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New miserable experience

This morning I found myself supine in a dentist’s chair, having the backs of my lower front teeth scraped by that long pointy tartar-scraping thing while Fox News blared on a flatscreen TV by my side and Styx’s song “Babe” was being piped through the office sound system.  It was so profoundly and deeply unpleasant in so many ways as to be almost sublime.

I can’t wait to go back again for my next semiannual checkup.  I hope that they’ll have Styx’s “Come Sail Away” in the speakers next time, which, like so much of Styx’s work, goes really well with teeth-scraping devices and oral-maxillofacial pain.

Posted by on 08/10 at 10:56 AM

  1. Now there’s an idea for the next Friday poll:
    Best songs (or TV shows) to accompany root canal (or a prostate exam).  But I don’t think you can do much better (or worse) than Styx and Fox News.

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  12:15 PM

  2. My old dentist had TV goggles you could wear while he worked on you.  He had a stack of VCR tapes on the windowsill.  On the bottom, not surprisingly, was “Marathon Man”.

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  12:31 PM

  3. Dentist?  Marathon Man? Is it safe?

    Posted by The Heretik  on  08/10  at  12:39 PM

  4. I’m thinking of packing an iPod with one of those FM broadcaster dealies (i.e. iTrip) in my pocket next time I go to the dentist. If I can figure out which MOR station they’re tuned to, I should be able to jam their radio with my own signal.

    Posted by HP  on  08/10  at  12:49 PM

  5. I brought my iPod to my last oral surgery. Worked like a charm.

    Made the dentist kinda cranky, though.

    Posted by julia  on  08/10  at  01:02 PM

  6. Wow. You really went straight to hell, didn’t you?

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  01:10 PM

  7. Well, you can’t hear him try to start a conversation after he packs your mouth with gauze, hoses and implements of torture.  You’ve ruined half the fun of dentistry.

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  01:13 PM

  8. Fox News and Styx?  Maybe the idea is it’s easier to clean your teeth if they’re already set on edge.

    And it’s really too bad they didn’t spell it “Styxx,” inn’t it? Would have added just a soupçon of Outlaw to their image.

    Posted by Doghouse Riley  on  08/10  at  01:25 PM

  9. Dentist’s chair? Pfft!

    I once sat through a high school graduation ceremony in which the valedictorian’s speech was a very detailed explication of “Come Sail Away.”

    I wish I was kidding.

    Posted by gzombie  on  08/10  at  02:16 PM

  10. Ask for the nitrous next time, Michael.

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  02:24 PM

  11. Is nothing sacred anymore? I thought that dentists were required by law to sedate their patients with the cover of Garota de Ipanema from the album Mantovani’s 101 Strings Plays Brazil’s Biggest Bossa Nova Hits!

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  08/10  at  02:26 PM

  12. Chris, I thought for a moment you’d been looking at my record collection, but no.  I’ve got Brasil 66 and Ray Conniff, but no Mantovani.

    Posted by Linkmeister  on  08/10  at  07:49 PM

  13. Jeez, Michael. Couldn’t you have scheduled a prostate exam instead while listening to Rush Limbaugh describe his pilodonal cyst and hearing Hot Chocolate’s I Believe in Miracles?

    Posted by Randy Paul  on  08/10  at  07:58 PM

  14. What is worse while being in a dentist’s office nad being tortured(having teeth cleaned) and hearing Styx or Michael Bolton singing (desecrating)Dock of the Bay or John Bolton on Fox News?  Decisions, decisions?
    When I flew back from London on Virgin in April, they had the remake of Flight of the Phoenix as a chice of film. Even I decided not to watch it.

    Posted by  on  08/10  at  08:42 PM

  15. last time i was at the dentist, i had to surivie the exquisite torture of Chicago’s Greatest Hits, beginning “You’re The Inspiration” and only, somehow, managing to get worse from there.

    Posted by zach  on  08/10  at  09:43 PM

  16. My dentist has these appalling posters of “brain teazers” (sic) on the ceiling.  The worst part is, one actually gets into solving them, because there’s nothing else to do, and then either they stump you, which is absolutely mortifying, or you figure out the groanworthy puns in about five minutes flat and then spend the rest of the time re-reading the clues over and over and over and over and over again.

    Posted by bitchphd  on  08/10  at  10:23 PM

  17. "Paradise Theater” was the first album my little brother ever bought. One day, he left it on top of the tube amplifier. I noticed this. I did not turn the amp on. But I didn’t turn it off either.

    Posted by  on  08/11  at  04:41 AM

  18. "And it’s really too bad they didn’t spell it “Styxx,” inn’t it?”

    I think they should have spelled it “Sticks”.  Then their fan(s) could have had arguments about whither the band was all about little bits of wood or adhesiveness.

    Posted by  on  08/11  at  04:06 PM

  19. Maybe you should just be appreciative that your employment situation allows you to get your teeth affordably cleaned instead of whining?

    Posted by  on  08/11  at  10:02 PM

  20. What a charmer you are, Helena! I bet your dance card is always full.

    Posted by flea  on  08/12  at  10:14 AM

  21. Just back from vacation, and Helena, I’ve gotta say, as someone who’s (twice!) gone five years between cleanings for lack of dental insurance, I certainly do appreciate my employment situation.  But your response still strikes me as kind of Gingrichy.  Who cares if your experience was unpleasant?  At least you’re getting your teeth cleaned! But yes, I promise to be more thankful for my health coverage next time around, just so long as I don’t have to hear any Styx(x).

    Posted by Michael  on  08/21  at  09:38 AM

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