The Late 2006 Strategic Re-Posting Program continues today with this timely news item:
Fox News celebrity and political commentator Bill O’Reilly lashed out today at Christian conservatives’ “attack on Halloween,” ascribing it to “a bunch of religious fanatics who don’t understand what America is all about.”
“For crying out loud,” O’Reilly said to one caller on his nationally-syndicated radio program, The Radio Factor, “Americans have always loved Halloween. Many of the Founding Fathers called it their favorite holiday. Benjamin Franklin himself frequently conversed with legions of the undead on All Hallow’s Eve, and every year Thomas Jefferson couldn’t wait to dress up as a vampire and burn pentangles into the lawn at Monticello. It’s a historical fact.”
O’Reilly was particularly incensed at a recent decision of the state supreme court of Mississippi, holding that the establishment clause of the First Amendment prevents schools and courthouses from displaying Wiccan artifacts and statements of principles. “The First Amendment guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion,” O’Reilly thundered at one caller who had called to support the Mississippi court’s decision. “Wicca is a perfectly peaceful, natural belief system that should be promoted in every public square in the United States. That’s the kind of America we need to see today, and no activist judge should stand in our way.”
In Paducah, Kentucky, where a display of flesh-eating zombies was recently removed from the front lawn of the Municipal Building, citizens rallied in support of paganism, demon worship, and equal rights for residents of the spirit world. “What’s wrong with a simple celebration of the one night on which flesh-eating zombies can freely roam the earth?” asked Paducah city commissioner Robert “Bud” Novak. “Flesh-eating zombies are central to our way of life; they’re the basis of our country’s founding documents. We as Americans are endowed with inalienable rights by flesh-eating zombies, and we think it’s only right to honor those zombies here at the Municipal Building.”
O’Reilly applauded the citizens of Paducah for standing up to what he called “the Christian reign of terror in America.” “If these people had their way,” O’Reilly said, “they’d banish every form of pagan worship from the land, and they’d ban half the books and movies our kids have grown to love. It’s time to stand up to these bullies, and stand up for witches, ghouls, and undead-Americans everywhere. And I say to any flesh-eating zombies who might be listening to the Factor this evening: Bill O’Reilly is looking out for you.”
Our nation’s educational system continues to produce illiterate and rude children who know nothing of poetry but have all the lyrics of Eminem, DJ Hammer and Vanilla Ice memorized. The family unit is disintegrating as divorce rates skyrocket and people seek “alternative” lifestyles. We’re also getting very fat.
All of this can be directly tied to the radical right’s intolerance of pagan worship. Things have been going downhill ever since the Salem witch trials, and I for one have had enough! Thank you Bill O’Reilly for looking out for our rights—I look forward to a day when the undead can once again walk the earth free from this pernicious persecution!Posted by on 10/31 at 10:42 AM
For me flesh-eating zombies were the best part of the original Quake dungeon. Courageous, determined to a fault, the plucky f-ez’s would plod through a hail storm of small arms fire for a chunk of my flesh. Only the grenade launcher would stop them, the splatter of their rotting limbs making an oddly comforting sound post detonation. Good sports, they were.Posted by black dog barking on 10/31 at 11:03 AM
if Nancy Pelosi has her way, we’ll all be eating
BRRRRAINS made out of textured vegetable protein next “End of October Federal Observance.”Posted by on 10/31 at 11:39 AM
I for one would like to welcome our new zombie overlords and would like, in addition to nominating George Romero as the new Minister of Culture, to volunteer to identify those who previously had disdained our new overlords, in order that those anti-zombie activists might toil ceaselessly in the subterranean brain mines to be soon opened.Posted by John Protevi on 10/31 at 12:20 PM
How disingenuous of ol’ Bill to go after the “Christian reign of terror” against Halloween. IIRC, he was one of the loudest mouths ranting about the “liberal war on Christmas” last year. Any bets that he’ll bring it up again this year?Posted by on 10/31 at 12:36 PM
The Minister of Justice would like to wish everyone a most Happy Halloween!
And to Brother Chris Clarke, we wish you a speedy recovery to wellness during your stay at the WAAGNFN’s Re-education Center.
