’t even type “marxist-cum-post-modernist” without snickering)

    Whoa.  Julia.  You said “marxist.” Heh.  Heh heh.  Heh.

    why is it that these jerks think they’re the only ones who thought for themselves?  It’s so insulting to the students.

    Because no one would ever become a liberal if not for campus indoctrination camps, Dr. V.  That’s why.  Well, George Soros helps.  But mainly it’s the campus indoctrination camps.

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  09:15 PM
  13. Well you know, dear father, that I would believe some of these “things” you “say” if you weren’t so “clearly nostalgic for the good old days of Marxism (Book of Horowitz, 3:16)” Only NOW, thanks to the kind Mr. Horowitz, do I understand why you took me to the Red Square as a small child, or cut out all the pages of my history book in 5th grade, and replaced them with Engel, or why you tried to send me to Northwest Petropavlovsk-Kamchatskiy State’s ‘architecture of a totalitarianist nation’ program instead of Wash U’s Regular-Ol’tongue winkatriotic-Architecture Program. Come to think of it, I think you were lying about my having a reclusive Uncle Stalin who lives in Tallahassee and sends me temporary hammer-and-sicle tattoos every year for my birthday. I think you’re talking about JOSEF Stalin!!! Thank goodness I discovered those networks!

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  09:52 PM
  14. Yeah, well, before I send my $17.95, I wanna hear you do the “I have sinned” thing.

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  09:52 PM
  15. Um, does anyone remember what happens to Parsons in 1984 after his kid turns him in?

    Posted by Michael  on  12/13  at  09:58 PM
  16. Well, now I have a new career goal to shot for: Making this list! You’d think, teaching in South Carolina as I do, I’d have pissed off more than enough wingnuts by now.  Oh well, there’s always next semester…

    Posted by Ann Bartow  on  12/13  at  10:05 PM
  17. Just making the list is not good enough, Ann.  I had that goal myself, and when I finally achieved it, after pissing off D.Ho. no end, I realized that he’d assigned someone to read about a half dozen of my essays.  That’s when you know you’ve arrived—when David puts you on the Center for the Study of Popular Culture syllabus.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/13  at  10:35 PM
  18. Jesus, that Horowitz-ad photo. I can’t figure out if it’s Commander Sinque ("Tanya, we were meant for each other...") or Don Imus before the latter sobered up. As for your own thumbnail, I think that D-Ho blurred your passport snapshot deliberately in order to pay you back for your unforgiveable refusal to endorse mass detention without trial for members of a suspect, select racial minority. You need to nice up, Michael, and maybe D-Ho will put that “boss” photo of you in your leathers standing in front of one of those Christo bedsheet things in Central Park.

    Posted by  on  12/13  at  11:23 PM
  19. So. Fucking. Jealous.

    On a more serious note, will you grant there are at least 1000 Ward Churchill haircuts (or lack thereof) on US college campuses.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  12/13  at  11:31 PM
  20. I know this question can’t or won’t or, uh, shouldn’t be answered here, but when did the Zod thing take off? Zod scared me when I was a kid. But somewhere in between my youth and my eldth, he became the kitsch god that he is today and that Wang Chung and King Ralph never quite were.

    What gives?

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  12:12 AM
  21. "A self-proclaimed ‘progressive educator’” So, you ADMIT it! Right out there in front of God and everybody, too.  You, sir, are a scoundrel. 

    OTOH, ^5.

    Posted by HeoCwaeth  on  12/14  at  01:55 AM
  22. I’m here Michael. I didn’t see a pay pal button. Maybe I can just buy 500,000 copies of your next book.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  08:28 AM
  23. Thanks, George!  That’s really generous of you—as always.

    Karl:  do not ask these petty questions about Zod!  You anger Zod.  Everyone knows that “the Zod thing,” as you put it, “took off” when Zod announced his candidacy for 2008.

    Rox:  I won’t lie—there are tens, perhaps hundreds, of thousands of Churchill haircuts on American campuses.  Most of them involve ponytails.

    And Brian:  I can’t figure out if it’s Commander Sinque ("Tanya, we were meant for each other...") or Don Imus before the latter sobered up.

    Goddamn, I forgot to mention the whole Symbionese Liberation thing going on here.  Which is ironic, because as you’ll remember, the people of Symbionia really did welcome Patty Hearst as a liberator.

    Don Imus is sober?

    Posted by Michael  on  12/14  at  09:24 AM
  24. I thought up this question that should be able to throw off most people who claim that most (all) college teachers are liberal indoctrinators:

    “If (a) a majority of the youth in America go to college, and (b) most to all professors in college are merely liberal indoctrinators, then shouldn’t those “indoctrinee’s” have liberal masters’ plans and already voted out all conservatives?”

