Home | Away

Working overtime

Ann Arbor, MI (Rooters) – In a cliffhanger game extended by “Big House” Republican leaders until they won, the Michigan Wolverines defeated the Penn State Nittany Lions by two points on Saturday, 27-25.

“Sometimes you just need a little extra time to get things done,” said new House of Representatives majority leader Roy Blunt about the controversial call that gave Michigan two extra seconds on their final-minute, game-winning drive.  Michigan quarterback Chad Henne then threw a touchdown to receiver Mario Manningham with one second remaining.  “Last week we had to make an important giveaway to big oil, and the House of Representatives needed almost forty extra minutes, beyond the five we’d allotted, in order to keep changing the vote until we won,” Blunt said.  “This weekend the Michigan Wolverines needed only two extra seconds.  That’s not such a big deal, in the end.  The point is that people have to be flexible about these things until we fix them just the way we want them.”

No one has been able to account for the additional two seconds. Late in the final quarter, with Penn State leading 25-21, a completion from Henne to Carl Tabb near the left sideline got the Wolverines to the Penn State 32-yard line, but Tabb couldn’t get out of bounds before being tackled by Justin King. The Wolverines then called timeout with 28 seconds left. After some deliberation, the officials put two seconds back on the clock. Penn State head coach Joe Paterno said he did not receive an explanation for the added time.

“What can I do?” he said later. “There’s nothing I can do about it.”

The previous play, a 17-yard pass from Henne to Jason Avant, was also questionable. Television replays showed Avant’s heel landed out of bounds, but the Wolverines got the next play off before the officials could review it.

Nittany Lion fans in the stands chanted “shame, shame, shame” as the final tally was announced.

Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi also complained, saying the proceedings brought “dishonor to the Big House.”

“I don’t see why the losers are making such a fuss,” replied Rep. Fred Upton (R.- Michigan). “We haven’t built a new refinery in a generation. We need more.  And if we have to dangle a few of our colleagues out of their office windows by the ankles for forty minutes in order to change a vote from 210 yes - 214 no to 212 yes - 210 no, so be it.  That’s just the way the House works.”

“Likewise,” Upton continued, “when Penn State plays in our house, they play by our rules.  And our rules say the game isn’t over until we win.  That’s just the way the Big House works.”

Posted by on 10/16 at 10:16 PM

  1. Oh, please, Michael, this is hardly believable. If something that outrageous had happened at a sports game, it would have been all over the news.

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  07:08 AM

  2. Oh, very well—I admit that this one was a bit of a stretch.  But people seemed to like my little Harriet Miers fantasia, so I thought I’d try something even less likely.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/17  at  07:45 AM

  3. Sports, as always, puts life in its proper perspective. While Saturday’s game may have reduced me to a state of barely-incoherent bloodlust, and while I will admit that I called the decision to gift Michigan with two extra seconds “the biggest miscarriage of justice in the history of human civilization”, and while I may have screamed, SCREAMED, at the TV when the officials didn’t review Avant’s “catch” on the sideline...wait, what was my point again?

    Ah yes, the proper perspective. So while the usual Ann Arbor shaftjob got me a wee bit miffed, let us ease our troubled minds with the comforting knowledge that our elected officials in Washington are far more incompetent, arrogant, and contemptuous of honest fair play than any herd of Big Ten zebras. Hey, I feel better about the game already!

    Until I start thinking about my Steelers. And the 0-fer Penguins.

    Posted by Gene Bromberg  on  10/17  at  08:59 AM

  4. Unfair: just because you’re peeved that Penn State went down, you’re not allowed to wrap up the maize and blue in the right wing agenda. No no no. I will not let you. No no.

    Posted by furious  on  10/17  at  09:30 AM

  5. Michael,

    Don’t give in to the Wolvnuttery.  I suspect that the Supreme Court had a hand in this as well.  Did anyone actually “Hand Count” the score?

    I think I read somewhere in the blogosphere that somebody saw Judge Roberts holding the “official clock.”

    This one will hang in the air for a while…

    JoPa in 2007!

