Sunday, January 09, 2005
Tucker Carlson disemboweled by CNN
Just days after cancelling “Crossfire” and declining to renew the contract of bow-tied conservative commentator Tucker Carlson, CNN executives took the dramatic and unprecedented step of removing most of Carlson’s intestines with a faulty pool drain.
“It wasn’t in his separation agreement, but it’s something he’s had coming for a long time,” said Jonathan Klein, who was appointed in late November as chief executive of CNN’s U.S. network.
Carlson reportedly resisted the procedure, claiming that “it really hurts” and insisting that he will need his gastrointestinal tract in later life.
Former Democratic Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards, asked by Carlson’s friends and associates to press charges against CNN for wrongful disembowelment, replied that he has more immediate demands on his time and no longer takes “Jacuzzi cases.”