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  10:23 AM
  25. Sorry, Michael, but with your hairdo, sassy is the best you can do. Now if you got one of those Churhill hairstyles, you might, just might, look boss.

    But why post your ads student newspapers? with all the be-ins, sit-ins and Communist Party Panty Raids, you’re bound to have our future leaders sewed up. But the Nutwork is in control now and there may be no future. Wouldn’t ads in WaPo, NYT, WSJ and CSM be more appropriate?

    You could whip up a controversy by having Lamar refuse your request for billboard space. I bet you would get a better picture at DTN that is photochopped with that long hair you need.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  10:24 AM
  26. "Little Eichman’s” is correct. You’re just parsing it wrong. The apostrophe indicates the omission of the second “N” because Horowitz, for whatever reason, doesn’t care for the double-N spelling. But he cares enough about accuracy to signal to the reader, via a smartly deployed apostrophe, that he knows there are really two N’s (and the foregoing is an example of when a plural involves an apostrophe).

    I’m sending you two grand, because as part of the radical left, I am flush with cash. Where shall I send the arsenal and headwear?

    Also, could you leave Zod out of it? I’m a zatheist.

    Posted by Orange  on  12/14  at  10:41 AM
  27. For your next blog photo, I see you, a la Huey Newton, sitting in a wicker chair, wearing a beret and scowling. But you are wielding a hockey stick in one hand, maybe drumsticks in the other.

    Seriously: an unexplored aspect of this “academic freedom” business is that most of the complainers (the ones with standing, not the pundits & rabble-rousers) are underclassmen, aren’t they? I mean, no one in your graduate seminars is running out of the classroom crying because you were insufficiently respectful of his/her neo-pre-Raphaelitism, right?

    And aren’t these required lower-div classes already considered a burden by many of the people assigned to teach them (not that you, Michael, would ever think such a horrible thing, just some profs)? Add to that the prospect of being hauled before a committee because of a snarky remark about Sean Hannity, and you can surely see a lot of professors saying, “thanks, I’ll pass” on teaching intro classes.

    Eventually the profs a typical freshman would see would look like the Memphis Grizzlies of a couple of years ago: Hubie Brown and a bunch of 25-year-olds. And to think the right is always lecturing us about unintended consequences.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  11:34 AM
  28. Well, it’s not about “academic freedom” or “religious freedom” or First Amendment freedoms” or any of that nice stuff. It’s all about control, actually. The main reason conservatives are so hostile to public schools (trying to destroy them, really, AFAIC) is that they do not have as much control over them as conservatives would like. It ought to be painfully obvious that conservatives in general not only seek total control of American society (and the world, but that’s another discussion), but flatter themselves that they are *entitled* to such control. Furthermore, although few conservatives would say so publicly (at least for now), I’m convinced that increasing numbers of them have at least privately said, of all those they don’t like, “Them we extirpate.” Actually, I’m convinced that this country has gone beyond the point of no return, and that there is no future in this country for self-respecting non-conservatives, but that is also another discussion. I realize that good little boys and girls aren’t supposed to say such things, but I ceased to be a good little boy long ago.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  11:50 AM
  29. If my check is several powers of ten below my stated contribution, I apologize.

    Now for some questions: What about those of us who dream of camping out in classrooms and soaking up spewed hatred? Don’t we have rights? And do we have to become future leaders?

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  11:52 AM
  30. Um, does anyone remember what happens to Parsons in 1984 after his kid turns him in?

    No. Which is the whole the point. Who’s Parsons?

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  12/14  at  12:31 PM
  31. I still think “Dr. Ho” is in fact a satirist, creating websites and tracts of writing so incredibly wingnuttified as to make suckers like you, Michael, respond. How else to explain the softballs he consistently lobs across your plate?

    Imagine his glee as he reads this post. You thoroughly deconstruct his intentional misspellings and his jab at fuzzy math, all the while thinking he’s serious! HA! Oh, and the commentors think they’re so clever - but “Dr. Ho” is getting the last laugh at his fellow progressives. In fact, he’s probably reading this thread right now, snickering at the sight of one the best hoaxes ever perpetrated on the progressive community.

    Very funny, “Dr. Ho!” You may have fooled the rest of them, but you can’t fool me!

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  02:14 PM
  32. I like the picture of you in the Member’s Only jacket. That’s boss dude. Hugo Boss.

