Michael Bérubé - American Airspace

Ministry of Culture and Beer

My apologies, Madame President-for-Life Sheelzebub, for not acknowledging your beneficence earlier. I am truly grateful to have been appointed Minister of Culture and Beer.

My first act as your Minister is this: I will-- and hereby do-- ask my readers whether the nations of France and Italy should continue producing beer at all. Their hearts are clearly not in it; the French “soixante” (or “1664,” as the label actually says) tastes more or less what beer brewed with chalk, and that Italian Peroni simply isn’t fooling anyone. I therefore submit that the French and Italians devote themselves exclusively to consumer goods they really care about, like food and wine and shoes and haute couture and fast cars, and leave the beer to the English and Germans and maybe the Dutch. Let the People of the Guttural Languages have their hops and the People of the Mellifluous Languages have their grapes. Readers?

Posted by on 03/04 at 09:37 AM

Don’t forget the Belgians!

Posted by Eric H on 03/04 at 10:52 AM
Oh, I don’t know. In the right mood, I could be persuaded to drink a Moretti or two.

Posted by Roxanne on 03/04 at 10:54 AM
And the Czechs (though the originators of Pilsner Urquell were probably sudetendeutsch, so perhaps you have them covered).

Posted by on 03/04 at 10:59 AM
Oh, and the Japanese shouldn’t be allowed to make beer, either.

Posted by Roxanne on 03/04 at 11:00 AM
My friends really liked “soixante”. Myself, I only like darker beers and that’s rare at that.

Still, what the hell, DEATH TO THE FRENCH BEER MAKERS.

P.S. Do you like Pelforth?

Posted by on 03/04 at 11:06 AM
Californians have bested the French in brewing the same way they have in vintning. Still, I don’t mind if they keep making their cute little attempts at beer. They’ll always have sneering. (OK, so as a Californian of French descent I’m internally conflicted.)

I’m more or less with Roxanne about the Japanese beer, though there are times when it’s exactly what you need to wash down a platter of raw yellowtail. And sometimes I’ve wished that Californian beer came in cans that looked like Frank Gehry designed them.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 11:08 AM
Frank Gehry-- or Eero Saarinen? Either way, how about the Japanese supply the cans and the English- German- Dutch- sudetendeutsch (yep, I was including Pilsner Urquell in Guttural Languages territory) supply the contents?

Posted by on 03/04 at 11:12 AM
Cold weather/warm weather, and I hope you’re not suggesting the French give the Alsace back.

Saphoro used to make a reasonably drinkable ale. My memory’s a little hazy. I think that in the US, thanks to our friends in the Lone Star Republic, they had to label it “Malt Liquor.” Besides, if they stop making their own they’ll corner the market on Pilsner Urquell or buy up Samuel Smith’s. They’ve already done enough damage to Macallan.

Posted by Doghouse Riley on 03/04 at 11:16 AM
Bring the Japanese cans and the Teuton brewmeisters and the Cascadia hops to the Mendocino coast, the best brewing climate in the world.

(Yes, I am a chauvinist in that regard, but in my defense I can only point out that that’s a French word.)

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 11:18 AM
Oi! Enough slandering of Japanese beer. As Chris points out, sometimes it’s the perfect choice. Australian brews, however…

Though I’m afraid my heart still belongs to British brews, as a native. There’s not really a lot that’ll beat a Boddington’s.

Posted by on 03/04 at 11:28 AM
Californians have bested the French in brewing the same way they have in vintning.

Jeez, man overboard! California wine is a mess. Over-priced, over-extracted, cookie-cutter wines that’ve let the Aussies and Chileans and Eastern Europeans take over the value market in their own country. And the number of good California wines that compete with the best of France has actually dropped in the last decade. If I’m gonna be gouged I’ll wait for the next good Burgundy vintage and be gouged by experts, thanks.

Posted by Doghouse Riley on 03/04 at 11:34 AM
Over-priced, over-extracted, cookie-cutter wines that’ve let the Aussies and Chileans and Eastern Europeans take over the value market in their own country.

I can’t really argue. Corporatization has taken its toll, and what you say is [pretty much true for any of the big Route 29 Napa wineries.

But there are still some lesser-known craft wines coming out of remoter places - or Lodi, for that matter - that preserve that fine decades-old tradition. And there are guys like Tom Powers who are doing very cool stuff with decentralized growing - Tom installs vineyards on small private pproperties for rich people who want to live on vineyard properties without any actual, you know, work, and he often contracts to maintain and harvest and broker the grapes to small local wineries. Some damn good wine results.

