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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Rediscover the brand new Network

OK, we can all stop making fun of DiscovertheNetwork now.  And that’s a good thing, because I’m exhausted today.  (I have a post about St. Louis but I’m just too tired to write it.  And I’ve come home to a desk covered in papers and bills, of course.)

Anyway, the “individuals” page no longer links Bruce Springsteen to Abu Musab al-Zarqawi or Roger Ebert to Mohammed Atta.  In response to all the positive feedback we’ve offered in the past two weeks (free of charge, I might add), the revised and reformatted page makes clear distinctions among us leftists.  And it’s about time.

So now there are five categories:  Totalitarian Radicals, Anti-American Radicals, Leftists, Moderate Leftists, and Affective Leftists.  And in what is probably a personal rebuke to Roxanne, the site no longer resembles Hollywood Squares, opting instead for more of a Jeopardy! look ("I’ll take Affective Leftists for $800, Alex.") What is an Affective Leftist, you ask? Don’t ask!  This humble blog does not know.  We’re still hard at work pondering the meaning of Neo-Bolshevism, and we can only handle one new branch of leftist theory per week.

So stop by the new Network today and say hello to Affective Leftists like Katie Couric and George Clooney, Moderate Leftists like Tom Brokaw and Chris Matthews, or more hardcore Leftists like Ruth Bader Ginsburg and David Talbot.  No, I am not making these up.  As I’ve said before, this blog does not make things up.  We’re not that creative.

But hey, folks, do you remember when David Talbot hired David Horowitz to write for Salon?  I do.  And now you can find out a couple of things you probably didn’t know about Talbot, like this:

Unlike his older brother Stephen Talbot, a successful child actor on “Leave It to Beaver” and other television shows, David was an exhibitionist only in private backyard circuses with family and friends, where as Wired Magazine’s Warren St. John reported, “David would emulate the authoritarian flair of directors he’d seen on the sets.”

It’s probably as a personal favor to Talbot that Horowitz’s site doesn’t say which authoritarian directors Talbot emulated.  Alfred Hitchcock?  Orson Welles?  John Ford?  Or . . . perhaps . . . Otto Preminger?

And if you have the strength of spirit, you can even venture over to visit some of the Anti-American Radicals.  Zion Councillor West is there, as he should be, though for some reason they don’t cite his Neo-Leninist motto, “comprehension is not a prerequisite of cooperation.” But I suggest you check out Anti-American Radical Jim McDermott, whose profile includes this particularly ominous sentence:

The only certified psychiatrist in Congress, and representative from a cloudy city with America’s highest incidence of winter depression, McDermott advocates Canadian-style socialized medicine.

So that’s what’s behind this so-called “universal health care” plan-- a psychiatrist’s sneaky scheme to make all Americans grungy and depressed like the almost-in-Canadia people of that cloudy city!  Glad to see someone’s on the case.

The new system still has some kinks, however.  When you read, at the end of David Talbot’s profile, that

David’s brother Stephen Talbot is now a television documentary producer who currently works as series editor of “Frontline / World” for the Public Broadcasting Service (PBS).  One of his two sisters is Margaret Talbot, a feminist writer at The New York Times Magazine, a former editor at the liberal-left New Republic Magazine and a fellow at the progressive New America Foundation. Both have written articles for Salon.com.  The Talbot family thus bears an uncanny resemblance to the radical British Cockburn family. . . .

you begin to wonder, so why aren’t the PBS-New Republic-Salon.com-loving Talbots over in the “Totalitarian Radicals” column with Alexander Cockburn? Again, probably a personal favor.  But we Neo-Bolshevists do not believe in liberal-bourgeois “personal favors,” as they lead to petty individualism and-- ultimately-- outright deviationism.  The Neo-Supreme Neo-Soviet does no favors for anyone!

ADDENDUM:  This is a reconstructed post.  No, I don’t mean it has been to Neo-Bolshevist re-education camp-- I mean that I retrieved it from a Yahoo! cache after the Mysterious Deletion of this blog’s post-election entries.  But I haven’t been able to retrieve the fifty-odd comments originally posted on it.  Anyone who remembers his or her comments verbatim is welcome to post ‘em again.  Or you can go ahead and make up new stuff!

Posted by Michael on 03/02 at 08:25 AM
Horowitz • (22) Comments • (3) TrackbacksPermalink
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