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How to do things with words

If you read blogs, like this very funny one or this very serious one, then you surely know by now that Rep. John Dingell (D- Michigan) has gotten his very own Two Minutes Hate, courtesy of the industrious citizens of Wingnuttia.  On Monday, on Time magazine’s Blog of the Year (special 2004 “we don’t know anything about blogs” edition), the following announcement appeared:

Yesterday, Representative John Dingell of Michigan appeared on a Detroit television program along with Republican Candice Miller. They discussed the crisis in Lebanon; Dingell proclaimed himself neutral. “I don’t take sides for or against Hezbollah; I don’t take sides for or against Israel.” Asked, “You’re not against Hezbollah?” Dingell answers, “No...”

I’ll turn the play-by-play over to Gavin of Sadly, No!:

But what’s this? Here’s part of Dingell’s last remark that mysteriously got cut off, before the clip popped up on Redstate.org . . . and metastasized to Pamalamaland (”Folks please pass this on to your neighbors, co-workers, anyone. We are in the fight of our lives. And the jihad is the defining issue of our times”), and then to Powerline, where bad ideas so often go to die.

Q: You’re not against Hezbollah?

DINGELL: No, I happen to be—I happen to be against violence, I think the United States has to bring resolution to this matter. Now, I condemn Hezbollah as does everybody else, for the violence.

. . . Waiting for that correction, John. Holding our breath ’til we turn blue. [Hhfp!]

Well, you can exhale, Gavin, because John’s buddy Scott chimed in yesterday with this correction, under the title “Dingellbats”:

I see now that the very silly far-left site “Think Progress” criticized me for posting an excerpt from Dingell’s appearance. The excerpt was emailed to me by a reader; I considered the possibility that it might be misleading because of something that came before or after. I concluded, however, that Dingell had plainly declared himself neutral between the state of Israel and the terrorist group Hezbollah, and that nothing that preceded or followed could change that disgusting fact. The longer excerpt posted by the loons at “Think Progress” confirms that I was right.

Now, I don’t usually go around decrying the decline of intellectual standards in America and all, but I do think it was a mistake for Minnesota to drop the “verbal comprehension” part of the bar exam.  For one thing, “Think Progress” is not a “very silly” site.  It is not even a member of the “very silly” party, which, as we all know, has long been dominated by Fafblog.  And although Think Progress has, on occasion, called for the smashing of the state, the abolition of private property, and the formation of autonomous workers’ councils, I don’t think it really merits the designation “far-left,” because it waffles unacceptably on the world-historical sagacity of the Great Leap Forward.

And yet it seems to me that the Power Rangers and the Washington Post Farm Team at Redstate aren’t even trying very hard any more.  All they did was recycle a truncated clip.  Dingell said, “No, I happen to be—I happen to be against violence, I think the United States has to bring resolution to this matter. Now, I condemn Hezbollah as does everybody else, for the violence,” and they quoted Dingell as saying “No.” I think that’s just lazy.

With just ten minutes of creative anagrammin’ labor, you could take Dingell’s remark and make it into this --

No, I happen to be—I happen to love Hezbollah and think it’s great, as does everybody else, for the violence

using only a fraction of the letters Dingell has provided! (Note that you can form “love Hezbollah and think it’s great” without even touching “the United States has to bring resolution to this” and taking only the “d” from “condemn.”) In only two short sentences, Rep. Dingell used twenty different letters, some of them repeatedly—more than enough rope to hang him with!

So if you’re a right-wing blogger, what are you waiting for?  Get to work!  Remember, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy blogs!

Posted by on 08/02 at 11:02 AM

  1. Reformulated Powerline, in accord with the new dispensation on “quotations” (all words lifted from the original):

    I considered the possibility that it might be misleading because of something that came before or after. I see now I was right. I concluded, however, that nothing Dingell had plainly declared could change something that I posted, however disgusting.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  02:38 PM

  2. No, I condemn everybody else for this violence. I happen to think Hezbollah has to bring violence against the United States.