But yeah, if you limit your drinking to the Mondavis and the Krugs and BVs and the Affective Liberal Hollywood Elite’s vanity vineyards’ stuff, you’ve got a point.

And I’m not drinking it anymore anyway, so it’s all academic to me.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 11:49 AM
And the Spanish should certainly end beer making. This fits your general theme.

There is only one bar in all of Spain I would order a beer in (in Plaza Santa Anna in Madid center). It makes a kind of “burnt” beer which is actually not great, but a far cry better than the “cinqo estrellas” of Mahou.

Cripes! That is why the kids in Spain all drink boxed wind and coca-cola to get drunk. It just isn’t good for them. (the boxed wine is so inexpensive they practically give it away)

Posted by on 03/04 at 11:57 AM
A Friday beer posting...delicious!

When I “studied” abroad in Manchester in the early 90s, Kronenbourg was a popular choice among students (raise red flag) because it was cheap--and because when you’re 20 and only have 3 classes to attend each week, it really doesn’t matter how you feel the next day. And yes, I did fail 3 of my 5 final exams. That’s why I can only get a job as a second-rate blog admin!

My Two Cents--because I know you’re all waiting to hear what I have to say about beer:
-The Belgians are unbeatable for flav-o-rific beers.
-Japanese beers seem to cleanse the palate well, but they’re not memorable.
-Pilsner Urquell--great selection, but tough to drink in quantity.
-Italian mainstays Peroni and Moretti don’t stand out.
-Thinking about the majority of North American beers makes me sad.
-Presidente from the D.R. is surprisingly good.
-The English deserve their own blog entry for the breadth and quality of their Ales.

At the end of the day, though, “Make mine a Heineken.” Its funky skunk will always be near to my heart.

Posted by on 03/04 at 12:18 PM
France and Italy produce beer?

Posted by on 03/04 at 12:19 PM
Kurt is on drugs - well, most of what he says makes sense, but “Thinking about the majority of North American beers makes me sad.” Does he mean the old, and lame standards (bud, coors, miller, etc.) or the microbrews that pretty much every region has? With such excellent local choices in the Boston area like Tremont Ale, Harpoon, Ipswich and Sam Adams (even if they don’t brew too much locally anymore), I’ll never drink a skunky Heine again. Good freakin’ riddance! Almost anywhere I have gone in the country for the past 10 years has fine local beers.

Yes, I still have a soft spot for some beers from the UK, Ireland, and several northern/central European countries, but there is just no excuse for putting up with skunk anymore.

Posted by on 03/04 at 12:46 PM
This humble and beery blog doesn’t know anything about wine-- we’re with that Thomas Haden Church character in Sideways, we’d drink it out of a box with a straw. (Not that we have!) And yeah, I forgot the Belgians, just like Kerry forgot Poland, but that flav-o-rific stuff can get pretty weird and the Trappiste, while delicious and filling, must have an alcohol content somewhere near bourbon, for god’s sake.

Posted by Michael on 03/04 at 12:49 PM
How much of a beer poseur does it make me if I prefer Guinness to any other beer?

Posted by on 03/04 at 12:59 PM
When I “worked” for three years in Tokyo, all the Japanese salarymen would buy Bud and Corona when they had the chance. That’s how bad Japanese beer is.

Posted by Roxanne on 03/04 at 01:07 PM
How much of a beer poseur does it make me if I prefer Guinness to any other beer?

Depends. You buying?

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 01:07 PM
I am indeed on Phentermine--and have been harvesting ad-click revenue from them for nearly three months. Which I use to buy more Phentermine.

Yes, it’s the big-brand beers--the ones for which we are known worldwide. There are great brews in America--Sierra Nevada, Red Hook ESB, some of the Brooklyn Brewery stash--and many more. It’s a globo-economic Weltschmerz kind of thing for me.

Posted by on 03/04 at 01:09 PM
How much of a beer poseur does it make me if I prefer Guinness to any other beer?

I’m pretty sure the Irish Advertisin Board wouldn’t have it any other way.

Which is not to say it’s not a very fine brew indeed, though I prefer Murphy’s myself. Tastes less like old pound coins (at least the import - must be a product of spending too many months in a keg on a ship...).

