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Special weekend guest blogger

image Greetings, my friends.  We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.

This weekend, for example, you will purchase a copy of Michael’s new book, What’s Liberal About the Liberal Arts? And this afternoon, you will watch Penn State defeat Notre Dame, 19-17.

Remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future!

Posted by on 09/09 at 11:40 AM

  1. See, you had me going right until the football score..

    Posted by kevin  on  09/09  at  12:59 PM

  2. Apparently The Amazing Criswell hasn’t heard that there’s an even bigger game happening tonight.  Or does he only offer predictions of ... regional interest?

    Also, may I nominate Gene Wilder for the Criswell biopic?

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  01:05 PM

  3. And this afternoon, you will watch Penn State GnosticNittany Lions coldcockdefeat Notre Dame, 19-17.

    Wow, I guess those Jesuits at Regis really did put the hurt on Michael - what with forcing him to read The Sound and the Fury and all.

    Go ahead Criswell - just try to claim that Michael did not have final editorial say on your predictions. (or alternatively that you didn’t just read his mind.)

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  01:42 PM

  4. I gave up trying to spend the rest of my life in the future years ago. To be fair, though, I think Criswell predicted that in 1957.

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  01:48 PM

  5. Go ahead Criswell—just try to claim that Michael did not have final editorial say on your predictions. (or alternatively that you didn’t just read his mind.)

    Michael’s been mowing the lawn for the past two hours, JP—once to get it below knee height, the second time to get it low enough to set up the tent to camp out with Jamie tonight.  But I can read his mind out there, and when he’s not thinking about paving the backyard he’s approving this message.

    Ohio State over Texas 28-23, for those of you who care about such things. 

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/09  at  02:02 PM

  6. Damn, Criswell, since my night is totally ruined, can you at least give me the first three—in order, please—in the 8th at Belmont to ease the pain?

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  03:12 PM

  7. Post time for the 8th at Belmont is only 15 minutes away, but here you go:  Teammate, Unbridled Belle, Pine Island.

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/09  at  04:24 PM

  8. Well the General Electrified All Roman Catholic Holy Notre Dame network has declared that God is on their side and that all heathen, pagan, liberal, leftist university football teams will feel the vengeance of the angelic host and suffer ignoble defeat.  I mean they started with a freaking prayer; thank their god i could switch over to watch WA score against OK in time to avoid that babble.  Otherwise, the Amazing Criswell needs to reevaluate this prediction at this point, or has somehow unbelievable seen a future in which two safetys, or a field goal and a intercepted and run back PAT play is made to get the score to 17. 

    I wish the GEARCHND network was the same as the one that demands we be assaulted with reichstag propaganda this weekend.  Put all that weird asshat energy on just one channel.

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  05:00 PM

  9. a freakishly accurate prediction…

    Posted by JM  on  09/09  at  05:03 PM

  10. (except for the pesky score thing)

    Posted by JM  on  09/09  at  06:35 PM

  11. I just want to point out that the Nittany Lions’ late surge made my prediction of their final score freakishly accurate.

    Or thereabouts.

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/09  at  07:20 PM

  12. Breaking news, the *Path to 9/11* debacle has the stink of Sorry Old Fraud all over it.

    Think Progress has the dish:
    http://thinkprogress.org/2006/09/08/origin-of-pt911/

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  08:04 PM

  13. Oh, yes, jp, I certainly saw that.  But I really can’t do serious weekend blogging—gotta set up for camping in the backyard.  Criswell was right about that much, at least.

    And I gotta get me some better prognosticators around here.  It turns out that the Amazing Criswell was famous for his wildly inaccurate predictions!  I’ll bet nobody bought my book, either.

    But how did the 8th at Belmont come out?

    Posted by Michael  on  09/09  at  08:20 PM

  14. Mi querido Criswell,

    Les deseo para tí y para tus Nittany Lions mucha paz, pero sobre todo mucho, mucho amor.

    Posted by Walter Mercado  on  09/09  at  08:23 PM

  15. Bummer about the game, but meanwhile, D’Souza to appear at Penn State on Monday (yes, that’s 9/11). Any thoughts?

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  08:52 PM

  16. Just the ones I posted yesterday, Steve.  In fact, as Aldon points out, he was the one who got me started on the D’Souza beat this past Thursday by giving me a heads-up on the talk.

    Posted by Michael  on  09/09  at  08:57 PM

  17. Fools, selling Charlie Weis short is a guaranteed 40+ points hung on your ass.

    Sorry, I live in Boston, some of us are still loyal to him.  (I’ll spell it out for those who don’t follow football very closely - the head coach for Notre Dame used to be the offensive coordinator for the New England Patriots as they won 3 Super Bowls.)

    FWIW, I went to Cal, where we would shout Go Bears! for the first quarter or so, then switch to Go Beers! once the school who really cared about college football started to beat our asses.  Although my Golden Bears seem to be having no problem with the Golden Gophers tonight (it’s 42-17 right now, they must have been watching the Notre Dame game)!

