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Thursday, December 07, 2006

Infinite Justice

A MESSAGE FROM OAKTOWN GIRL, WAAGNFNP MINISTER OF JUSTICE

CHRIS CLARKE SHOW TRIAL UPDATE

It is my regret to inform you that there was a slight mishap in the transportation of Mr. Clarke to the WAAGNFNP’s Re-education Center.  Apparently, the cab driver was not a native speaker of English and took The Guilty One The Accused to the WAAGNFNP’s Relaxation Center, where he has spent the last several weeks enjoying Deep Tissue Massages, Eucalyptus Steam Wraps, Sea Salt Body Scrubs, and Gentleman’s Manicures. 

Because it is available only to Inner Party members, the WAAGNFNP’s Relaxation Center is not a locked facility.  As a result, teh Clarke has been able to come and go as he pleases, and has spent lots of time hiking, playing with his dog, and enjoying quality family time. In sum: he’s gotten no re-education at all.

This means that at the Show Trial we’re going to have to hit him fast and we’re going to have to hit him hard.  Remember, ours is a compassionate mission, people.  We want our Guilty One Accused to love the GNF and the Party.  So:  no mercy.

There will be two full days of sworn testimony, and then we need him ready, willing and happy to sign the Statement of Guilt by day three. Day three will also be a time of joyous jury deliberation where we decide on punishments for The Guilty One The Accused . . . and his wicked Defense Team too. Keep checking back here frequently for further details.

Yours in Service,

Oaktown Girl
Minister of Justice
WAAGNFNP

A POSTSCRIPT FROM THE GENERAL SECRETARY
AND PRESIDENT FOR (THANKFULLY BRIEF) LIFE

The Party thanks you for this update, Minister Oaktown Girl.  The Chris Clarke Show Trial will begin on Tuesday, December 12, and run through Thursday, December 14.  The prosecution should begin mapping out its strategy for next week, and getting all the stuffing up one end.  In light of recent controversies, witnesses make take the oath on any book of their choice except the Bible.

And we’ll be back tomorrow with yet another exciting announcement!

Posted by Michael on 12/07 at 08:46 PM
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