The Jets At War
All right, am I crazy to think the Jets actually have a chance against the Monsters of the Midwest? I mean, against their actual “starters” over “four quarters.” Because here’s what I saw last weekend: on Saturday, the Colts seemed to smoosh a hapless, punchless Ravens team 20-3. But wait! One of those Colts touchdowns was actually a gift from the officiating crew, who decided to call two phantom penalties on the Ravens secondary on the Colts’ final drive of the first half, and then decided to pretend that the Colts’ penultimate play of the half lasted only two seconds. (And you thought that time-warpy thing could only happen in the Big House!) OK, so really we’re talking 13-3 or 16-3. And then in the second half, there was the Ed Reed factor. Merciful Moloch, that young man is talented. Unfortunately, at some point this year someone told him that the NFL had converted to Australian Rules, and now he thinks that after he intercepts a pass he has to dribble the ball once every ten yards. Anyway, the game could have been a nailbiter if a few breaks had gone the other way, is what I’m saying. And the Colts appear to have zero running game, zero. I hear their quarterback is well-regarded, but then again, the Jets’ pass defense does not suck. So I’m gonna say Jets 16-7. I don’t know why—it just sounds nice.
The NFC Championship poses a serious problem for my eventual Super Bowl pick, since neither team has a manly jersey. The Vikings’ cute purple has only gotten more festive in recent years, and the Saints, of course, sport the deadly fleur-de-lis. But who cares? Here’s to a Saints-Jets Super Bowl, surely a sign of the Apocalypse and a harbinger of the incoming Palin Administration.
Oh, right, and here’s Frank Caliendo talking about Jet Favre.
In other news, The Left At War manages to get almost everything right in a way that’s almost totally wrong, and even picks up a brief discussion in Newsweek—in the context of a review of The Hurt Locker, of all things. Actually I think I agree with Seth Colter Walls’ argument that the actual content of recent Iraq films has been stripped of any serious political, you know, content. As for Paul Anderson’s review of the book, well, I suppose it’s nice to be mostly right in a largely wrong kind of way, but when someone says “he under-eggs the case for getting rid of Saddam which was—yes, really—a lot stronger than he claims,” I have to say that a parenthetical “yes, really” doesn’t really make the case. If you think the prowar case was stronger than I let on, go ahead and make it! I was kind of hoping to have that argument, after all.
So, to recap: Jets over Colts 16-7, Saints over Vikings ... um ... let’s say 59-28 to be safe. And don’t forget to go out and buy a copy of The Left At War, because it’s selling like
hotcakes lutefisk and it’s fun for the whole family.
I am oldened to see that you were compelled to include a link as part of a reference to “16-7” in the context of Jets v. Colts, but then again, that event was closer to the election of Herbert Hoover than it is to the present. And that makes me feel much better!
Agree that the Ravens were clock-homered at the end of the 1st half on several plays. However, I think the play actually took 4 seconds because they dubiously put two back on the clock after the previous play (went from 9 up to 11), but even 4 was wrong as although it was an incomplete pass on short throw, the ineffably great Peyton (I had the sound off on advice of my physician) had pumped once *and* the pass bounced off the receiver and was still in play (ask Nebraska about how that works) until it hit the ground--6 seconds minimum. (But think how much worse it would be if football were a hyper-technical game like soccer.) But yes the Ravens doomed themselves with their own mistakes just as they had many times during the regular season. Sigh. Ravens 2001, best playoff/Super Bowl run EVAH!
New Orleans 48-47, Jets 11-10 (Both teams win on a safety when Favre/Manning try to pass out of their own end zones up by 1 in the last 30 seconds and get sacked.)Posted by on 01/24 at 11:37 AM
I too am oldened by your compulsion. But I suppose the young ‘uns might need a little hyperhelp to appreciate your, um, wit.
Not a bad prediction though, I must admit. As for my own hopes for today, they feature several breakaway rushes by one A. Peterson. But even there my prediction is similar to yours in the relevant respect.Posted by Dave Maier on 01/24 at 12:07 PM
But the remarkable Peterson hasn’t had a breakaway rush all year, Dave ... oh, wait, I get it. He’s due.
