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Now boarding

As Elvis Costello says, “It creeps up on you without a warning, 45.” But that’s not really true.  I’ve known for a long time that I would turn 45 today.  And Janet got me my very own iPod, which, I believe, I can use to download eight-track tapes onto the U-tubes underneath the Internets!  At last—now I can finally show everyone how Three Dog Night expanded the frontiers of rock and paved the way for punk and No Wave!

But never mind about me today—let’s talk about Jamie.

The story of how Jamie learned to swim is a loooong story.  But we’ll tell the short version today, because we have a bunch of other things to do.  He started out as a little aquatic mammal who would jump into practically any body of water from the bathtub to the Arctic, but at some point during the summer of 1998, he must’ve had a Terrible Experience at summer day camp, because for the next year or two I could barely get him to go in the pool with me.  When he was eight and nine, his “swimming” experiences consisted of hanging onto my shoulder like a Rhesus monkey in water three feet deep.  It was very discouraging.  Before his Terrible Experience (the nature of which we never learned), he’d loved to play all kinds of fun games in the pool, like “he’s my guy,” which involved me singing, “he’s my guy and my guy and my guy and my guy and his name is Jamie B.,” tossing him up and down on each “my guy” and then hurling him backwards over my head and into about four or five feet of water on “B.” But during the dark years, there were no fun games.  Just a single unvarying exercise of “I clutch daddy.”

When we moved to central Pennsylvania I set about fixing this.  By the end of our first summer here, in 2001, I had gotten Jamie to the point at which he was willing to play by himself in shallow water—and just before the outdoor pool closed for the year, I persuaded him to hold onto me in the deep end for a few seconds.  He let go for a moment, tried to touch bottom, and cried, “is deep!  I would sink!” I assured him that he would not sink, he would float, but that we didn’t have to stay in the deep end any longer.  Over that winter, I joined a gym with an indoor pool, and since they allowed people to wear flotation devices in this pool, I fastened a flotation belt onto Jamie and let him get his confidence back bit by bit.

It took two years, but by the time he was twelve he was willing, once again, to jump into practically any body of water, no matter how deep.  Gradually, I weaned him from the flotation belt.  Sometimes the gradual process wasn’t gradual at all: once in early 2003, he was so taken with his newfound skills that he simply jumped right into the deep end by himself.  He immediately realized he was in way over his head, as the saying goes, and he paddled frantically back to the edge of the pool.  But it was a start.  That summer, he considered going off the diving board at Penn State’s outdoor pool, and actually considered it for about two full minutes while standing at the edge of the diving board (you can picture the scene, I’m sure)—before shuffling carefully back to dry land, jumping off the side of the deep end, and swimming half the length of the pool (a good 25 meters) before hauling himself out and announcing, “I am a brave and very good kid.” Which he was.  He was simply frightened of the board’s bounciness, because he likes to have a nice steady surface under his feet.

Since then he’s been an aquatic mammal again, and even he’s developed an idiosyncratic swimming stroke that serves him well.  His arms rarely break the plane of the water; instead, he thrusts them under his chest while frog-kicking.  It’s like watching a human try to imitate a sea lion, as I’ve told him many times.  (His response is usually to rotate and flip in the water like a sea lion.  He’s good at it.) He can move surprisingly fast this way, however ungainly it looks.  He can also stay afloat with ease, so he never worries any more about whether the water is deep.  And as he’s grown taller, he’s grown out of the shallow ends of the pools, to which he used to confine himself in his more timorous days.

All this would be quite satisfying enough, but over the past couple of weekends he’s had a couple more breakthroughs.  Now that September is here, Penn State’s outdoor pool is closed, and we’ve gone to the indoor pools of the Natatorium.  Five years ago he found these too intimidating: one is a 14-foot-deep diving pool, one is a six-to-ten-foot deep lap pool, and one is a three-to-five-foot deep lap pool.  In 2001-02 he could only manage the shallow end of the last of these.  Two weeks ago, by contrast, he jumped right into what I called (sneakily) the “big kids’ pool,” and proceeded—with minimal, but crucial, urging—to swim four laps back and forth.  We punctuated these with experiments in How to Touch the Bottom at both ends, and Jamie was thrilled to discover that when you’re five foot two, six feet of water isn’t very intimidating at all.