Posted by on 03/04 at 01:11 PM
As a college student, I drink what is cheap and what is offered to me. As a college student in New York, though, that usually means Mexican, Dutch, and the assorted eminently drinkable products of the Brooklyn Brewery. So I got no complaints. In fact, I can’t remember ever having drank a beer brewed by a speaker of the romance languages (though I’ve heard good things about some Rhaeto-Romanic ales).

Posted by Alex on 03/04 at 01:11 PM
Michael’s right about some of the Belgian stuff. I think that’s why it’s typically served in small glasses: to discourage drinking more than a bottle’s worth in one setting (the dangers of which can be described by anyone who’s ever had a “bad Zeno’s night” in State College).

By the way, has anyone else ever seen/had one of the 64 oz. cans of Sapporo? It looks like an oil can with a handle. I don’t even know if they make them anymore.

As for the Guiness, maybe someone else can weigh in on this: I’ve heard here and there that most Guiness here is actually brewed in the U.S. by Budweiser, but that some people with connections will still get it from Ireland (I heard the latter from some Irish guys who owned a bar in Atlanta where the Guiness was thick like motor oil and delicious). Then again, this might all be a load of crap.

Say Michael, where will the Department of Culture and Beer be located, anyway? I’m sure Otto’s and Zeno’s State College would both welcome your wise, beneficent presence, though if I have a vote I’ll go with the former for freshness and the Firkin.

Posted by on 03/04 at 01:42 PM
Viva Mexican Beers - Bohemia and Negra Modelo

Posted by corndog on 03/04 at 02:08 PM
Only if you exempt monk beer. French monk beer rocks.

You’ll have to deal with Alsace-Lorraine too. Will they be making beer during the roughly fifty percent of the time which is the rough historical duration of their continuous affiliation with France, or are the beer-makers going to have to go out of the country to practice when the Germans give them back?

Could lead to subsidies. This thing has the potential to shut down the whole EU.

Italian beer, I agree, we can spare. Also french coffee.

Posted by julia on 03/04 at 02:41 PM
Ah, a boozy paean to comparative advantage. I’ll remember this when I give my next “Since your HS educations are woefully incomplete and many of you haven’t taken an economics course yet, here’s the basics of ECON 101 so you can follow what I really want to say” teaching moment.

It’s hard to take anything you say seriously when you forget the Belgians, though.

Posted by djw on 03/04 at 02:42 PM
Michael, Bush is President, so even if you’re Minister of Culture and Beer, drinking a Belgian ale as alcoholic as bourbon is a necessary thing every now and then. Like any time after noon.

And no dumping on US beer, gentle readers/drinkers. Head to Southern California for some of the best in the world right now, from Craftsman in Pasadena (no, it’s not made out of roses) to all the great stuff coming out of San Diego, like Stone, Alesmith and Pizza Port. In fact, I think that they make such good beer in San Diego to forget they’re so conservative.

P.S. I left my liver in Zeno’s....

Posted by George on 03/04 at 03:24 PM
My point about Belgian beer is that in its secret heart-- or so I sense-- it really doesn’t want to be beer at all, but something else. Something more like wine or bourbon, or-- in special cases-- absinthe.

Oh, I hope I don’t start a whole thread on “there’s no good absinthe in California any more/ yes there is if you know where to look” now.

Posted by Michael on 03/04 at 03:47 PM
Actually there’s an orchard in Sebastopol tthat’s been homebrewing some pretty good absinthe out of apple cider. Called “absinthe of malus” or somesuch.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 03:54 PM
While some Belgian beers are likker in drag, I don’t think the same can be said for Stella Artois which, outside of a room temperature and well-poured Guiness, is the finest all-around beer you can drink.

But as a Philly native, it’s Yuengling all the f-ing way. Even though the beer at most Philly bars tastes like there’s a weird, maybe even hallucinogenic, mold growing in their taps. All I know is, I go in for a “quick one,” only to find myself naked, with blood on my fingernails, chained by one hand to a monster truck, on the grounds of some Amish farm, with the remnants of several pork roll sandwiches all around me. And only fifteen minutes have passed since going into the bar in the first place.

Posted by on 03/04 at 04:17 PM
He forgot Poland!

Posted by on 03/04 at 04:22 PM
fast cars ?

Um, the French really do take a backseat to the Germans and Italians in this regard. Rumor has it that they do make some fast cars but if they only let Formula One drivers use them, what use is that.

When they start sending us the full Citroen line then we can reconsider.

(former Renault owner)

Posted by on 03/04 at 04:25 PM
Get a Mac! Whoops, wrong thread. I mean, Get a Belgian!

