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Shorter GOP on Gitmo

Defeatocrats and liberal appeasers forget that hardened terrorists can escape from even the most maximum maximum security prison by spending decades digging tunnels out of their cells with spoons and putting up posters of Rita Hayworth or Raquel Welch to hide their work.

We need to keep Guantánamo open precisely in order to avoid this dreaded “Shawshank Scenario."

(Two tips of the bloghat.)

Posted by on 01/25 at 11:43 AM

  1. I personally can’t wait to visit Guantanamo, the resort and casino complex. You heard it here first. Unless of course you heard it somewhere else first.

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  01:24 PM

  2. Michael:

    The Republicans spent the last seven years thinking they were living in an episode of 24, now they think they’re living in an episode of Prison Break.

    Posted by jfxgillis  on  01/25  at  01:50 PM

  3. Actually, isn’t this a better argument for sending Bernie Madoff and other financial evil masterminds to Guantanamo, since standard maximum security lockups can’t keep bankers in.

    Posted by Gii  on  01/25  at  02:35 PM

  4. Remember, just because it has never happened in the past does not mean it won’t happen every time in the future!

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  04:14 PM

  5. Gii—you mean a whole island of terrifying evil white guys?  Now that would be scary.

    As for future prison breaks from the casinos of the future:  if only there were some kind of “future blog” that would tell us about these things.

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  05:32 PM

  6. It’s only a matter of time before a loose box cutter finds its way into the wrong hands at Gitmo and then we’ll all wish we’d never heard of quaint concepts like Constitutions and Geneva Conventions.

    Posted by  on  01/25  at  09:20 PM

  7. i wouldn’t mind seeng a bunch of evil rich plunderers camping out in cages for a while, no bail, unable to call their lawyers except for maybe the occasional collect call, and living on beans and rice.  they all think that’s good enough for the little people, after all.  [i’m against torture under any circumstances, but gitmo plain would be sweet cosmic justice.]

    Posted by  on  01/26  at  12:12 AM

  8. actually, i’d like to vote whatzhisface, that idiot governor, off the mainland, if that would make him shut up already about being nelson mandela and MLK and mother theresa.  from his own happy statements on the publicity tour from hell, i’m guessing he wouldn’t mind not hearing all that negative thinking from his lawyers.

    Posted by  on  01/26  at  12:25 AM

  9. They’re just not going to give up on their little “scared to death” narrative are they? If these guys aren’t dangerous then why were they held as they were? I mean when was the last time you saw someone innocent who required treatment like this? And remember per our sharpest legal mind in his Boumediene dissent,"One need only walk about buttressed and barricaded Washington, or board a plane anywhere in the country, to know that the threat is a serious one.” (Jesus, after Scalia and Roberts you’d think Harvard Law would just freaking shut down already ... oh, wait, who? Nevermind.)

    Just so very, very disheartening, but at least we kept a careful accounting of what we and they have said and done. NOT!

    Posted by  on  01/26  at  12:39 AM

  10. The notion mentioned above, that in so many ways the hoarse voices of the screaming reactionaries seem to be predicated on the next TV series (24, Lost, Prison Break, Survivor, Lie To Me, Mentalist, Unit, NCIS, and so far forth), seems all too applicable given the recent insane rhetoric of Sean, Bill, Rush, and Glenn!  There is no longer a single deep-end of craziness that these boys won’t leap into with both hands tied behind their backs (or up their own asses). It seems that only John Wayne could save their day, using his magic revolver that shoots hundreds of bullets, all perfectly aimed at the enemies. 

    Or we can, as Jon Stewart mentioned (Obama Closing/Gitmo’s World/Fox News Fear Imbalance), live by our values and Constitutional rights, and accept that we all have the responsibility to acknowledge their are risks to being free, and as free citizens we accept them in order to guarantee our freedom.  Oh my gawd, that just sounds so wrong.

    Posted by  on  01/26  at  02:15 AM

  11. Michael, you really need to update your poster catalogue for tunnel hiding. Have you not seen the new Farrah Fawcett? My guess is it will be a real hit in the dorms in the near future.

    Posted by  on  01/26  at  04:36 PM

  12. (If you squinch up your eyes the right way you can make it look like this comment goes to both this post and the one prior.)

    I learned something new from Richard Cohen this morning: Back in those good old days, I supported torture. How do I know this to be true? Well Bush had high approval ratings right after 9/11; Alan Dershowitz argued for it; Jonathan Alter wrote a piece in Newsweek that pondered its use, but ultimately rejected it; and special bonus reason, there was a Wall Street Journal editorial that described the “successful” torture of Abdul Hakim Murad (but see). QED.

    Several points:
    1) My recall is that the “torture” question did not really get broadly explored until 2003/2004 when it became increasingly apparent that the US was doing it. I have a fairly vivid recall of sometime during the early stages of the Iraq war being appalled by a CNN poll asking about torturing captives (and as I recall I said to a co-worker, “At least the respondents did not agree”.) I think it then grew from thereafter as part and parcel of the “supporting the administration” package as the revelations came out. Correct me if I have this all wrong.

    2) And where would Abdul Hakim Murad (who was the real deal in terms of dangerous al-Quaeda guy involved in nefarious plots as primarily revealed through his computer files) be today? Well, after his extradition to the US and conviction in a criminal court he is now in the Federal Maximum Security prison in Florence, Colorado. (Far, far too close to Cheyenne Mountain and W.O.P.R. if you ask me!)

    3) Federal funds for family planning == “the one child rule in China”. Ooops, getting ahead of myself.

    Posted by  on  01/27  at  10:53 AM

  13. Great point made at “Riing Hegemon”:

    If we could house hundreds of thousands of Germans, including thousands of Nazi officers and SS members behind barbed wire fences in rural America (and very near populations overwhelmingly German-American I might add) in the 1940s, I think we can manage to keep a few hundred terrorist safely away from the populace in a SuperMax facility or high security American prison.

    The ability of some Americans to be incredibly blood-thirsty assholes on the one hand and afraid of the thought of these two-bit criminals in a SuperMax being held in this country is astounding.

    Posted by  on  01/28  at  11:52 AM

  14. Uh...make that “Rising” not “Riing”

    Posted by  on  01/28  at  11:53 AM

  15. Where could they buy a poster of Rita Hayworth in a burqa?

    Posted by  on  01/28  at  04:49 PM

  16. But even if we keep Guantanamo open, there’s still the chance that one of them might sew himself up in the sack of his dead terrorist mentor, get thrown into the sea, undo the weight attached to his feet, swim for the nearest island in the middle of a hurricane, and get snatched up by a Genoese packet full of ruffians who will only teach him how to be a *better* smugg...er, terrorist.

    This why we need to just waterboard them out of their sanity.

    Posted by Shannon Chamberlain  on  01/31  at  02:38 AM

  17. I am soooo naming my next band “Bloghat”.

    Posted by  on  01/31  at  10:39 AM

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  29. decades digging tunnels out of their cells with spoons and putting up posters of Rita Hayworth or Raquel Welch to hide their work.

    Posted by Condominiums Mississauga  on  08/06  at  05:27 PM

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