And then this Sunday we were playing around the sides of the diving pool alongside six or seven students.  I asked Jamie, for the hundredth time, if he wanted to go off the diving board, and for the hundredth time, he replied, “I don’t think so.” As I have on the previous 99 occasions, I said, “OK, then, just checking.” But this time I added, pointing to five lithe and rambunctious young men who were taking turns flying off the board, “you know, they’re not much older than you are, those guys.  They’re maybe 19 or 20, I think.” And that did it!  Before I knew what was up, Jamie was striding over to the board, muttering, “I will do it by myself.” I asked the lifeguard whether Jamie would be allowed to wear his goggles (the outdoor pools in State College forbid this), and he said, “sure—he’ll probably lose ‘em when he hits the water, but that’s OK if you can get ‘em.” And then splash! Without the slightest hesitation, Jamie had walked right to the end of the bouncy board and flung himself off.  He swam to the ladder, goggles still snugly on his face, where I met him with “nice jump!” and a big high five, and he—you knew this was coming, right?—announced that he would do it again.  And then again.  And then again. . . .

Welcome to the wonderful world of diving boards, Jamie.  We’re glad to have you.  It’s been well worth the wait.

Posted by on 09/26 at 07:46 AM

  1. That kid of yours is amazing, and reading about him warms my heart and possibly even makes me a better person. Once again, thank you for your generosity in sharing this.

    Posted by Ann Bartow  on  09/26  at  09:16 AM

  2. Congrats to Jamie. That’s a good story. And happy birthday to you. As the song goes, it happens that today is my birthday as well, yeah. And Heidegger and Eliot and Olivia Newton-John, too.

    Posted by TJ  on  09/26  at  09:17 AM

  3. Professor O’Connor neglected to mention how remarkably uniform we are in our admiration of Jamie. He is indeed a brave and very good kid.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  09:42 AM

  4. way to go, jamie!  and happy birthday, michael.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:05 AM

  5. Happy Birthday, Michael!  I got me one of them there iPods just over a year ago when I was a mere sprite of 42.  So far, the main use I’ve made of it is to use iTunes to buy a lot of albums I never got around to buying on CD (Surrealistic Pillow, anyone?).  Oh, and the other use is putting pictures of my kids on it and making myself obnoxious by showing them at the slightest provocation.

    And congratulations to Jamie on his first time jumping off the diving board!  Not only can I visualize the experience of standing at the end of the board, I can remember how it felt.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:12 AM

  6. Congrats on 45 (and 20 - I missed that thread) & the board for Jamie.

    1)45/20 - Convenient numbers - as a 50-something, 20-something, I can assure you that the Geneva Conventions allow you to now count both in half-decades. Trust me, I have had lengthy hyper-technical torturous discussions with my wife on the latter, where everyone except her has agreed that this is the rightful interpretation.

    2) Now that Jamie is again an aquatic animal, he no longer needs this (but still might be fun) - from my long past time as a swimming instructor, I would use a game I called Solitary Dibble* to lure the hesitant into jumping into deep water. Someone (instructor, dad) places a pencil stub on the bottom of the deep end. It comes up somewhat slowly and erratically, and the person has to jump in and retrieve it - often, intent on following the pencil, balkers would jump before they knew it.

    *I assumed Dibble was a well known game (like Marco Polo), but a web search does not show that (or maybe the name was local). In the real game, multiple people go for the pencil - and it results in a wild, flailing frenzy in the water, and was therefore much discouraged by lifeguards.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:19 AM

  7. Congrats to Jamie! 

    I still remember being a frightened 8 or 10-year old standing out on the end of that board and wondering if I would live through the dive.  That was 35 or so years ago…

    I stand in awe of your patience.  Mr. Bérubé, you’re the man!…

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:24 AM

  8. Happy birthday to you and congratulations to Jamie!  And thanks for a wonderful story, too.  I am among the uniformly admiring of Jamie and Jamie stories.

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  09/26  at  10:47 AM

  9. This post brought a wave of nostalgia.  Whole summers in line for the springboards, debating which dive to try next, stoking the nerve for something new, avoiding the memory of Greg Lougainis’s head hitting the board, batting away the horseflies that occasionally did land a painful bite.  And the lucky overcast days when the lines thinned out and you could cycle from ladder to board to water and back without pause.  Truly wonderful - congratulations to Jamie!