Posted by KathyF on 03/04 at 04:35 PM
Yuengling embodies two things Philadelphians most certainly don’t know: beer and digraphs.

I second corndog’s Mexican beer vote, especially Negro Modelo. And I’m fond of Indian and Thai beers, which are, basically, German.

Posted by on 03/04 at 04:53 PM
Having owned a fine PSA product (Peugeot 406 estate) myself, I can vouch that the French do, in fact, build very good cars. They may not be as fast as the German equivalents, but they’re a sight more efficient and more attractive. Oh, and they start occasionally, which is more than can be said for the Italians…

Posted by on 03/04 at 04:55 PM
All I know is that the Czechs make the best post-punk experimental art-rock, and the Germans make the best fin-de-siècle novelists.

We’re just listing the things that various Europeans are good at, right?

Ste||^ /\rtois |z teh r0xx0rz!

Posted by Alex on 03/04 at 05:11 PM
i havent indulged much but dogfish head looks to be pushing the beer envelope as far as american microbrews go. also, love a hoegaarden (belgian wheat) in the summatime.

you might want to consider frank booth as a deputy. hes a loose cannon but i think youll appreciate his no nonsense attitude towards all things hops.

Posted by on 03/04 at 05:22 PM
am i to assume, Michael, that you did not give Ireland and Scotland their own individual beer licenses because you are planning to let them monopolize the whisky trade? or is whisky someone else’s department?

and as to the Guinness question, while they do have breweries in 50 some different countries, the company says that all beer sold in the US is brewed at St. James Gate in Dublin.

Of course your bars with “connections” could be buying from another brewery, which would at least be using different water, and so might taste different...but the main difference in the product pub to pub is likely due to the quality & CLEANLINESS of the taps in question (for example, i can only drink Yuengling at one specific bar here in PGH--everywhere else, it tastes like crap to me.)

FYI: Guinness has for some time been part of a large multi-national called Diageo (whose holdings include Pillsbury, General Mills and Seagrams, among other brands.)

-L.

Posted by Librarian on 03/04 at 05:47 PM
Ah, but Librarian, is it ‘whisky’ or whiskey’? As long as it’s not scotch, that is.

And for bonus points: who are the other 3 major breweries globally? Anyone? Anyone?

Posted by on 03/04 at 05:53 PM
We’re just listing the things that various Europeans are good at, right?

New categories here. Match to the appropriate country:

horrendous pop music
mail-order spouses
waffles
joining the Coalition of the Willing
quitting same
disposable automobiles
trenchcoat flasher pr0n
stereotyped aesthetes with jackets like Michael’s
archducal assassinations
tunnel fires
sucking up to The Economist’s editorial board

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 06:05 PM
’Scuse me, Minister. But, what about the “culture” part of your ministry?

Posted by Roxanne on 03/04 at 06:16 PM
See, I knew you were standing outside Zeno’s.

What about the countries with the *Gutteral* languages?

Posted by on 03/04 at 06:37 PM
What about the “culture” part? This is the culture part! We’re talking about which cultures are beer cultures and which cultures are wine cultures (and this also allows us to exploit all the possible puns on “culture"-- Raymond Williams would be proud of us!), just as we could talk about shame cultures and guilt cultures, or archducal- assassination cultures and sucking up to The Economist’s editorial board cultures.

And isotope, only when we have explored beer cultures thoroughly-- until, say, 3 or 4 am tonight-- can we begin to theorize gutteral languages.

Posted by on 03/04 at 07:06 PM
Rob--it is “whisky” of course, always (unless you are in Kentucky.) or, if you prefer--and Librarian does prefer: Uisge Beatha.

and, it is always single malt (if you plan to simply sip and savour, that is, rather than toss back several shots and commence to fightin’ over cards.)

not for size, but for enjoyment value, i will put my money on Laphroaig (http://www.laphroaig.com)

so is there a Minister of Whisky & Brawling?

mmmmmm, Fridays…
-L.

Posted by Librarian on 03/04 at 07:46 PM
Laphroaig is lovely, both in flavor and in associated memories of frineds no longer with us. Were I still imbibing, I’d be happy with nothing but that and Lagavulin… which is an Islay of the “it’s a tire fire in my mouth, and everyoone’s invited!” genre.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/04 at 08:15 PM
There is in fact a Minister of Fear and Whisky, though right now he’s kind of busy writing the story of his London tour with Horowitz and Hitchens as a rewrite of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?. He gets much credit both for execution and for degree of difficulty. Must be the whisky-- or is it the fear?