    Posted by Tyler  on  12/14  at  02:16 PM
  33. Well, Michael, I think that the only redeeming element put forth by the execrable decade that was the Seventies was the contribution that the Symbionese emigrés made to American cuisine. My mouth waters when I think of their signature snail-darter soups. Well, another redeeming element might be “The Night Chicago Died” by Paper Lace. We’ll be hearing from those guys again, I’m sure.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  02:30 PM
  34. execrable decade that was the Seventies

    Don’t make me post the first comment in this thread again, Brian.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  12/14  at  02:34 PM
  35. But he cares enough about accuracy to signal to the reader, via a smartly deployed apostrophe, that he knows there are really two N’s (and the foregoing is an example of when a plural involves an apostrophe).

    I’m so confused now.  Your telling me David doesnt make these kinds of mistake’s inadvertantly?

    I mean, no one in your graduate seminars is running out of the classroom crying because you were insufficiently respectful of his/her neo-pre-Raphaelitism, right?

    It’s funny you ask, kth.  I did, in fact, have a terrible experience in a graduate seminar three years ago when I suggested that structuralism privileged synchrony over diachrony, and a student slammed down her books and stormed out.  Within a few days I found myself denounced in the school newspaper as a “biased” professor who could not be counted on to present Saussurean structural linguistics in a “fair and balanced” manner.  It was horrible—I was a campus pariah for weeks, and at one bizarre point was accused of being insensitive to the Swiss.

    Other than that, though, your point about unintended consequences on the undergraduate level is a very good one.  Extra tangent-adducing bonus points for bringing in the Memphis Grizzlies!  We love that kind of thing around here.

    If my check is several powers of ten below my stated contribution, I apologize.

    Now for some questions: What about those of us who dream of camping out in classrooms and soaking up spewed hatred? Don’t we have rights? And do we have to become future leaders?

    That’s all right, Venerable Ed.  We don’t keep very careful track of powers of ten on this blog, anyway.

    But far be it from me to dissuade anyone from aspiring to staking a claim in a classroom, setting up the Eddie Bauer tent, and loading the Huey Newton Commemorative Rotary Hate-Spewing Device!  You go get ‘em, V.E.!

    Who’s Parsons?

    There never was a literary character named Parsons.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/14  at  02:57 PM
  36. No, Mr. Horawitz woudl never be so carless. Hes aware of evrything hes doing, and its dinsingenous of you to infer otherwise.

    (Ouch. It hurt me to write that.)

    Posted by Orange  on  12/14  at  03:22 PM
  37. You had me at “infer.”

    Posted by Michael  on  12/14  at  03:52 PM
  38. Hey,
    The ponytails aren’t required are they?
    Can’t we go for more of a post-punk funky buzz or something?
    Or maybe a hat. Beret is too much of a give away, and really not very practical this time of year. Balaclavas maybe?
    On the other hand if we make it berets, then the ROTC are automatically suspect, which would truly confound the Hos.

    Compromise: beret and camos but no ponytail required?

    Posted by Steinn Sigurdsson  on  12/14  at  04:08 PM
  39. You had me at “infer.”

    Oh, great, here comes another marriage proposal.

    In fact, he’s probably reading this thread right now, snickering at the sight of one the best hoaxes ever perpetrated on the progressive community.

    Wait, so David Horowitz is actually Alan Sokal?  Now that’s long-term plotting!

    Don Imus before the latter sobered up.

    Don Imus is sober?

    I believe Brian was using “sobered” as a transitive verb.  Otherwise, you’re right, it doesn’t make any sense.

    Now, to the matter at hand: Professor Bérubé, since I attempted an obfuscation of Doppler shift and Hubble redshift in a previous comment thread, which you effortlessly and contemptuously brushed away like so many cobwebs, I feel that I owe you a financial contribution toward your advertising efforts.  Not that I’m actually going to contribute; I just feel that I owe you.

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  04:25 PM
  40. No, no, mds, no more marriage proposals. Michael and I got married at least twice last weekend in Vegas.

    Posted by Orange  on  12/14  at  04:39 PM
  41. "Discoverthenetworks.org is a vital tool in that battle. . . .”

    I think we can all agree that the folks who staff and support Discoverareallylongurl.org a each, in their own way, complete and utter tools.

    - MFA

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  04:56 PM
  42. "There are exactly 32 card-carrying communists in the defense depar- I mean humanities department!”

    Sadly, my alma mater isn’t represented in their list, I feel somehow deficient, lacking the correct class background.

    Kneel before Zod!