    Of course, there is the overlapping world of bellyflops, which has tested many a brave and very good kid.  That was my first acquaintance with the concept of “going out in a blaze of glory.”

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:51 AM

  10. Happy 45 Michael!

    And double high-five to Jamie! (That’s a high 55.)

    captcha: “students,” aren’t we all?

    Posted by Bill Benzon  on  09/26  at  10:53 AM

  11. Happy birthday, Michael, tanti, tanti auguri!  What kind of iPod did you get?  Is Janet the only one who doesn’t have an iPod at casa Bérubé?  I think she’s due for one of the funky new nanos.

    Thanks for the great Jamie story; I’ve missed them.  It is nice to read something completely unrelated to the spittle-flecked rants of various wingnuts.  Mind you I love your analyses of said rants, but Jamie is WAAAAAAAAY better!

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:54 AM

  12. Thanks for all the wonderful theorizin’ and Jamie-storytellin’ you give us. Just can’t understand why you were so hesitant regarding celebrations awhile back, since September seems to be ALL about celebrations in this your ever humble blog.
    Hooray for Jamie!
    Captcha word: day - as in Happy Birthday!

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  10:57 AM

  13. Happy Birthday Michael.  I’m glad Jamie conquered the bounciness of the board under his feet.  What a lovely metaphor for the instability of experience beyond the pool.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  11:11 AM

  14. Happy Birthday, and thanks for another great essay chronicling the life and times of your very cool son.

    captcha: “being”

    Nice.

    Posted by mat  on  09/26  at  12:08 PM

  15. A great post! If I were still a bartender at Zeno’s I would offer a round of Happy Birthday and Congratulations Jamie on the house!

    Oh, and a warning I guess is in order: I would imagine that soon, perhaps sooner than you would like, Jamie will offer to go off the ten-meter tower at the outdoor pool, “if you go first!”

    Posted by John Protevi  on  09/26  at  12:34 PM

  16. Reading that story brought back a flood of memories.

    I grew up swimming in both the indoor and outdoor pools at Penn State.  As my father was the head diving coach for PSU.  I can remember at twelve jumping off the 10 meter tower, while the big football players stood at the edge of the platform too scared to jump off.

    Of course, my father no longer lives in State College, or works for PSU, but there were no better times than hanging out at the pool in both the summer and winter times.

    Posted by David (Austin Tx)  on  09/26  at  12:40 PM

  17. He’s probably a much better swimmer than me.  Good for you, Jamie!

    Uh, Prof, this pic at Pandagon kinda looks like you, comments?

    Posted by Pinko Punko  on  09/26  at  01:01 PM

  18. Mr Berube, it cannot go without saying that posts like today’s are likewise well worth the wait. Thanx.
    A Happy Birthday to you, and a big High-Five to Jamie!

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  01:02 PM

  19. Please inform Jamie that he swims better than I do.

    And happy birthday!

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  09/26  at  01:04 PM

  20. Wow--when you were born, i was a young teenager teaching infants to swim in the luxury of their parents’ private pools in the Santa Monica Mountains.  I had already been competing in age group meets for eight years at that point, and was ready to move on to high school, where, fortunately, swimming was an appreciated sport, at least in Southern California (we could swim outdoors year round so we were always tan).

    But, what started me swimming was one of those Terrible Experiences.  I had learned to swim early in life (you have to when you grow up living across the street from the Pacific), and was, as best as i can recall, fairly comfortable in the water.  On one Sunday afternoon, when i was six, i attended a “posh” pool party at a classmate’s home up in Bel Air (to this day i remember the details quite completely, including all the names of the kids).  We had the usual celebratory activities including a warm afternoon swim, and i jumped into the deep end (to show off i am sure).  When i came up to the surface to get a breath, a kid (still a bully to this day, even though he is an important high ranking justice) pushed a beach ball down onto my face.  I took in water instead of air, and began to sink, struggling and “climbing the proverbial ladder.” A parent pulled me out and i refused to go swimming again.  My own parents found a swim teacher, and then program and coach, shortly thereafter, to insure i would never be fearful.

