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Monday, January 31, 2005

Education Secretary Demands Removal of Vermont from Nation’s Textbooks

Washington, January 31– Following on her protest last week against a PBS cartoon character’s visit to Vermont, where he encounters a lesbian couple, Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings announced at a press conference today that her department was not engaged in a “trivial” or “merely symbolic” campaign against a children’s television program.

“Buster Bunny is not the problem,” said Spellings.  “Though I note with some dismay that Buster travels the country accompanied only by his father because his parents are divorced, and I do not see why our children should be subjected to yet another glamorization of the divorce lifestyle.  No, the problem is Vermont itself.  It is Vermont to which I object.  Christians everywhere should be outraged that it was represented in this children’s program.”

Spellings proceeded to unveil the Department of Education’s proposed map of the “forty-nine God-fearing United States,” with the “territory of Vermont” represented by a lightly shaded area.  “Until such time as Vermont sees fit to rejoin the rest of the nation in condemning gay ‘civil unions,’” Spellings said, reading from a prepared statement, “we propose that Vermont be visually expelled from the heterosexual Union.  We further propose that the nation’s students be instructed that Vermont is no longer a real state, and that they will not be responsible for remembering its capital, which is not only obscure but French-sounding as well.”

Robert Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute of Concerned Women for America, the nation’s largest public policy women’s organization, had warm praise for Spellings.  “Parents don’t want their children homosexualized in the name of ‘education,’” Knight said. “Mrs. Spellings has given notice that left-wing lobbies will have to find other ways to peddle their pansexual propaganda. Let’s hope that other leaders in federal and state agencies find a backbone thanks to her courageous example.”

Focus on the Family director James Dobson also endorsed Spellings’ decision, saying that “it kills a lot of birds with one stone” by taking a strong stand against gay rights while eliminating “three or four really bothersome figures” from American politics.  “We’ve long known that ‘Vermont’ is basically just a code word for the gay agenda,” Dobson said, “and it’s about time our nation’s leaders eliminated Vermont, just as we at Focus on the Family have eliminated other homosexual code words like ‘diversity’ and ‘tolerance.’”

“But I’m not sure about letting Buster Bunny off quite so easily,” Dobson added, remarking that “Postcards from Buster” is a spinoff from the popular “Arthur” series, and that “Arthur,” too, has been active in promoting homosexuality.  “The whole show just looks queer to me,” Dobson said.  “We can’t even tell exactly what kind of animal Arthur is supposed to be, never mind that other strange character Binky.  If that’s not some kind of queer-identity thing going on there, I don’t know one when I see one!  And don’t get me started on that reggae-flavored theme song, which might as well come right out and say ‘smoke marijuana, boys and girls, if you want to be ‘cool.’ In every respect, ‘Arthur’ is the poster child for the depravity of public television.”

Hey Kids!  Here’s a Fun Game.  One of the quotes in this post is real and Not Made Up At All.  See if you can find it!  Here’s a hint– it involves people having sex with pans!

Posted by Michael on 01/31 at 07:08 AM
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