    Posted by DocMara  on  10/17  at  10:56 AM

  6. This would be the Penn State team whose coach publicly
    endorsed George H.W. Bush for President in 1988?

    This would be the Penn State team whose coach’s son won the Republican nomination for House of Representatives in 2004, but lost to Tim Holden, a Democrat, in the general election?

    This would be the University of Michigan that consistently rates highly in the Mother Jones survey of campus activism?

    This would be the University of Michigan which has the second most diverse student body and the most diverse faculty in the Big Ten? (Not that the bar on these things is particularly high.)

    Oh, please, Michael. Your team got beat. Live with it.

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  01:48 PM

  7. This is very disturbing.  I’m seeing here an increasing disregard for the rule of law among Michigan fans, and I think it poses a threat to the Republic, that’s all.

    And it’s not a question of the precise extent to which the maize and blue is wrapped up in the right wing agenda.  I’m simply observing that in two consecutive weeks, in two different arenas, my side lost a close one under exceptionally fishy circumstances.  Coincidence?  I think not.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/17  at  02:29 PM

  8. Hey Michael, don’t you know the words to the UM fight song?

    Hail! to the victors valiant!
    Hail! to the conquering heroes!
    Hail! hail! to Michigan!
    Michael, why do you hate freedom?
    Hail! to the victors valiant!
    Hail! to the conqu’ring heroes!
    Hail! Hail! to Michigan,
    the champions of the West!

    Posted by furious  on  10/17  at  02:39 PM

  9. Ah, I never did know the words.  Thanks, furious.  That explains a lot.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/17  at  02:44 PM

  10. Hey Professor!!

    What did you think of the White Sox’s win? And also August Wilson passed on, did you see? P.S. your Penn St. hoops team will be coming to play Pitt Panthers Dec. 10. Room for hoops improvement?

    Posted by Mazeroski  on  10/17  at  02:56 PM

  11. Mazeroski- I’m not sure if your comment was serious or snarky (or a little of both?), but I got something for you (and everyone here!): a wonderful tribute to August Wilson from the perspective of a sports writer.

    http://www.counterpunch.com/zirin10132005.html

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  03:39 PM

  12. I have nothing interesting or funny to add to theories of Michigan’s complicity in right wing agendas, but I will say I’m still bitter about the two blown calls in the Illinois/Michigan game in 2000.

    By the way, Jimi Hendrix also hated Michigan: “Yeah, right now I’d like to say, uh, congratulations to the uh - what do you call that? - Southern California Trojans. I’m so glad they beat the hell out of Michigan. I’m very glad.”—Jimi Hendrix, Jan. 1, 1970 (Jimi Hendrix, Live at the Fillmore East, disc 1, track 2)

    Posted by Paul  on  10/17  at  03:47 PM

  13. OG: The Professor can tell you it is not snarky, although he may describe me as boojum-y.

    I like literature and I like sports, too.

    Thanks for the link, we should mention and remember August Wilson: I put a Post-Gazette notice on August Wilson and also Wikipedia article up on my blog.

    By the way, the Wikipedia section on August Wilson could use contributors. Readers with an interest in honoring his achievments could contribute.

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  03:56 PM

  14. Go White Sox!  Never mind that game-two third-strike mechanic.  You pitch four consecutive complete games and hold the Angels to eight hits and a couple of foul balls, you deserve to be in the World Series.

    And here’s to August Wilson.  Thanks, OG.

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  04:12 PM

  15. Two seconds...whatever.  Your defense stops the pass, it’s not an issue.  We don’t whine when we lose--we blame our players for choking.  It’s the Michigan way.
    By the way, our congressman is John Dingell, not Fred Upton. Feed Upton (R) represents SOUTHWEST Michigan.  John Dingell (D) represents part of SOUTHEAST Michigan.  There’s a long story about how he came to represent Ann Arbor--which voted 8-1 for Kerry in the last election, one reason he carried the state.  He’s an old-fashioned Democrat, good on some issues, horrible on others, and ran his committees with an iron fist in the old days when the Dems ran congress. 
    Your congressman is....?????