    I have been blessed a gazoogle times (college scholarship and professional ocean lifeguarding, etc) because they recognized, as did you, that overcoming that fear had so many benefits.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  01:09 PM

  21. Happy Birthday!

    The diving board story reminds me of a kid about Jamie’s age I work with in the summer, Jeremy, who has Down’s Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder ("Hey Jeremy, the sky is blue.” “No it’s not. It’s green!") which makes talking him into doing things extra challenging.  I remember when we tried to get him to go off the diving board.  We needed a staffer from our program walking alongside the board holding his hand, another behind him on the board (to reassure him and keep him from turning tail) and me treading water below the board, yelling encouragement and promising to grab him when he landed. 

    The thing is, Jeremy can swim just fine, but he always seems to convince himself otherwise, so we go through this every summer.  So he’s standing on the end of the board (the bounciness bothered him too) for 10 minutes, with the staff, the other kids in the program, the lifeguards, and random bystanders all cheering him on (sometimes I think he delays so he can get the cheers) until he finally jumped.  He sank like a stone, bobbed back up gasping and laughing and woo-hooing, and I grabbed him an helped him to the wall. 
    “So Jeremy,” I say, “was that fun or what?”
    “YEA-no.” The ODD kicked in and the tape was reset for next year.  All part of the fun really.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  01:10 PM

  22. Thanks, everyone!  I will be sure to tell Jamie—and, if I get around to it, Erin O’Connor—that his diving and his general braveness and goodness are universally admired.  And that he swims better than Chris Clarke!  (To whom, by the bye, part of tomorrow’s post will be dedicated.  What can it be?  The suspense is killing me!!)

    David in Austin, you can put me right next to those scaredy-cat football players.  I may yet work up my courage to plunge off the 7.5m platform, but there’s no way I’m doing the 10m, despite Jamie’s urging.  You have my undying respect for leaping 32.5 feet into 12 feet of water at 12 years of age.

    And P. Punko, that graphic at Pandagon doesn’t look anything like me.  Where are the eyebags?

    (Thanks, of course, to everyone in this thread who advised me to get some sleep.  But the sorry truth is that I’ve had great big sorry eyebags since the age of 20, when my girlfriend-at-the-time told me that my only competition in the eyebag category was Moe Howard of the Three Stooges.)

    Posted by Michael  on  09/26  at  02:45 PM

  23. And you broke up with her because…

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  09/26  at  02:48 PM

  24. Does foury five feel like the big kids’ board? Just remember to hold onto your goggles.

    Posted by Central Content Publisher  on  09/26  at  03:02 PM

  25. Congrats on being a multiple of 9 (again). Next summer I’ll be the answer to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe, and Everything, but I suspect I won’t know what the question is.

    I think younger Awful Experiences with Water are fairly common. When I was a postdoc at Vanderbilt, we had my daughter in the summer swim school there, and for some reason it terrified her and ruined what had been a fairly healthy attitude towards water.  Fortunately, a summer or two at a swim school here in Tampa fixed her a few years later, and she’s a water mammal as well.  “Your lips are turning blue” is insufficient evidence that she needs to get out.

    (Ironic caphtha word of the comment: “ground.")

    Posted by Sherman Dorn  on  09/26  at  03:25 PM

  26. Many Happy Returns of the Day, Michael.

    And thanks for another Jaime story.

    (capcha word “waiting” though I hit 45 back in February)

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  05:09 PM

  27. I share a birthday with Evil Kneivel, and as you may imagine we are just alike.  My excellent husband bought me a *video* iPod, so of course I mostly use it to listen to audiobooks.  Also Jamie is much braver than me, because I stay Far Away from those bouncy boards.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  05:19 PM

  28. Hey - Happy Birthday!

    Actually, I thought you were 46, so you actually got younger by a year in my mind if that helps at all.

    Great news about Jamie and the swimming and diving. He needs a really cool swimmer’s nickname, you know, some kind of cool fast moving sea creature. (But not as trite as “The Shark” nor diminutive as “The Minnow”).

    For you, here’s some quickie b-day treats:

    Foreign language Happy Birthday (38 seconds)

    The above Happy Birthday in translation.

    Have a fantastic year!