    … now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their sub-quasi-pseudo state entities.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  02:48 PM

  3. Interestingly,* “John H. Hinderaker” can be rearranged as “Hah! Jerk horned in.”

    *or perhaps not.

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  08/02  at  02:50 PM

  4. How is it possible to take seriously a blog that takes seriously the ravings of Michael Ledeen. Scroll down on the page and you will see them refer to Ledeen’s latest call for making their World War III(or is it IV?) seriously.

    Here are the final lines from the column by Ledeen on Powerline.

    I do not think people in the White House have ever fully appreciated their peril. I think that lack of understanding goes hand-in-hand with the failure in strategic vision that underlies our unwillingness to fight the regional war that is being waged against us.

    Of course, if Ledeen were serious about wanting even more wars, he would immediately call for a draft and a huge expansion of the military. 

    Perhaps, our 101st Fighting Keyboards, Powerline squad, will enlist.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  03:09 PM

  5. OK, I keep coming up with this: “So dark the con of man” and I hardly used any letters! 

    I think those folks at Powerplant gotta be right!  Dingell is clearly on the side of the “Hezbos”, that liberal-cheese-eating-appeasamenter-traitor-guy.

    (Whew, the 101st Fighting Keyboards makes my head hurt.  It’s too hot for wingnuts.)

    Captcha: power, as in outage?

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  03:37 PM

  6. I have been a loyal reader of this blog for lo these many months, but I will never return. Why? Because Michael Bérubé wrote, and I quote, “I happen to love Hezbollah and think it’s great, as does everybody else, for the violence.”

    I am disgusted and offended. Is this what they’re teaching in our schools? I say we pass a law against it.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  04:01 PM

  7. How about:  “I see now.  I mislead loons.  ‘Think Progress’ confirms that I was right.”

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  04:31 PM

  8. I’d like to note a very important point that everybody seems to have missed here, which is that the quick fox is red.  It’s the lazy dog (or in this case, the lazy blog) that’s brown.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  04:32 PM

  9. Wait.  I can do better than that:  “I see now.  I mislead.”

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  04:40 PM

  10. Oh, and also, the fox has not yet “jumped”.  It perpetually “jumps” in the present tense, in order to make sure that the sentence includes the letter ‘s’.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  04:46 PM

  11. Oh, and also, the fox has not yet “jumped”.  It perpetually “jumps” in the present tense, in order to make sure that the sentence includes the letter ‘s’.

    Dear Anne Nonymous, if that is your real name,

    I know.  I changed the sentence.  I considered the possibility that it might be misleading because of something that came before or after. I concluded, however, that I was right.

    And what is this “red fox- brown dog” alliance you speak of?  Does it too love Hezbollah for the violence, as Amanda French clearly does (for she said so in comment 6)?

    Posted by Michael  on  08/02  at  05:11 PM

  12. Why, just two days ago, Michael himself wrote in a post to this very blog:

    “we are all Hezbollah now”

    and

    “I am here to glorify the resistance, Hezbollah.  I am here to glorify the leader, Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah.”

    Someone needs to tell He-Whose-Name-Must-Not-Be-Abbreviated-For-Fear-Of-Offending-Sex-Workers!

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  05:17 PM

  13. Every word is sacred, so I haven’t removed any of Dingell’s words. Just rearranged them into a better semblance of reason (though not grammar):

    “Everybody has to bring violence against the United States (as I condemn) for the resolution to this matter to happen. I happen to think I now be Hezbollah, else I does no be violence."—Jill Hen-Dong

    Posted by Orange  on  08/02  at  05:27 PM

  14. And what is this “red fox- brown dog” alliance you speak of?  Does it too love Hezbollah for the violence, as Amanda French clearly does (for she said so in comment 6)?

    Well, the colors of the animals’ fur are clearly an allusion to Communism (reds) and Fascism (brownshirts), respectively.  And the connections between those ancient enemies of Freedom and the modern threat of Terrorism should be obvious to any right-thinking American.

