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Monday, October 09, 2006

Weekend in review

So you’re probably thinking that the We Are All Giant Nuclear Fireball Now party will hail President Bush’s masterful campaign to convince certain rogue nations that they must acquire nuclear weapons in order to repel invasions: scuttle an international framework for containment, then talk like a tough hombre, then do nothing, then dispatch the Katrina Crisis Management Team for emergency photo ops.  Well, the WAAGNFN is not placated by these half-measures.  While we applaud Bush supporters who mocked John Kerry for arguing that nuclear proliferation, rather than IslamahomoMexifascist terror, was the most serious problem facing the world, we are not an incrementalist party.  We care little for these “tests.” We therefore denounce the We Will Settle for a Series of Small Nuclear Fireballs Here and There party for their enthusiasm over North Korea’s nuclear test, and we await the final, clarifying conflagration.

In the meantime, here are some sneak previews of David Brooks’s New York Times Budweiser Select columns for the remainder of October:

● Liberals feign outrage over Mark Foley’s courtship of underage Congressional pages, but millions of them laughed uproariously when Captain Oveur in Airplane!, played by Peter Graves, asked little Joey if he liked to watch movies about gladiators!

● Liberals feign outrage over the GOP leadership’s coverup of Foley’s behavior, but dozens of them went to see Bob Guccione’s movie Caligula twenty-seven years ago, and you didn’t hear them squawking about corruption then!

● Liberals feign outrage at conservative critics who blame the pages themselves for the Foley scandal, and yet every year, thousands of them teach Plato’s Symposium!

● Liberals feign outrage at the Wall Street Journal for blaming the Foley scandal on the powerful gay cabal that has intimidated the GOP into cowed silence on the subject of pedophilia or homosexuality well what’s the difference anyway, but they never said a word when George Eliot published The Mill on the Floss!

● Liberals feign outrage grapple stark combustion, but when Bill Clinton leased the Teapot Dome naval oil reserves to Susan McDougall, they trestled festivities on every watercress fibula!

Stay tuned to this blog for updates!

Posted by Michael on 10/09 at 08:10 AM
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