    Posted by Oaktown Girl  on  09/26  at  05:27 PM

  29. Congratulations to Jamie and kudos to you for parenting so helpfully. I know how difficult it is when you can see the fear but not the cause—youngest is just starting to progress in her swimming lessons after years of stagnation when we couldn’t get her to jump in the pool. It takes a lot of time and a lot of patience!

    Posted by Ancarett  on  09/26  at  05:46 PM

  30. Happy Birthday Michael. Half the way to ninety. Get a good night’s sleep, and then, tomorrow, just slip on the speedo and head to the pool with Jamie. The best part of getting older is the liberation from inhibitions that comes with it. It was when I said,/ “Dignity is overrated,"/ That the grapes seemed fatter,/ The fox ran out of his hole.” (For this I just received a ghostly kick in the pants from Wallace Stevens.)

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  05:49 PM

  31. Happy 45th from someone who turned 45 on Saturday.
    I saw the Who which made it perfect.  Hope your day has it’s bright point.

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  08:32 PM

  32. I’m not sure I get why jumping off a high dive is a worthwhile thing to do (for anyone.)

    Posted by  on  09/26  at  08:37 PM

  33. First and foremost, I need to go on record as not supporting the above recommendation for you (or anyone, for that matter) to don a Speedo.

    Second, happy birthday! And congrats on using your Libran nature to patiently and persistently coax Jamie into conquering his (really quite well-founded) fear of the diving board. And congrats to Jamie on opening himself to the thrill of the plunge—I hope it sticks better with him than it did with me.

    P.S. Your eyebags have a long way to go before they rival Bill Clinton’s—and look how well he works ‘em.

    Posted by Orange  on  09/26  at  08:42 PM

  34. To whom, by the bye, part of tomorrow’s post will be dedicated.  What can it be?  The suspense is killing me!!

    Erm… something just occurred to me. You aren’t by any chance reviving your old tradition of Arbitrary but Libelous Wednesdays, are you?

    Posted by Chris Clarke  on  09/26  at  09:03 PM

  35. Happy birthday, Michael! I love my Ipod. I got it mso I could have a legal way to download music I wanted to use in class. I have yet to buy a single song, I’m having so much fun shuffling through the music I’ve copied from my CD collection.

    Once, in high school, I got up the courage to jump off a 10 meter tower. I still remember the thrill and the terror, and the mighty smack when I hit the water.

    Posted by Joanna  on  09/26  at  11:55 PM

  36. Happy Birthday, Michael. I share mine with John Lennonr and Jackson Browne. Soon. I didnt realize that you were so young!
    SeattleTammy wants me to relate to you what a great Dad you are. I want to tell you what a great kid you have.

    Posted by SeattleDan  on  09/27  at  01:13 AM

  37. Happy Birthday, Michael.

    I turned 45 earlier this month and it didn’t feel like any kind of milestone, even if it is half way to 90.

    It’s great that Jamie has discovered the fun of diving boards.  They’re even more fun if you do flips off them.

    Posted by  on  09/27  at  03:05 AM

  38. I enjoyed reading about you and your son, Jamie. You are such vital people.
    And happy 45th. Oh to be 45 again. Enjoy your youth.

    Posted by Hattie  on  09/27  at  03:13 AM

  39. Tell Jamie that even people older than his dad, like yours truly at 46, have never gotten up the courage to jump from a real diving board.  It’s a real accomplishment, and so is turning 45, although it doesn’t take quite as much courage.  Happy Birthday.

    Posted by  on  09/27  at  08:54 AM

  40. Happy B’day, Michael.  I think you’re quite handsome, eyebags or no.  (Internet crush only, no stalking.)

    Congratulations to Jamie on swimming and diving.  I finally taught myself to swim last year, as a mere sprat of 52, in spite of Lack of Coordination Syndrome.  I don’t think I’ll ever jump off one of those bouncy boards, though.

    Posted by  on  09/28  at  02:38 PM

  41. 45, huh?  Was there another Berube at UVA grad school circa 1978?  Or were you a child prodigy? (Not that the two are mutually exclusive.) I always assumed our paths had crossed in C’ville, but if you were 17 years old in 1978, it’s not too likely…

    Posted by roxtar  on  09/29  at  04:17 PM

  42. I got to Virginia in 1983, roxtar, just before turning 22.

    Posted by Michael  on  09/30  at  08:12 PM

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