Posted by Michael on 03/04 at 09:12 PM
The only good thing I ever found about Japanese beer was that it was often found in vending machines; there was one outside my apartment house in Yokosuka, and it was of great use in emergencies.

Posted by Linkmeister on 03/04 at 09:18 PM
"We’re talking about which cultures are beer cultures and which cultures are wine cultures.” Well, Anglo Canuckistan is definitely beer culture, to the extent that we have any culture…

Posted by on 03/04 at 09:38 PM
"Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the absinthe wants your soul.”

Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Posted by on 03/04 at 10:24 PM
Dear Sir,

France and Italy are essential to the world of beers that we live in (beerlandia, as some may call it). These lesser beer powers play a necessary roll,
(1) To properly create a sense of pride in the beer powerhouse nations,
(2) To remind people what inferior product tastes likes.

Time and again it has been shown happiness depends upon your frame of reference. Without poor beers, you do not know how good you have it.

Now, it is true that Mothers have failed in perpetuity to have children appreciate vegetables by comparing their lot to starving Chinese. But this failure results from an inability to imbibe first-hand those underfed Chinese.

And an inquiry,

Does the Minister of Culture and Beer promote Culture and Beer at the expense of other things? Should you attempt to shut down the wine industry to promote more beer consumption? Are your duties distinct from creating a Culture of Beer?

Posted by mrkmyr on 03/04 at 10:43 PM
Just to fuck with all of you—I have had a GREAT beer in Salt Lake City from a local brewery. Y’all beat that. I’m sure some of you are reeling from the blow, while others are plunging into an existentialist funk as you ponder how a great tasting beer could come out of a locale surrounding by teetootaling Mormons. Good luck with that.

Of course, it was 3:2 because of local laws. But on the bright side you could drink twice as much of a great tasting beer before you passed out from intoxication.

Posted by on 03/04 at 10:51 PM
French beer is almost always Heineken, unless you can find Carlsberg. 64, like Carlsberg is malt liquor in disguise. Swiss beer, I need to say, is almost all piss, even though they might be considered a beer country.

The best thing about French winemaking is that the standard house wine is better than almost all Californian wine. American table wine is all vile. One day, if the alcohol-nazis allow it, Californian vintners will produce a quality wine for under ten dollars, but don’t bet on it.

No-one has mentioned the other-worldli-wonderful-ness of Pastis, but I can tell you, may you never have a pastis buzz near a Marsiellais whore. I had mine elsewhere, but I can imagine, and wonder what diseases I missed out on…

Posted by Ryan on 03/04 at 11:18 PM
The Minister of Fear and Whiskey tends to use the Irish/American spelling. Of course, he also tends to drink Wild Turkey. I’ve no time for all that fancy-schmancy Scotch nonsense. What do I care how many malts there are or how many times it was distilled? If there’s a good chance it’ll blind me, I’ll take it. When it comes to my Ministerial duties, I’m a 100% David Brooksian red-stater.

Besides, you can’t taste the difference between the good stuff and the cheap stuff if you’re enjoying it properly—that is, with a pack of strong American cigarettes.

(For those of you interested in such things, my second theatrical effort is currently running at the repertory house that is my blog.)

Posted by Alex on 03/05 at 12:02 AM
Librarian, I confess I should have celebrated the awesome beer production of the entire United Kingdom as well as Ireland. I wasn’t even thinking about whisky (it’s not my ministry, after all), but when I do, I can’t go the full measure to Laphroaig, which is just a teensy bit too much like drinking peat moss for my taste. I get off the bus at Macallan (thanks to those Republicans at the national convention, who introduced me to it), and even then, I don’t see any need to wait 25 years or three sunspot cycles or whatever it is. Twelve is just fine.

And mrkmyr, you ask questions that are fundamental to any successful Ministry of Culture and Beer. I don’t think we have any business messing with other people’s alcohol, but I do think it is part of our charge to find and nurture culture-- and beer-- around the globe. Don’t forget (as you discerning Negra Modelo fans clearly have not) that we haven’t even begun to explore this hemisphere. But never mind Mexico for the moment-- why is Brazil such an intense beer culture (help here, Idelber?) whereas Chile is all about the wine? And further afield, how can we begin to theorize Australia? does the production of all the shiraz along with all that Four-X (not to mention that strange Matilda Bay wheat beer) pose a problem for the very notion of “culture” itself?

Posted by Michael on 03/05 at 12:09 AM
Dr. Elasmo’s right about Yuengling, of course, especially the porter.