And about that hyperlink to 41 years ago: there are kids out there who think Joe Namath is that guy who tried to kiss Suzy Kolber. Really. Apparently there’s a whole blog about it.Posted by on 01/24 at 12:33 PM
Well, I think the case for kissing Suzy Kolber was - yes really - much stronger than you let on, Michael. Also, go Saints! No opinion on the other game, I wish they’d both lose so we didn’t have to listen to “greatest QB ever"/"most amazing rookie QB ever” stories.Posted by on 01/24 at 01:33 PM
Exclusive footage of New York Jets locker room pre-game.Posted by on 01/24 at 04:01 PM
I hope your prediction about the Jets is right, regardless of the way in which you came to it. But I suppose it will depend on whether the Manichean Jets or the Social Democratic Jets show up.Posted by on 01/24 at 04:04 PM
Dammit, I show up in the TV room and the Colts run off three consecutive long plays. As Janet sagely pointed out ten seconds ago, this means I am officially Bad Luck and cannot watch the game with her.
Go Social Democratic Jets! Unless Manicheanism has a better offense.Posted by on 01/24 at 04:35 PM
Double dammit. Thought it was safe to go downstairs again after the Jets TD. So I show up for the 12-men-on-the-field penalty, negating a Jets defensive stop, and the subsequent downfield pass. So it looks like it’s the Internets for me this afternoon.Posted by on 01/24 at 04:56 PM
So it looks like it’s the Internets for me this afternoon and adding to already posted comments.Posted by on 01/24 at 04:58 PM
Within a two-minute window, of course.Posted by on 01/24 at 05:22 PM
So it looks like it’s the Internets for me this afternoon.
How about a quick post on the Skl Hx (while Quicklime Lady is off downstairs)? No? Okay, never mind.
(17-6 now, woo-hoo!)Posted by Dave Maier on 01/24 at 05:22 PM
Okay, hush my mouth.Posted by Dave Maier on 01/24 at 05:28 PM
I’m guessing you thought it was safe again after the Jets second TD?Posted by on 01/24 at 05:30 PM
second TD and field goal, I mean.Posted by on 01/24 at 05:31 PM
Nope, I’ve confined myself to ESPN GameCast. The Colts picked up that late TD without any help from me.Posted by on 01/24 at 05:34 PM
Bad luck can flow through GameCast as easily as the TV. I’m speaking from experience, not accusing you of bad Mojo.Posted by on 01/24 at 05:45 PM
Apparently. But now the Colts have scored to make it 27-17 ... while I was snoozing.Posted by on 01/24 at 06:37 PM
Well looks like the social democrats lose again. This is what happens if you sell out on defense so much.Posted by on 01/24 at 07:12 PM
Okay, so you really meant to say that the outcome would be in the Colts favor 30-17 and that Brett would start the game off going 6 of 7 passes and all of that. I thought as much.
And will we ever have that discussion, about the war i mean? I don’t think we have the sort of attention span necessary anymore.Posted by on 01/24 at 07:52 PM
Two things I don’t understand:
1) Why doesn’t the manly-man jersey theory apply to the Colts? Does it have something to do with Bob Irsay and tractor trailers and the middle of the night?
2) Why can I go all season NOT watching Bret Favre throw 33 TDs and only 7 interceptions and the minute I sit down, after getting my boys to bed, to watch the Saints-Vikings in the 3rd quarter, he’s throwing a pick into triple coverage, just like the old days?Posted by Gary Oxford on 01/24 at 10:11 PM
Thank you for your kind words about my Ravens, among whose fans there has been a longstanding “conspiracy theory” that ever since Baltimore grudgingly at long last was given another team the NFL has done everything it can to screw us. We are aging, but your Jets should have another shot next year.Posted by on 01/25 at 11:49 AM
In the interest of transparency, I am posting the following fannish response:
If Tom Brady isn’t in the bowl, it’s not super.Posted by J. Fisher on 01/25 at 05:19 PM
Well looks like the social democrats lose again. This is what happens if you sell out on defense so much.