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  04:31 PM

  16. Hi, Jonathan.  Yeah, I know Upton represents SW Michigan, but he was quoted in the Reuters story, so I took what I could get.

    And we don’t have a congressman here in central PA.  We’re an autonomous anarcho-syndicalist collective.  We take it in turns to act as a kind of executive officer for the week, but all the decisions of that officer must be ratified by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but two-thirds in the. . . .

    Shut up!  Will you shut up!

    Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!

    Posted by Michael  on  10/17  at  06:29 PM

  17. Go Blue

    Posted by Bob Davis  on  10/17  at  08:26 PM

  18. Hilarious post, Michael. And I say that as UM alumni.  My fellow Wolverine fans need to lighten up.

    Posted by  on  10/17  at  09:43 PM

  19. I’d like to lighten up, but I’m still bitter about Judith Miller signaling touchdown after Charles White clearly fumbled during the 1979 Rose Bowl.

    And Scooter Libby changing his vote from Michigan to Nebraska in the coaches’ poll after the bowl games in 1997.

    And Karl Rove’s timekeeping in East Lansing.

    Hey, this is fun. I think I’ll go read Nietzsche on resentment.

    Posted by  on  10/18  at  12:40 AM

  20. 1996.

    Penn State goes from #1 in the AP poll to #2 after PASTING the Buckeyes in Happy Valley (I remember-I was there).  After much discussion, it turns out it was an OHIO writer who put the Nittany-esque Lions in the shotgun position so that Nebraska could take advantage of the unwritten “don’t-drop-them-in-the-polls-if-they-don’t-lose (unless, of course, it involves Joe Paterno--then we can just drop ‘em.  We all know HE’LL have a dozen more undefeated seasons) rule”

    So, Michael, it appears that the evil lurks around the I-75 corridor.  And where does this highway lead, you ask?  That’s right...through Ohio and right to FLORIDA!

    Posted by DocMara  on  10/18  at  08:14 AM

  21. DocMara, that is truly appalling.  (Was it 1996, or 1994?) Thank goodness that nowadays, we have the BCS to straighten everything out.

    Posted by Michael  on  10/18  at  11:21 AM

  22. I think you mean 1994, DocMara, not 1996. If I remember correctly, the same weekend OSU pasted PSU, Nebraska hammered a great Colorado team (I guess God got tired on intervening on behalf of his old friend Bill McCartney)

    But, of course, we all know that Nebraska Coach Tom Osborne has absolutely no connection whatsoever to the GOP.

    Posted by  on  10/18  at  01:27 PM

  23. It may have been 1994 to those in the FACT-BASED Liberal pre-bloggersphere, but it must have been 1996 to the biased pollster who changed his vote.  No “fair and balanced” retention of a #1 ranking for beating the #21 team in the country by 39 points, no sir.

    Yeah, it was 1994 (my first year in grad school at Penn State).  All kidding aside, Nebraska may have hammered a great Colorado, but I don’t see why that should drop #1 PSU out of first place when the Lions handed the Buckeyes their helmets back with nearly nine touchdowns of Nittany whup-ass.

    As the Ohio State website notes: “in 1994 Penn State was No. 1 and handed OSU a 63-14 loss.”

    So, yeah it was 1994, but I’m holding out hope that the pollsters somehow were watching the 1996 tesseract PSU vs. OSU game.  You know, the game where OSU actually beat Penn State.

    Posted by DocMara  on  10/18  at  06:19 PM

  24. Hilarious, Michael.  And I say this as a Michigan alum and dyed-in-the-wool-since-age-five fan.

    I’ll still take the W, of course.

    Posted by  on  10/19  at  06:25 PM

  25. I’ll still take the W, of course.

    I think we’ve found that Republican-Wolverine connection we were looking for, everyone.

    Posted by  on  10/19  at  08:18 PM

Name:

Email:

Location:

URL:

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Submit the word you see below:


Next entry: Arbitrary but fun Monday for a change

Previous entry: Can You Help This Man?

<< Back to main