Yours in Service,
Minister of Justice
Minister of Visual Propaganda
WAAGNFNPosted by Bill Benzon on 10/31 at 12:56 PM
A couple of points on your proposed movie:
1) I believe you have miscast Robert Novak as merely being a supporter of flesh-eating zombies. I was looking forward to fighting with my fellow “oppo-personal-research” jackals and hyenas over what I assumed would be a plentitude of tasty scraps and morsels that the Bobster would leave in his wake.
2) Per the honourable JP above: It really should be set in Monroeville PA. (And then you could have Bob Casey play the good “pro-life” zombie - “I once ate flesh in my youth, but I didn’t swallow.")Posted by on 10/31 at 01:00 PM
I was reluctant to say anything for fear that it would make me look soft, but… It has been my plan all along to survive the GNF as a zombie.Posted by on 10/31 at 02:13 PM
From Hitherby Dragons:
“In this light it is instructive to consider the many times when, weeping, the national policy zombies of the national zombie group have sworn off brain-eating.
If they became angels every time then it would be bad for God!
He’d be all up on his throne listening to the seraphim singing Holy, Holy, Holy when suddenly everything would go still.*
Then he’d look up.
And there’d be these razor-mawed zombie angels shuffling towards him, muttering BRAAAINS
And he’d be all like, “Dudes, I don’t possess brains in the conventional sense.”
And there’d be these razor-mawed zombie angels shuffling towards him, muttering THAT GRACE UPON WHICH BRAINS HAVE BEEN MODELLLLED”Posted by on 10/31 at 02:22 PM
I was reluctant to say anything for fear that it would make me look soft, but… It has been my plan all along to survive the GNF as a zombie.
You know, Pat, I’ve just given up trying to keep the post-GNF splinter groups in line. I’ve got this show trial to worry about in the meantime, and I’ve gotta set all those verses to music so that we can have some good show trial tunes.Posted by Michael on 10/31 at 02:32 PM
Not to worry, Michael, my allegiance to the zombies and to WAAGNFN are completely distinct to me. No faction-forming here!
As for setting verses to music, for some reason I thought of Eine Klein Nachtmusik when I read christian h.’s riff on “When I have fears that I may cease to be”.
When I - have FEARS - that I may cease to BE-
beFORE - my PEN - has PROSecuted clarke
(etc.)Posted by on 10/31 at 03:41 PM
I was reluctant to say anything for fear that it would make me look soft, but… It has been my plan all along to survive the GNF as a zombie.
See, this is what happens when insidious traitors aim to replace the Global nuclear fire ball with merely a giant one. Now, surviving as a ghost - that might work.
Clearly, Bill O’Reilly has once again picked the one subject every American can agree on (i.e., whoever doesn’t is ipso facto not American). He’s just a man of the dead people.Posted by on 10/31 at 04:12 PM
See Michael, this is where you continually go wrong. It goes against the great spirit of the GNF to unite. The act of splitting is the very essence of the GNF, splintering over and over and over again, until nothing but free-floating independent molecule-agents remain. Massive spontaneous non-aligned agitation. That is the dream. That is the cure.Posted by Central Content Publisher on 10/31 at 04:14 PM
Wow. CCP really gets it. I have long concluded that, from a purely mathematical standpoint, only the party with no members can be ideologically pure.Posted by on 10/31 at 04:25 PM
On which physical principle is the GNF based, fission or fusion?
While we’re ironing out doctrinal matters, I’ve got a question—one which I find rather embarrasing seeing as I’m MVP for this (dis)organization. I’m sorta’ squared away on GNF, but what’s the significance of WAA and the final N?
And why does Toothy here keep insisting it’s the Wagamuffin Party?Posted by Bill Benzon on 10/31 at 04:25 PM
captcha is “company” so we must talk about the company we keep eh?
Well O’weally deserves our gratuitous nodding and harumphing for protecting the Zombies from the wadical chwistian wightwingers. Zombies are incredibly important to discussions concerning consciousness research. Thus these sorts of Zombie protection efforts cut to the heart of the anti-intellectualism of the elite priesthoods who struggle in vain to keep the inquisition functioning at full volume.
Without zombies we just wouldn’t know how we celebrate anything: Samhain (as in where in the sam hain are you?), Pooka Day (calling all Harvey’s), All Soul’s Procession (or is that assholes on parade?), et al. Now if we can just get them to help reinstall the reign of Ishtar, then we would really have something.Posted by on 10/31 at 04:46 PM
Damn your fusion, Benzon!