    Zod/Khan ‘08? Possible slogans:

    WE know how to run an empire!
    or
    WE know torture doesn’t work!

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  05:19 PM
  43. Damn, i have to take two weeks off from my precious retirement and go to work in CA.  I get back here and discover the DaHo wars are bubbling up the cauldron again (ever so hoping they don’t ‘spew’ over). 

    My only observation would be from my own personal experience last night in the Sacramento airport.  I was wearing the apparent uniform of record-- camo pants, tie dye t-shirt, long braided (alright-unwashed and thus prematurely dreading) hair, a black beret, and carrying a tie dye back-pack embroidered w/ “Dr. T"(a gift from students when i retired).  I was standing in the bordering line and talking on the phone w/ one of my son’s discussing his over ambitious holiday gift desires.  These of course were mostly weapons (various airsoft guns, auto and semi-automatic), and it took me a very long time to realize that discussing such a list while standing waiting to board an airliner in this nation was not the best thing i could be doing.  But Sadly (there is no way i wasn’t going to use that word) i garnered zero attention whilst discoursing on the arcana of muzzle velocities of gas powered versus spring powered shotguns.  The stereotype of radical leftist anti-amerikan intellectual talking about weapons in line for a plane met with not even a cursory nod from my fellow passengers, most of whom were salespeople from various IT and energy corporations. 

    No the only person getting any attention was a guy dressed in black leather over whom two flight attendents began fawning in a display of hero worship and ardor.  The guy, whom i recognized from days of yore, was Don Dokken, out on a desperate tour to rekindle album sales from remastered releases of early 80’s metal hair pop.  He still had the hair, but, though some 15 years younger he looked much worse for wear. 

    So much for the stereotypes.  Keep the Hansen brothers as your image, it garners more interest!

    Posted by  on  12/14  at  05:25 PM
  44. Amateur. I once passed through Heathrow security en route to the Middle East carrying a book under my arm with the title “AFGHAN GUERRILLA TACTICS”. Not an eyebrow was raised. (True story).

    Posted by  on  12/15  at  07:54 AM
  45. You may hold us accountable for our political views as citizens and as educators, but our political views and our scholarly arts may not for your purposes be wedded.
    Gideon Lewis-Kraus, In the Penthouse of the Ivory Tower, C-Theory July 04

    Posted by  on  12/15  at  08:58 AM
  46. Don Imus is sober?

    Saussure is Swiss?

    That changes everything. At any rate, it explains the off-camera whispered ‘and structural linguistics, Orson!’ in the cuckoo clock monologue in The Third Man.

    Posted by  on  12/15  at  10:42 AM
  47. since I attempted an obfuscation of Doppler shift and Hubble redshift in a previous comment thread, which you effortlessly and contemptuously brushed away like so many cobwebs

    Effortlessly, yes, mds.  Contemptuously, no.  I figured you were just trying to confuse me.

    Saussure is Swiss?  That changes everything.

    Yes, it does, doesn’t it?  And of course everything changed again once Saussure got sober.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/15  at  05:32 PM
  48. Well, crap.  I already gave $50 to these people.  Now I find out they’re a fraud?  I thought this was like one of those “click here and win an iPod” ads, and that I would actually get 100 Ward Churchills if I donated.  WTF?

    Posted by Axis of Evel Knievel  on  12/16  at  08:40 PM
  49. When did Churchill become the Dread Pirate Roberts of the Ivory Tower? 

    Look, Horowitz is only charging money becuase his followers can’t get the same thing for free elsewhere.  So let’s beat him to the punch:  I nominate Stanley Dahlwit of the Department of Sociology and Anthropology at Southern Kansas State College as the Next Ward Churchill.  Once I have a “second,” we can proceed to the voting. 

    Self-nominations are allowed.  Diebold will handle the polling.  In the case of a tie, Samuel Alito and the membership of Concerned Alumni of Princeton will decide the tie-breaker.  Or we can just have a shoot-out.

    Posted by BP  on  12/17  at  01:27 PM
  50. Axis of Evel, this blog will be happy to step up where David has let you down.  Send us $50 and we’ll ship 100 Ward Churchills directly to your door.  Please add $8.95 for shipping and handling if you want them to arrive in time for Christmas the holidays.

    Posted by Michael  on  12/17  at  02:56 PM
  51. What a relief. The “well financed” part precludes me, and most of the anti-american left-leaning liberal communist academics out there as well, from being who Horowitz is talking about.
    I’ll agree to all the other qualifiers, but, “well-financed?” did I mention that I’m an ACADEMIC?

    Posted by  on  12/21  at  11:28 AM

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