    I think it’s time for us clear-headed realists to face up to the fact that seemingly adorable forest creatures and beloved pets alike are actually Friends of Terror.  And so now the true reasons behind liberal advocacy of environmental “protection” and “rights” for animals become clear — these are just more subtle ways of accomplishing the liberals’ true goal, which is to destroy America from the inside out.

    It is becoming clear that nature and its non-human denizens form yet another fifth column (a sixth column, perhaps?) in American society, and it’s time to stamp them out once and for all.

    Slaughterhouse, factory farm, cow.  Some assembly required.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  05:45 PM

  15. Hey, don’t be dissing Minnesota. We’re embarrassed by these loons, but we’re just too gosh-darned nice to stomp over there and kick their worthless butts. We’re listening to those Powerline boys, and then we go, “uh-huh,” all slow like, and then we change the subject to something like “Sure is hot,” or maybe “How are the walleye bitin’?”

    Posted by PZ Myers  on  08/02  at  05:54 PM

  16. Ms. Nonymous, I think that assembly is already complete.

    Posted by Michael  on  08/02  at  05:55 PM

  17. And PZ, I wasn’t dissing Minnesota!  I love Minnesota.  I just think your state’s bar exam is obviously . . . well, let’s put it this way.  Imagine doing the limbo when the bar is set at Kevin Garnett height.

    Now, Captain Ed—him you have to answer for. 

    Posted by Michael  on  08/02  at  06:00 PM

  18. Agree with Orange--

    every word is sacred; every word is great.  if a word is wasted, God gets quite irate.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  06:01 PM

  19. I’d seen the original Meatrix, but I was not previously aware that they now also have Meatrix II: Revolting, about dairy farming.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  06:17 PM

  20. “John H. Hinderaker” can be rearranged as “Hah! Jerk horned in.”

    “Chris Clarke” can be rearranged as “Slick Archer.” (Hmm, any relation to Lew?)

    Moreover, for those whose ponytails are too often slathered to the backs of their necks during the current thermal exuberance, allow me to recommend Chris’s excellent blog Trek Runner Chignon.

    Posted by  on  08/02  at  10:55 PM

  21. “Chris Clarke” can be rearranged as “Slick Archer.” (Hmm, any relation to Lew?)

    Also as “shark circle.”

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  08/02  at  11:31 PM

  22. I’m not even going to tell you how “Michael Bérubé” can be rearranged.

    Posted by A Beer Bum Chile  on  08/02  at  11:40 PM

  23. Hi, blue embrace!

    captcha: game!

    Posted by Onager  on  08/03  at  12:03 AM

  24. I’m not even going to tell you how “Michael Bérubé” can be rearranged.

    Uh, amebic rebel?

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  08/03  at  12:22 AM

  25. Barium belch.

    Posted by  on  08/03  at  12:48 AM

  26. Oops! Misplaced the Option-Es, somehow.

    Note to self:

    Spell ditto, cur!

    Posted by  on  08/03  at  12:58 AM

  27. I’m not even going to tell you how “Michael Bérubé” can be rearranged.

    Bébé, lui mâcher.

    Posted by  on  08/03  at  03:06 AM

  28. I started anagrammin’, but it was slow and a bit tedious. So I took it to the next level. By stripping out letters I didn’t need and adding a few I did, I came up with John Hindraker = worthless puke.

    Posted by  on  08/03  at  05:52 AM

  29. I passed the Minnesota bar exam, on the first try no less.  I used to be semi-proud of that.  It’s kind of like the old saying, “I wouldn’t join any club that would stoop so low as to admit me.”

    Posted by  on  08/03  at  09:52 AM

  30. It is becoming clear that nature and its non-human denizens form yet another fifth column (a sixth column, perhaps?) in American society, and it’s time to stamp them out once and for all.

    Preach it, Sister!  Now, where did I put that United Nations License to Kill Gophers?

    Posted by Carl Spackler  on  08/03  at  10:15 AM

  31. Now here is someone who knows what to do with words.  With George Putnam’s words.  Perversion for Profit?  Come Join the Fun!

    (I recommend reading the second link and watching the video linked there before you click through to the video at the first link.)

    Posted by Blar  on  08/04  at  07:54 PM

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