[for today only, the part of CCP will be played by Charton Heston]Posted by Central Content Publisher on 10/31 at 06:23 PM
Well, CCP, there’s always a possiblity that the fusion thing is a con, leading to . . . .Posted by Bill Benzon on 10/31 at 06:32 PM
Anyone catch B O’Re on “Oprah” last week? At first I was afraid, I was petrified: “A Town Hall Meeting With Bill O’Reilly”? But most of Oprah’s audience went at him relentlessly, like right-thinking zombies. There were a few whose brains had already been munched on by O’Reilly—these people he called “T warriors” (T for traditionalist). All the relentless liberal and moderate zombies were called S-P’s (S-P for Standard and Poors...or maybe secular-progressives). Anyway, Oprah shot him some looks like he was a rotting corpse and the smell was getting to her.
“Johnny has the keys.”Posted by Orange on 10/31 at 11:02 PM
The Incredibles, live and in-person.Posted by Bill Benzon on 11/01 at 12:07 AM
And why does Toothy here keep insisting it’s the Wagamuffin Party?
Bill - the Wagamuffin Party is the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now Party’s (WAAGNFN) Youth Activities Club. Toothy hangs out there a lot and plays with the kids. They absolutely love him/her/It, and Toothy gets to eat any kid whose parents are over 15 minutes late for pick up, so it’s win-win!
Hey - check out Dracula (above) sizing up that other kid’s neck. He’s got a bright future ahead of him with me in the Ministry of Justice if the GNF has not arrived already.Posted by Oaktown Girl on 11/01 at 02:27 AM
You mean Waagamuffin YAC, staring Toothy the Trickster?
captcha: “heart”—ya gotta have itPosted by Bill Benzon on 11/01 at 02:57 AM
Or, “Toofy da Twixster” for the no-front-teeth kids!Posted by Oaktown Girl on 11/01 at 06:54 AM
Ah ha! We can’t be a fusion party because once we are all fused, we will no longer qualify as a party. Parties, by definition, require more than one entity, so, it’s fission for us baby. Oh yeah.
Because really, in the end, isn’t splitting the only thing we really all have in common?Posted by Central Content Publisher on 11/01 at 11:39 AM
For the splits, check out the Nicholas Brothers dancing to Cab Calloway, starting about half-way through the clip. Dig the flying leaps into a split landing.
For some background information on some of the images used in WAAGNFN official propaganda, check out this piece at The Valve.Posted by Bill Benzon on 11/01 at 01:25 PM
Wow, Bill. That’s some mighty impressive splittin’, that’s for sure. Thanks for the links. I look forward to reading your piece featuring Toothy and Alien Guy 24, too.
Parties, by definition, require more than one entity, so, it’s fission for us baby. Oh yeah.
I’m no scientist, but I think a Pity Party only requires one entity.Posted by Oaktown Girl on 11/01 at 02:40 PM
I think a Pity Party only requires one entity
You mean of course: a town without it. We could get all pithy about it though, either the two front tooths version or the splitting firewood sort?
Then when i read this line: I must confess: I wish there existed drugs that provided an effect powerful enough to allow me to hallucinate visions of hope. in an essay that began with the two following quotes, my whole day changed (although the weather getting warmer again helped too).
If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
“I can’t go on. I’ll go on.”
Is PR lurking here in the Bérubé WAANGNF party land??Posted by on 11/01 at 02:52 PM
A Pity Party is not a political party, or any other kind of party. This use of party is the nounification of the verb “to party”, usually denoting the location the action took place at. Because of this, it does not require an actual party of multiple entities, but only a single entity attempting to perform the verb “to party”. However tempting it is to assume that this new noun ("party") that was derived from the verb “to party” is the same as the originally verbified noun ("party"), such is not the case. Or to say it another way, “you don’t need a party to party at the party.”Posted by Central Content Publisher on 11/01 at 03:37 PM
Good news, Oaktown Girl. Toothy’s friend, 3Tops, has agreed to work with you in the Ministry of Justice on “special projects.” 3Tops is very good at getting answers from people who don’t want to fess up.
captcha: “company” as in 3Tops turned down a good offer from The Company to work for the WAAGNFN PartyPosted by Bill Benzon on 11/01 at 03:57 PM
Very happy to have 3Tops on board. Thanks for the referral.
