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So three theocrats walk into a bar

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Posted by on 10/03 at 07:20 AM

  1. Chief Justicebot 3000 is brought in to the local diocese to have his humor and guilt microchips installed.

    Posted by norbizness  on  10/03  at  09:20 AM

  2. A sight that makes loyal lefties say, “Oy vey.”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  09:39 AM

  3. …then the talent agent says,"What do you call your act?”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  09:40 AM

  4. Everybody’s doing it.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  10/03  at  10:20 AM

  5. "Hey, who stepped on a duck?”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  10:49 AM

  6. Cardinal: Yeah, that’s not all Senator Kennedy said at his last confession, either.

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  11:00 AM

  7. President George Bush and Chief Justice John Roberts react to the Cardinal’s favorite undergarments.

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  11:52 AM

  8. "Seriously though, the Holocaust WAS a horrible thing ... “

    Posted by sw  on  10/03  at  12:30 PM

  9. "Jews in Heaven?  Oh...oh!  Aww yeah, ya got me!  Whooo-boy, that’s a good one John!”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  12:51 PM

  10. Men, men, men, men

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  01:02 PM

  11. "You know, ‘the right to privacy’...”

    Posted by Nick  on  10/03  at  01:28 PM

  12. So that patriarchy-blaming chick has breast cancer.  Our nefarious plan is working.  Patriarchy forever...!

    (Sorry, bitter, bitter I know, but it was the first thing that came to mind.)

    Posted by bitchphd  on  10/03  at  01:42 PM

  13. Yeah, that’s very, very bitter, Dr. B.  I mean, it’s not like . . . hey, hold the phone!  They really are all men!  Goddamn, it’s like you don’t even see patriarchy til someone points it out to you!

    Seriously, I doubt that their gender has any significant bearing on their social policies, though.  We don’t want to go down that identity-politics road.

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  02:04 PM

  14. It is nice to rule the world.

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  02:09 PM

  15. We’ll have that Divine Right clause ready in no time!

    Posted by ms lynch  on  10/03  at  03:08 PM

  16. My boy, if you think that hurt, you should have seen me in my younger days . . .

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  03:12 PM

  17. He who smelt it, dealt it.

    Posted by dj moonbat  on  10/03  at  03:58 PM

  18. ”...what separation?”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  04:10 PM

  19. "And I loved it when you yelled out, ‘SUCKERS!!!’”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  04:16 PM

  20. Otter: Point of parliamentary procedure!

    Hoover: Don’t screw around, they’re serious this time!

    Otter: Take it easy, I’m pre-law.

    Boon: I thought you were pre-med.

    Otter: What’s the difference?

    Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.

    Otter: But you can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Greg - isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    Posted by Roxanne  on  10/03  at  04:29 PM

  21. Rox—I also heart the caption provided on your site by guest poster Agi T. Prop (if that is his real name):

    Whoa! I thought Catholics didn’t perform gay marriages.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/03  at  04:41 PM

  22. That one IS stellar.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  10/03  at  05:26 PM

  23. it is all too morose:

    “George, he was such a cute little altar boy, especially his soft, naked, little butt!”

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  05:31 PM

  24. The runners up in the 2005 Miss Anti-Abortion Pageant congratulate the winner - Miss Vatican.

    Posted by  on  10/03  at  08:01 PM

  25. "And some people say that bearing false witness is a sin!”

    You probably heard the one about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra . . .

    Posted by John  on  10/03  at  08:34 PM

  26. Bush:  “You know, I’m a little jealous...always secretly thought I’d make a good chief justice.”

    alternately:  “Well we can all get away with beating our mistresses silly now, that’s for goddamn sure.”

    or, more realistically:  “That’s not what my daughers tell me.”

    Posted by Matt  on  10/03  at  11:10 PM

  27. Matt—there’s no reason to choose!  Surely each one of these fine men is saying some version of the lines you attribute to them above.  Bush gets the first line, obviously, but it’s anyone’s guess whether Roberts or McCarrick uttered the second and third. . . .

    Posted by Michael  on  10/03  at  11:40 PM

  28. Remember when Gay Nazis for Christ was just a clever name for a softball team?

    Posted by  on  10/04  at  12:41 AM

  29. And then Ratty said, “Gay priests!? We ain’t got no stinkin’ gay priests!”

    Posted by A. G.  on  10/04  at  08:00 AM

  30. Yeah, did’ja hear that Kurt died of an overdose?!

    Posted by A. G.  on  10/04  at  09:08 AM

  31. Clean out your ears, it’s you WRECK me baby, not you Rock me baby!!

    Posted by A. G.  on  10/04  at  09:35 AM

  32. Heh. Heh, heh.

    Get it? “Stuck on Stupid.” Heh, heh.

    Doh! Heh, heh, heh, heh-heh.

    Posted by Roxanne  on  10/04  at  10:43 AM

  33. The following appeared in print, in the Weekly World News:

    A RABBI, A PRIEST AND A MINISTER WALK INTO A BAR TOGETHER…
    BUT NOTHING FUNNY HAPPENS

    By SCOTT STEVENS

    A RABBI, priest and a minister walked into a bar in a small Iowa town—but nothing funny happened.

    “When I saw the three of them walk in,” bartender Joe Blobonski says, “I thought to myself, ‘This is gonna be good.

    I mean, this is the setup for thousands of jokes, so I figured something hilarious is about to happen.”

    But the results were disappointing.

    “They sat down at a table, and didn’t say much.”

    Blobonski says he expected to burst out laughing when he took their order.

    “The priest said, ‘I’ll have a Virgin Mary.’ Then the minister said, ‘I’ll have a Bloody Mary,’ Blobonski says. “I could barely contain myself, waiting for the rabbi’s punch line.

    “But then he says, ‘I’d like a Diet Coke,’ A Diet Coke?

    THAT’S not funny. I couldn’t believe it.”

    At another point the rabbi asked, “Do you get many rabbis in here?”

    Blobonski says, “I said ‘No,’ waiting for the rabbi’s hysterical comeback.

    “But all he said was ‘too bad.’ “

    The three religious wise men quietly drank up, paid the bill, and left.

    “It was really pretty boring, to be honest,” Blobonski added.

    Published on: 09/05/2004

    Posted by  on  10/04  at  02:08 PM

  34. I have no witty caption, but I can’t help being reminded of my post suggesting that the new supreme court robes should be scarlet and gold lamay.  I must have been subconciously reliving my confirmation mass.

    Posted by  on  10/04  at  02:16 PM

  35. "Scrunch your face harder JR, like me and Mr. Popie”

    or

    Testing grounds for new face-scrunching therapy designed to ease the powerful white man’s burden (and eliminate wrinkles, presto!).

    Posted by  on  10/04  at  11:43 PM

  36. "You’ve got bigger niggers to fry, my son--much bigger!”

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  02:01 AM

  37. Pope: So, John, you really are against the whole abortion thing, right?

    Roberts: Are YOU catholic?

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  02:07 AM

  38. That’s not the pope.  I believe it is Cardinal McCarrick, Archbishop of DC.

    Posted by  on  10/05  at  09:08 AM

  39. Besides, the Pope is much scarier looking.

    And Mistah Charley, thank you for passing that along.  A work of genius, I think.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/05  at  09:16 AM

  40. "You think that confirmation case was rough? Try being a defendant in a priest-molestation case, laddies.”

    Posted by Pater X  on  10/10  at  02:38 PM

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