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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Snow snow snow snow snow

So when is Al Gore going to return that Nobel Prize for If You Don’t Recycle It Will Never Snow Again?

Just in from a round of “knock the icicles off the roof” and a brief snowball fight with Jamie.  The fight was brief because, well, let’s just say that you don’t want to get into a snowball fight with Jamie.  He has a strong arm and is accurate like a “laser.” I took one to the left eye and one to the right cheek before surrendering and going inside to eat cheese.

(Interpolated update:  a friend just sent this implicit commentary on the above grafs.)

OK, back to older news.  About those wimmen-hating Super Bowl ads:  it’s not as if very much time or money or thought went into them, after all.  Seriously, people, I warned you about the creeping Bradley Cooperization of American masculinity months and months ago, but did you listen to me?  Nooooooo.  And now you’ve all got The Hangover.

Finally, I hear that much has happened lately in the world of talking-about-retards.  Apparently a vicious and incompetent White House chief of staff should resign (or just apologize repeatedly) for calling liberal Democrats “fucking retarded,” but a vicious and incoherent professional gasbag/ part-time drug addict can insist that it’s OK “to call retards ‘retards,’” because that’s “satire.” This is too hard for me to keep up with, so I figure I’ll just refer everyone to this ancient post in which I called for the banning of words I don’t like and therefore violated every principle for which the Founding Fathers fought and died suggested that you can call people “jackasses” (and many other insults!) instead.  Though I added an important caveat:

If you’re concerned about stigmatizing jackasses, however, on the grounds that you may be likening an innocent beast to a hideous human (or, conversely, figuratively dehumanizing one of your fellow men or women), you can always adopt the more politically correct term “jackass-American,” presuming, of course, that the jackass in question is -American.

So next time you’re fed up with someone and you want to call his or her intelligence or judgment into question, remember: you might be better off with insults that speak to the performance of intelligence or judgment rather than to capacity.  This isn’t just a matter of politeness; it’s also a matter of proper English usage.  Many, many morons and retards have very good judgment about some matters, whereas many, many ostensibly intelligent people make bafflingly, excruciatingly bad decisions.  Why?  Because some of them are knaves, and others gulls, and still others hoodlums and miscreants.  That’s why.

This goes for the Tea Party Patriots™ as well, of course!  Don’t hurl unseemly epithets at people who do the selective-outrage thing about the R-word and proceed to share the Tea Party Patriot™ stage with rabid-right birther Joseph Farah.  Remember, Jackass-Americans are an important part of our national heritage.  As for Rahm, well, perhaps a politically sensitive job like WH chief of staff just isn’t for him.  Washington, D.C. contains many fine establishments such as the Institute for Pissing On Liberals, the Center for Advanced Triangulation, and the Foundation for Squandering Democrats’ Political Capital; his talents might be better suited to one of those organizations.  Not to mention the National Association for the Advancement of Jackass-Americans.

Posted by Michael on 02/10 at 05:14 PM
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