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Thursday, February 17, 2005

NHL cancels season

The last time the Stanley Cup lay dormant like this, it was 1919, and the league-- which consisted of three teams-- cancelled the Cup finals on account of the global influenza epidemic that killed twenty million people.  And yet yesterday’s ESPN poll suggested that over 68 percent of their viewers (with over 100,000 voting) couldn’t care less that the NHL has shut down its entire season.  Well, people, it’s time to take down the elite, arrogant, Northeastern MSM!!!!  We’ll show ESPN a thing or two-- we’ll conduct our own poll to see who cares about their poll!  The blogosphere will be reckoned with!!!

While we’re demolishing Old Sports Media and ushering in the totally radical Bloggers’ Revolution, in which ordinary people will complain about the old sports media, we have to figure out who’s to blame for this world-historical debacle.  Pick one of the options below, or make up your own in the comments section!

___ The greedy players, for pulling in $10 million salaries and paying no attention to the fact that ESPN telecasts of NHL games get beaten in the ratings by Full House marathons on UPN.

___ The dunderheaded owners, for advocating socialist, un-American controls on free-market sports economics.  Why do they hate freedom?

___ Gary Bettman, just because he’s a schmuck with a whiny voice.

___ Me, because I left the rink in a computer-crash-induced panic Sunday night, possibly causing my A team to lose 4-3 and almost certainly bringing NHLPA negotiations to a halt the next day.

___ Jose Canseco.

Bonus question:  which great players will now retire, having played their final game in the spring of 2004 without our realizing it at the time?

UPDATE:  In other news, Bush has nominated death-squad enabler John Negroponte as the U.S. Director of National Intelligence.  Oddly, the online ESPN poll suggests that over 68 percent of their viewers couldn’t care less about this, either.  Similar polls can be found at MSNBC, CBS/New York Times, and the U.S. Senate.

Posted by Michael on 02/17 at 11:59 AM
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