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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Wingnuts furious at Chalabi news

Chalabi Revelations Spark Outrage

American conservatives reacted angrily yesterday to recent reports that Iraqi exile and former Bush administration confidant Ahmad Chalabi has been plotting with Islamist mullahs in Iran, both to leak sensitive information about the U.S. occupation over the past year and, indeed, to induce the U.S. to embark on the occupation in the first place in the hope that it would oust Saddam and strengthen anti-American forces in Iran.

“This is an outrage,” cried Fox News analyst Morton Kondracke.  “The media need to stop spreading bad news about the war in Iraq, and go back to believing whatever our President tells us.  If he says that Chalabi is a friend of the United States who has valuable information on Saddam’s weapons of mass destruction, that’s good enough for me.  If he says that Chalabi is a dangerous man who is not to be trusted to tell you the correct time, that’s also good enough for me.  And if he says both things in the same week, I will believe them both.  I await further instructions from my leader.”

“Yep,” said a bleary, strung-out talk radio personality who spoke on condition that he remain anonymous.  “Thassa way it oughta be.  Jussa frat prank.  Britney Spears.”

The blogger known as Instagator promptly agreed.  “I’m just talking through an alternate orifice here, you know, not really thinking about what I’m saying or anything, but how long do you think that the freedom of the press˝ which never really existed prior to the 1960s anyway˝ will be tolerated in the United States if the media keep trying to criticize the President and his foreign policy?  You know, just what if.”

Every other conservative blogger promptly agreed with Instagator’s prompt agreement.

Chalabi Revelations Spark Outrage

American conservatives reacted angrily yesterday to recent reports that Iraqi exile and former Bush administration confidant Ahmad Chalabi has been plotting with Bill and Hillary Clinton to defeat George Bush in November.

“This is an outrage,” cried Fox News analyst Morton Kondracke.  “As any sane person can see, Ahmad Chalabi has been working against American interests all along, and we need a full and complete Congressional investigation into how U.S. intelligence could ever have relied so thoroughly and so disastrously on a known scoundrel and double-dealer.”

“I don’t want to sound like one of the nattering nabobs of negativism,” said New York Times columnist William Safire.  “But is it too far-fetched to suppose that Chalabi was working with John Kerry to install Hillary Clinton on the Democratic ticket in 2004, and that he was also working with Hillary to have Kerry ‘disappeared’ not long after the election?  Perhaps, but then again, perhaps not.  All I can say for sure is that Hillary Clinton will be indicted, sooner rather than later.

“Yep,” said a bleary, strung-out talk radio personality who spoke on condition that he remain anonymous.  “Thassa way it oughta be.  Fort Marcy Park.  Fort Marcy Park.”

Conservative bloggers promptly called for Hillary Clinton’s impeachment.

Posted by Michael on 05/25 at 03:39 AM
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