But Philly beer… In my not-quite-native Harrisburg, we could get what we called “Schits of Philadelphia” on tap. For medicinal use only.

In my native Girardville, they drink any damn thing. We tough.

Posted by Ron Sullivan on 03/05 at 12:54 AM
Forget Friday catblogging when you can have Friday beerandwineblogging!

Right now, I’m chowing on a Full Sail Ale outta some remote place called Or-E-Gone. Not a bad glass of suds. Tomorrow I plan to drink a bottle of my favorite 2003 pinot noir by Cartlidge & Browne with my best gyrl. That one comes from some place called Cal-E-For-Ni-Yay.

They aren’t Anglo suds or from Saxony vines, but this New Worlder thinks they are the cat’s pajamas.

Posted by on 03/05 at 12:58 AM
See, Michael, that’s why you’re the right leftist for the job--The Macallan is surely the benchmark, and there’s no reason to spring for the 25. The 18 is better than either, if they’re still making it--the Japanese at first announced they were discontinuing it, then recanted, and I bought three bottles at the time which I’m still working through. Laphroaig and Lagavulin should be entitled to call themselves the Belgian Ales of whisky, if they desire, and I’ll stake any man here to a wee dram o’ The Balvenie 25 aged in Port wood should we meet. Girls too, even.

And Ryan, as much as the idea appeals, the alcohol nazis have nothing to do with what’s gone on in California. They still produce some exceptional quality $10 wines. They just charge $40 for them.

Posted by Doghouse Riley on 03/05 at 01:37 AM
The Balvenie is delightful. Their Doublewood will do in a pinch.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/05 at 02:39 AM
Oh, and Oban is delicious.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/05 at 02:39 AM
Malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.

I’d like to remind everyone who extolls Mexican beers that the folks who brew them speak a perfectly mellifluous Romance language.

Brazil actually has some decent wines, though the locals think they won’t be world class for a few more years. I wasn’t at all impressed by the beer on my visit, though. In Madrid, I might well have visited the same place on the Plaza Santa Ana as chica toxica, but the not-bad dark beer I had was Mahou.

But, wine drinker that I am, increasingly fond of Tempranillo, what do I know?

Posted by on 03/05 at 04:25 AM
The Frenchman drinks his native wine,
The German his lager beer,
The Englishman likes to take a pot because it brings
good cheer,
The Scotsman takes his whiskey neat,
The Irish like it hot,
The Australian’s got no national drink,
So he drinks the ruddy lot.

Posted by David Tucker on 03/05 at 05:02 AM
As the new Minister of Culture and Beer, will you implement an Affirmative Action program whereby the brewing of more gluten-free beers will be encouraged? Celiacs are (beer-drinking) people too, ya know. Sir.

Posted by on 03/05 at 08:51 AM
Bad Jim,
I’ve gotten into Temperanillo too, though I’ve had some nasty surprises as well as good ones.

Ccob,
Mark Twain, in Roughin’ It, mentions a local Mormon hard liquor brewed from, I think, juniper berries. Tongue firmly lodged in cheek, he talks about its conviviality and lack of wide distribution.

Michael,
Did I mislearn the slang? I thought that a “1664” was called a “seize.” (One of the many reasons that when in France, I tend to avoid ordering that beer.)

Posted by on 03/05 at 01:22 PM
And the Spanish should certainly end beer making.

true, i suppose, in terms of quality. but somehow, drinking an unpasteurized cruzcampo (only available in sevilla, where it’s brewed) on a hot night in the plaza alfalfa hits the spot like nothing else. come on—you couldn’t drink a guinness, or even a dark brown ale for that matter, when it’s that hot out.

an IPA, on the other hand, would handle things nicely…

Posted by dan on 03/05 at 02:11 PM
Disclaimer: I haven’t had anything but NA beer since 1976 (and the NA only since 1994). That being said, I have fond memories of Kirin beer from 1975-76. Loved the stuff. Sapporo Black was quite good, too. I didn’t see any mention of San Miguel beer from the Philippines (as I recall, it was also brewed in Hong Kong & Spain). I used to love that as well. Those who want trash beers they don’t like and praise those they do might find http://www.beeradvocate.com/ interesting.

Posted by on 03/05 at 02:44 PM
Wow, this blog gets knocked off the air and two days later it produces this whole cultural phenomenology of beer. Limiting myself to things not yet mentioned, if you’re in Latin America make sure you understand the difference among: 1)countries that make excellent beer, right up there with the pros; 2) countries that produce reasonably ok beer; 3) countries that should just be banished to the beerless universe.