    Posted by  on  09/09  at  10:13 PM

  18. Best Criswell referencing evar:

    http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4207/is_19950113/ai_n10181056/print

    Posted by Not Norman Chad  on  09/10  at  12:14 AM

  19. Don’t know about your team, mroberts, but some of us remember when your band defeated Stanford. Or was it Stanford’s band who defeated Stanford? In any case, the Bears seem to be doing better today than in those days.

    Posted by  on  09/10  at  05:07 AM

  20. Thanks for the heads-up on the upcoming dreadful evening, Criswell. It wasn’t quite as painful knowing the outcome ahead of time. Not a bad stab on the 8th at Belmont, either.

    Posted by  on  09/10  at  08:45 AM

  21. You’re welcome, O Venerable One.  For the record, the 8th at Belmont was Pine Island, Teammate, and Last Romance.  Unbridled Belle finished fourth—but I believe I deserve some of what you kids call “props” for picking the long shot to show and just missing.  Also for predicting that Bushfire and Wild Fit wouldn’t be able to handle this distance.

    I didn’t foresee Texas being held to 7 points at home, but I’m glad I had the outcome right.  My only mistake was that Penn State game, and in that one, Michael ordered me to predict a narrow victory.  I wish he’d be a little more gracious about my gift in the future.  “Get me some better prognosticators,” indeed.  “Wildly inaccurate,” indeed.  (But that’s what you get when you rely on Wikipedia.  I predict that Wikipedia will collapse in 2008 due to widespread fraud, and that this will lead to the disappearance of the Internet.)

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/10  at  10:47 AM

  22. so who’s going to be Pennsylvania’s next US Senator, Cris?

    Posted by  on  09/10  at  10:50 AM

  23. Thanks to his support from the Pennsylvania GOP, which has clearly abandoned the incumbent, Green Party candidate Carl Romanelli will win in a squeaker.

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/10  at  10:59 AM

  24. Yep, he’s the real Criswell all right. Back in yer coffin!

    Posted by norbizness  on  09/10  at  11:01 AM

  25. If I already bought the book, does that mean I have Criswell’s powers of prediction?  Cuz that would be cool!

    Posted by Dr. Virago  on  09/10  at  03:18 PM

  26. Dear Criswell,

    When His Eminence returns to his blog, he might remind you of the following:

    When a prophet speaketh in the name of the [scoreboard], if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the [scoreboard] hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.

    Let’s hope, though, that you escape this part of the dictum:

    But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other [NCAA sports], even that prophet shall die.

    Posted by e. fiction  on  09/10  at  03:24 PM

  27. Criswell, you pathetic fraud. It is clear that you looked into the future, saw my success and preemptively stole my schtick.

    Posted by The Amazing Kreskin  on  09/10  at  03:30 PM

  28. But that’s what you get when you rely on Wikipedia.  I predict that Wikipedia will collapse in 2008 due to widespread fraud,

    If this morning is any indication, this prediction will come true much sooner.  The Senate Intelligence Committee (oxymoron in that) issues more of Phase 2 report which shows no connection between Iraq/Al Qaeda; then each of the top members of Bushco go on talking head tv and continue to demand that there was a connection; and, of course, that they haven’t read the report. 

    All is not as it is, and reality is what they say it is, and there is no need for Wikipedia, media, internet tubes/pipe thingies, etc.  We merely just have to obey, and continue to shop to maintain the economy.  Oh and stop thinking, please; (captcha: think) damn you liberal perfessers and prestidigitators

    Posted by  on  09/10  at  03:34 PM

  29. Oh Amazing Criswell, which Internet will disappear in 2008?  I hope it’s the one with all the Freepers.

    Any thoughts on Manning v. Manning?

    Posted by  on  09/10  at  05:38 PM

  30. I’m so happy to found your blog...its great. I’m from Brazil...kiss

    Amei seu blog, é maravilhoso e fiquei horas lendo...bjs

    Posted by Adriana  on  09/10  at  06:51 PM

  31. Any thoughts on Manning v. Manning?

    Though Michael wants me to pick the G-men, the sorry truth is that Team Peyton will pwn Team Eli 27-10.

    I also predict that a major network, working with a major entertainment corporation and a phalanx of certifiably insane Horowitzian wingnuts, will try to battle the Manning v. Manning game for the nation’s attention by broadcasting two and a half tedious hours of far-right SF-fantasy about how Bill Clinton’s appeasement of the Japanese in the 1930s set America on the “path to Pearl Harbor.”

    Posted by Criswell  on  09/10  at  07:50 PM

  32. I bought the book and cheered for old Penn State.  1 out of 2 is, well, 50%.

    Posted by  on  09/11  at  10:22 AM

  33. i don’t know where this goes.. but it goes somewhere.. and here is the most appropriate, though unread.  Will Criswell make the next great hair style prediction???

    http://radaronline.com/features/2006/09/capitol_domes.php

    Posted by  on  09/13  at  01:19 PM

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