She’s a beauty, too. Her picture here would make a great icon for the WAAGNFN’s MoJ, don’t you think?
(Unless, of course, she wants to be an undercover operative).Posted by Oaktown Girl on 11/02 at 09:58 AM
Apparently our host, and many of the commenters above, will not be selected by the US State Department to participate in foreign lecturing activities. It seems that an internal State Department review has found that U.S. officials screened the public statements and writings of private citizens for criticism of the Bush administration before deciding whether to select them for foreign speaking projects. he vetting practice appears to have been part of the Bush administration’s pattern of controlling information, muffling dissenting views and promoting positive assessments of its policies to foreign audiences. Other examples include the dissemination of pro-administration videos that were passed off as legitimate news stories, payments to Iraqi journalists for pro-U.S. reports and the exclusion of perceived critics from President Bush’s domestic events and campaign rallies.Posted by on 11/02 at 02:22 PM
Yeah, I heard about this on Air America last week or so. I knew that BushCo surrounded itself solely with obsequious toadies, but I had no idea just how far that expanded out into the, what would it be, State Department? Entire rest of our government? Anyway, it’s a real shame, because it just so happens that I am a very good public speaker. (I kid you not.)
Here’s a sample of my “public” writing that I posted on DKos on the subject of Colin Powell entitled, “Lyin’ Rat Bastard”:
Lyin’ rat bastard (34+ / 0-)
trying to cover his ass so his place in “history” won’t be tarnished.
Furthermore, I ain’t buying into the “He was just trying to be a good soldier” B.S. If he really were trying to be a good soldier, he would have remembered that his first allegiance is supposed to be to his COUNTRY, not to a whacked-out cadre of fanatics, even if the whacked-out cadre does include the Commander-In-Chief.
by Oaktown Girl on Sat Mar 18, 2006 at 04:08:29 AM PST
[ Parent ]
Do you think this is the sort of thing that might rule me out of consideration? Actually, I don’t care. Surely Our Leader will gladly send me out on speaking assignments under the WAAGNFN banner as need arises.Posted by Oaktown Girl on 11/02 at 05:19 PM
Well, Oaktown, there are things 3Tops does that are better done discretely, behind closed doors deep underground in undisclosed locations, but she won’t mind the discrete use of her visage for, shall we say, inspirational purposes.Posted by Bill Benzon on 11/02 at 09:58 PM
No problem, Bill. 3Tops will be allowed to do whatever 3Tops needs to do to get the job done.
You hear me, Protevi?
She’s already taken her WAAGNFN loyalty oath and signed her contract with the Ministry of Justice, and so my part is done. I’m not one to micro-manage. Besides, having 3Tops around allows me to play Good Cop from time to time for a change.
captcha: “hands”, as in, a hands-off management sylePosted by Oaktown Girl on 11/03 at 10:13 AM
Oaktown Girl, on spyder’s news, I don’t think they even read blogs, much less comments in blogs. If they did, I never would have gotten this Fulbright....
I hate to consider the alternative, that they actually did that level of background check on me and figured I was no threat. (Maybe it’s b/c I didn’t go all the way and accuse the current administration of war crimes and crimes against humanity back in May. Wuss.)Posted by The Constructivist on 11/03 at 10:59 AM
As well appreciate you alot!
Thanks for sharing great stuff mate.Posted by aion gold on 08/02 at 02:57 AM
"Our nation’s educational system continues to produce illiterate and rude children who know nothing of poetry but have all the lyrics of Eminem, DJ Hammer and Vanilla Ice memorized”
guiltyPosted by Lucy on 12/15 at 09:21 PM
Every people has their ways of celebrating the Halloween and zombies is one of those.Posted by Iran Bible Prophecy on 09/14 at 11:54 AM
This is a very nice site.Posted by how to avoid razor burn on 11/28 at 12:43 PM
Other examples include the dissemination of pro-administration videos that were passed off as legitimate news stories, payments to Iraqi journalists for pro-U.S.Posted by florist nj on 01/06 at 07:08 PM