Examples of these three are, respectively: 1) Mexico and Brazil; 2) Colombia; 3) Argentina and Chile. corndog is right, Negra Modelo rocks. In its absence, Bohemia. Corona for me is US American beer, but still pretty good if served ice cold.

If you’re in Brazil, it is a funny thing: 3 of the 4 major brands are owned by the same corporation (don’t you love free enterprise?) but all beer connoisseurs perceive subtle differences. For cans, go with Skol. At bars, getting a draft, go with Kaiser. But the best in the country’s specialty, which is the 750 ml bottle (shared around a table in small glasses), go with Brahma. In Brazil all bottled beer is served around 2.4 C, anything much warmer than that will bring shame upon a bar or a host home. Colombia’s Aguila is not great but not bad.

But nothing matches the experience of drinking beer in Argentine and Chilean restaurant/bar/boliches that only serve national stuff: you get a liter of watery warm beer that no one else will share with you, ‘cause they’re all on wine. By the time you’re halfway thru you’re drunk and stuffed. The Southern Cone is unreal in its elitist (and in some quarters quasi-racist) anti-beer hostility. But in Brazil beer drinkers will be able to engage numbers of people in interesting debates on texture, temperature, and the like.

Posted by Idelber on 03/05 at 02:52 PM
Idelber:

i agree with you that under normal circumstances the best mexican beers are negra modelo and bohemia (although i do think that corona pretty much blows). however, if you ever get the chance to try a noche buena—only sold in december—take it. it’s a darker, more interesting beer than anything else coming out of that country. highly recommended.

Posted by dan on 03/05 at 04:32 PM
There is a whole lot more to Czech beer than the rather uninteresting stuff only non-Czechs call “Pilsner Urquell” (the proper name being, of course, Plzensky Prazdroj.

Sadly, the truly great Czech brews are unavailable in this country (and wouldn’t be much worth drinking anyway after the abuse they’d take on the trip over). But, should you find yourself in the Land of Svejk, I strongly recommend you try some traditional Czech czerny pivo (black beer--similar to porter). Or, if you insist on the light-colored stuff, have a Kozel (the name means “Goat”, but that is no indication of the flavor, I promise).

When it comes to U.S. brews, I favor Yuengling Porter, Straub (which Michael is fortunate enough to be able to get in State College), and Shiner Bock in the “old-school” category; Flying Fish, Yards, and Victory in the “new-fangled” category (East Coast division); and Lost Coast and Anderson Valley in the “new-fangled” category (West Coast division). When I want something really trashy, I dream of an “Old Style”, sadly unavailable this far from Sweet Home Chicago.

As for the French, Italian and Spainsh beers—granted, they’re not outstanding. But are they really anywhere near as bad as Bud/Miller/Michelob/Coors?

By the way, Michael, I hope that, as part of your new portfolio, you will also be giving some attention to that classic beer accompaniment: bowling.

Posted by The Continental Op on 03/05 at 06:19 PM
Not only is acceptably tasty 3.2 beer now available to the visiting Gentile in Salt Lake, but there is an honest-to-Moroni microbrewery making absolutely wonderful product in a far more rural part of the Deseret Empire.

A few years back I spent a long, tedious night with nothing to do in Wells, Nevada, and yes there are multiple redundancies in this sentence. That company’s Bristlecone Brown Porter made the evening - which I think consisted of watching JAG in the Motel 6 - bearable. And if you have to pick a hangover activity other than sleeping, driving eastward at 90 miles an hour across the salt flats as the sun rises with the aria from La Wally playing on the tapedeck is certainly one to consider.

Posted by Chris Clarke on 03/05 at 11:07 PM
But… but… but… Michael, if the French and Italians aren’t allowed to produce beer anymore, what will I used to get the rust off my car???

I guess there’s always Corona…

Posted by Trish Wilson on 03/06 at 10:53 AM
What I find ironic is that even the best Italian restaurants in the states always seem to feel the need to serve Peroni. Why even bother? When our new minister’s idea is made a reality, they won’t have to.

Posted by Dave Munger on 03/06 at 11:22 AM
My point about Belgian beer is that in its secret heart-- or so I sense-- it really doesn’t want to be beer at all, but something else. Something more like wine or bourbon, or-- in special cases-- absinthe.