But surely it didn’t help when, early in the second half, the Manichean left called for the elimination of the Jets’ defense budget and denounced the cover-two formation as “liberal apologetics for imperialist violence.”
Why doesn’t the manly-man jersey theory apply to the Colts? Does it have something to do with Bob Irsay and tractor trailers and the middle of the night?
Oh but it most certainly does apply to the Colts. Just wait until Mister Answer Man comes back to this blog to offer his infallible Super Bowl predictions!
Why can I go all season NOT watching Bret Favre throw 33 TDs and only 7 interceptions and the minute I sit down, after getting my boys to bed, to watch the Saints-Vikings in the 3rd quarter, he’s throwing a pick into triple coverage, just like the old days?
Because Brett Favre without an ill-timed interception just isn’t Brett Favre, that’s why. Though let’s not forget Adrian Peterson’s performance, inspired as it was by Ed Reed’s Aussie-inflected interpretation of NFL ballcarrying rules.
there has been a longstanding “conspiracy theory” that ever since Baltimore grudgingly at long last was given another team the NFL has done everything it can to screw us.
You’re kidding, right? Have you run this theory by anybody who lives in Cleveland, perhaps? You know, the city that should have celebrated a 34-7 Super Bowl victory over the Giants in 2000?
If Tom Brady isn’t in the bowl, it’s not super.
Senator Brown? Is that you?Posted by on 01/25 at 06:11 PM
Senator Brown? Is that you?
Okay, there’s seriously a flag of some kind that is warranted for that comment.
Let’s be honest, Michael, The NE Patriots totally win history for the manliest logo eva.Posted by J. Fisher on 01/25 at 06:51 PM
Deep in my mind is a little resting stop for conspiracy theories that don’t exist but should. Thus i have to wonder if Mr Favre actually threw that last interception on purpose to keep the Vikings from winning. He was beat and beat up bad.
I can’t wait for Mr. Answer Man’s prognostications regarding le Super Bowl.Posted by on 01/25 at 06:58 PM
The NE Patriots totally win history for the manliest logo eva.
No, no, no—way too detailed, for one thing, and that silly hat is like something out of a tea party, for another. That’s why the Patriots lost to the Bears 416-10 in Super Bowl XX. Only when they got a streamlined Patriot—and even then, only when they made his blue a manly dark blue in 2000—did the New Englandians begin winning Vince Lombardi trophies.Posted by on 01/25 at 07:29 PM
Maybe, Michael. But you still get a 5-Minute Major for that previous comment. And I get the ball after the free throws I am owed as a result of your flagrant foul. Sheesh. I don’t even own a truck.
Now, since Jack Bauer is going to make my day, I’m signing off.Posted by J. Fisher on 01/25 at 08:22 PM
So when Tom Brady was hurt last year it was a good day for America. Just throwing this out here, not trying to inflame any passions or anything.Posted by on 01/25 at 09:10 PM
Brett Favre threw that interception as a tribute to the victims of Katrina.
Have you run this theory by anybody who lives in Cleveland, perhaps?
Nothing earns me more disdain in both my current location of Pittsburgh and former NE Ohio home than my Ravens semi-fandom. It’s complicated, and I plead an irreparably damaged sports-psyche, and, and .. Ozzie Newsome!Posted by on 01/25 at 09:30 PM
All right, am I crazy to think the Jets actually have a chance against the Monsters of the Midwest?
Empirically, and with perfect 20-20 hindsight in reverse, yes.
So who we got now? A Baltimore team from Indianapolis? And that team that apparently plays for the House of Bourbon?
Do prognosticate, Mr. Answer Man.Posted by on 01/26 at 08:34 PM
We should be honest, Michael, The NE Patriots win history totally.Posted by my computer running slow on 09/10 at 03:57 AM