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Welcome to the New Iraq

Please be advised that our menu of options has recently changed.  If your town or city does not have electricity, please press “one” now.  If your local police force has disbanded or cannot be located, please press “two” now.  If your water supply has been degraded by targeted military strikes and not purified since 1991, please press “three” now.  If your local judges or legal authorities have been assassinated, please press “four” now.  If your family members have been detained by American forces and you have not seen them in the past year, please press “five” now.  If you have a question or concern about the privatization of municipal and other civil-agency functions, please hold while we transfer your call to our representatives from Halliburton.  If you have a question or concern about the privatization of security forces, please hold while our service representatives from Blackwater trace your call and locate you for questioning.  If you are being detained, questioned, kidnapped or abused at the moment, please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received.

Thank you for calling the new Iraq.  Your call is important to us.

Posted by on 06/30 at 02:37 AM

  1. Well written. Maybe it needs “to continue your call in Arabic, please hold until we can interview some translators...”

    Posted by  on  06/30  at  07:35 AM

  2. I guess the obligatory follow-up joke is, the operators standing by are actually located in Bangalore.

    Posted by Amardeep  on  06/30  at  11:18 AM

  3. <Wild round of applause>

    Posted by  on  06/30  at  07:26 PM

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