You are more right than you imagine. Belgian tax laws changed after World War I, as related to alcohol. I’m hazy on the details but recall that hard alcohol was blamed for many social ills, as well as loss of virility among the masses. Thus, in 1919 much higher taxes were imposed on aperitifs and this almost drove distilled spirits out of the (working-class)market.

But Belgium being Belgium, the tax laws had some shortcomings. Brewers, who were still taxed on the size of their mash-tuns (and not on the alcohol content of the resulting brews), stepped heroically into the breach and started brewing lots of very potent beers. They kept their small pre-war mash tuns but doubled or tripled the amount of barley malt in each brew (thus, “Dubbel” and “Trippel,” etc).

And so, the poor working stiff, who had lost his pre-war jolt of firewater, now had a 14% beer to take its place. Of course, this really wasn’t beer brewed to be “beer,” but was “beer” brewed to replace something sturdier.

Posted by on 03/07 at 03:27 AM
Michael, sir, you wound me!

“a teensy bit too much like drinking peat moss” indeed!

and anyway, what’s wrong with peat moss!?

-L.

Posted by Librarian on 03/07 at 02:46 PM
I’m clearly going to get slammed for this, but:

1. I’m pretty beer-tolerant. This means that not only will I drink fancy microbrews, I will in fact drink mass-produced American beer. And I like it.

2. I don’t like Scotch. At all.

Posted by on 03/08 at 12:40 PM
Stickler:

I think you’ve missed the point on the Belgian flavor cornucopia. The point being, of course, that there is no need to restrict the flavorings in one’s beer to hops alone, or, even to a rather limited number of yeast cultures. Since some of the breweries have been at it for 500+ years, I rather doubt that a tax law change in the early 20th century had much to do with the (very) diverse palate. PS: Unless you do something weird (distilling, spiking, freezing), the most alcohol you will get out of a yeast system is around 14%. After that, it’s toxic to the cells.

Posted by on 03/08 at 05:37 PM
I have never been to Chile, but Idelber is right about Argentina: Quilmes, Iguana, Imperial, Palermo: all that stuff is awful. If you find yourself beer-thirsty in Buenos Aires, get a Heineken.

Though I mostly agreed with Idelber (sorry, arriving a bit late to this discussion), I’d move to push Colombia up to category one in his clasification. On two counts: Club Colombia, which is hardly known outside the country but which is the country’s best brand (much better than its more famous sibling, Aguila); and Aguila Imperial, which is only sold in December.

There is one microbrewery in the country, Palos de Moguer, with several locations, and it makes pretty good stuff (though not as good as some U.S. microbrews).

OTOH, stay, stay away from Costeña, Pilsen or Klausen. That last one, particularly – I wonder if they still make it –, might be the most awful thing ever brewed. Didn’t help it one bit that it was only sold in a can. When I was young I’d go to the beaches in northern Colombia and all you could get was 30-degree-warm Klausen. In a can. Yuck.

(As for free enterprise, Idelmar, _all_ Colombian commercial beer brands are owned and brewed by Cervecería Aguila.)

True, there is nothing in the country to compare to Mexico’s Negra Modelo, but, then again, whatever good karma the Mexicans earned for Modelo they quickly lost for the catpiss known as Corona Light.

“Corona Light? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!”

Posted by cadillo on 03/08 at 07:55 PM
The thread is a bit old, but I wanted to thank dan for the pointer re noche buena (I’ll try to check it out next time I’m in Mexico in december! Heaven knows when that will be) and also to grant cadillo the point that Colombia should be pushed up to category one. I’d forgotten about Club Colombia. I’m not familiar with Aguila Imperial and, again, will try it next time I’m in Colombia in december! Let us just try to cancel the next MLA, Michael, so we can have december to taste beers around the world.

Also, a compatriot and friend of mine who follows this blog (if you’re getting more than 10 Brazilian visits a day I want my free copy of your next book, Michael!) corrects my wrong information: Brazilian beer bottles are 600 ml, not 750 ml. What a heresy! A 750 ml bottle would *get warm*, how stupid of me not to know it! Ah, Michael, these expatriate native informants, they think they can just get away with misleading information! This compatriot also reminds me of two of the countries best beer’s, Serramalte and Original.

PS: I’ve been signing my comments here with the amazon.com link to my latest book. It’s not a shameless attempt to promote the book or anything. It’s just that I noticed that some of you were clicking on my signature here and being taken to a Portuguese-language blog....

Posted by Idelber on 03/10 at 06:31 PM

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